Am I wrong for not physically beating up my son for mouthing off to his mom when he is in a bad mood?

[Finchie40]

My ex always expected me to beat up our son when he got mouthy to her when he was in a a bad mood , I would verbally get mad at my son and tell him not to talk to his Mon that way and to apologize , but I had no intentions of beating him up over it , unless he got completely out of line and out of control , But after I yelled at him , he would get quiet and walk away to take a breather. But my ex then started attacking me verbally , saying I am not a real man because a real man would physically attack his son for speaking to his Mom that way. Me personally didn’t agree with her, because beating someone up doesn’t solve anything plus I was raised by an alcoholic abusive father that would beat me and my brothers’ up and the only thing that it taught me , was that my Dad was a complete asshole and I lost all respect for him for it. I chose not to be that way with my kids’ whatsoever. So am I wrong for not physically beating up my son for being in a bad mood and being rude to his mom?

[Purpleronnie]

Slightly concerning that a question like this needs asked in 2026 but I assure you , you handled it the right way.

Correcting a child for being rude is appropriate; physically beating them up is not. From your description you set boundaries, told your son his behaviour was unacceptable, and required an apology. That resolved the situation without violence.

The mother’s belief that a “real man” should physically attack his son is misguided. Good parenting is about discipline, guidance, and self-control, not violence.

It also sounds like you consciously chose not to repeat the abuse you experienced growing up, which is generally a positive decision.

Furthermore I don’t even believe in raising my voice to children , that’s not ok either and I won’t promote that behavior which is only going to cause problems for them personally and in their relationships

[AngryCarl3]

No, violence shouldn't be your default response to everything. That said, verbal abuse should never be allowed to go unchecked. Your first response should be to tell him to be nice to his mother. After that you want to find out what is his problem?

[Kassandra1994]

Not at all I bet you and your son are close. You're ex-wife sounds like a crazy nutcase. Beating only teaches the child that resolving problems is ok. Parents who beat their kids especially the boomers later wonder why now and a. days once the son or daughter turns into adult they cut off all contact with them. You have every right not to speak to your parents.

[Finchie40]

Thank you , my Dad and I never really bonded through the years. even after he apologized to me and my brothers’ for his actions and behaviors , I still talk to him once in awhile , and are now on somewhat ok terms , but not completely, he is still an asshole to me at times , but he somewhat improved through the years , Just not as bad as he use to be , I somewhat forgave him but I never forgot , so I don’t really have good memories with my Dad , my Mom yes , my mom was an amazing person , and I am happy she was a big part of my life until she passed away 4 years ago , which was devastating to me , I kind of blame my Dad for killing her , with all the stress he put her through , when I asked my Mom why she stayed with my Dad for as long as she did , she said she did it for us boys , unfortunately after my oldest brother passed away 3 months prior to my mom passing , I feel losing one of her son’s was to much for her to handle , so she ended up passing away from a heart attack , My dad ended up moving in with my other older brother and I am very close to my brother , so when I talk to him , I sometimes talk to my Dad as well. Unfortunately I resent my father for a lot of things and I don’t think I will ever get over it. He’s on good terms with my brother , so I call my brother the Golden child , my brother knows my Dad was an asshole to me more than he was an asshole to my brother. My brother tries to keep the peace between my father and I and I told my brother he doesn’t need to , I am older now and I moved on from him a long time ago , my brother understands , I am not rude to my Dad when I talk to him , I just don’t really care for the guy whatsoever. So I told myself for years , I will never treat my kids’ the way I was treated by my father and I am glad I didn’t , because now my son and daughters and I are very close and I am so happy they are a part of my life. and love me and respect me the same way I do to them.

[Finchie40]

My kids’ don’t care for their grandfather either because he never really acknowledged my kids’ only when it was convenient for him , so my kids’ will tell me they don’t really know him and he chose not to be a part of their lives , they also were sad when they heard what I went through with my Dad , they were in shock. They also couldn’t understand why I ended up with their mom and why I stayed for as long as I did , I said it’s because I loved all of you and wanted to be a part of your lives. They knew their Mom was out of control and now that her andI are no longer together , they are happy for me and now that want me to find a better girl lol

[Kassandra1994]

You should feel proud of yourself Sir. You just broke a generational Cicle in my beliefs we called it generational curses.

[Cutegirl06]

You're not wrong for not beating up your son. Beating kids only teaches them how to hurt others. Besides that is child abuse.

[NoDecision]

That does make me think if these abusive guys were abused by their fathers. Do as daddy does. 😯

[Lanniccyy]

I don’t think beating up your son is a solution at all, unless he does something CRAZY but me and my mom used to fight had I hated it, it never taught me anything but it made me stay mad at her for awhile, and what ur ex said is insane you don’t have to beat someone up to show that your a man.

[Finchie40]

She isn’t right in the head and that’s why she is my ex , I would only lay hands on my kids’ if they were completely out of control and they were physically trying to hurt me or my loved ones , but I am not going to beat them up over words. People say mean shit out of anger all the time so it’s not a reason to beat someone up over it. There was only 2 times I put my hands on my son , and it was just to restrain him because he was going ballistic and out of control , breaking things in my home when he was intoxicated , but all I did was slam him up against the wall and told him to calm down or I am going to knock him out , he did try to swing at me once , and I then slammed him to the ground and pinned him down until he calmed down and threatened to punch him to get him to stop. My ex always expected me to put my hands on him when he was mad and saying mean words to her. She was the biggest instigator i ever knew , and would escalate things more than what it was. I told her to She needs anger management classes, but she just plays a victim and acts like we are wrong and she is right. I grew up with an abusive alcoholic father that would attack my brothers’ and I for no reason , as kids’ when my dad was angry and upset , we would automatically walk away so we weren’t in his path , just so he wouldn’t attack us. The last time my Dad ever laid his fingers on me , was when I was 16 years old and he came to attack me , but this time I stood up for myself and told him if he lays a finger on me, I will knock him the fuck out , as I was looking him straight in the eyes. At that time I was taller than my Dad and I was over his shit , and I could see the fear in his eyes and he stopped and walked away because he knew I would fuck him up and that i wasn’t messing around. From that day on my Dad has never laid another finger on me. So I never wanted my kids’ to experience that with me whatsoever and I am glad I didn’t do that to my kids’

[Lanniccyy]

Yeah I get it, I’m sorry you had to go through that. If that’s the case I wouldn’t want to repeat the same mistakes either your doing good

[Vesuvius87]

No, you're not wrong for not using violence against your son... someone you're suppose to care and love regardless of how moody he can get.

You don't get to beat your son or others just because of words. When my younger brother became an adult, he hit back our father twice. My brother never thanked (unless the idiots being grateful of getting hit by their parents many times) our father for the times he used a belt or hands during his childhood and early teen years. This just reaffirms that violence brings more violence.

[Vesuvius87]

She really sounds very toxic and if she really thinks men are suppose to beat their sons for bad words said to their mother, she really needs help. That's not real man. That's an abusive loser.

[Finchie40]

Thank you , it’s embarrassing to admit , but I was mentally abused by her mental illness that I thought I could handle once in did research on it , she suffers from PYSD, ADHD , anxiety and depression , and sadly through the years we were together , she slowly got worse and worse instead of better , so the past few years of our marriage, I pretty much became a nobody to her , all of. La sudden I was to blame for everything, if something negative happened , it was always my fault , when the kids were upset and mad about something , it was my fault , never hers’ it’s like she completely lost her fucking mind when she started perimenopause, on top of her mental illness to was the worst I ever experienced with her , and of course I was her victim to attack. She stopped sleeping in bed with me and started excluding me from a lot of things that she never excluded me from before , she met a girl friend that was negative just like her and her friendship with this girl became her priority over all of us. They would go on girls’ trips to places her and I talked about going together , but now her girlfriend was more of a priority then me , I realized my marriage was more than likely coming to an end because every time I addressed my feelings of concern , she didn’t hear me and acted like I was this asshole all of a sudden , so I kept my mouth shut and realized I can’t force someone to love me and be with me , she then decided she no longer wanted to be with me anymore and wanted to be single , I felt like she was clearly up to something, so I just accepted it and ended it with her

[Telekinetic-Potato]

It sounds like he's too old for you to just start out of nowhere. I'd say you want to teach him the gravity of what he's doing. People forget even the emotional stuff you have to teach to kids.

I think you asking the question after not having hit your kid shows you have a significant amount of restraint for an incredibly frustrating situation.

I'd be thinking about how all this plays out in real life though because 10 years from now he might not be talking to his mother, he might be talking to someone in charge while he's goofing off with his friends or something.

What I mean is I'd be weary of that issue even if she's being immature, her frustration is understandable.

[choco-latte]

No, she sounds so toxic. If the kid had backed off and gone outside to cool his mind then beating him would have been totally inappropriate and just downright abusive. It would have only festered more hate and resentment.

[Finchie40]

She is definitely toxic why she is now my ex , the girl needs serious therapy and help , she is now upset that the kids’ choose me over her , I told her she dug her own grave with the kids’ and nothing to do with me , she just likes to blame me for everything, she doesn’t take any accountability for any of her actions and behaviors whatsoever and my kids’ see right through her bullshit , I never once have told my kids’ to disrespect their mother whatsoever, but of course she points fingers at me saying I wasn’t a good father and not a good husband , I now look back and shake my head with the shit I put up with her. My kids’ are now older and they are happy I am no longer with her , they don’t hate their mom , they just know she is out of control and they say she acts like a spoiled child that needs to wake up , she is 52 years old and acting like an immature brat. I now laugh when my kids’ tell me this , When my ex says I wasn’t a good husband and father , I defend myself and say that’s why the kids’ come to me instead of you , so next time you open your mouth , look in the mirror first. My kids’ told me multiple times to not listen to her and said I was the best Dad they could ask for , they said Dad if it wasn’t for
You , we wouldn’t have got where we are today , you taught us work ethic and how to be respectful, They said you raised us way more than Mom did , you always worked and provided and you made us feel safe , but they couldn’t say the same for their mom whatsoever. Because my ex would barely work and quit her jobs left and right and always depended on me to save the day financially, on top of that she was a compulsive spender , always had to spend money on something , she couldn’t keep a job and acted like every one was suppose to take care of her. So now that she is no longer with me , she is now working full time and trying to get the kids’ to choose her again. It’s funny she didn’t open her eyes years ago , but this is what I dealt with with her ,

[choco-latte]

And that’s exactly why you were right to prioritize your kids over her. Now that you’ve separated at least you still have a great relationship with your kids, it would have been worst if on top of the divorce you’d have an estranged relationship with them. Violence is never really the answer.

[Finchie40]

Yea my kids’ and I are very close and I am grateful I have that relationship with my kids’ , unfortunately it’s name the same for their mother who they don’t care to much about because she was out of control

[Finchie40]

They don’t hate their Mom , they just don’t respect her as much as they respect me

[sage2021]

First of all as you already know that it's child abuse and against the law. Right?

Your wife has always had some strange ideas and this one you can add to the list.

Honestly, I don't know how you stood being married to such a woman for all of these years.🤷🏼‍♀️

Your wife is totally wrong believing that you should beat up your son. You're right to just use your words.

[Finchie40]

Yea she is a complete basket case why she is now my ex , I mainly stayed with her thinking I could handle her mental illness , because underneath her mental illness she was a beautiful person towards me , but unfortunately her mental illness gotten worse through the years to the point I couldn’t handle it anymore , and I also stayed for my kids’ that I love with all my heart , now that my kids’ are older it was easier for me to let go of my ex and accept the fact that she is selfish person , my ex and I are now on better terms now that we aren’t together , even though she still put me through hell , but now that she knows there is no coming back , she has been calming down , I will never trust her 100 percent but we are mutual with things now , especially now that I can’t land a job because of my criminal charge that is on my record that isn’t coming off my record until I complete these classes the court mandated me to , so I have to pretty much wait 3 months until this shit is off my record , so now my ex has been working full time and helping me with the bills until I can get a job again , I am looking for an under the table job like delivering pizza so I can continue collecting unemployment until I am able to get a decent job again. I am also touching up things on the house so we can sell it for top dollar , I am hoping to have it sold right around the time my record is clean again , so I can take the money and start over somewhere new. So that’s my plan so far. I really don’t have a choice until this shit is off my record ,

[sage2021]

This is a very well thought out plan you have. I really hope that everything works out for you and soon. 🙂

[melnc]

How do you know your ex isn't just stirring up trouble to get back at you? 'Cause honestly, I don't feel good about what's going on especially since she's so insistent on you putting your hands on your son. That's not normal. A mother who actually cares about her kid wouldn't be pushing for violence. Something's off.

[Vesuvius87]

yeah she sounds sick. Generally mothers are always the ones to plead with the man to NOT hit the child or say ''please stop''. What type of mother would want to see their child beaten by their father?

[melnc]

I really hope they find a solution soon, 'cause if this pressure keeps up, all that anger and frustration is gonna push that kid toward something bad like drinking or drugs. And once that starts, it's a whole different nightmare.

[Marshast]

What culture are you from? I asked because some cultures normalize this and some don't. What even makes that child comfortable to speak to his mother with that foul mouth? A beautiful, sound slap would be great, and I'm wondering, if that was the best approach to maintain respect at the moment, or in the family?

[MemeSupreme]

physically beating him would’ve ruined your relationship with you forever


like he would no longer trust you and let himself look up to you. its a big deal even if it would be just one time

[Iron_Man]

How old is your son and what makes you think that he’s gonna stand there and put up with you punching him in the face? He could be a big guy and athletic how do you know he won't snap and hit you back? I remember when I was a teenager 15 I could beat up a grown man

[Finchie40]

I have no intentions of hitting my son at all , there have been times when he got completely out of control and I grabbed him and slammed him against a wall and told him to calm down , but I never physically beat the shit out of my son and I have no intentions on ever doing so , my crazy ex just thinks I am supposed to beat him up every time he gets mouthy with her her , and I told her beating him up isn’t going to solve anything , the girl is fucking mentally insane bottom line

[Iron_Man]

Oh ok

[Vesuvius87]

Don't listen to that nutcase. If anything, your son needs to be taken away from his mother. Any mother that would gladly watch their child get beaten by his father (just because of words said) and think it's right is one that should never be a mother.

[exitseven]

I never hit my kids because I wanted them to be non violent. You were right not to abuse your son.

[Vesuvius87]

People need for fathers like you out there. You would deserved to be called the best father ever on every Father's Day.

[Vesuvius87]

**need more

[exitseven]

@Vesuvius87 I thank you for that

[beenherebefore]

Physical punishment is never acceptable. Words can be way more powerful and grounding them can be way more effective.

[ASKNETTEERM99]

if you want your kid to be on a Netflix true crime special one day then go for it ha! But no beating a kid is never an answer and is a lazy. plus everyone is in a bad mood here and there especially kids. Parents who fail to realize that their kid is human, regardless of age, are the parents who have no relationship with their child after they are independent.

[OlderAndWiser]

Only thing you did wrong was being in a relationship with that bitch.

[NoDecision]

You show quite admirable restraint in not doing so. Kudos! You have to know when to pick your battles. Sometimes you have to let the other side deal with it.

[Finchie40]

Thank you , I grew up with an abusive alcoholic father , and I swore I would never raise my children that way , and that’s why my kids’ love me and respect me and are still a big part of my life now that they are older , they saw right through their mom’s craziness and immaturity and selfishness , and told me plenty of times that I should leave her , I know I should of walked away a lot sooner , but I was praying things would get better for our family and unfortunately I was wrong. The girl is toxic and needs serious help

[strateguy632]

that is old fashioned. but an adult hitting a child is cruel and 'brutal bullying the weak.'

[Factual_person]

Absolutely not you are not.

The question that arises though is what did you even like about that woman?

[Anonymous]

Any "man" who goes around the internet shaming his exes and calling women crazy is the real nut job

[Finchie40]

We are all nut jobs

[Opinion Owner]

No not all of us, just toxic people. And you definitely sound hateful and toxic

If so many people have issues with you, you need to ask yourself why.

[Finchie40]

I’m sorry you assume that about me , because I am not toxic at all , I just ended up with a girl that ended up being toxic that broke my heart after 20 years of marriage , so put yourself in my shoes and think how you would feel if someone you gave your heart to for that long , just decided one day that they no longer wanted to be with you and started treating you like shit because they wanted to be selfish and only care about themselves and not care about you at all and blind sided your ass , so yes I have some wounds from it.

[Opinion Owner]

@finchie40

your ex divorced you. The rest of your subsequent girlfriends absolutely hated you and broke up with you. You are going on various dates with women and still no success.

why do so many people dislike you?

if every woman hates you... you need to look inward and evaluate yourself. Not go online and call all women crazy.

[Finchie40]

My exes didn’t want to break up , I broke it off with them when I found out they were selfish liars , so your assumptions don’t mean shit

[Opinion Owner]

@finchie40

Maybe your wife cheated on you cuz you were a bad husband who wasn't doing his chores.

[Opinion Owner]

If you have a long trail of women hating you, breaking up with you, you might be the problem

[Micheal6918]

You are not wrong because you are correcting the child and it is part of home training

[genericname85]

no. physical violence does nothing but teach that physical violence is ok. you should lead by example not by terror.

[Cidknee]

NO! You don't lay hands on your child unless he was to threaten another member of the family. And of course continues to disrespect his mother.

[Espresso86]

How dare you don’t. No, you're not wrong; it makes her sound like a sociopath.

[Finchie40]

That she is thank you

[Staximus]

You did the right thing and are a better man because you didn’t kick his ass

[LiamJHayden]

Physical discipline should be limited to situations that truly warrant it.

[Pterodon]

If I disrespected ANY elder I got knocked across the room. That taught me real quick

[DirtyOldMan777]

Discipline is not beating up. If you think they are the same, he will continue talking back.

[DonaldDarko]

She's fucked in the head.

[Bklynbadboy12]

I dont think you should be him up but he dies need to be disciplined for being disrespectful

[Anonymous]

using violence against your child is abuse

[Badtobad]

Horrible ex.

[Finchie40]

Yes a nightmare ex , that I stayed with for a long time thinking love would save the day , but with her mental illness , it was impossible , because unfortunately she had gotten worse through the years instead of better , when she hit menopause stage , that was the end for me. The girl needs serious help , I suggested shock therapy for the way that she is because medications barely work for her , I unfortunately tolerated it for a long time for my kids’ but now that they are older and she decided she no longer wanted to be with me , I said fine , i was hurt but not completely by it , that she gave up on our family , but now I look at it as a blessing.

[beefcakebradybatson]

You shouldn't abuse your son.

[robocop666]

your ex is a moron.

[FrodoSkywalker007]

Yikes

[ThisSiteSux]

You are a failure as a man and husband.

[Anonymous]

It's illegal, you want to be a criminal?