Why does my girlfriend NOT see how toxic her best friend is?

[Anonymous]

My girlfriend's best friend (let's call her P) is very toxic and she talks to her only when she needs something. P recently met and had drinks with my girlfriend's ex inspite of my girlfriend trying to talk her out of it. My girlfriend's ex cheated on her and it was a painful betrayal. But her own best friend is now betraying her by going to meet her ex (for the first time. They are not friends or anything. P just wanted to be friends with him to spite my girlfriend which she confessed) which is messed up. But my girlfriend can't seem to realise how toxic P is. She gets upset, feels low and depressed because of P and it's starting to come between our relationship! But I can't force her to stop talking to her. That would be wrong. I just want her to realise that P is only taking advantage of her and she doesn't care how my girlfriend feels.

[Anonymous]

Coming from someone who has been in a “toxic” friendship for 15 years, she will likely not drop her. You’re seeing the bad things and you are not wrong for that, her friend sounds like a jerk. But she is seeing that along with all the good things the friend brings and their history. My friend is toxic as all hell and boy crazy, we’ve fought and ended our friendship more than once, but when she’s good she’s really good, and that complicates it. However their friendship should not impose on your relationship, and if she won’t drop the friend then maybe you should drop her. Sorry that’s kind of the only way. I’ve lost 3 relationships because of my friend.

[Asker]

I totally understand. And I really wish that her friend had brought anything good to the table. But in the last 2 years, my girlfriend has never once been happy talking to her friend. Her mood always goes down after spending time with her. But I think she is just holding on to the college memories of them and that's why can't let her go. But whatever the reason, it's her decision. And you are right. I should just walk away.

[Opinion Owner]

I’m sorry you’re at this point, genuinely. She’s going to feel like shit to lose you, and I only say that because of one specific relationship that I really regret losing at my friends expense. But I understand it as well, all of it was too much for him, and I was in your gf’s shoes, not very happy in the friendship at all but have such a hard time letting go. All I can really say is do what’s best for you, even if it hurts. My hope would be that realizing she lost you may make her finally put her foot down and drop the friend, but I don't know if it would unfortunately..

[Asker]

I just talked to my girlfriend a while ago. And I told her that I can't continue being with her like this. It's not just about having a toxic friend. It's how she ruins so many happy moments between our relationship. We talked for a couple of hours on this and she has promised me that she will set clear boundaries with her. She told me that it's hard for her to just break the friendship but she will try and keep her friend away from her as much as she can! So I have decided to see how it goes. Even I don't want to lose my girlfriend. And to be honest, she has come a long way from being a people pleaser to putting herself first. So I am hopeful! Thank you so much for the support you have shown :)

[Opinion Owner]

I think that is a good choice, and I really hope she doesn’t ruin this chance you’re giving her! Wishing you luck going forward☺️

[SnakeBoop]

Unfortunately you can't help your girlfriend If she's being a twat and can't see the friend being toxic. Sometimes it's better to walk away.

[rabbitzzz]

Your girlfriend needs lot more friends. Losers with no friends are pried upon by narcissists. Your girlfriend is probably prone to sweet talk. Tell her what she wants to hear. Make her dream even if its an illusion. Thats what keeping her with her manipulative friend.

[Kaneki05]

Just have to leave. No point been the saviour never really works for people like that, they warp themselves into wanting that toxic relation.

[WhitneySnow]

That should be a huge red flag for your girlfriend to stop being friends with her

[Iron_Man]

It’s always the boyfriend that can tell how toxic the friend is

[Imsmurter1]

Well maybe she just has hard time letting go of stuff