Why are some guys so secretive/set a barrier with what they share with a girl?

[Anonymous]

I have a couple of guy friends I love hanging out with. We see each other every week over dinner or drinks. We've known each other for a year plus. The thing is, unlike my other close friends, girls and gays, we tell each other stuff easily from family stuff to their dates encounters etc. I enjoy my guy friends company but they seem to keep personal sharing separated when we hang out. I'm not a nosy person. I always believe if a person wants to share something personal, they would in their own time, at their own terms. These guys share minimally about their family and almost zero about their girlfriend or ex girlfriends. I am interested in one of them romantically, hence, the curiosity, but even with the other guy, who is his best friend, when I asked him about his ex (whom I met already and we're all friends now), he asked me why I'm curious before he answer me but he shares more compared to the one I actually like. Are guys generally secretive or are they just selective with whom they share and I happen to be someone they choose to be mysterious with? I hardly ever ask personal questions but I am myself pretty transparent about my life with them since I've been friends with them awhile and we hang out weekly. Just curious.

[sexyasianboi26]

Curious kitty cat, you need to respect the Big bad wolf's privacy.

Some people don't like to share. And people see that as being shallow or shy but its incorrect. Sharing too much information will make you weak, ever heard of the term "The loudest one in the room, is the weakest one"- Said by one of the Mafia lords which I forgot his name.

But for your case lets hope your guy friend is not an assassin, a seducer, or a male prostitute haha.

Ill use myself as an example. People ask me questions about dating and bar situations and I never share it. My friends perceive me as an attractive man that women throw themselves at, THEY ARE to an extent accurate, BUT although I know how dating works and the basics, sex was never a guarantee. and that is my reason for not sharing my dating experiences.

Same thing with my past military history. People are always curious to know what I did. and I never tell them because to me, its too traumatizing..

[Asker]

Hmm... I guess he doesn't like to share then. He is also attractive and popular. Thank YOU for sharing a bit of your story ;)

[sexyasianboi26]

np ;)

[HONESTY-BEST-POLICY]

I disagree about weakness. I am the loudest and strongest person in the room. People feel they can can come to me with some of the most traumatic life events I have ever heard of. Why? because I am SO OPEN AND BRUTALLY HONEST TO EVERYONE about all my life trauma, mental illness blah blah (the one thing that makes me sleep at night.) People say I am a breath of fresh air but I turn the cheek at bullying. I feel sorry for the bully's jealousy at their being unable to express all their inner pain, suicidal feelings e. t. c. Society would be healthier if they were honest and open (like me.) No more moaning on Facebook (URGH) I will commit suicide (and all that TRIGGER BS) and get off the laptop and be STRONG AND FREE!!! I have the contact of my Local MP and am going to the paper about my mental illness experiences (long story) and 20 years of no help from ANYWHERE but an on-going battle with the "system." I will happily die HONEST- Break the British stiff upper lip BS :)

[HONESTY-BEST-POLICY]

As it is, I am not feeling suicidal this very moment. Men are more insecure than women but without boasting, I have managed to get men to open up some of the most traumatic things I could possibly imagine. It might be a gift if I am so vulnerable and traumatised myself. Besides, I wouldn't want to be like a Mafia man. That statement itself sounds weak to me... typical macho thing

[valianth]

Guys tend to open up a little more when they feel that that girl can be trusted. Girls rely heavily on emotions, so they tend to break secrets pretty easily. Guys are definitely more open with their male counterparts. If you want him to share information about his ex, he feels he needs to trust you, and if you want him to achieve that fast, you should place some trust on him and maybe open up a little bit to him so he knows that you trust him.

On a side-note, depending on how you have revealed secrets that other people trusted you with. If you have talked about other peoples secrets accidentally with him, as a guy, I will keep that in memory and tend to not be as open with you.

[aMuse]

Do you think it's good when people go around telling other people what you confided in them? Could you trust them with your secrets if they did? Would you feel comfortable sharing your vulnerabilities with someone that would go and tell it to whoever? It's call loyalty. It's call respect... When guys form bonds with people what happens between us and those people is between us, we don't go gossiping about hem behind their backs, and we don't like girls that do that either. The more a girl gossips, the less I will open up to her... You don't sound trustworthy enough to guard anyone's secrets, so no one is going to tell you jack.

[aMuse]

*them

[Asker]

I'm actually a very loyal friend. Anyway, thanks for judging me just from my question.

[aMuse]

Well you think it's fine to share all sorts of stuff about your boyfriends and ex's with whoever... You're stating it in your question. You're also showing that you are nosy. Poking your way into someones life and then going to tell the world is distasteful. I'm just pointing it out... A lot of guys don't like that. The more we observe that type of behavior in a convo with girls the more we restrict what you can know... If you do it too much, you will never get passed the surface.

[aMuse]

You asked a question, and I gave you a blunt reason as to why you may be in the position you are in. It's an action reaction sort of thing... Girls that can be trusted are likely to know far more about a man and his life, though certain areas like their relationships will be off limits. Those really have nothing to do with your current relationship anyway so you should butt out. If they have something specific on their mind when it comes to passed relationships and they want to talk about it

[aMuse]

it's fine to listen and be supportive of them. Help them work through whatever emotions they were willing to share, but when you pry into those past relationships you are kind of questioning his loyalty. When you think it's fine to tell all the dirty little secrets other men have told you, it shows you can't keep a secret, you're not loyal and can't be trusted with that information.

[aMuse]

If a pyromaniac burns down a house in front of you and then a week later asks you for matches and a can of gasoline are you going to give it to them? =S

[Asker]

Actually the kind of question I asked is moreover something that could help me in my situation, like how long did it take for a guy to get over a girl? And also before I asked my questions, I actually told my friend he can NOT answer if he's uncomfortable. After he shared with me, I give back by sharing about my situation so I was also baring out my past but nothing bad because I don't believe and live with regrets. He asked questions in return. Thanks for sharing your views. Appreciate it truly.

[Anonymous]

Girls like a bit of mystery. Guys who cultivate an air of mystery, are more appealing to the opposite gender.

[Asker]

When a girl likes someone, they would be dying to know everything about that person ;)

[Opinion Owner]

And once they find out everything, they aren't interested anymore.

So guys will only let snippets out, here and there. It keeps the girl interested.

[Asker]

Idk... We've been hanging out for a year. We've flirted in the past but we've friend zoned each other though at times the interest resurface. I guess a guy will really share everything if they are really into her huh? So I'm just not there... If I really like someone, I'd still be very interested and still want to know more.

[Opinion Owner]

"I guess a guy will really share everything if they are really into her huh?"

That's the exact opposite of what I said. Well done.

[Asker]

Haha. Sorry, I get you. Was kind of voicing out a thought while I was replying you. I'm still a lot baffled by this guy.