What are your thoughts on choker necklaces and why?

My boyfriend was saying that chokers are seen as slutty (I’m rephrasing). He says I could wear what I want but if I wore a choker, it basically meant that I disregarded what he said.

He doesn’t want others to see me in a disrespectful way and that’s why he’s concerned. He says there is a time and place to wear it.

I understand but im also seriously annoyed that I can’t wear something just because it’s looked at as something else. I’d like to wear what I wear without worrying about others but clearly that’s not how the world works

anyone else have any thoughts or relate?

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Most Helpful Guys

  • Yeah, it's not how the world works. Kind of like you can't just say whatever you want or do whatever you want or post whatever you want in public without other people having opinions about it.

    It's almost like if there are other people around, you can't control their thoughts at all or something and you just have to adapt to that and deal with it or something. Or, you know, get bitter and resentful about it.

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    • Yeah I agree with that

  • Look, I know you know that you can wear whatever you want and your boyfriend has to respect your choices and I understand his point but the most important thing is: people WILL think what they WANT to think. If you're wearing a cute skirt that is in no way slutty, some people might think it is and judge you either way, and this applies to every piece of clothing you wear. So if you like it and your boyfriend respects your decision (which he should), you should wear them without caring what others will think of you.

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Most Helpful Girls

  • He has no right to tell you what to wear. Your body your choice!

    My thoughts on choker necklaces is that it always made me feel like being choked, but looks great. If you like it go ahead! :)

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    • Well of course. He respects that I can wear what I want. (Hedoesnt like crop tops but I wear them anyways and he respects it). But he was just saying that others don’t look at the necklace in an innocent way. It symbolizes something sexual ya know?

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    • So if I wear an earing I like to be held by my ears during sex? If I have a nose pierce I like to be held by my nose? :D
      Why even to assume of any women who likes a fashion item that she's a slut? And basically what you're saying is that she's asking for it, whatever you think she asks for...

    • Go back to woman's studies im wasting my time. A choker chokes. Choking is a sexual act. Fyi I also think earings are stupid

      Have a good day

  • Girl when your boyfriend starts being concerned w what you’re wearing that’s the time to stop and think about the relationship. How are a thing you put around your neck slutty? LMAO that boy seems a bit too much tbh.

    I don’t really like them but that’s because I never wear jewellery of any kind. I hate the metal feeling of it touching your skin. If I ever see a choker without the metal clap behind it then yeah I’d probably buy it. I think it’s something that fits everyone, never seen anyone wearing it who didn’t fit in it. It looks cool, and I can imagine being attitude to your look which is always a plus

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    • definitely what boyfriend wants their girlfriends wearing revealing clothing all the time might as well be single

    • You’re giving out short dick energy here. It’s clothes. People are not suggesting anything by wearing clothes. It’s not to raise attention. It’s because it’s hot outside, it looks good, and person in question feel good in it.

    • yeh I understand where you coming from.

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 130

  • Well I can see where he's coming from as their is a rather loose group of women in modern day that wear them to indicate things (I'm not saying all women who wear them do! Hold your horses!) But none the less that group of young girls does exist, further more in the old days when they were fashionable they were used in whore houses or brothels if you will to add to the skimpy attire of the women working there however it's odd how it started being seen in a sluttish light considering the trend was once started off by a British queen in the UK once in the year 1902 I think? So yeah it's a bit odd but I don't know really I think it's up to you but this is quite the touchy question as some people will try to drive this question into the feminist Nazi zone with a woman can wear whatever she wishes! Which she can without a doubt but people still will judge because that's the sad reality of real life so people will presume things anywayyy back to the question I... I don't know still honestly just do what you thinks best..

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    • I was thinking the same! Lol we both got mad at each other and he says to me “google it” 😂so I did and I got the same results, about the history of chokers and how it’s funny how they came this way etc.

    • Ugh and feminism doesn’t help in this idea. 😩 aha of course I don’t want guys to look at me like I’m a slut or something to disrespect but just cause you believe that doesn’t mean someone else will. Nor will others care. Nor can you inform the whole world all that stuff

    • Wow you literally did what I did to get that info lol and exactly! Although I like to shove that kinda thing on feminazi's as they're generally the unreasonable ones anyway though I'm glad you see where I'm coming from 🙂👍

  • I see them as classy not slutty. Many of my female freinds wear them. I'm talking about the classy ones not the dog collars.

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    • Classy friends or classy Chokers? Dog collars? Explain

    • Both classy collars and friends. Some girls wear dog collars to show their boyfriend is thier master.

  • I'm totally with the fact that you can wear whatever you want but to be fair your guy is giving you a public opinion if you want to blame someone for you not being able to wear a choker I suggest you choke some bitches that give it a bad name and not your boy

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    • Aaah I didn’t mean to make him look bad. I u derstand he’s giving me a public opinion and that’s what I meant.

    • He should support you in whatever you want to wear it's not like opinions matter at all
      I'd say wear the damn thing love
      You don't need acceptance from people you don't know who have nothing to do with your life
      Ask him to support that I'm sure you'll find a middle way
      Good luck 😊

  • Let me personally answer this for you, I talked to my girlfriends, and my actual girlfriends about chokers, I totally love chokers ; what I love most about chokers is that they are fashionable and they can be one of a kind neck jewelry with handcrafted diamonds cut out just for who you want to that specific choker. To be honest with you, do you like how chokers look? Maybe the fashion behind them? Well your boyfriend should respect that just as much as you most likely respect he thinks they look slutty, but on acceptable terms. Chokers are harmless in public, he should focus on the guys who see chokers sexually when they're worn in public. If they're that much of a problem he should be kicking ass left and right for you, haha. But I'm sure ; things are not that bad, and guys would definitely look at a one of a kind choker made for you because it's something they'd see as exotic, just like a foreign car. Not like a naked girl ; I'd love to see you wearing an amazing choker, especially if you could get your boyfriend to be okay with it and if you love them of course!

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  • It’s in our imagination that a woman wearing a choker is sexually attractive...

    Men in general like it, but they get mad if their partner wore them, it’s more like a big red light that tells everyone I’m sexy as hell.

    Personally i find them gorgeous, and any girl wearing them would definitely attract my attention.

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  • I thought the samething when my girlfriend wote one, maybe it's just me.

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    • Clearly not just you. It’s a mix iof answers if you look at this whole thread haha

  • It may not be seen as slutty by everyone which is true, but for me, it if you were to start wearing one now, I'd say that you weren't a very original person. Just like girls getting the little nose ring on the side of their nose and washed out dyed hair. I'm not against dying hair, piercings, etc but when everyone is trying to look THE EXACT same is when I have an issue.

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  • I love chokers.

    He's correct in that they're seen as a sign of being a slut, but the only way to change social perception of something is to do it in a way that's inconsistent with that perception. So the more non-slutty girls who are willing to defy what 'society' says and wear chokers anyway, the faster chokers will lose their association with being a slut.

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  • I dont get why guys think it's hit it looks stupid to me. It's a thread that keeps falling in n out of style

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    • I don’t get it either besides the idea that I like the look 😅 I feel like it fits a missing piece. Like a bracelet! If that makes sense

    • Does it actually feel its choking you a bit or do they just call it that "choker"

  • I love how chokers look on women.
    Your boyfriend is probably referring to the incorrect assumption that girls who wear chokers are sluts and freaks in the bedroom.

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    • He’s referring to that. He says he doesn’t want others to look at me that way. He wants others to see me as respectful

    • If I was in a similar situation where I wore something that made my girlfriend think people wouldn't respect me I'd probably take the advice and wear something better or not wear the item at all.

  • I've heard choker necklaces called "the black-belt of sucking dick". So, as a fashion statement, THAT is the statement you're making.

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    • But why? Like I said to someone else, they sell chokers to teen girls and preteens

      It’s becomee a fashion style

    • I don't know, I didn't come up with it. Even if it's wrong and unfounded, if that's the common belief isn't that reason enough?

      As another example, imagine you really liked rainbows and pink triangles, but weren't gay. Don't you suppose you might be sending a certain message by wearing those commonly associated symbols?

  • Just be more affectionate to him while y'all are in public if it's together when you wear it, if it's off by yourself & someone hits on you or something then give them his phone number

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    • 😂that honestly sounds fun

  • Cholera are not for me at all I do not find them sexy or attractive and there is just nothing about them I like or care for. If someone wears one that's is cool I would never say anything negative about them wearing choker its their preference

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  • It is not in your boyfriend's place to tell you what to wear. If he doesn't like them, fine, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't wear them.
    It is concerning that he's trying to play it as a slutty thing because it isn't. That is a guilt tactic, plain amd simple.
    TL;DR: wear what you want. That doesn't mean ignore what he says, but if you like the choker then wear the dang choker.

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  • I honestly think chokers are kindof cute, though I have no idea where that thought came from.

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    • It started when Queen Alexandria wore it and later became a trend which later became something slutty and once again a trend

    • Well then, I guess fashion trends are a very weird thing then.

  • he says he doesn't want others to see you in a disrespectful way, but in reality he is the one who is seeing you in a disrespectful way. He can accept you or he can move on.

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    • Out of curiosity, how is he looking at me in a bad way?

    • He’s telling me a public point of view. He said that he doesn’t see me like that at all but he doesn’t want others to see me in that way.

    • Whether he'll admit it or not, to you or to even him, what he is telling you is his opinion that he is projecting as a public opinion. if he didn't feel there was some sort of truth to it, it wouldn't bother him.

  • You can't control others thoughts. It's messed up but true. You can wear it but I don't see the point. Because it just seems so constricting and claustrophobic. Plus like what if you get into a car wreck. Something catches you're choker. Depending on the type of material and how tight it is, could choke you to death. Also the name of it. Choker. Sounds kind of kinky. So yea, go with what you're boyfriend says.

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  • I see where you're boyfriend is coming from but I honestly think they are very attractive and enhance the overall beauty of the girl wearing them... which is maybe why he doesn't want you to where them to get other guys attention, however I don't see anything slutty in them.

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  • They look fking hot but yes, very slutty. Think of him as a good father, he doesn't want you to he disrespected so he"s lookin out for ya

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  • I use to have a friend who would were them every day and me and other friends would joke with her about them but never mean it. Honestly it all depends on how you look at the because at the end of the day the only opinion that matters is your own.

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  • I've never seen chokers in that light. I've mostly seen them as a common accessory in a semi-goth culture. So.. yeah I dunno =/

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  • I don't care what you wear, I don't care if your black or white, I don't care how old are u age it's just a number, I don't care if you have tatto on your face. .. If someone has a problem about it its their problem, u dont like it? Then don't fucking look at it, It's my body, my life, fuck off. Don't do something only coz someone is telling you to do it, don't listen to enybody, listen to your heart, be you, be real.

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  • I love them! I don't exactly know why, they are cute and beautiful and the same time. It makes a woman look like she knows what she is doing. Hot hot hot hot hot. Cannot say it enough.

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    • Your boyfriend has the wrong attitude and needs to appreciate your beauty.

  • I really like girls wearing chokers.

    Obviously it has to match her outfit or else it looks out of place, but there is nothing wrong with em. I find girls wearing them cute

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  • Chokers are sexy. It's just a thing with "guys" that if she wears a choker she loves anal or is a slut. It's basically a meme but not all guys are lame like your boyfriend

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  • Chokers are a doozy. In order to look anything more than mediocre, they require lots of coordination around an outfit. They can't just go with everything.
    With sweatpants and that jazz, chokers just look weird, but I'll be damned if they don't complete a steampunk outfit.

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  • Wear what you want. Choker or no choker, he should accept your choice. It's fashion, not slutty. And according to his logic, two of my friends are slutty (they really aren't).

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  • I like them, I think their hot af. Although I'm not the pig-kind of man who likes to slut shame women for dressing in a certain way or for any other reason for that matter.

    Your boyfriend sounds like a very judgmental person though with a hint control issues.

    I'd say wear whatever the fck you want and if he's got a problem then maybe he IS a problem.

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    • You see a bald, muscular man with a leather motorcyclist jacket. Do you think he'd a big, dangerous guy?
      You are being jugmental. He is a maths teacher.

      You see a McDonalds cashier, with a tired expression on her face. Do you think she is probably undereducated
      You are being judgmental. She is studying mathematics, and just works in a fast foor restaurant because she has to pay for the hostel and the regular drinking.

      People are judgmental, because it helps compartmentalising the world. Generalising makes out lives easier. Because the fact is that MOST muscular bald people wearing motorcyclist jackets are mean and dangerous, and most McDonalds employees are not exactly the cream of the crop.

      And most girls wearing chokers are sluts hungry for male attention. End of story.

  • Chokers are fine. There is nothing slutty about it. It be that your boyfriend has some insecurities about your relationship or it could be early signs that he is controlling. The "how others see you" argument is a cop out, it shouldn't matter to him how others see you unless he is worried that other men will look at you which could mean he is the jealous type.

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  • Possibly people have opinions but u can't please every one. U can relate too if there is something u have noticed that stands out on others as something that instantly forms your opinion about them like a back pack r they homeless tweeter bums Or students maybe all that I don't know but I like it and if u want to be my slit I let u I'm down with that shit for sure

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What Girls Said 57

  • I like them, they can look cute but also sexy, depending on how you wear it and with what
    It's by the way the only necklace I wear
    To you, if you want to wear one fucking do it! Don't let others tell you what to do or don't

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  • I like them, i wear them.

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  • I honestly don’t understand the correlation between chokers and promiscuity. People who think that way usually have weak arguments with no evidence to back themselves up. I would totally ignore what your dude says. It’s just a fucking necklace.

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  • I personally love chokers, but I really get why he thinks it’s “slutty”. I only wear chokers when I wear something classy/formal. But it really depends on the person, some people can pull chokers off, and some people don’t.

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  • Chokers in my opinion are attractive, cause they make you look thin and self disciplined, and conservative and well embodied since it wraps around your neck so tightly. I think he is either thinking of BDSM or worried other guys will hit on you if you wear a choker due to its ability to make somebody look significantly better if done properly.

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  • he's overreacting and its annoying for him controling what you wear
    its not like you flash your tits or something
    tell him something what he should not wear or wear differently and see his reaction

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  • I don't care for how chokers feels, so I don't wear them. They do not mean that someone is slutty. Your boyfriend is trying to insinuate that clothes/jewelry indicate a willingness to have sex. This is errant thinking.

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  • I like them. They can be slutty or tasteful depending on their style and what they're paired with. It's nice if your boyfriend is concerned about you and protective of you, but there's a fine line between that and pressuring you or dictating to you what you must and must not wear.

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  • They're not slutty wtf, he needs to let you wear what you want to wear. It's a goddamn necklace, not a low cut top or anything. I think chokers are so adorable, I don't know how someone could see it as "slutty". Yes, someone could think its hot, it comes to opinion but he shouldn't be worked up over a necklace.

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  • I don't like them, personally. I think they make people's necks look fat even when they aren't.

    Now, I personally think that your boyfriend is being a twat. You should be able to wear what you like. I don't think that fashion chokers are seen as slutty. Maybe the dog collar type that those weird BDSM lifers wear, but a normal one, no.

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  • Yeah, my boyfriend has the same mindset... He say "it's cal CHOKEer for a reason, you know?" but he doesn't tell me not to wear it

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  • First off, I've seen plenty chokers that have been worn with elegant attire just as much as I've seen some with more revealing attire if that's what he sees as "slutty." Another thing is, people, get chokers confused with things like collars which are two totally different things. Collars are BDSM related and represent being owned by someone or a certain lifestyle you live.

    Chokers are just necklaces and fashion. Either or, the woman herself shows whether or not she's a so-called slut. Her fucking jewelry doesn't. Unless it literally says slut on the necklace or something like that. I personally think these are cute. As well as the simple black chokers.

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  • I can't relate, since I'm single. I don't like choker necklaces, I don't like to have anything on my neck, it makes me uncomfortable.
    So I would never wear one.

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  • Is this what you mean by choker?

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  • I’ve never heard of chokers being called slutty. I find it funny even. Considering so many young innocent girls wear them in schools now. It’s a trend women of almost all ages are enjoying. If you want to wear it do what you want. I understand your concern but i’ve honestly never heard someone have that opinion on them before.

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  • I love chokers and I have a large collection of them. Yeah, they're usually seen in a sexual way, but I still wear them.

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  • I am taking my choker necklace off right now. It's been on me all day and it's just choking me worse. lol I have to breathe.

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  • Some not all see as a "collar". Like saying "yes daddy choke me! " A lot of people don't separate the fashionable ones from the ones that actually signify that.

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  • How can a necklace be slutty tho... I personally think chokers look classy and not at all slutty (unless you wear it with very revealing clothing of course). Wear whatever you want girl! Haters gonna hate no matter what you look like🤷🏼‍♀️

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  • I don't mind chokers but I do know they used to be worn by prostitutes as a way to show they were a prostitute, some also used it to cover syphilis marks

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  • Disregard what he said

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    • yup exactly

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    • Because chokers are cute

    • He sounds like an insecure pussy. He doesn't care how people see you, but rather him with you as his girlfriend. I don't know why a chocker would mean someone is slutty. It's an additional piece of "clothing". It's not like it's all you plan to wear

  • What does he think the time and place for it is? I mean I'm not a huge fan of chokers, but I def think you should be able to wear one at almost anytime? Maybe not at an office job or something, but generally anywhere?

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  • Chokers are seen as 'sexy' like fishnet stockings. Whether or not it's seen as slutty depends on what you wear with it. My nieces (under 10) wear them, looks cute on them!

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  • ... tell him not to ware one.

    But that's stupid.
    Its ur body. Ur not a slut for wearing one, even if u had 80 of them on.

    Luck to u

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  • Don't let your boyfriend control what you wear or anything else for that matter. I don't see chokers as slutty at all! It's an accessory and super cute! I wear them all the time it's my favorite piece of jewelry!

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  • I heard it has some meaning attached to it in the past but I honestly think they are some classy looking ones that you can get away with.

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  • They can look pretty. Tell your boyfriend that some guys think showing any skin, or behaving a certain way, is slutty. Slutty is in the eyes of the beholder.

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  • It’s a fucking necklace though.

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  • I tried one, and not like it has to be this way for everyone, but it literally felt like I got chocked all day.

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  • I guess it depends on the style of the chocker. Some look really cute and some don't and can maybe look a little slutty.

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