My girlfriend cheated on me with her best friend and now she wants him back as a friend?

[Anonymous]

I have wrote about this topic before but I have more to say since more stuff has happened so you can look back at my other question I posted. so I'll start from the beginning. First it all starts that my girlfriends best friend is her ex and everything was going OK for about five months. All until she started to act different so before you know it she breaks up with me she had her reasons and so forth I was really hurt when she broke up with me because I had no idea and was caught off guard. So a month goes from the break up to when we got back together so we are all happy that we are back together and all that stuff. But I would say about two weeks into us getting back she tells me that she kissed her best friend (her ex) because in the time that we we're broken up her and her best friend we thinking about getting back together. So we talked about it, it was just a kiss so I asked her if she can't see him that often and she agreed to my request. OK so its two months from that incident and we were doing fine. Until she laid the real deal on me and told me that when she broke up with me that first time she slept with her best friend before she broke up with me and she felt mostly guilty for it and had to break up with me. So I am shocked and I had to have time to myself. So I decided I would take her back only under one condition that she has to break all contact with her best friend. So she agreed to my request again. So now its four months since that incident of telling me that crap and one of her friends got into a car accident and she went to the hospital, but I knew that her Ex was going to be there because the two of them have a mutual friendship with the person that got into a accident. So she told me that her ex was making it all weird and stuff and when she got back from the hospital she was being weird probably because of her ex so I noticed that she was texting someone all night and I took a glance and realized it was her ex that she was texting so I confronted her the next day about it and she told me that she didn’t want him to hate her and yeah. So I was a little iffy about the whole thing. Then I realize that she began to act differently to me so I asked what's the matter and she tells me that she wants to make it "ok" between her and her ex. And of course I don’t want that so I didn't care what she does because I was hoping that she would figure out that I was really upset about her wanting to talk to him again. So I waited back then she went and told him that she wanted to talk and what do you know she talked to him to four o'clock in the morning and I told her to talk to me after she was done talking to him. So I was really hurt and upset with the whole thing that she completely ignored my request of not talking to him and totally disrespecting my decision about them. So I had to break up with her because of her wanting to bring him back in her life.

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So that’s what I'm going through right now I was hoping that she would drop him again and go for me, but she says she can't because she doesn’t want to abandon him again so she won't let go of him. and I feel like I can't accept that.

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I want her back so I'm actually considering of going back because of how I feel about her. So I'm probably not explaining it all that well, but it all comes down to that I have to trust her that nothing will happen again and I do.

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but it just the fact that I have to be reminded that's "him" the guy you cheated with on me. And I'm suppose to accept it? She says they would only hang out barely and yeah

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I don’t know it just seems like I'm being manipulated here and I don’t know what to do so any help would be fine, please

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oh yeah she wants to get back with me but she won't do my request to let him go because of my feeling to what they did to me. so what she is doing is that if I want her back she wants me to do what she wants in order for us to get back together.

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+1 y

i just don't think its fair to me that she want me to be ok with her being friends again with her ex after I asked her not to have any contact with him. she only gave me four months when I asked her not to do that, but she has him back in her life again.

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oh yeah she told me that she would hang out with him on special occasions are like his b-day which was two days ago and yeah. so I'm pretty sure that she went to his b-day thing or something, got him a gift and all that. so I just don't think she gets it

[Elcristoph]

Hello,

Wow. let me enlighten you to the situation.

Ok, first of all if she's best freinds with her ex this means only one thing, that she never got over him and the reson I know this is becouse why on earth would she want to keep someone she hated enough to leave around? just think about that for a second.. always remember brother if her ex is still in the picture then you won't be.

So you were together for 5 months, that's sweet but then she started going sour on you, well let me tell you why. I'm guessing you were always there for her, called her every day, texts every day. evenings and weekends.. am I right? you didn't play it cool and just see her once a week for a date with no comuication inbetween did you.. nope and as a result her interest in you started to drop, now her affections didn't dissapear my brother no, no, they went to her ex sho was just there waiting under the lable "best freind".. Now you could have left her at this point, once a womans affection starts to lower its becouse she's losing interest.. vannish for a few weeks and see if she comes back to you. Asking a women why she's acting different is a pointless exercise becouse all she will every say is "yes I'm fine".. yes its frustraiting and to think women say that men lie and mix words..

So what happened next. the one thing you just didn't see coming, she cheated on you.. wow, in the 5 months you knew her at no point did you realise your girl had no intergrity. dude just how fast did you fall for this chick to miss that red flag. I don't care if she's the hottest thing since Megan Fox without integrity she's just a common slag and never forget that..

Now when I read this I hoped you did that vannishing act but no you didnt, you gave her a choice between you or her freind.. I hate to break this to you but she made her choice LONG before you got with her, remember she keeps him in the background as a "best freind", and like you said she began to act different as her interest in you dropped.. and now youve asked a girl who has little interest in you to make a choice between the guy she's know for 5 months or the best freind ex she's still crazy about in her weaker moments.. and what you actualy though it would be you.. wow do you do stand up comedy in your spare time cos that's kinda funny.

and now we look at the situation, your alone and hurt and she's working things out with the best freind ex.. and you know what, the sad part is if you had just realised why she kept her ex around in the first place you could have save yourself all that pain.. sorry brother

but after all is said and done youve learn a lesson and next time you can look out for it..

Good Luck,

-Chris

[Elcristoph]

To any guys reading this, when your dating a girl and she ask to be in a relationship with you, the only words I want to hear from you in that moment are "are you inregular contact with any of your exes" if her answer isn't a clear NO then just keep things as they are, and when she's not arround hustle more numbers from other girls..

[Asker]

Well I will be clear we we're t together for a total amount of a year. and to add to the thing her and her ex have been together twice for only about a couple months. but they have known each other for their whole lives and only really became friends in the last five to four years. they would break up not talk then get back to being friends and back to a relationship and so on. she was the one who always broke up with him, but whatever. and I was suspect about them before but I guess not enough

[Asker]

And maybe I was too forgiving when I asked her to not see him again after she told what they did. and for that four months she was good until she saw him that one day and sparked old memories and yeah it's just tough. I know I did what most people wouldn't do. take back someone when they cheated on you. but I just asked one thing and after a year together I was just hoping she would drop him. but I don't think she will this time. and I'm stuck with my feelings to her and this crap she did to me.

[Elcristoph]

Dont worry about it mate, I've had women invite me out for a drink, then got off with another guy right in front of me, and then I found out they had been seeing someone else...all this only a week before they told me things like they were so happy they found me.. make no mistake with women you have to be the comander of your emotions becouse if your not they will take total advantage of you.. they just can't help it..

[Elcristoph]

Ive just looked at your update, what Ill say is this, if you take her back your an idiot, plane and simple. there an old saying "fool me twice shame on me", you need to accept the fact this girl is a lier and a cheater, you can't trust a word that comes from her mouth or see her actions as genuin. And like I said the sad part is you didn't see this sooner and saved yourself all this pain, but don't worry...

[Elcristoph]

Dont contact her again, just cut her out of your life completely.. if she calls just tell her this

"Hey, yea I'm good thaks, listen I can't talk now I've got my date with me.. Look I hope that everything works out between you and your ex. Ill call you some time and we can catch up"

After this delete her number and NEVER try to contact her, remember she's a lier and a cheater, just feel sorry for the guy she's with.

[Elcristoph]

Of course she doesn't get it, she's crazy.. she's completely insane.. cut her off, if sha calls just say like I mentioned that you hope she works things out with her ex and ask that she deletes your number.. all she will do is drive you insane with her.. get rid of her now.. the sooner you do it the quicker you will start to feel better

[Anonymous]

I read the following: The title, "my ex and her bestfriend", and "they're thinking about getting back together"...

It's probably a GREAT idea to move on. It's okay to be a man; but kleenex is avaiable for a dollar.

[Asker]

Haha yeah that's why I had to break up with her this time its just hard since she has been calling me and telling me it will be ok and I'm the only one for her. he's just a friend and so forth. I just don't know. it's hard.

[Opinion Owner]

I feel you man, my ex was that way too. I can't really rationalize why she DID behave that way; but what I can tell you, is that I feel like it was just to "string me along" in hopes that I would fight for her.

It kinda backfires in their face; it's funny to watch. But then again, there are also the women that mean it sincerely and truthfully. if you aren't comfortable with her trailing you around with the calls, it's okay to ask her to stop.

[Asker]

Yeah I told her that I got a lot to think about here and I told her that I would get back to her when I figured it all out. its been two days since I talked to her last. so yeah I just don't know.

[Opinion Owner]

To each their own; even if you do take her back and she leaves you/cheats on you/stays with you/etc... Nothing is going to change who you are; it just helps you build your own opinion on the events that take place because of YOUR CHOICE.

A lot of people say: "Blah blah blah She's a cheater and I hate her for it"... Wrong. It was your choice to take her back.

Remember that and be the bigger person. It's a big choice to consider, but if I were in your shoes, I would move on.

[Asker]

Yeah like I said I did what most people wouldn't do and I don't get appreciated for what I did from her by not letting him go. but yeah I'm pretty much done dealing with this crap from her because it's just not fair to me and I just don't get what she expects my reaction to be. she just wants it all him as a friend and me as her boyfriend. and that's just too much for me to deal with. just always constantly reminded that she going to go hang out or talking with the guy she screwed.

[BreeLaSann]

Okay so in my opinion you really do love this girl and in your heart letting go of her is not an option. But I also think that being with her will only hurt yourself because if she isn't willing to cut off contact with him to be with you (which she should do to earn your trust no matter how close they are if she really loves you.) then I don't think she cares about you as much as she should. As hard as it would probably be I would say that you need to tell her that she needs to chose between the two of you.. and if she can't not talk to him anymore then you are done for good. I know that is a whole lot easier said then done but right now I think you are the only one who can save yourself from a lot of hurt in the future.

[Asker]

Yeah I do love her. I was hoping she would just drop him again, but she won't she just keeps telling me that they will hardly see and talk to each other since I'm her boyfriend. I can't leave it at that because I feel like my feeling are just getting ignored and yeah. she just won't drop him. and that's all I wanted.