Should I allow myself to have a friendship with an unavailable man at work?

[Olgaa334]

For some reason he has been very supportive towards me and seems like he wants to know more about me and became friendlier.. I believe his attention is not to get into my pants or cheat but maybe just be friends he do talk to many man and woman at work but me as a single woman it’s little weird to be friends with unavailable man I don't know what y'all think?

[Keyboardkat]

I think it's risky, because if he is as nice and supportive as you say, it's possible you could develop feelings for him, and then, girl, you're in trouble. You can be friendly to him, but those boundaries must stay in place. I have heard of offices where women are addressed as Mrs. so-and-so, or Ms. so-and-so rather than by their first names, specifically because of this problem. Keep it businesslike, and it's a lot better. That sexual tension doesn't exist. You may think that's weird, but it does work for them.

[Olgaa334]

True he actually got mad one time and said I don’t want you to talk to me when it’s only work related and didn’t want to help one time usually he is helpful but he keeps trying to be supportive about my attitude like one time he was like remember we talked about this before having a positive attitude

[blackeagle007]

Respect his boundaries. Don’t try to get close with him

[Olgaa334]

I respect what if it’s the opposite how am I supposed to me respond to that?

[blackeagle007]

What you asked now is confusing

[Olgaa334]

I’m saying I respect his boundaries but he try to her closer and get to know me more

[blackeagle007]

Keep a distance then

[Olgaa334]

I can’t bc his always there

[Iron_Man]

She’s too old for him

[Olgaa334]

@Iron_Man lol she’s hot tho

[Iron_Man]

Are you 18?

[Olgaa334]

@Iron_Man will be 19

[Iron_Man]

Are you sure you don’t like that guy

[Olgaa334]

@Iron_Man never found him like that

[Iron_Man]

Yeah, but he might like you

[Olgaa334]

@Iron_Man his a married man lol

[Iron_Man]

I’m so sorry I keep forgetting

[Iron_Man]

Sometimes I’m thinking he’s got a girlfriend

[Olgaa334]

@Iron_Man yea

[Iron_Man]

But what kind of a friendship are you looking for to hang out and go places with him off of work

[Olgaa334]

@Iron_Man nooo Noo

[Olgaa334]

He just likes to call my name out or chat here and there etc maybe he just looking for friends

[Iron_Man]

Just friends at work

[Iron_Man]

I have no idea, but you gotta be careful

[Olgaa334]

@Iron_Man yea I’m not trying to catch any feelings bc his not an ugly guy but I don’t find interest in him I just recently came out from bad situationship why would I go through this again

[Iron_Man]

Yeah, I hear your relationships are hard sometimes

[Iron_Man]

You.:

[Olgaa334]

@Iron_Man yea!

[Bitter_Sweet94]

If he’s unavailable, I keep a respectful distance.

A friendly work dynamic is fine, but I don’t blur lines that could complicate my life or his.

Peace of mind is worth more than a “friendship” that already starts with limits.

[Olgaa334]

What’s a respectful distance in your definition? And what is friendly work dynamic?

[Bitter_Sweet94]

Respectful distance means I’m polite, warm, and professional, but I don’t create situations that feel personal or intimate.

A friendly work dynamic is just teamwork, light conversation, and basic human kindness nothing that crosses into emotional territory.

[Olgaa334]

Got ya

[blackeagle007]

Agreed with this.

[DishLady]

No. It's a mistake to befriend a guy who is either taken or emotionally unavailable.

[Olgaa334]

I agree hun

[DishLady]

I had to deal with one this morning. Can't send a simple "Yes"/"No" to a question, but will drive in the rain on his motorcycle in a full suit to stand by some gal who he claims is just a friend. (Just a friend my ass.)

[Ironco]

Is this the one you were talking about?

[Summeroflove]

Intent matters. If you genuinely see him as a friend and you have integrity as well as morals. Then even if you had the opportunity to do something you wouldn’t and the same would go for him if he does.

If you have romantic or sexual intentions. That’s where you’re running into trouble. Only you know your thoughts and feelings.

[Olgaa334]

Right, that’s what I’m saying I can’t read his mind so I don't know if he thinking of cheating or just being a friend

[Summeroflove]

Well you aren’t a mind reader of others. But… you do know your own intentions. As long as they are pure that’s fine.

Now… if you notice things and boundaries ger crossed. You don’t always have to be a mind reader to see intentions of others.

[Olgaa334]

Ahmmmm does his sound pure?

[Summeroflove]

I don’t know. I would have to observe being around him. Look if you’re unsure. Be friendly but cautious.

If your gut is saying be careful…. You’re probably reading him. Maybe maybe not. I would be cautious. Not accusatory. Just careful

[Olgaa334]

What will he do anyways it’s not like he can snatch me up inside his car

[Summeroflove]

No. As long as you don’t do anything it will be fine. Just be mindful if you’re concerned.

[Olgaa334]

What am I supposed to do?

[Summeroflove]

Be friendly. Do you have a bad feeling? Just if you feel boundaries get crossed. Deal with it.

But I don’t think you have bad intentions and hopefully he doesn’t. A friendship is okay. As long as it’s a friendship.

[Olgaa334]

I don’t that’s correct I just recently got out from bad experience I just want healing and peace now him I don't know

[Summeroflove]

Keep it friendly that’s all I’ve got to say. Don’t go out of your way to be rude to him either. But trust takes time and getting to know someone even as a friend takes time to build that trust and friendship.

So you can consider him a friend and see how things go. If you notice red flags. That’s another story.

[Olgaa334]

Got it

[Noredcarpet]

He sounds weird to me by how you described how he has behaved other times. Trust your instinct. Something about this make you feel uneased. Keep a distance to him that make you feel comfortable and if he crosses let him know. I would not be friends with him. To me it is fine for both men, female to be friends depending on their energy, chemistry. I had to work close, side by side with guys and we had only a friendly connection, nothing of the sort you describe. There is something off with him, Im afraid.

[MrChinaski]

There are plenty of mutually valuable male-female friendships including in workplaces. Go right ahead and be friendly. Just have your Spider Sense up... if you feel he has other intentions, he almost certainly does.

[Olgaa334]

What makes u think that?

[MrChinaski]

I have had countless good friendships with people I know from work, friendships that enriched my life. Look, there are always boundaries in male-female relationships and they are different in every one. Know your boundaries and stick to them. Maybe this guy will be a lifelong friend... or maybe he was just sleazing onto you. Time will tell.

[Olgaa334]

Ohhh ok

[Telekinetic-Potato]

Yes, be friends. Make connections. Whether you end up in a relationship is completely up to you but right now you're 18 and if this person has a positive impact on your life then he should be part of the club.

More people in life means less of a chance you'll end up stuck

[Olgaa334]

Wym by that exactly?

[Olgaa334]

Why he have a positive connection in my life tho?

[Telekinetic-Potato]

A positive impact on your life. Meaning does he make you happy or does he stress you out? Does he offer you an outlet to vent? Is he a mirror you can check yourself with? I'd he your fan or your enemy? That's the kind of stuff you want to know about someone because you NEVER know where that guy is gonna end up.

Or where you might end up.

I just remember being 18 and I know I'm an extreme person so this probably isn't you but I had this mentality of "if you're not going to help me professionally, if you're not going to be an extremely close/loyal person, if we're not trying to date or fuck eachother then you have no business in my life"

Because I thought by the time I was 25 things would pretty much be going in the direction they were going in and that would be it.

But to this day there are people who I know from almost 10 years ago who turned into majorly important parts of my life professionally/personally and romantically... Less so the last one but hopefully I said something helpful.

You're only stronger for connecting with more people in a genuine way and people respect you when you surround yourself with hood, warm friends/famiky/relationships.

[Olgaa334]

So maybe just want to be a friend?

[Telekinetic-Potato]

Guys will be friends but that's a goal you both have to work towards. It takes a fairly high level of empathy on the girls side for that to work at 18 usually because we want to have sex with anything that looks like it's healthy.

I think I'm a little different from other guys: I'd say I'm more self aware, others would say I just have a funny outlook but if you flirt with him he's going to do things that make you see the relationship differently from how he does.

In other words, if you want to date him that's one thing but if you want to be friends, NEVER play games with him. Or if he does now you know he belongs in a certain category other than platonic friend

[Finchie40]

He probably wants to be more than just friends’ if he is giving you a lot of his attention and especially if he finds you attractive, A guy will only be friends’ with a girl that he doesn’t have attraction for and he won’t invest a lot of his time into her whatsoever, he will just be nice to her when she is around , So if he is constantly approaching you and investing time into you , then he more than likely has the hits for you

[Olgaa334]

He doesn’t always talk to me but he been telling me to have positive attitude which shouldn’t concern him but he did get mad one when I didn’t want to speak to him and was like you only talk to me when it’s work related

[Finchie40]

Is he your boss?

[Olgaa334]

He used to be a supervisor before now he just a regular worker like me

[Finchie40]

It sounds like D’s like he still thinks he is your boss lol

[Olgaa334]

Why he be acting this way?

[Finchie40]

Because some people let leadership roles go to their head and act like they are superior to people underneath them even if they aren’t in the role anymore , so for whatever reason he feels he is still superior over you even though he is no longer your supervisor , he is acting like he is

[jazzy34]

Regardless of his intentions, don’t entertain this. Be cordial and professional, but don’t be friends.

[Olgaa334]

Ok but what he comes off as friendly type

[Olgaa334]

How am I supposed to respond back with

[jazzy34]

As I mentioned, maintain professionalism and be cordial, but don’t label him as a friend.

[Olgaa334]

May you give me a few examples as cordial?

[jazzy34]

Pretty much saying hello, but not engaging in conversation.

[Olgaa334]

Got ya mam

[jshm2]

It's not a friendship, but a work relationship.

I know many of my staff would jump into bed with me given a chance. But work is work, and you don't shit where you eat.

Work relationships are necessary for a functional workplace. Friendships and sexual relations do not belong there.

[Nikki1989]

Men that are truly genuine are very rare, so I wouldn't be so trusting.

[Olgaa334]

Can you explain?

[KostasKouvalis]

That's kind of a red flag that he has a girlfriend and is developing emotional connections with other people. Don't do it. I've developed crushes/friendships or attempted friendships with taken women and it always ended badly. Find a man who is single. You can talk to him of course, but don't get too close.

[Olgaa334]

I just got out from one it was bad

[Olgaa334]

He knows.

[KostasKouvalis]

Got out from WHAT? What was bad?

[Olgaa334]

Out of a bad unavailable situation

[Olgaa334]

Bc that guy is friends with him

[KostasKouvalis]

Oh damn. So what are you gonna do?

[Olgaa334]

So I’m saying he knows better than to lead me on

[KostasKouvalis]

Gotcha

[AviatorTom]

Being his friend is fine. Just be careful that it doesn't turn into something more.

[Olgaa334]

Correct I already learned my lesson before

[CindyRuns]

Absolutely... nothing wrong with having a man as a friend.

Just set the right boundaries as you consider appropriate and stick by them !!!

[Iron_Man]

Stay away from that guy you don’t wanna get in trouble

[Olgaa334]

What makes you say that? He never came across flirtatious

[Olgaa334]

You don’t think I may be overthinking all and he just trying to be friend?

[Iron_Man]

He’s taken

[Olgaa334]

Right but you know how they say even if you taken you can have opposite gender friends

[Olgaa334]

I mean personally try to stay away from taken man in general

[Iron_Man]

I don’t think it’s a good idea. Too many things can go wrong.

[Olgaa334]

Like what for example bc I am not sexually attracted to him by the way

[Iron_Man]

Men and women really can’t be friends. I don’t see it happening , especially when he’s got a wife.

[Olgaa334]

He talks to an older woman and they seem to be okay

[Olgaa334]

Give me 5 good reason why man and woman can’t be friends?

[Iron_Man]

Because she’s an old lady, there’s too many Temptations to flirt and to have sex with the younger women

[Olgaa334]

Ohhh I guess I don't know I’m not that all attractive anyways

[Olgaa334]

She’s not old but she’s older than him she’s like 48 and she still looks good for her age

[Iron_Man]

How is he?

[Olgaa334]

His like 30

[MisterPandemonium]

I think this unavailable man wants to plow you, and he feels conflicted about it.

He's loyal enough that he's not pursuing you, but not so loyal that he stays away from you entirely.

[Olgaa334]

I don’t think he wants to plow me now maybe just trying to be a good friend / coworker

[MisterPandemonium]

What makes you think he wouldn't want to plow you?

[Olgaa334]

He has a way better looking wife than I am and I don’t think he likes woman in my culture his Hispanic

[MisterPandemonium]

@olgaa334 What's your culture?

You look very plow-able in your picture. He's probably had at least one dirty thought about you.

If he was single, would you let him plow you?

[Olgaa334]

No I wouldn’t and I’m European

[Olgaa334]

I don’t think that kinda way his married

[MisterPandemonium]

@olgaa334 And you live in the United States?

Is this guy older? Do you think he feels sort of fatherly toward you?

[Olgaa334]

Maybe like 1-2 older

[Olgaa334]

I don't know

[MisterPandemonium]

@olgaa334 What makes this guy seem like such a good potential friend?

[Olgaa334]

I don't know what makes him try to be mine he will always tell me to keep up the positive attitude or one day he was like remember we talked about this being positive… like okey

[MisterPandemonium]

Are you from the USA originally?

Do you have a boyfriend? Does your coworker friend know your relationship status?

[Olgaa334]

Prob yea

[Olgaa334]

He knows I came out from bad situation ship

[MisterPandemonium]

@olgaa334 I still think he wants to plow you. He might be playing the long game.

How much does he know about your situationship?

[Olgaa334]

A good bit

[Olgaa334]

No I don’t think so he never camw across like
He tried hitting on me just friendly but I may taken it
The wrong way

[MisterPandemonium]

@olgaa334 If you offered yourself to him, do you think he'd accept?

You can chat me if you feel like it. Just a thought.

[Olgaa334]

I doubt it

[Olgaa334]

He likes woman with makeup

[MisterPandemonium]

I've seen your picture. You look good even without makeup.

[Olgaa334]

Yeaa but anyways you don’t think he just trying to be nice

[MisterPandemonium]

@olgaa334 A guy can be nice, and still want to put his thing in your thing.

[Olgaa334]

Only you can think this way

[LiamS95]

Well, you're very attractive and that is reason enough for many guys to become interested in a friendship.

[Olgaa334]

I don’t know about that

[Staximus]

As long as she's behaving appropriately I don't see the problem

[Olgaa334]

You mean he?

[Staximus]

Yeah, sorry

[Deepinthought345]

Sounds like a safe and solid friendship. I think it will be good for you

[Olgaa334]

What makes you say that?

[Deepinthought345]

Means if you're not looking for anything to happen between you guys, then this is him. He isn't either, I guess.

[Gagforlifetime]

Why even become friends with a coworker. They are just there to do a job and get paid. You should only talk to him about work nothing else

[Olgaa334]

Exactly so my other question is to add it up is that why this particular coworker is so concerned about my mood and the fact that I look sad when I’m pretty sure he has his own problems

[TonyMetal___86]

You can't be with someone who is unavailable

[Olgaa334]

Amen

[Olgaa334]

I never said I wanted to be with him in first place..

[TonyMetal___86]

Well a friendship needs someone to be available for you and that's what you were asking 🤷🏻‍♂️

[Olgaa334]

Yes yes I agree

[Olgaa334]

He has a whole wife he owns

[Olgaa334]

Yet be pretends to check up on me and my positive attitude

[TonyMetal___86]

He's not a good husband then!
If i had a wife whom i truly love than i wouldn't check on nobody...

[Olgaa334]

Whyyy maybe he sees me as a friend?

[Olgaa334]

Or maybe he has a good hearr

[Olgaa334]

Heart ❤️

[TonyMetal___86]

It's hard to maintain a real friendship between a man and a woman...
Maybe he has s good heart and maybe not, i don't know him...

[Anonymous]

At work? Yeah. There's no reason to have friendship anywhere else.

[Olgaa334]

lol u sure

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah. You said he's unavailable. So what reason on God's green Earth would you have to be friends outside of work. There are a lot of people that have what are referred to as "work spouses" it's a relationship that ONLY exists at work and is COMPLETELY work centered. Because you spend 8hrs. A day with that person. And you share all work related activities with that person. A wife or a girlfriend or boyfriend or husband COULDN'T understand fully what that person does. But that "relationship" ONLY exists during working hrs. And it's professional. Not to say you don't share personal info. But it only exists because you work together.

[Opinion Owner]

Just make sure he doesn't stretch it beyond the confines of the office.

[Olgaa334]

He don’t want it to be a lot to do with work but wants in work related conversations at first he would say I don’t want you to think I only ask you this or that that’s gotta do with work

[Opinion Owner]

Like said "not to say you don't share personal info. at work". Work sucks. If people didn't it'd be hrs. Of boredom.
But I don't totally trust this guy's motives. Why qualify why he's talking to you if it doesn't matter.😆

[Flower7]

This seems pointless. Just work.

[Olgaa334]

Wym pointless?

[Flower7]

There is no reason to try and make friends with people at your job. That’s not why you’re there.

[Anonymous]

Yes. You should.

[Olgaa334]

Oksy

[Opinion Owner]

Why is he unavailable?

[Olgaa334]

Yea !

[Opinion Owner]

What makes him unavailable?

[Olgaa334]

He got a wife

[Opinion Owner]

Makes sense. I think he really wants to be friends.

[Olgaa334]

Okay

[Nice222]

Sure why not.

[Olgaa334]

Oh ok

[Nice222]

Friendzone him. It is a classic move that women have been making for decades.

[Raydergman26]

Yes and no

[Olgaa334]

More explanation

[Anonymous]

Just friendship? That's ok.