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My ex always expected me to beat up our son when he got mouthy to her when he was in a a bad mood , I would verbally get mad at my son and tell him not to talk to his Mon that way and to apologize , but I had no intentions of beating him up over it , unless he got completely out of line and out of control , But after I yelled at him , he would get quiet and walk away to take a breather. But my ex then started attacking me verbally , saying I am not a real man because a real man would physically attack his son for speaking to his Mom that way. Me personally didn’t agree with her, because beating someone up doesn’t solve anything plus I was raised by an alcoholic abusive father that would beat me and my brothers’ up and the only thing that it taught me , was that my Dad was a complete asshole and I lost all respect for him for it. I chose not to be that way with my kids’ whatsoever. So am I wrong for not physically beating up my son for being in a bad mood and being rude to his mom?
12 h
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Opinion
8Opinion
You're not wrong for not beating up your son. Beating kids only teaches them how to hurt others. Besides that is child abuse.
Slightly concerning that a question like this needs asked in 2026 but I assure you , you handled it the right way.
Correcting a child for being rude is appropriate; physically beating them up is not. From your description you set boundaries, told your son his behaviour was unacceptable, and required an apology. That resolved the situation without violence.
The mother’s belief that a “real man” should physically attack his son is misguided. Good parenting is about discipline, guidance, and self-control, not violence.
It also sounds like you consciously chose not to repeat the abuse you experienced growing up, which is generally a positive decision.
Furthermore I don’t even believe in raising my voice to children , that’s not ok either and I won’t promote that behavior which is only going to cause problems for them personally and in their relationships
No, she sounds so toxic. If the kid had backed off and gone outside to cool his mind then beating him would have been totally inappropriate and just downright abusive. It would have only festered more hate and resentment.
She is definitely toxic why she is now my ex , the girl needs serious therapy and help , she is now upset that the kids’ choose me over her , I told her she dug her own grave with the kids’ and nothing to do with me , she just likes to blame me for everything, she doesn’t take any accountability for any of her actions and behaviors whatsoever and my kids’ see right through her bullshit , I never once have told my kids’ to disrespect their mother whatsoever, but of course she points fingers at me saying I wasn’t a good father and not a good husband , I now look back and shake my head with the shit I put up with her. My kids’ are now older and they are happy I am no longer with her , they don’t hate their mom , they just know she is out of control and they say she acts like a spoiled child that needs to wake up , she is 52 years old and acting like an immature brat. I now laugh when my kids’ tell me this , When my ex says I wasn’t a good husband and father , I defend myself and say that’s why the kids’ come to me instead of you , so next time you open your mouth , look in the mirror first. My kids’ told me multiple times to not listen to her and said I was the best Dad they could ask for , they said Dad if it wasn’t for
You , we wouldn’t have got where we are today , you taught us work ethic and how to be respectful, They said you raised us way more than Mom did , you always worked and provided and you made us feel safe , but they couldn’t say the same for their mom whatsoever. Because my ex would barely work and quit her jobs left and right and always depended on me to save the day financially, on top of that she was a compulsive spender , always had to spend money on something , she couldn’t keep a job and acted like every one was suppose to take care of her. So now that she is no longer with me , she is now working full time and trying to get the kids’ to choose her again. It’s funny she didn’t open her eyes years ago , but this is what I dealt with with her ,
Not at all I bet you and your son are close. You're ex-wife sounds like a crazy nutcase. Beating only teaches the child that resolving problems is ok. Parents who beat their kids especially the boomers later wonder why now and a. days once the son or daughter turns into adult they cut off all contact with them. You have every right not to speak to your parents.
Thank you , my Dad and I never really bonded through the years. even after he apologized to me and my brothers’ for his actions and behaviors , I still talk to him once in awhile , and are now on somewhat ok terms , but not completely, he is still an asshole to me at times , but he somewhat improved through the years , Just not as bad as he use to be , I somewhat forgave him but I never forgot , so I don’t really have good memories with my Dad , my Mom yes , my mom was an amazing person , and I am happy she was a big part of my life until she passed away 4 years ago , which was devastating to me , I kind of blame my Dad for killing her , with all the stress he put her through , when I asked my Mom why she stayed with my Dad for as long as she did , she said she did it for us boys , unfortunately after my oldest brother passed away 3 months prior to my mom passing , I feel losing one of her son’s was to much for her to handle , so she ended up passing away from a heart attack , My dad ended up moving in with my other older brother and I am very close to my brother , so when I talk to him , I sometimes talk to my Dad as well. Unfortunately I resent my father for a lot of things and I don’t think I will ever get over it. He’s on good terms with my brother , so I call my brother the Golden child , my brother knows my Dad was an asshole to me more than he was an asshole to my brother. My brother tries to keep the peace between my father and I and I told my brother he doesn’t need to , I am older now and I moved on from him a long time ago , my brother understands , I am not rude to my Dad when I talk to him , I just don’t really care for the guy whatsoever. So I told myself for years , I will never treat my kids’ the way I was treated by my father and I am glad I didn’t , because now my son and daughters and I are very close and I am so happy they are a part of my life. and love me and respect me the same way I do to them.
My kids’ don’t care for their grandfather either because he never really acknowledged my kids’ only when it was convenient for him , so my kids’ will tell me they don’t really know him and he chose not to be a part of their lives , they also were sad when they heard what I went through with my Dad , they were in shock. They also couldn’t understand why I ended up with their mom and why I stayed for as long as I did , I said it’s because I loved all of you and wanted to be a part of your lives. They knew their Mom was out of control and now that her andI are no longer together , they are happy for me and now that want me to find a better girl lol
No, violence shouldn't be your default response to everything. That said, verbal abuse should never be allowed to go unchecked. Your first response should be to tell him to be nice to his mother. After that you want to find out what is his problem?
First of all as you already know that it's child abuse and against the law. Right?
Your wife has always had some strange ideas and this one you can add to the list.
Honestly, I don't know how you stood being married to such a woman for all of these years.🤷🏼♀️
Your wife is totally wrong believing that you should beat up your son. You're right to just use your words.
Yea she is a complete basket case why she is now my ex , I mainly stayed with her thinking I could handle her mental illness , because underneath her mental illness she was a beautiful person towards me , but unfortunately her mental illness gotten worse through the years to the point I couldn’t handle it anymore , and I also stayed for my kids’ that I love with all my heart , now that my kids’ are older it was easier for me to let go of my ex and accept the fact that she is selfish person , my ex and I are now on better terms now that we aren’t together , even though she still put me through hell , but now that she knows there is no coming back , she has been calming down , I will never trust her 100 percent but we are mutual with things now , especially now that I can’t land a job because of my criminal charge that is on my record that isn’t coming off my record until I complete these classes the court mandated me to , so I have to pretty much wait 3 months until this shit is off my record , so now my ex has been working full time and helping me with the bills until I can get a job again , I am looking for an under the table job like delivering pizza so I can continue collecting unemployment until I am able to get a decent job again. I am also touching up things on the house so we can sell it for top dollar , I am hoping to have it sold right around the time my record is clean again , so I can take the money and start over somewhere new. So that’s my plan so far. I really don’t have a choice until this shit is off my record ,
This is a very well thought out plan you have. I really hope that everything works out for you and soon. 🙂
physically beating him would’ve ruined your relationship with you forever
like he would no longer trust you and let himself look up to you. its a big deal even if it would be just one time
Physical punishment is never acceptable. Words can be way more powerful and grounding them can be way more effective.
How old is your son and what makes you think that he’s gonna stand there and put up with you punching him in the face? He could be a big guy and athletic how do you know he won't snap and hit you back? I remember when I was a teenager 15 I could beat up a grown man
I never hit my kids because I wanted them to be non violent. You were right not to abuse your son.
Absolutely not you are not.
The question that arises though is what did you even like about that woman?
She's fucked in the head.
You shouldn't abuse your son.
Horrible ex.
Yes a nightmare ex , that I stayed with for a long time thinking love would save the day , but with her mental illness , it was impossible , because unfortunately she had gotten worse through the years instead of better , when she hit menopause stage , that was the end for me. The girl needs serious help , I suggested shock therapy for the way that she is because medications barely work for her , I unfortunately tolerated it for a long time for my kids’ but now that they are older and she decided she no longer wanted to be with me , I said fine , i was hurt but not completely by it , that she gave up on our family , but now I look at it as a blessing.
Yikes