Best friend ditched me for a boy and now they're broken up and she wants me back?

[LanaArtist]

So my best friend ditched me when she started to date this boy. They were together for 6 months. In those 6 months she ignored me, didn't care about my problems, found herself a new girlfriend she could tell everything about her boyfriend because she dindt trust me but still claimed that I was her bff all the time. Well after these 6 months I kinda started to hang out more with people from our group of friends. and the relationships with them grew stronger. While my best friend was living in her own little world I was hurt and trieing to get ver her and tried to live without her.

my main problem is: he broke up with her a week ago. and she wants me back. She noticed that she has no one. And now she's like really attached to me. I wanne be there for her at the moment because of the break up. but I still feel used. I don't wanna get hurt again. I have spent like 6 months moving on and living without my her. and now she's back ruing everything that I have built up on my own. like my new friendships for example. I wanna be her bff but I kinda think that I want it to be like it was before but that won't happen because we have changed so much. and I know that if she gets a new boyfriend she will do the same thing again. I don't know what to do :S

I wanna be there for her... but I feel like I am not moving on with my life.. because everything is always about her... but I just can't let her go either ... I just seem to be stuck..

[That-Guy]

"I wanna be there for her... but I feel like I am not moving on with my life.. because everything is always about her... but I just can't let her go either ... I just seem to be stuck.."

You sound like a drug that you know you should quit but still can't because the drug (like most drug users describe) is like a best friend.

You're a caring person who probably tries to help people as much as she can, we call this being a "fixer." Many guys and girls who are fixers end up getting used because they simply let people walk over them. I was also a fixer in high school, all my friends used me and I was also that guy who would "listen" to all their problems.

Were my friends and this girl bad people? No, if you let people use you, they will and that's exactly what I fixed in my life. If people don't put into the relationship as much as you, it's not fair. It's not fair that this girl uses you only when she needs you but when you need her (which you don't seem like a needy person) she's not there.

" I wanna be her bff but I kinda think that I want it to be like it was before but that won't happen because we have changed so much."

This is the high school dilemma where childhood friends realize that sharing a faveriot color is no longer the foundation of a friendship, it takes sacrifice and effort.

I'd lay it all on the table, the reasons why you are hesitent to be her friend again and what sort of things need to change or don't waste your time with someone who takes and takes.

There are 3 different types of friends

1. Friends who take and don't give (your previous bff).

2. Friends that don't take or give (your volleyball friends, partying friends).

3. Friends who take and give (balanced and closest friends).

[1FastFC]

How about friends that give but don't take?

[That-Guy]

"How about friends that give but don't take?"

Well, that's the position that the asker is in. Some people by nature like feeling "needed" and like helping out when they can, which is fine... they are great people but when you start feeling your doing too much or being taken advantage of, that's when one need to re-evalaute their relationship.

[regular-guy]

My best friend in HS also kind of disappeared and became distant when he got seriously involved with a girl.

You will have to feel things out, but maintain the relationships that are healthy and happy. Be friends with your former best friend, but there is no reason why that has to be to the exclusion of your new friendships which are also important. If she wants to be part of your larger circle of friends invite her in, but there is no reason why you should grant her precedence over all the rest of your friends. I wish the best to you and hope you can be a friend and a help to her and also build and maintain the rest of the friendships you have developed over the last 6 months.

[Anonymous]

i am kinda going through this with my friend also.. you have to be honest with her. I definalty wouldn't let her back in your life right away. you have to learn to trust her again. you should tell her how you want to still be bffs and you always will be but she hurt you and you need to trust that the next boyfriend she gets she won't ditch you again. you can be there for her, but you also need to look out for yourself..

just talk to her.. I know its kinda hard but that is what you need to do. tell her it was a dick move of her lol.. hope it helps..

[Hercules]

Well you seem like a compassionate person, so helping her out seems like what you want to do. It's unclear that she'd ditch you again if she found a new boyfriend, and you can make it clear to her that if she does, that you won't talk to her again.