What do you think about you and your partner making friends of the opposite sex?

[avery58]

Am I the only one who thinks this has a high chance of being a recipe for disaster waiting to happen? We can pretend to live in a fair fantasy world all we want, but the truth is that most male and female friendships aren't 100% platonic. Usually at least one of the two develops feelings or at least a crush for the other, and I'm sure that most of us have experienced this with the majority of our friendships of the opposite sex. For me, many (NOT all) of my male friends had liked me at some point for example and I even had to end some friendships because they wanted more than I could offer.

So this brings me back to my point, how fair or wise would it be to make new friends of the opposite sex once you're in a committed relationship? It's not even just about trust (even though I do believe in trust but not blind trust) but the fact that no relationship is perfect and during difficult relationship moments it could become easy for some think that the grass is greener on the other side and even if they don't act out on it, cheating isn't always sexual. Keeping friends you already knew is one thing, but making new ones seems kind of sus... I don't know 🤷‍♀️

But I'm open to different opinions, even if I don't share them. How do you see it?

I don't mind friends of the opposite sex

I'm not okay with it

[Orion84]

I think that's a complicated question, with no clear answer.

While I agree that many male/female relationships do have the potential to become more than platonic, even if those feelings are entirely one sided, I don't think that anyone has the right to dictate who their partner is friends with, either.

Drawing a hard line, and saying your partner can't be friends with someone of the opposite sex just comes across as incredibly controlling, and a massive red flag, regardless of gender, and it's not something I would ever feel comfortable doing.

I think that, all you can really do, is trust your partner to set clear boundaries with that friend, and that they will do the right thing, if and when something happens. If they don't, well then you should end the relationship. If your partner was willing to allow things to go too far with their "friend" then that's on them, and they weren't a good person to begin with.

As someone who's had that happen, I don't blame the friend. I blame my ex. I've been given opportunities, while in a relationship, and have never had any difficulty setting clear boundaries with other women, so why couldn't she? All it did was expose my partner for being a cheater, and I'm better off without her.

[TonyMetal___86]

What you said is perfectly true, miss avery is a smart girl 😌

It's very hard to find real friends from the opposite sex without ever creating any romantic feelings towards the other...

I believe that when someone is in a committed relatioship, they must focus only on each other...

Maybe there are some exceptions by keeping a real true friend of yours from the opposite sex cause you have a blind trust in them but if this friendship is going to cause a problem between you and your other half, than you'll have to cut it for the sake of your spouse and marital life!

[TonyMetal___86]

Thanks for the mho 🙂

[HawkPerception]

I was on both sides of this opinion, switching back a few times, but currently I think it's genuinely okay to have friends of the opposite sex.

But it really depends on the person. And I do think it's only a minority of people that can genuinely pull it off. There are some people that get with each other based on physical attraction alone. I'm not talking about those people.

I'm talking about people who think further than that when it comes to relationships. The ones that think of compatibility deeply. Do you views and values align? Are you interested in the same things? Do your life goals align? Do you have the same sense of humor? Are you physically attracted to each other? Are you sexually compatible (liking and desiring the same kinds of stuff in bed)? If so, then that's partner material and there's no way you can just be friends at that point. You'll definitely catch feelings. But if those don't align, then you can be friends, because you already know you aren't compatible.

Real compatibility isn't just about physical attraction and whether you like the company of the person.

[EmmaMary]

@avery58

Both my husband and I have many friends of the opposite sex, and have done for the past thirteen years without a single worry or concern... It's called trusting and having total faith in each other.

[Friendlybro79]

I don't mind because if I'm dating someone I trust them. It's ok for this to exist but still have fair boundaries. Everyone's boundaries are different and that is and should be determined by the specific people in the relationship. No one is forcing anyone to be with anybody if you can't get on the same page while dating.

[Nikki1989]

That is what normal, secure, mature people do. We both have many friends of the opposite sex.

[WellBye]

I have no problem with his friends who were there before me, but him making new female friends is something I wouldn't like

[jahaims]

Only immature people struggle with opposite gender friendships

[Fireguy17]

I have them, she has them.
No biggie.