Is it a turn on?
Turn off?
Desperate?
One thirsty female?
Can't get a man?
Too aggressive?
No matter what the answer to that, I don't really care. If I have my eye on a man and I feel some mutual vibes coming from him but he is too shy to say hi, I'd definitely approach him. I'd flash him a smile, wave, or nod and if the reply is positive, it's time to get to work, girls.
If he's too busy to know I am alive, I can always remind him that I am here.
Thanks for the time reading.
Xo Pinay_ako
It's not desperate, for me that's progress. Girls being able to ask guys out takes a lot of pressure from us, because girls that like you can make the first move instead of waiting for guys to make it.
It definitely levels the playing field. The guys who can't handle being approached Are bad news anyway.
Opinion
53Opinion
I generally view it as positive when a woman makes the first move. You can usually tell when it is out of desperation by the way she approaches you and talks to you, similarly, this also indicates when she is doing it because she is confident and reasonably certain of success.
I think more women should make the first move. They'll then get the guy they want, not just the one who happens to approach them.
I make a move if I’m interested but I’m always shy about it. I don’t do it bc I’m super confident or trying to prove how amazing I am. It’s practical position. I want to shut it down if it’s a no go. I don’t like wasting time getting into someone who’s not interested. This weird line where a woman should wait bc if they guy is interested he will let you know and if he’s not interested move on... and at what point one becomes the other - who knows. I’m meant to wait. He’s not waiting. I’m not a puppy I’m a human being. Wwhy should I waste my life “waiting” -whether a day a week whatever. Whoever is initiating knows their intention. if you are waiting you are in the dark. There is an immediate imbalancr of power. Making things worse trying to find out any info now looks “desperate”. People who “wait” end up neurotic bc there’s no information for the mind to process so they fill in the blanks endlessly. You see all these questions does he like me does xyz mean he’s interested why did he say this etc. these questions are filling in the blanks and the time between meeting the guy and the guy making a move. If she did something herself she’d know what was going on and wouldn’t be guessing and picking at straws. Some women find it beneath them to ask a guy out. I find it degrading to waste time asking silly questions when I can just solve the issue once and for all. It seems odd that with life being finite a normal past time would be waiting for someone else to do something you could do yourself just bc of your genitalia. Ifk maybe woman feel they can afford to waste time bc they live longer than men 🤨
Anyhow Nice take 😊
I know it's hard. I'm a guy and face many of the same frustrations. Don't worry sweatheart, you'll get there. Be optimistic and remember you are a good and worthwhile human being who deserves to experience joy.
The guys who can't handle it are losers anyway!
I was not willing to risk the possibility of the guy I like never initiating a conversation with me because he was just a guy in one of my classes of over 200 people. The likeliness of that happening was slim to none, so I decided to take matters into my own hands and start conversations multiple times and see how it went. Now we have each others contact information and a study date set up so I'm very glad I didn't just wait around in hopes something would happen, cause odds are he still wouldn't have a clue who I am.
The guys who approach me are not usually my type so it doesn't make any sense to me to have my options of dates be limited to those who specifically choose me... I want to choose.
Men and women both hate rejection. It is unfair to always expect the guy to take all the risk. This is especially true since so many women think they are supposed to play some form of the outdated manipulative game of "hard to get." It makes things so convoluted and complicated for guys so women shouldn't be surprised when guys rarely make a move anymore. Most guys appreciate when women are direct and show obvious interest. That gives him the confidence to take it from there. Heck, I had a woman tell me that she thought I was handsome and liked me. It sure didn't scare me off. Guys appreciate directness.
THank god there are some reasonable guys on here.
I agree with your take and I think women should approach first more often in general. A guy who judges a girl and thinks she easy for approaching would probably think that about her no matter who approached who.
Women approaching also gets rid of the excuse that the only reason they end up with assholes and players is because those are the ones who approach. If you're not getting approached by the quality of guys you want approach guys that interest you. Why wait around for someone who may not approach for a lot of reasons. Some guys may be waiting for the perfect time to approach, or aren't approaching because you seem busy (or have headphone is, are absorbed with a book or your phone).
I also wanted to say that I even though I have been approached in the past and didn't take the offer (mainly because I was dating, other times because I wasn't looking for a relationship or interested), I'v ealways had a lot of respect for those who approached.
I like your Take it is really positive, but I just have to say that women should not have to make the first move in life for a man. We carry and give birth to their and our children, we cook and clean, some of us work a job, some of us are single parents, we have cramps we go through so much, I just feel like men should be the ones to AT LEAST, at the very least compared to what we women go through, they should at least ask us out and be the one to propose. Rejection does hurt, but I feel like men can handle that pain as we women handle the physical pain we go through on a monthly basis. Some women might be called to ask the guy out, but they are not the norm, I respect them but I just feel like the guy should be the one to ask her out, make her feel special, like he is saying I chose you out of all these beautiful women in this world.
I always say that a guy needs to learn to make the first move if he's to exceed in modern dating culture, but it's definitely refreshing if a woman makes the first move.
It's definitely not a turn-off, though if a woman is going against the social norm, I do tend to assume she has lower standards. If you don't have low standards and just want to talk to guys you like, then hats off to you. You're awesome.
By the way, reading your full question, it sounds like you're dealing with a shy guy. Smiling and poking won't be enough. Sit right next to him, talk to him, say something mildly amusing. If it seems like he'll never make the first move, then he probably never will. Give him a good reason to flirt.
I think gender roles like this are stupid, and it's really impressive to me when people do their own thing and disobey arbitrary rules (for example, rules like "women can't make the first move"). I don't see any reason why women shouldn't make the first move.
That said, I don't blame the women (or men, being as I'm one of them) who don't approach. No matter who you are or what you believe, rejection DOES effect your self-image, and constant rejection can seriously harm someone's self-esteem. It's better to stop being rejected than to start hating yourself.
well said dude
In Western countries , men are labelled as wannabe rapists for even showing a hint of interest , and many fear a sex crime accusation , men are bashed just for existing , add to that that most approaches will = rejection ( a lot of women can be very nasty too !! ) , this is why less men will approach now.
At least a woman has far less chance of a rejection , esp a mean , nasty one that a lot of men experience , also there is no such thing as a woman that cannot get a man... unless she prices herself out of the market. Another good take !!
You think western culture is bad? In Pakistani culture (among the conservative kind of people) labels men as horrible for even looking at women. I believe it is similar to Indian conservative culture.
I actually have a theory about the kind of Pakistanis or other Muslims arrested for harassing or worse. They seem to think that since they are doing something against the rules by even talking to women anyway, they can go wayyy to the other side and start doing these horrible things, hence the "boobs and vagine" people.
@shephardjhon I am a Pakistani and I agree with conservative culture. It sets the standards and you are not getting the bigger picture. It all starts from small. Allah said to men, "lower your gaze." Your eyes will be questioned on the day of judgement. You hate Pakistani culture because it is not convenient for your secret desires. I bet you have double standards if a guy was to stare and talk to your sister and daughter. It is wrong to befriend a non-mehram. If you like a girl, talk to her father. Or tell your parents. Poor you! You can't even look at women or talk to them! This is funny.
@Shezadi It isn't just about liking a girl. I mentioned the pathetic hum TV portraying all men as predators yet even in Pakistan, HR positions are filled with women. I follow that rule rule you mentioned and because of that mixed with the feminism of filling every HR department with women, I couldent talk to them. I was completely unemployable in Pakistan despite graduating from one of the top Computer Science institutes in Karachi. I got a job within 6 months of coming to the US because I was lucky to not have to go through a female dominated HR. I gave an interview to a male professor and showed him my side projects and Alhumdullah I got the job.
@shephardjhon congratulations, people need to say where they are coming from, you are talking about HR, Pakistan had a female prime minister twice.
It was nice to read but I don't agree. I would be more around that guy so that he knows I exist but I would never make the first move and a woman cannot force her ideas on me. It is more respectable in my culture for a guy to approach a girl first or for guy's parents to bring the marriage proposal. Not every norm has to changed just because it is 21st century. Even with Adam and Eve, when Adam called Eve, god commanded him to get up and walk to Eve. This shows that males have to come as suitors.
It depends on the culture and religion. In Hinduism, a girl's parents have to bring the marriage proposal but in Islam, a man's parents have to bring the marriage proposal. In Islam, a groom's family have to give wedding gifts like gold jewellery but in Hinduism, a groom's parents demand dowry and sometimes they demand more than a girl's parents can afford like they may demand a car, or money for flight tickets or visa. Once one man demand money for visa but didn't take his wife with him.
I am not forcing any ideas on you. This is my take. I am not trying to change anything just because it's the modern times or whatever. I am still old fashioned in some way but I definitely will try to make him notice me if I feel he's too shy to say hi and the feelings are mutual. You are thinking too much out of this. But thank you for your feedback
"more respectable in my culture for a guy to approach a girl first"
I don't think so. If you are a Muslim then you should know Hazrat Khadija (R. A) proposed first.
Also your name sounds Pakistani and in our culture, it is seen as disrespectful for a man to even talk to a woman. Hence those horrible horrible horrible Hum TV dramas. I despise them and I despise these aspects of our culture that have nothing to do with Islam and everything to do with a culture that thinks Padmavat was a good idea to be celebrated and thinks Honor Killing (borrowed from the same culture that invented Sati and Jauhar) is a good thing.
Muslims in Arab countries (not Saudi Arabia) and Turkey and Iran and others get to talk to each other and do chaperoned dating before marriage and my guess is either person can approach first in those cultures.
@shephardjhon You are racist. Let people be and let cultures be. You can't expect every country to be westernised. I love everything about Pakistani conservative culture, you are against it for own selfish reasons because you want to talk with girls and you want that freedom to get to women and their fathers, brothers are just protecting them. I feel you are qualified enough to talk about Islam. You cannot compare Hazrat Khadija or a Prophet's example with ordinary human beings. I am sure you want a girl's parents to bring marriage proposal first. You can do this with your sister and daughter, but please don't force other people to change their ways and don't impose your ideas on others. They don't need your validation. Among the people, always a man's parents brought marriage proposals and I say once again it is more respectful. This is an honour for your sister and daughter. God, why do people have to reply?
@shephardjhon Don't you dare say a word against Pakistani culture. You are ungrateful, there is a great wisdom behind the creation of Pakistan. I say stop of racism. Change yourself. Guess you don't appreciate having an independent free country.
You don't see the bigger picture when it comes to rules and Pakistan cannot become like America whose culture is completely opposite to India and Pakistan. You are more about individualism, frankness, directness, informality and in terms of equality they are not comfortable to display too much respect. We are not just about individualism but traditions, individualism is an excuse to break the rules and blur the right with wrong. Hindu culture is more extreme even though I find it beautiful, yet they don't mind touching their elder's feet, women don't mind fasting for their husbands, they don't mind living in joint families, the hindi word for husband is pati and it means owner as crore pati and the hindi word for wife is dharam patni
@shephardjhon Brown boy having an identity crisis you probably wish you were born in a white person's house. Where parents are not married and have illegitimate children without marriage. Mothers have boyfriends and fathers have girlfriend.
They eat pork and drink alcohol. This may be done secretly in Pakistani's culture and never openly, and is officially unacceptable. Babies play with their pet dogs and they hardly dress inside the house. You would have been happier since that culture would have allowed to have access to girls, to sex without marriage, you would have had access to casual sex, short-term pointless relationships, living together before marriage, strippers, vulgar parties, one night stands, girls who are called plates, sugar girls, prostitutes, and this freedom shall never happen in Pakistan. They want to keep their women in cover, refuse to let their women be used openly or allow people to have access to women. Everything starts from small! Breaking 1 rule domino effect
We're you educated by the Taliban or something? How the hell did you even end up on this website? And I know the hipocracy of women like you, my sister is like you too. You have absolutely no objection to Padmavat to drool over Ranbir Kapoor no matter how horribly it shows Muslims and you love Hum TV dramas against Pakistan and love Indian garbage like Bajrangi Bhaijan. You make no distinction between Indian culture and Islam.
I have news for you. Islam and Indian culture are NOT the same. The two nation theory was a thing for a reason and the Quiad was much more modern than Gandhi.
The west is not as bad as Mauland Tariq Jamil says and I am not here to judge them. A lot of Christian Americans don't eat pork, they don't have casual sex or drink alcohol. I have even been friends with a former US soldier who didn't drink.
Also, I assure you I am more patriotic than you and respect Islam more than you.
Everytime I do something helpful for Americans, they know I am Pakistani and Muslim. I always follow the rule "mehnat apni ho gi pechan kabi na bhoolo, sub ki nazroon main, Pakistan kabhi na bhoolo".
I live alone, so you have no idea how easy it would be for me to do all the bad things you mentioned but I don't. But I reserve the right to criticize the parts of Pakistani culture that I know are Hindu in origin and bad regardless. Arranged marriage is Hindu culture, not Islamic and it is already rejected by modern Hindus.
@I_Do_Mind actually no. South East Asia is unbelievably racist. It is kind of part of why Pakistan lost East Pakistan/Bangladesh.
Something a Muslim preacher/political activist (also Pakistani) pointed out in a large Muslim conference in Chicago was that even in the US, South Asian/Desi Muslims usually have kind of separate mosques from Black Muslims. It isn't entirely true but if you go to Devon street in Chicago, you will find very few Black Muslims in their mosques. The same goes for any other non-Desi Muslims. The same can be seen in the suburbs of Detroit (it is different in Downtown Detroit). Sometimes Desis and Arabs share a mosque but any others would probably feel like outsiders and both these cities have a LOT of Black Muslims.
@shephardjhon Never before have I wanted so badly just to put a question mark as a response.
Calm down a little. I am a white American who lived in Karachi. I realize there is great insensitivity toward cultures we don't understand. Most westerners do not understand why other people have different customs and values. That's not an excuse. But it is a reality. Even the americans living in Karachi didn't seem to understand they are living in a culture thousands of years old and deserves respect.. I hate ignorance, but my approach is to try and be patient while explaining why we need to know and embrace each other despiteour differences.
Simply going up to a guy and asking him out is not desperate. Far from it. Why would it b any different when its a man doing it? Most guys get flattered if women approach them and ask them out. But that doesn't guarantee a date of course, it just depends if they like you or not. Be prepared to face rejection though.
What makes someone look desperate is how they do it/carry themselves
However you do it, be explicit, but casual about it. Things should come out naturally, but if you're the type that gets excited easily or sound clingy, you may want to just rehearse in your head how you'll say it.
Here's a good quote I got from the recent movie, called The Green Book, "The world is full of lonely people waiting to make the first move."
I really liked the take. I myself do feel confident when it comes to making the first move. When, I met up with a guy that I met on a dating site called, Plenty of Fish (POF), I gave him a hug first to break the ice some. I think it's important that men and women both show initiative when it comes to dating. I'm not afraid to give you hug, or a smile, or even flirt a little.
HELL YEAH! Now THAT is a real WOMAN, who gets what she is after 👩
cf.girlsaskguys.com/.../...0-a6ec-7981eaab9c88.jpg
That is really admirable!
Confident women are as sexy as confident men for women!
Enjoy your relationship :)
Too bad there aren't
more girls like that
@villageidiot yeah.
We need a lot more such cool women 👩 👩 👩
I wish more women would be just like you. It would make the initiating stage less stressful for guys and as a guy, it's nice to know when women are interested in me.
This idea of men having to make the first move all the time is outdated. Both genders should be able to make the first move.
depends on what you consider as "making the move" and if you're within the guy's "type" range
its the same for girls too
if a guy that's not the girl's type hits on them, they don't like it/see it as creepy/thirsty/feel uncomfortable/etc. Sometimes though, girls (or humans in general) find a guy thats not even near her type attractive based on a lot of different things (one of them can be how he approaches her)
Plus, if the guy doesn't read her signs/body language/eye contact/etc while making moves on her, that can make the situation even worse and he ends up on the other side of where he wants to be
TURN ON.
Even if I'm not attracted to that girl I have so much more respect for her in some ways, I will never fault a woman for not bullshitting and beating around the bush like most "fragile" chicks do.
i COULD NEVER DO ALL THAT. I AM SORRY.
AND TRUTH BE TOLD THED MAJORITY IS OK WITH ME ON THE SIDELINES.
I THINK IT ALSO HAS TO DO WITH SELF ESTEEM AND WHAT YOU THINK YOU ARE WORTH, BECAUSE THERE ARE A LOT OF DAYS THAT I DO NOT THINK I AM GOOD ENOUGH FOR ANYONE OR ANYTHING DESPITE WHAT PEOPLE SAY.
ITS CALLED WORK OMR!!!
But yeah, I could never do that. So if for the rest of my life im alone, then oh well
media.giphy.com/media/xpnUGtMdW5v8Y/giphy.gif
WOW thats sad
I guess I'll be alone all my life too.
It would be nice if more women would initiate but in this country it's rare if non-existant. European women, Austrailian, Japanese and Korean women all have a parity with their male counterparts. They also tend to have happier relationships. American women? Forget about it! And of course they'll spend the rest of their lives complaining about the asshole bad boy that they fell for.
I personally enjoy women having the courage to be able to make approaches, and being true to their intentions if you like someone make a move, nobody is a mind reader. that goes for both sexes
When a woman or man makes the first move , all that means is that you have a burning desire to approach and admit your infatuation towards that particular individual. Nothing more or less.
THere CAN be more to it, but basically thats a good answer,
You can also add your opinion below!
Girl's Behavior 
Guy's Behavior 
Flirting 
Dating 
Relationships 
Fashion & Beauty 
Health & Fitness 
Marriage & Weddings 
Shopping & Gifts 
Technology & Internet 
Break Up & Divorce 
Education & Career 
Entertainment & Arts 
Family & Friends 
Food & Beverage 
Hobbies & Leisure 
Other 
Religion & Spirituality 
Society & Politics 
Sports 
Travel 
Trending & News 
Most Helpful Opinions