My niece is moving in I'm nervous in damaging our close relationship what do I expect?

[Beachbummama84]

I'm 40 year old single mom and never been married. I have 19 year old son, and my 19 year old niece is moving in. she's a great kid and is like my broke best friend, since I don't have any daughters and a free guest room in my house. We are super close, and I don't want to damage our relationship but we are both a bit high maintenance and she is also absolutely gorgeous. She already has a strained relationship with my brother and his wife, which is why she's moving in... I am worried about having her move in and damaging our relationship. Since she's not my daughter what kind of rules/polices should I have? I have always been tough/strict with my son and his curfew and school etc... This isn't a free for all but my niece also isn't my daughter and I'm not raising her, she is already talking about going out partying with me and picking up guys lol which is cool but I'm worried about her thinking this a free for all!!! I'm old and paranoid and need my sleep and peace and quiet this isn't a frat house lol what can I expect and what kind of rules do i set?

[DishLady]

Well... it's important to set up clear boundaries... also don't bend over backwards for her... she's one person in the family. What goes for one 19yo goes for the other one too. Rules are rules. This is your home, not a hotel... If you do this she won't treat you like some kind of doormat who is blessed to have her living with you...

DON'T pester her to communicate with her parents and don't report every little thing to her parents. She's 19, not 9... There will be a learning curve for both of you.

EXPECT the "you're not my mother" line at some point. EXPECT the thread to leave at some point. Play it cool.

Girl, you're not old. Just relax. Everything will be fine. It's a kind thing what you're doing.

[Beachbummama84]

haha! Thanks!!! yes I'm not that old... and I am gonig out with her and her little girlfriends this weekend I'm super nervous/excited. I can still party but yea I know you get my point, I like to be in bed by 10 no later than 11 I work 100 hours a week in my spare time I like to quilt and work on my garden... Not drink all night and party with guys till 4 AM lol. My son has to be home by midnight on weekdays thats non negotiable. I get he's 19 but he's living in my hosue rent free and he has to work and he has to keep hid GPA above a 3.0. Im not paying for my niece's college so im not worried about that but she works and she's a good kid.. But she parties a lot has gotten out of a DWI only because the cop was totally crushing on her because she's hot lol. She had to call her dad at like 4:30 in the AM to go pick her up out in Queens like 40 minutes plus from where she lives. She's 19 she's gorgeous and plays it up. Her parents started cracking down on her for drinking and partying she got caught bringing guys home and stuff.. Normal but not ok 19-year-old stuff. It caused constant fighting her mom had it with her and said she had to stop drinking partying etc or leave. It was a huge fight her dad is soooo protective, she's such a daddy's girl and my brother was like you're not kicking her out so i stepped in as middle man to save their marriage and their realtionship with the daughter, the family seemed about to blow up over her antics. S I said let's settle this, she can stay with me, rent free as long as she's in school and working. Ya know?

[DishLady]

I'd advise you to keep her to a schedule, then. Wild hours and parties are her actual problem. She won't be crazy about it now, but when she's in her 40s you'll be her favorite, coolest aunt who helped her through her low point.

I'd personally also keep the GPA thing in so that things are equal between her and your son. (You don't want him to end up feeling like you're giving her special treatment.)

Sounds like you have your hands full, Mama! Rooting for you!

[Beachbummama84]

Thank you ma'am. You give really smart and saliant advice. Im brand new i just joined this site and was worried it was going to be all trolls and weirdo guys looking for sex lol I just had questions about my niece moving in, which I am excited for, but nervous bout. Thanks so much Ill try to hold her to the same rules. But i still want to be her cool aunt! Are you a mom have you dealt with these ages these late teen/early adult years... They're brutal especially girls lol

[DishLady]

Oh, don't put that thought away just yet. There are a ton of both, lol. Welcome, though. Hopefully you find your stride on here. I have my faves... some are sweet, some are lovably cranky, but I love them bc I can trust their opinions (G@G only lets you post 5 tags at a time): @OlderAndWiser, @BCRanger10, @ryanrhino, @HawkPerception @TheRealPepperPotts (Continuing...)

[DishLady]

@exitseven @ManOnFire @coachTanthony @MicahRaine @worldscolide (Continuing)

[DishLady]

@_maya_ @DizzyDesii @KrakenAttackin @Ironco @NathanDavis (Continuing)

[DishLady]

@awantika03 @CalmUntilAbused @HaveNoName @Oliverlogan263 @OfMiceandMen

A lot of the guys are married and open to sharing their truth in a real, respectful. The single guys are very sharp and offer a balanced perspective. The gals are amazing, as you'll see in reading their posts and questions. ;)

[Beachbummama84]

well thank you soooo much. That is so thoughtful. Can you be my go to? If I have a question can I come to you lol?

[DishLady]

Yeah of course. Hang on, we'll connect (or co-follow or whatever it's called on here, lol).

[Beachbummama84]

Thank you! I appreciate that!! I’m going through a lot right now lol thank you soooo much!

[DishLady]

I hear you. A lot of us have "full plates", but it's nice to have a bit of a support system with like-minded people via DM. :)

[Beachbummama84]

I can’t send any DMs because it’s my first day and it says I need to be level 2 to send a message so I can’t send you a DM yet but when I can… I’m gonna be sending them your way girl! I always need good advice

[DishLady]

Aha. Ok. (Yeah they're sort of a pain with that nonsense.)

[Beachbummama84]

I appreciate you being so friendly and affable! I was worried girls were gonna be rude. I always appreciate someone smart and friendly like yourself!!

[DishLady]

Some are... I've blocked a lot of them... We have a fabulous block feature. I vowed not to take any bs from anyone, so... there you go. (Also *I* am far from perfect. I've had a rude/overly direct comment to post every so often. Not everyone is a fan.)

Meanwhile, you mentioned something about a garden. I LOVE that. Super Zen.

[Beachbummama84]

I love gardening my brother built my a greenhouse too lol gardening and knitting and my niece wants me to party with her and her college friends at college bars lol 😂

[DishLady]

Lovely. Oh, I tried knitting but got into the very fussy crochet instead. I like making the little flowers, lol.

[Beachbummama84]

Yea!!! I love knitting!!! 🧶 haha I’m such an old soul.

[_Maya_]

Well goodness me thank you for the mention. I hope I fall into the lovable cranky category because that's how I feel at this hour.

[DishLady]

You’re ABSOLUTELY in the lovable category Mr @krakenattakin on the other hand is in the lovably cranky category. Lol

[DishLady]

@Beachbummama84 I just tried to DM you. See if it worked.

Under your profile image, click “messages” and you should see
Two tabs “inbox” and “other”.

Inbox is usually for when you follow e/o and Other is usually for the rest of the universe DMing you (amusingly out of the way in case an unpleasant person is trying to bug you).

[Ironco]

1. Set your ground rules up front for her. Have your son there to back you up.

2. Make it clear to her what will happen if she breaks your rules: come up with punishment but be fair. Again, use your son as a guide. Treat her like you expect from him.

3. Keep communication lines open at all times. With her, her parents, your son, and yourself.

4. You can be the fun single aunt and all, but you are the adult here. Be open and honest with her, but don't back down when she pushes you. She sounds like a little spitfire, which is normal for a 19 year old. You have to be the adult.

5. By all means have fun.

[bowenw]

Let her know your house rules up front and the consequences for breaking them. I think it’s best to not think of her as a friend. Please feel free to DM if you wish.

[bowenw]

Thank you for the MHO. 😊

[Danny_dan92]

How exactly will this damage your relationship?

[Beachbummama84]

Well if she breaks rules and comes home drunk and loud at 4 am. I’m the cool fun aunt but I’m still 40 and old and have work I like quiet and going to bed early. I am very strict with my son I don’t want to have to be a bitch to her we have a super close relationship

[Beachbummama84]

Message me I can get into details

[Iron_Man]

You will get used to it relax

[Beachbummama84]

But my concern is also its not a frat house! How do i establish normal rules like you can't come home at 5am drunk and have 3somes lol you know what i mean.. I ll go out with her ONCE IN A WHILE her and the girls but im 40 and world 100 hours lol im not getting drunk with her and her friends thursday-sunday funday lol

[hello4433]

Tell her not to bring guys over.

[Beachbummama84]

She can have dates/boyfriends

[hello4433]

Yes, but guys for hookups?

[Beachbummama84]

I dunno 😬 she’s 19 I just hope she doesn’t

[hello4433]

Follow me so I can DM you. And it'll let you message me back

[Beachbummama84]

Done

[maj1nall]

You know very well how it will turn out

[Beachbummama84]

lol
No I don’t. How will it turn out?

[Anonymous]

Amama

[Opinion Owner]

I commented on the wrong question; sorry.