Would you live apart from your spouse for a higher-paying job?

[MissPiggy2025]

My husband has got an interview with one of the biggest luxury hotel chains in the uk coming up and its basically the same job as what he does now (head gardener) but its a lot more money, life changing in fact.

At first it was really put off as I didn't like the idea of him being away from home in the week especially as im pregnant and I thought hed never see the baby and myself it only be weekends so we might as well be his part time family at that rate.

The other thing is the money could set are baby up to have a really good life and give us a better life then what were currently living.

Its not but we don't have a nice life its more that we live in a town house thats kinda small and impractical for children. We have a tiny garden and live on a high street were its very noisy and rowdy at night and its not ideal for a small baby but we have to work with what we got.

My husband is a massive provider and works his arse off which im really proud of him for but its something bouth are dads did too and they said they missed out on are childhoods for it.

My family always have something to say and love to judge. They were saying id basically be a single mother and all we care about is money. I got kinda annoyed by it and said "sorry I didn't marry a loser". Its easy for them they dont care about what the future holds but my husband wants to make sure we have a good retirement and are kids will be looked after once were gone.

I also have a fear he'll work himself to death. His health has took a serious toll. he's struggled with sciatica, broke an arm once and fatty liver disease. I've told him he doesn't need to work himself crazy and to live in the moment and make memories now but he's set on his dreams and very stubborn. My grandad worked everyday from the age of 14 and then one day after work when he was 60 slipped in the shower and bye bye, all that hard work to not even see the benfit.

[Phoenix98]

It's a hard thing for me to give a genuine answer to because I'm not in the that position and never have been.

But to me if the money amount is large enough that it's life changing then it might be worth giving a shot. If anything that could allow you to set up a nest egg and save up money that could allow you guys to have a lot more breathing room later on or even allow him to retire early get your kid set up to have a college fund and a good life.

I know money doesn't buy you happiness but it does buy your finical security and negates the stress that comes with deciding what bills you pay and which utilities you turn off that month, negates the stress of not having enough food, the stress of not having to worry about whether or not your gonna be able to make this house payment this month or rent, etc. And sometimes that can be worth it's weight in gold because that stress can make your drop dead sooner then a hard job.

I mean if it's that big of a opportunity those don't come around that often.

That's just my opinion on it though like I said I can't speak to much on it because it's not a position I've ever been in.

[Levin]

Every scenario is different. So I couldn't possibly advise you.

And I get it, it can be really hard to make ends meet in this society and economy.

But I would not, unless it was very temporary.

My well-being and time with my family takes precendence above all. I'm not denying that it's important to provide, but surely, there must be another way.

It is very curious how these patterns and dynamics from your family/grandparents are going to be perpetuated, don't you think?

You have already said the toll and impact upon his health. That is revealing. Is there anything you can do to take the pressure off him? ie working part time obviously when the baby is sorted.

[midnightmoon05]

As a wife, you have a duty to keep the family as a unity. Build your new family by being a supportive wife... and future mom to your baby (babies). extended families are good but you don't go vent to them about your hubby.

cook him healthy meals to clean out fatty liver... that can be done... youtube has a lot of recipes to help him (you eat better as well).

how far would the job be and how long will it take you both to save up for you to move closer to him?

you will give birth soon... if he can't be around and your family is so involve... you should stay with them for 2 months so they can help with the baby and you. you can't be alone giving birth.

its all about how you both work together to create the future you want...

I sense a lot of negativity... it will be hard for your marriage... change that mindset... life will work out better... like Ms. SunShines parents.

Also... find out more about the new job benefits... how much time can he take off for the baby.

for you, be the woman/mom who is a good home maker. teach kids to be good with money, finances, think positive, be responsible and reliable... etc...

[MissSunshine2]

If I were you two, I’d take it. Is there a way that you might be able to live with him, somewhere where he works, or nearby? I’ll tell you a story…

My mum and dad had no money and were struggling to pay a mortgage on a good home, in a good area, when I was little. My dad worked part time and went to uni part time and my mum had to work night shifts, part time as a carer, to make ends meet. We nearly lost the house. There was hardly anything nice for my parents.

Then one day my dad got a better job. We moved to New Zealand and started living really well. We continue to live well to this day. My mum and dad spent a lot of time apart, for work; but they loved each other enough to make things work, so they worked. Now they’re closer than ever. They take vacations together.

My point is that you’ll find that things will fall into place, most likely.

[MissPiggy2025]

My husband did say once he got enough money hed look at us moving closer. I said im only willing to move 2 hours away from home which is about right for the area he'd be working. Its just the idea of raising a baby away from my family and his too yes they'd visit but its not like its gonna be a consent thing

[MissSunshine2]

That sounds like a good compromise. I’m sure things will work out. Anyway when you have more money, you’ll find that everything including your relationship with your husband will get even stronger and you’ll be able to hire help to mind your kid/s when you need to go out. Money helps a lot. Also you can have a nice home, nice things and a very good retirement and holidays later and a better future for your family as a whole. Congratulations 🥰

[MissPiggy2025]

Thank you 😊 cute cat by the way

[MissSunshine2]

You’re welcome. You have every reason to expect that things will get better in all areas of your life and I think that’s awesome. I’m really happy for you guys 🥰💕. Thanks, she was a pregnant stray cat that randomly moved in with us and ended up staying, as cats do. We like animals, prefer dogs, but cats are good, too.

[MissPiggy2025]

Omg does that mean you have kittens or expecting kittens? 🐱❤️

[MissSunshine2]

We had kittens. They were sweeties. They all got good homes. The boy kitten was an angel. He purred all the time 💕

[MissPiggy2025]

Ohhh thats so cute 🥹

[MissSunshine2]

🥰😊😊

[midnightmoon05]

Well said MissSunshine2
The positive thinking/attitude makes difficult life/situations better in the long run. :)

[MissSunshine2]

@midnightmoon05 thank you 🥰

[Billlewis]

I'm doing it right now. I married a Filipina girl earlier this year, and although her family wants me to live there, I have no desire to live in the Philippines, so we're applying for her to live here. It's going to take a while, but at least I can drink the water here, and we have sidewalks. Weed, viewed essentially as a dangerous narcotic in the 'ppines, is of course also widely available in the U. S.

[humpbackjack]

I had a chance to do deep sea underwater welding but my wife was totally freaked out about it and wouldn’t let me do it so instead I built high rise buildings. Walking red iron 100 feet not tied off or hanging off the side of a building 200 feet in the air swinging a 10 pound slugo (sledgehammer that we cut the handle to the length of a framing hammers handle) all day. I loved working hard like that. We would have 5 foot long steel bolt that was about 2 maybe 2.5 inches at one end tapered down down to 1 inch and we would have to stab it into a hole on our side of the concrete form and let go of the form we were hanging on a couple hundred feet in the air and lean back trusting our belt to hold us (which the can roll and come undone) and drive that heavy ass bolt through a web of rebar as thick as your wrist and so thick you wouldn’t be able to see through them once you get through the rebar you have to try and find the 1 1/2 inch hole in the form on the other side which you maybe line up with it 1 out of 20 or 30 times so you have to drive that 1 inch diameter blunt end through 3/4 inch plywood all while standing on maybe a 1/2 inch rail and do it all day. I loved it. I worked hard so I wouldn’t have to when I was older but turns out l like working hard I like it so much I’ve destroyed my body and am in a lot of pain everyday and still out there building America I don’t know if there’s a lesson in there somewhere but what’s been haunting me here lately is I don’t know how much longer my bodies gonna let me do what I love

[rachel776]

i had a lot of trouble having relationships because i travel so much and guys never stayed around even though they said they would and it was no problem and blah, blah, blah

then i got together with a guy (who i resisted for a long time) who travels just as much as i do, and it actually worked out great, much better than i ever thought it could. we're engaged now and we were in a good rhythm of criss-crossing each other around the country a lot and being able to be together in different cities, including our own when we're home together, except for this past 6 months, just weird timing-wise it hasn't worked out very well at all. and even that has improved a little because i'm mostly in LA right now

so we wouldn't actively choose living apart, but what we have we've made work the best we can

[HawkPerception]

That takes the whole point of having a family. I would always stay with my family. Anyone who chooses career over family (in my humble opinion) does not love their family. That's why aligning goals is so important for me. I would never choose to be with a partner who doesn't want to end up where I want to end up in life. I move with them.

[molonski2]

He is still young I guess and the job has a physical element which is positive , I'd say just make sure the role itself ( living apart week nights ) doesn't incur out of control expenses
. I do think it's positive to proceed with the opportunity as there is more to it than purely the role = serious opportunity.

[Summeroflove]

That’s a really hard question to answer number one it takes a high level of trust knowing both people will have opportunities that will arise and both people will know they will very likely get away with it.

Personally I would probably have a hard time with this assuming I trust my wife as well as myself because I would at least hope I would love my wife deeply and want to be with her. But everyone’s different it could work for some people if they did it right

[Jersey2]

I would do it. Get more money and then you can retire earlier of needed. Perhaps he can do more supervision than back breaking work. He can also stay there a few years and then come back to you after having worked at the big name hotel. He should take video and photos of his work there.

I worked away for 2 years from my girlfriend/Fiancee and it worked out. I flew her to where I was for special times and called every day.

[beenherebefore]

Only temporarily while we're trying to figure out how to sort things out and I would expect him to to have a plan to bring me with him. I don't think long distance marriage works long term.

[HighValue]

Either both people move together for the job, or decline it. I think it is unacceptable to live apart and unfair to the other person in the relationship.

[ChiTown33]

Nope. Money is not everything. And believe me you're not going to hear me say that very often.😂 But your family happiness is the whole reason why you work to begin with. The only way i'd do that is if financially there was no other option.

[AMS700CX4u2]

No one is guaranteed tomorrow. But you can't let that stop you from trying. You are right live in the now.

[MikeTheBartender]

It has to be extremely high paying. Then it depends. A one time six month contract, ok. I see her every weekend okay. Gone for 6 years? Hell to the no.

[Anonymous]

I would never. I don't like to be away from him at all.

[MrChinaski]

Yes, I have, for 7 months or so. But we were still working out whether the relationship was going to be enduring at the time.

[NathanDavis]

never... money will never be above my family

[Nikki1989]

Nah, I couldn't and wouldn't want that at all.

[Jeff51]

No. Im not moving for any job. If it was a business than we both move.

[Hunter-40m]

I would rent a house in where I work and take family with me

[Iron_Man]

I’m not married, but I wouldn’t wanna do that and I wouldn’t

[888theGreat]

Professional marriages never work and end in divorce

[Anonymous]

I don't have a spouse, so it's not a problem for me.

[LazerBean]

No, I like having my husband around.

[whosnumber_1]

I would for a short period of time

[Godihateyou]

I'd live apart from my spouse for free.

[abc3643]

I did. I had to.

[Miristheiss]

Probably not.

[KostasKouvalis]

No way!

[KostasKouvalis]

If you're gonna do that, why even bother having a spouse?