I have female friends. Some I could under some circumstances feel attracted to I guess. And some I know 100% sure in my gut and soul there's NO fucking way I could want them in that way, like ever, period.
One of my best female friends is an ex of mine. And she falls into the category of no attraction whatsoever. she's really an amazing person who I've managed to stay friends with. I have a lot of love an affection for her, and its mutual. I know she really appreciates me as a person. But the thought of having sex with her, for example, is a total complete turn off. Additionally I will never wonder "what if" nor will she, cause, been there done that, we both know how it is.
So knowing this about myself, I know that it is possible. So if a girl had a male best friend, I could totally imagine this scenario being possible. And I can totally trust a girl having male best friends, because I trust myself having female best friends.
I think if you go into your mind and picture having sex with them, and you're disgusted. It's safe. There's no fucking way its gonna happen. If you're actually grossed out; its not gonna ever go past the platonic stage.
If you don't flinch; it means you're not obviously into it but if it were to go that way you could possibly see that happening.
If you like it, then you know where its at too.
So I don't think its a simple as the guy in the quote says. Its more nuanced. Really you just gotta be honest with yourself. You should know for your own sake and your partner's sake if you're playing with fire.
no thoughts. any woman I was in a relationship with I trust implicitly
How did that work out for ya?
@weaponsdude nearly 21 years of marriage
That's awesome dude, sounds like you found the right one.
No problem with him having friends of the opposite sex. But spending so much one on one time with a particular friend is toxic to a relationship. I'm not the sort of person to give an ultimatum, but I have considered ending the relationship over it despite knowing that there's nothing going on between them. I don't believe in love, so I value respect and loyalty a lot, two things that I'm not getting from someone that thinks it's ok to be gym buddy's with a girl. If we saw each other more often, it might not be such a problem, but they carpool together, work together, go to the gym together, and spend lots of time together outside of work, while we only see each other most weekends. Originally he told me he was 'carpooling with a workmate' and that one of his workmates was his gym buddy, despite me knowing her name, so when he eventually started using her name whilst talking about the gym, I actually thought I was gonna be sick. I spent a whole week absolutely fuming. Slow and basic replies to his texts. Considered joining a gym with one of my male mates just to show him how disgusting it feels. But I haven't brought it up, because once I do, it becomes a 'thing,' and once it's a thing, I imagine he'll avoid telling me about their meetings, hide things, lie, and I'd rather just be silently pissed off or end it all together. I'm just acting cool for now.
And even though he mostly just slags her off when he's speaking about her, he speaks about her aall the fucking time!
And I've spent the first 22 years of my life single. I have been the single girl in that scenario so many times before. Even the people I thought were so decent and I admired their relationship/marriage, they still ended up trying it on with me every, single, time! I'd feel sorry for the girl if I did ever say anything to my partner about it, cause I know what it feels like to keep losing friends over relationships, but in all fairness, I never hung out with any of my guy mates one on one when they were in relationships, even when I did hate their girlfriends. The gym of all places, is a fucking joke.
I'd be uncomfortable with it. Not because I don't trust my partner but because I don't trust another woman being that close to him. If she were a lesbian, no problem, maybe she can even teach him how to lick a vagina the right way (jk). I wish I could say I was cool with it but I don't think I could do it and I could understand if I had a male friend who's girlfriend felt the same about me. I don't even think it's about trust at that point, I think it's about someone being to close for comfort, I don't want to compete with another woman for your time and your friendship, I should be your female best friend and no other woman before me. Maybe I'm just the jealous type.
I have been married to insecure man and dated not so insecure. what I learned to be true is that the male ego is very fragile. What I also learned is that's his problem not yoursexclamation point it comes down to what you're comfortable with I believe people of the opposite sex can in fact be friends long as they know from Jump Street that there's not going to be nothing going on and that they will respect your boundaries in your relationship if they cannot do that then they don't deserve to be your friend no matter what sex they are.
I would try to be friends with their best friend, and I would think as she is a girl we will hit it off. If she was a bitch however who exhibits the traits of someone who want to monopolize male attention including my boyfriend and doesn't like competition, then it's either me or her.
Opinion
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I only have a problem with it when they're always talking or together. But honestly, I feel like this isn't even a thing. The older I get, the more I notice people stick with their own gender as friends.
If you are an insecure person you are basically screwed.
My only friends are women. I might have a problem if an ex didn't like that.
How is it great when you are single, and a problem when you are in a committed relationship?
Are you seeing this from the partner with the best friend of the opposite gender perspective, or that of the person whose partner has the best friend of the opposite gender? The reason I ask this is because it sounds like you have two completely different things confused with each other. Basically what you're saying is almost word for word what a friend of mine was being told by his girlfriend when she was getting really upset that he'd been hanging out with one of our friends the night before, because she had the strange idea that because she's female and we're male that we were screwing her. His girlfriend didn't appreciate the smart-ass remark he made in response. He said I'm hanging out here with Kirk, does that mean I'm f****** him? I mean, come on, be serious?
I don't think I could ever date a woman who is unable to make a distinction between a platonic and a romantic relationship dynamic, and best friends are a lot harder to come by, than dates are, so if I was forced to make a choice between the two, I'd tell the lady I was dating to take a walk.
I just hope no one ever tells me I have to make a choice like that, because I might end up giving them an earful that they'll never forget. Frankly anyone who tries to drive a wedge between me and my best friends is going to be in trouble, cuz that's a big no no.
What is the thinking behind that, anyway making someone choose between two completely different things, as if they're the same? That doesn't make any sense, saying "choose her, or choose me," it's like, for what? Is she seriously suggesting that I'm screwing my best friend? What's wrong with her, what's wrong with someone who thinks like that? Are most people really incapable of understanding the distinction between the person you have sex with and the person you talk about sex with? One girl I have pillow talk with in the bedroom the other girl I have dude talk with in the locker room. The woman I'm not sleeping with may be able to help me with issues with the woman I am sleeping with because I'm getting the female perspective from a person who's not my girlfriend but my female buddy, I mean let's face it for the most part the female Ginger can be really unreasonable when it comes to their expectations of guys automatically knowing or understanding things that they can't possibly understand, because they always get the comment of 'oh, if you don't know, than I can't explain it to you. Is she freaking insane the reason I don't know, is because she won't explain to me, that's fruity thinking there. I don't know because you won't explain it to me, but this other girl that I grew up with, she explains it to me, because she's not weird that way.
When are females that don't know the difference between platonic and romantic affection going to figure it out, and when are they going to understand that the girl that her boyfriend is not sleeping with, is helping him to better understand women so that he can be more understanding of his unreasonable girlfriend, when he is sleeping with her?
I answer this question way too much on this site. 99.99% of the time it's not two people with a common interest like the literal definition of a friend is. Usually it's just a dude trying to get laid in a indirect way and a chick that enjoys that dude's attention from it.
She tells her bf/husband (and sometimes herself) that he's "just a nice guy" or "just a friend" because acknowledging why he's really being such a hangaround would require some explanations as to why she's allowing it. Even if she makes the argument that she herself would never give him what he wants... she's still allowing him the pursuit for it. If that is what the so called "friendship" is based upon... I'm calling bullshit.
Outside of that there has to be a common interest. Do they play music in a band, on the same political party, both trying to achieve some sort of outcome? What is the common interest... just like two same sexed friends, there's a common interest or else it's just weird.
... and that's my main point, a male and female don't usually share many common interests unless it's something to do with the exchange of attention/sex in some form or another.
Furthermore I'd like to point out there is a particular type of guy that makes time for that sort of activity and a guy that has no time for that sort of activity. But that's for another mytake one day.
I completely agree.
@RichardCranium6201 I'm pretty sure most guys that's had a girlfriend (at least) at all can't help but agree. Females usually come from a position of having to acknowledge their 'guilty pleasure' or they back my perspective hardcore because they took the moral high ground in such situations... they call the beta cuck hang arounds out, or simply don't allow it.
Either way, my position is pretty solid. Friendship requires common interest. If there is none... they what, exactly, is bonding them? It's not a far skip or jump to assume it has something to do with the exchange (or chance of exchange) of sex/attention.
From the amount of guys that admit they are, or once was that guy, on this site alone... yeah, a female is a liar if she attempts to say there is no chance he's just trying to get some in a coy fashion.
Truth. I really like last part of your original comment. I wilp beblooking forward to that mytake
It most likely comes down to a personal perspective. If there is equal trust and honesty between partners, it should never pose an issue, in regard to insecurity, jealousy, etc.
However, we should not neglect a very apparent fact, regardless of sex; in this case, we may have been friends with the other person before a relationship occurs. If all ties were cut, imagine how that person would feel, all of a sudden. Anyhow, when we go into the trouble of talking about a real friendship, in our core we're all human beings, so personally sex does not really matter.
Even if one, as they say, inevitably, starts having feelings toward the other, honesty can solve this issue, both in friendship and relationship. If this attraction starts creating more problems, then one should consider ending the friendship, always dependant on how much they value both relations.
This is what I believe. Besides, I have always found that a good relation with the opposite sex provides a great insight on the psychosynthesis of either the male or female, how they tend to think and the support they can end up providing, unconditionally. I apologise for the long read, saying one last thing; in the end we're all different, and how each of us perceives this matter is definitely relevant. Honesty and basic human conduct go a long way.
I personally don't care.
However it all depends on each person individually.
If the woman/girl doesn't want you to have friends of the opposite sex she has to consider that some of them were around way before she was and they have a special bond in friendship.
Id you're a woman/girl and your boyfriend, husband, fiancè doesn't want you to have friends that are guys he shouldn't include your childhood friends.
Both parties histories apply to it as well.
If the guy is a known cheater then there should be minimal friend contact of the opposite sex and the exact same goes for her as well if she is a known cheater as well.
Now if the one has been cheated on and doesn't want their SO to have friends of the opposite sex, they need to understand that they got a bad apple and that doesn't apply to everyone that they get into a relationship with.
It's 2 sides of the same coin. Our decision shouldn't determine it for the rest who didn't, wouldn't or won't make a decision that changes how one will treat others or yourself.
It is extremely rare if both the guy and the girl have 0 feelings for each other like your quote said. I can tell you the only time I was able to do this is if it was like a family friend or something AND the only thing that really kept me being good about it is because I knew I could never attempt anything because everyone in the family would hate me for it if something bad were to come from it even if I was single you know? I suppose I'd there is a large age Gap and it is like a little sister or a little brother type thing it might be ok. But 2 adults with money and cars and cell phones. There is just too much opportunity for feelings to develope. I actually used to maintain friendship with all of my ex girlfriend because I am not the bridge burning type or the run away type. So I did have to cut ties with them all for my significant other who wasn't comfortable with me being friend with them even though they lived out of state. It all depends on the trust level of the two people really.
That tony a gaskin jr wuote describes it perfectly.
I think people who let their so's have opposite sex best friends are idiots.
Honestly.
Or they are cowards for not speaking up about their true feelings on it.
That being said, i dont date girls with male friends.
I figured out early that girls will be stubborn about this and it will only lead to the other guy having an upper hand over you, making her think you are insecure and her friend is better. Then she will either fall for him or cheats with him.
Either way he wins.
You can't win there, unless you are superior to him in every masculine way.
So just avoid 'em.
I dont even deal with that bs.
I tell all girls that show interest some of my rules.
One of them is no male friends.
I will tell them straight that if i come home after work to find her chatting with some male "friend" in my house, i will kill him.
Thats how i am. They will think im a caveman, and i should be an extinct remnant of an unnecessary genetic line, or they will find it cute. Sometimes they would agree. things like this are better settled at the start.
Damn that’s brutal dude. I would hate to be your girlfriend. Isolating your girlfriends by demanding her to shun her friends just because they are the opposite sex is a bit emotionally abusive from my perspective.
I have plenty of male friends that absolutely have no romantic interest in me what’s so ever. Not all men want to screw their female friends (that’s just a stereotypical generalization that men are sex animals which is far from the truth). Have some faith in your girlfriend and in men in general.
@Alpha_Soup lol, you are talking to a man.
Trust men in general?, no i know better.
I dont trust any man, or women unless they earned my trust.
As a man, i know that most men do have the desire to bang most women.
Im not saying theyball would do it, but they all could.
Even girls that a guy says he doesn't find "that" attractive, would be bangable to him when horny and desparate.
Being into sex isn't a bad thing in itself, the bad thing is how each person handles and controls it.
But if you got many male friends, and they are all straight, i will dare you to a single challenge:
Send them out a text telling them you are in need of them to talk and want them in bed.
Send it out just like that, dont ask them if they want to have sex, tell them you want it.
And tell me how many will say yes
Trust my girlfriend? Yes, there is no way to live your life suspicious of your spouse. But its good to be careful of certain circumstances and situations.
Which is why the male friend thing is a bad idea
@Alpha_Soup by the way, like i said in my original comment, i wouldn't separate a girl from her male friend/s.
Its not my place to break up relationships.
I just wouldn't make her my boyfriend.
I avoid girls with male friends, so im not forcing anyone to break any relationships.
The girl i would want , wouldn't have men that they are close enough to, to have to call and/or spend time with every once in a while. Sorry, but im just not cool with that.
My last girlfriend had a guy like that once, and after seeing how close she was with him, i didn't say anything i didn't intervene, i just took a step back. I slowly stopped going out with her, visiting her and texting/calling.
About 10 days after not texting her anymore, she got into a relationship with the "male friend".
That was quick and i was glad that happened before i moved any further.
Saved everyone a lot of trouble there.
Thats how i would deal with it. You can't prolong the inevitable. You just have to accept it and move on.
You don’t trust men? Ummm... okay but you do know that you’re a man too right? I won’t go any further. As for wanting trust, of course every man and woman has to earn your trust before you go further (that’s human nature). If they didn’t, you would be struck with paranoia so that’s understandable.
You seem to judge all male/female friendships due to your one personal experience with it. This may cause women to stay clear of you because you automatically don’t trust them if you tell them “you can’t have male friends” because your afraid it will end up like your last relationship. Again, I know you look for women who don’t have male friends and you don’t demand them to end it, but the majority of women do have male friends so you are in a Catch 22.
@Alpha_Soup i dont trust men in general. Once i get to know the guy, i will decide wether i can trust a man or not. And that desicion isn't very easy, even tough im not looking for a dude as my partner. Trusting a man is in the sense of trusting him for his word, in money transactions, trusting him to do a job for you, etc
Same with women. Exept with a girl i have to trust her to be committed to me as well.
And i was like this before that experience, so it wasn't really that bad for me, it was just "well, too bad that ended", i could give more examples of falling for the friend/cheating, but that was my most recent one, and the only personal one.
And i dont mind, if they stay clear of me. Im not telling them to never "leave the kitchen" or "you only talk to your dad and bro, and only on fridays", i dont have a problem with her talking to male coworkers or whatnot, i got a problem when she invests time and energy into another man than myself.
Other than male relatives i dint think its appropriate. And im not a hypocrite about it, i dont have close female friends either. There are girls i talk to at college , and other places, but i dont spend time with them, go out with them, etc.
I expect the same in return.
All girls may have male friends, if you broaden the definition, but i know enough girls that dont really hang out with guys and aren't very close with boys that they term as "friends".
Well, i do get your point tough, and i may not bring enough to the table to be a "guy worthy of not having other male friends".
But im not changing my standards.
Many men have enjoyed this type of relationship troughout history and i can't see why i can't as well
Well it’s your life of course. It just seems weird from my perspective. Just know that you may have trouble finding a girl with no male friends which might lead to a Catch 22 situation. It’s hard to believe that you’ve never had female friendships but again, it’s your life. I don’t know your whole story so I can’t judge a book by its cover. It seems like you’ve been hurt a lot in your life though. I hope you live well and find that someone who shares the same values as you. Nobody deserves to be alone.
@Alpha_Soup dont worry, i will find someone who shares my views and understands that having close friends of the opposite gender isn't good for a relationship.
and if i dont, i dont.
dont worry, most likely im nowhere near as hurt as you are thinking.
but i appreciate your kind words, and i wish you the same
If you have male friends that "don't have romantic interest in you", then you're probably not attractive, so the question sort of doesn't matter for you. try the question this way: "What do you think about your ATTRACTIVE/SEXY/HOT partner having an opposite sex best friend?
@jakeforfun lol , also true
Yah! I am very much the same. Um, maybe I should have close female friends? Oh, that's ok? Great, because I'm fucking them. Comprende?
Ok. So I have a female best friend. And her and I never even thought about sleeping with each other, (I'm serious, she's been through a lot of people I know , 1 of them being my male best friend. Any female with or was with any of my friends I won't touch even 15 years later). We do gossip. I like to play with money, she likes to shop. Or if I have a female question she' ll answer and when she had a guy question I'll answer... However WE BOTH KNOW WHEN EITHER 1 OF US STARTS SEEING SOMEONE, THEN OUR FRIENDSHIP TAKES A BACK SEAT. Cuz for 1, who ever ur in the relationship with is who ur priority is supposed to be with. Anybody outside and doesn't know what's going on will have a problem with it.
Oh I guess I forgot 2. Lol o well, live with 1lol
My best friend is male and we dated when in secondary school. He did since admit that he had feelings for me about 5 years ago now but I said I didn't feel the same way and we have remained friends; albeit not as close but he is still someone I consider a close friend. My boyfriend has the same sort of story and has a female friend he was close to; she had romantic feelings for him and he, nothing for her. They are still friends and I'm pretty cool with it... At the end of the day, what's the point having a relationship with someone you don't trust?
I would NOT be okay with my husband having a boyfriend that's a female. Almost all relationships like that lead to one or both having romantic feelings for the other. It's not a good idea at all. He expects the same of me-no opposite sex BF's. It's asking for trouble!
This senario requires a conscious effort to avoid rudeness to your love. It takes little to make a lover feel like you value this friend more, especially a new one. (The fact is this should probably be true if it is a friend you have had a decade and a lover you have had two months.) I personally am just happy to have a love come back to me and just require trust they have enough respect for both of us to be safe. Jealousy is a bitch it is like disrespect in reverse. I wonder how many people who said they are not ok with an opposite sex best friend for their lover, would in fact give up their best friend for a relatively new relationship; how many friends do the people saying yes, still actually Have? This seems like the beginning of a toxic and friendless relationship full of mistrust and guilt to me...
**ideally your opposite sex best friend should befriend your lover if one or both aren't completely dense.
One of my girl’s best friends is her ex. It made me uncomfortable when I found out but in time (and after I met him) I came to feel alright about it. I understand that he may have feelings for her that my girl and I don’t know of, but I trust my girlfriend and I trust her friend. I truly believe that he is an alright person and that neither of them would not have those intentions. If my trust is betrayed, of course I’ll be heartbroken and of course I’ll have to leave her, but until then it is not my place to control every single aspect of her life. If she’s truly to be my partner and not my possession then she should exist separate from my control.
It all depends on character and behaviour of of your other significant... he/she might be complete asshole... or loyal ones... your never 100% sure of them... and thats the only truth... even if they are loyal. Just because weak will power and lack of proper emotional behaviour they may start to have feelings for thier so called only friend... its just common human tendency shows by weak ones... so you never know... and all the others who are talking about trust... they should know trust is simply nothing... its just thier own ray of hope for others... own thinking... own desires taking shape..
I think it's entirely possible to have platonic relationships, and for them not to interfere with your romantic relationship with your partner. I have tons of female friends that I don't harbor romantic feelings for, and my best friend is a woman. My secret is to just not objectify women. A person is a person, and if you vibe then you vibe. I'm not tryna fuck just because we both like Harry Potter or something. The onus is on the friends to both understand that. If you both view each other as just a friend, you don't get any of that grade school bs like hanging all over each other and being overly physically affectionate with each other, because we're adults who don't hang all over and get all handsy with other people, regardless of our relationship with them. There's no cause for jealousy because there's nothing to be jealous of. Other than jealousy, nothing else will really come between your relationship.
My SO actually has a guy friend who is one of her closest friends.
I think it's perfectly fine now. I didn't like it until I got to know him as well though. There is absolutely no sexual energy between them. She sees him as a bit of a clown and he talks to her like he would with any guy he knew. He also only likes Asian ladies and she often jokes about his height and looks. He acts in a way towards her like no man would if he was hitting on her ("You look fat already, stop hogging the f**king peanuts", "What the f*ck is that dress supposed to be, looks like you stole it from an elderly turkish lady").
That is an unusual friendship between a man and a woman though. Usually there is some kind of sexual energy in a friendship between a man and a woman.
Personally I think It's naive to think that it can't be done. Sure there it's not the best move probably, but being in a relationship shouldn't decide who your friends are in my opinion. I would take care though if it ever happend, from my side making sure they get to know each other and trying to be (a little) less 1-on-1 with that bestie then. The other way around, so my significant other having a best friend like that, I would take action to get to know that person and how they feel towards each other. So, in other words, I think that it can be done but both parties should be aware that this might take some effort to get it to work correctly.
In theory I can understand having some feelings of jealousy and worrying to some extent or another. However in reality, I only have 2 real friends. One guy and one girl. So if I expect my girlfriend to be okay with my friends, I have to give her the respect she deserves too and ignore what gender her friends are. I trust her and I don't ever give her any reason not to trust me.
I think that as a generalization it shouldn't matter or become a problem, but that there is also not a strict black and white answer. People either will cheat or they won't, i think it depends more on who they are than who their friends are.
My bff and I have been friends for 25 years; we talk almost every day, know each other personal life, slept on the same bed and seen her naked. The important part is we are not sexually attracted to one another. The only time friends of opposite sex won't work (a) when both people are attracted to one another. (B) one party is attracted to the other but won't voice out their feelings but hope one their friendship develop into a relationship. I tell people it there's anything going to happen it would have happened already. So, yes people can be friends we the opposite sex, but they have to be honest with themselves.
a lot of people will tell you ofcourse i trust my partner , but do you trust the person who is with your partner? And even if they are just friends people of the opposite sex will always along the way feel a type of attraction one of them will. For example i had best friends for over 7 years and i sometimes wondered what it would be like dating them and sometimes wondered if i would date them one day its just how humans are and people who tell you they are just friends and none of them will feel anything towards each other are lying one of them will and then people wonder why their partner cheated and their partner say it's a mistake it meant nothing well you're the one who threw him in his hands in the first place. In my opinion if it's a work buddy that they have casual talk together idc but if they are close friends and they have each other's numbers and text then nah
See been through this. Im against it because there's no such thing as platonic to a womans man and his female best friend. Somewhere, even if she's a testified proven virgin or lesbian or whatever, you two had unbelievable beyond descriptive sex. Women can be platonic. Problem is us men think haa my kingdom, im Mufasa that's my lioness ain't bout to be none of that Scar shit. I'm not flying off the cliff. We make up machismo defending whats ours. When the guy is probably so gay he failed elementary school for calling his female teachers Mr.
Real question is. What do you think about being in a relationship with a girl who thinks it's a problem if you have an opposite sex best friend. I would rather be single than deal with that sort of immaturity and insecurity.
I would say you have deep psychological and trust issues and end the relationship if you couldn't get over it because I could never achieve the level of intimacy, trust and communication with someone who'd have issues with me having friends (regardless of gender... you could fuck guys up the ass too... so you might as well stay single if you believe "it's great when you're single, problem when you're dating."
I for one didn't have a problem with any of my girlfriends having male friends, sure there was times I started to get jealous cause they focused more on them when we was in a group but I'd tell myself they was friends before we was a couple. As long as she didn't limit me on my female friends we was okay
Gaskins' quote is aimed at preventing hurting the best friend in question.
This is... Rather illogical, as this person should be aware of the fact that their BEST FRIEND is in a committed relationship. Touching that at all would be a dick move on their part.
If you're married or in a committed relationship, you shouldn't have to worry about whether or not your SO has a best friend of the opposite sex. Expecting your SO to cheat on you is distrustful and disingenuous. Attempting to prevent the theoretical friend from being rejected is pointless, because they should know that you're married/committed. They won't touch that if their your best friend. Friends don't fuck up things that make you happy.
Play with fire all you want. Make friends. Don't let anyone but yourself tell you who you can be friends with.
So im in this exact situation at this moment, I just started dating a girl about a month and a half ago and she's basically telling me that i need to stop seeing my best friend so much or we can't make it work. I've been best friends with this girl since childhood, we were like siblings as we never had any ourselves, we were together most days after school and every spare day of the summer holidays. We still meetup a lot and im now being made to choose her or the girl im dating. I can't loose my friend but this has happened before with the only other girl I've dated and i chose my best friend which im glad i did but this can't keep happening. Any advice?
Girls come and go. If your girl isn't secure in the fact that you have a "girl" friend and you choose your partner, its the beginning of the end of how much your partner will try to control you. First its your favorite TV shows, going to the mall instead of watching the big game... Your best "guy" friends, maybe even drive a wedge between you and your family next. Stick with your friend but hang out together so your partner won't feel so insecure. I guarantee you your friendship will last longer than your relationship will.
In my opinion, having a best friend or really close friend of the opposite sex isn’t appropriate when you are swing someone you are interested in having a serious relationship with. It causes too many problems (speaking from experience). Feelings most likely will be caught at some point and feelings will be hurt (also from experience).
Being friends no matter the gender of the friend is cool. although a lot of girls have friends with benefits along the way and remain friends with them and keeping those doors open during a relationship gives them a fall back. I dident care it dident bother me about her having guy friend but once I found out she slept with a guy friend yes that bothers me because they aren't just friends after they have had sex they are more. in that case its wrong to remain friends and let me tell you a guy can since when a girl has had sex with a guy friend theirs little un hide able traits that can be picked out so you can't hide that fact. if your just friend he should be able to tell and he should not be bothered by a friend.
My boyfriend has multiple girl best friends who I love to death and I have multiple guy best friends who he loves as well. It’s good to be able to have trust in a relationship as well as allow your partner freedom. Unless he gets too touchy and weird with them I’m okay with it. It’s also normal to feel jealous. I tend to but he does to. It’s a thing but our relationship is super alive and healthy
I do have male friends and almost all of them were my friends before I met my husband. They always had my back and still have. We went through a lot together. Breakups, moves health issues etc. I would never drop them for a guy. Especially not my best friend. He is like the brother I never had. My husband doesn't have an issue with it and if he had one when we first started seeing each other we wouldn't be married. You should be able to trust your partner and your friends.
That's fine by me, as long as you don't end up kissing them or having sex with them!
Hell if that was me I would also advocate for having best friends of the opposite sex while in a relationship or married state!
^Simply put, let your SO have their 'me' time! It can actually be a sign for a healthy relationship!
Who am I to tell my girlfriend who she can and can't hang out with? Even if I distrust her or she has a record of cheating, it's not my place to tell her who her friends should be.
If she has sex with her straight male friends, then yeah, you better believe I'll break up with her.
My ex as of yesterday Im sad yet relieved to say had a bestfriend that was a male. She would talk about him sometimes nothing that made me feel insecure or jealous but it did make me wonder if there was not something that she was keeping secret. She recently compared me to him in a argument we were going through and so I just exited the premises and went for a long drive. She has never brougt up his name again. But she has other methods of really getting under my skin. He lives thousands of miles away. I think that it would be very different for me personally if he lived in our same city. Just because. Im certain that if I mentioned one female friend name in casual conversation that she would immediately feel some sort of way and look at me with suspicion. But do my feelers come into consideration when she talked about him. Yeah right.
I think emist said it best. I am in this situation right now and it's hard because I feel like there is such a closeness between two best friends. Yes, I know, I'm insecure but I can't stand the thought of him having that closeness with some other woman. I think a couple should be each other best friends.
Well I date my best friend because I think that they should be your best friend. Otherwise your dating the wrong person.
I understand that you can have other less close friends of the opposite gender. But Id prefer to spend more time with my SO and have them do likewise.
I agree
No. I have enough trust in my partner to know they aren't cheating. People have a life outside of you weather you're dating or not. "it's a problem when you're in a relationship" what kind of insecure controlling bullshit?
People have friends and different friends fill different needs.
It's kind of tricky. As much as we try to trust each other, my boyfriend thinks there are guys who try too much to become my best friends. Turned out, a few did have a crush on me and would even try to flirt knowing that I was already in a relationship... :O
Depends how much time they spend together. If it is like a group of friends with boys and girls, then I am cool with it. If it is specifically ONE girl that my boyfriend would be friends with, then I get jealous, and do not want him to do any one-on-one things with her.
I have a ex boyfriend who I feel is my only family now. My husband hates it but try’s to respect it because he trust me. I don’t love my ex the way I love my husband. my ex boyfriend and I were best friends for a long time and couldn’t separate because a stupid relationship didn’t work. Everyone puts me down about this. Telling me it’s wrong. I don’t think it’s wrong as long as we are not doing anything wrong. We love each other always will be my family.
Well if you are not also her best friend, keep looking because you should be both to one and other.
Or if you are new age enough go and seek out a "platonic" best friend of the opposite sex to hang out with and do everything fun with and keep your significant other for sex and bill sharing.
See how that works out for ya. Please don't say I hit a nerve! Jebediah Springfield honestly?
If you can't look past a person's genitals, you need to grow up.
This person is your best friend for life here and they're still going to have very real emotionsFor others and make mistakes. They should absolutely be capable of taking to you about it before anything ever happens. There shouldn't be secrets between you two.
Open up the discussion consequence free and you'll likely learn something. Draw the lines and demand strict obedience, you'll likely get hurt with reality.
The age old question. Familiarity and constancy create comfort and often lead to feelings that might not have been there before. If every time you break up with someone you turn to your best friend who is also of your preferred orientation, and they do the same, the eventuality can easily be "This is the person I should be with, they are always there for me." I've only ever dated people who are jealous for some reason and any friend I've had of the opposite sex has been a major issue. I personally don't care if a girl has guy friends. I think you should avoid making a member of your preferred orientation your best friend who you talk to about everything and spend all your time with cause that can lead to a mistake here or jealousy there. My real advice? If your best friend is someone you might date, date them. Best friends as a couple are the best. Don't worry about ruining the friendship. Yes it's a risk but if things work it's the best situation ever.
Here is the thing, I don’t have a problem with that because it’s not weird or anything but I do believe in being honest if there was any history between them but it’s not a big deal.
I have more female friends then guy friends. I have two best guy friends who are like brothers to me and I have 5 female friends who are like sisters to me, so I can’t be a hypocrite
My best friend is female. Although we joke about it sometimes. There is no chance that we would have sex.
If you're worried that your girlfriend is cheating on you with her male friends, then you are probably the one that should be watched. Because you still see everyone as an option, despite being in a relationship with them.
And Vise versa
By that logic, once in a committed relationship, should never have friends again, period. Who's to say that that same sex person isn't harboring feelings either? The idea of filtering friends based on gender is an antiquated notion, imho, and should be abolished
Just depends on the girl an my relationship. In the past I've had boyfriends living with a female an trusted him completely an then I've dated guys an didn't like them being around the girl-friend. Its all about how they interact with each other you can tell right away ig its platonic or not ot if there hidden motive. And the way you meet or discover the friend is crucial as well like were you introduced or was this friend hidden an you stumbled upon their friendship. Each situation is different. Or if say you have history of mistrust your trying to repair then guys gotta understand he is on probation for a bit to heal the relationship.
I act cool with it but it does make me feel uncomfortable. My boyfriend has a close girl friend and I would never expect him to stop speaking to her. While I trust him not to do anything, it just makes me uncomfortable because I think the only difference is that they don’t have the physical closeness but they must have some form of connection to be close friends, right? Lol
Reality is it never works , particularly female to male , she goes to this guy every time you have a fight saying what a pig you are , unless he is gay or sometime , one moment he is massaging her , hugging her , its a natural progression , the next moment its regretted , hot , blatant sex.
Never works , unless the guy is gay.
I agree
I think it is totally okay if you guys can trust each other. All my friends are girls that doesn't bother my girlfriend at all but as long as my girlfriend's able to hang out with her and me or just them to once in awhile without me yes but if he's hiding her from you or if she doesn't like you then hell no
I think its okay for my partner to have a bestfriend in the opposite sex. I will trust him no matter what. This takes a good sense of trust and i give my trust to someone whom im ready to be vulnerable with. Im sure i will be able to sense if something is not right. If i have the chance maybe the bestfriend and i could be best pals too! If she finds me okay, i think my boyfriend and i will definitely last
While I agree with not plauing with fire there's more to consider. Have they ever been intimate? Do they talk flirtatious? Or is this a football type buddy that you couldn't picture anything goes other that playful punches to the gut and Go Team! statements. One must weigh out the structure of their friendship and the solidity of your relationship. Most importantly, could this person become your friend as well? Third wheels aren't great but most of my good relationships were introduced as a friend of couples I knew. Misery loves company, but happiness attracts happiness as well. Cheers
I trust everyone to behave according to his or her character when I meet someone I study and try to understand who I'm dealing with then in the future as long as they act according to who they portrayed the stuff to be to begin with we're good if I know her to be a w**** I expect you to be a w**** and then I can't be upset when she's a hore it takes all types in this world we have to learn to live with them as they learn to live with I have learned to get to know her before we start a serious relationships
This question would only apply to straight people so rather than thinking in hetero normative way think if you were bisexual would you be ok with your partner not allowing you to have any friends, if the answer is no then be ok with in your heterosexual relationship your boyfriend having a girl best friend
My best friend is a girl, we share a lot and I'm with others here, I'm as honest as I can be and that tends to keep things good.
The bottom line is though, if my girlfriend were the I've to make an ultimatum, Is choose my best friend, purely on the basis that I know they themselves wouldn't ever ask me to choose.
That Tony guy is either an idiot or dont know what friendship is. My female friends will know me a lot longer than my possible future wife.
A woman that wants me to abandon my friends doesn't show charakter. In the opposite who am i to forbid her friends?
I wouldn't care. I believe it's a scum bag move to try to control who your lover can talk to, get to know, etc. I wouldn't date someone I didn't trust. If my hypothetical boyfriend started to act suspicious with these new female friends and I felt that he was cheating... I would just end the relationship..
I agree with this. And often when a girl kicks up a stink about her boyfriend having a girl friend the guy gets sick of it. It only makes you look bad as a girlfriend when you act jealous and insecure.
Honestly, it would not bother me. My girlfriend and I love and trust each other and I want her to be happy. If she has a best friend that adds to her happiness, that can't be anything but good for me. It is not a zero sum game - and if a friendship makes my girlfriend happy, then I am happy too.
Well from experience of others with this dilemma, in fact I dated a gal who owned a Harley and has dozens of male friends. I will say this, she's having a very difficult time finding a man who rides and is intelligent and responsible as she, ain't out there. I lived in Sedona AZ for many years with my now ex wide,. I noticed very hot gals hanging out with two men, well both gay. I think some women like to hang with men that are gay, have the safety and relationship you can't have with a mate. I don't see that gal anymore sinnce I'm not the biker type, a shame really we had so much more in common. Oh she was married and think her husband was very jealous of her friends lead to divorce after he probably asked her not to hang with them. I would never be jealous of something like that, she knows these guys her whole life. Well not a good idea if he's a jealous man guess is the take here..
I think you should trust your partner and not infringe on their autonomy. You can't tell them who they're allowed to be friends with.
But on the other side I wouldn't necessarily trust the friend. If they have a best friend who could be sexually attracted to them, I'd say try to be a friend to them. If they're friendly and you get to know them better that's good for everyone, and if they're not willing to be your friend, then I'd be suspicious. Still can't change who my partner is friends with (and wouldn't if I could) but I'd probably talk to them about it just to reassure myself
I hate it. My ex's best friend was a girl and although they werent hanging out all the time, they texted frequently and when they were together, it seemd that he chose her over me. If i have to be in a competition for my boyfriend's attention, then the other chick can have him. She posed a threat to me and our relationship and i still believe he cheated at some point because of the way they acted when they were together. I don't trust it
I'm not one to get jealous. I have plenty of best friends who are the opposite sex and I'm sure mind does too.
It's not a problem if you've known each other for too long and consider each other like bro like sis.
Now jealousy, smh, I don't feel it. Your life your rules, same applies to me.
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