A New Perspective On How Guys Can Be Too Nice (Page 2)

[tadpole25]

So basically, (most) women see an ideal man as a guy with both a yin and a yang?

The Yin: 21st century gentleman, polite, nice respectful, chill, cool, funny, mature, would make a great dad

The Yang: caveman instincts, assertive, adventerous, sometimes unpredictable, a little bit of a wild side, able to bring up the sexual tension by pushing some boundaries

Am I on the right track?

[celestialdaeva]

A lot of people haven't thought of it this way. That's why so many people actually believe men need to be jerks to get girls.

Nice guys, listen up - keep doing everything you're doing. Compliments, chivalry, gestures, listening to her problems... All of it. Just turn up the heat, too ;)

The perfect man is a "nice guy" with a dirty mind. Balancing the 2 and knowing when to show which is the trick.

[WaleedHassanien]

thank you for making laugh when I needed it :D :D

and yeah, I remember my first *appropriately inappropriate -nice awkward expression if I may say-* words were "her: I am gonna take a shower...me :hmm...her: what?...me: need an extra hand? ;-) ...and we ended up laughing...l... :D " later on she blamed me for spending an extra time in that shower :D :D and yeah, "make sure they aren’t just closet perverts first. ;) " :D :D most of us are.

as usual...awesome article?! :-)

[celestialdaeva]

Absolutely. It's a must. I was seeing this guy I initially really liked, and then I started to lose attraction for him because he was just so 'sweet' and 'appropriate' ALL THE TIME. It frustrated me because I *knew* he had another side. One night I sat down with a few of my girlfriends and discussed it all, and they helped me come up with things to say/text to draw it out of him and basically drag the horse to water. Fortunately once there, he drank - and didn't stop drinking after that.

[tadpole25]

hey. just to clarify, I think Pick Up Artist ideas are stupid and ineffective. I'm really not a fan of treating women like meat to be hunted or telemarketing quota. everything should happen naturally. but you are absolutely right that it's not good to push any boundaries right when you meet a person, but when she and the guy have established some connection and its clear they both enjoy their company, then its definitely time for the man do something appropriately inappropriate as you said.

[celestialdaeva]

Thanks, tadpole25! Your theory reminds me a lot of some Pick Up Artist type stuff. I think if you are doing this stuff cold (as in, with someone you haven't already built trust with) then it's probably a pretty effective way to identify certain types of girls. If there's already trust there, then it might actually be appropriate for the relationship. I do think there are other situations where it would send a girl packing, though, if the foundation wasn't there.

[tadpole25]

this article is pure genius. write more.

i've also voiced a similar theory. that women will tolerate SOME degree of inappropriateness, but the man has to be confident, genuinely sure and unapolgetic as he does it. If a man takes things up a notch, and she's comfortable, she will remove all the barrier, see how far the man will take it and enjoy the surprise. But if the guy apologizes, pre-warns or seeks validation first, she will not trust him at all.

[celestialdaeva]

kheserthorpe, I noticed that too. The inappropriateness can start in text messages since its less scary, but then it's harder to read her reaction. "Sorry,inappropriate thoughts jumped into my mind when you said that" is fairly safe to do through text if the guy just immediately moves on after saying it. By starting with "sorry", its acknowledging that it might be uncomfortable and is already apologizing for it which helps soften it and make the girl less likely to be offended

[kheserthorpe]

Good article. I think this is one major problem 'nice guys' face (the other is being too accommodating and too much of a pushover). In some ways they are linked. Being 'inappropriate' required a bit of confidence and pushing with a wink that 'nice guys' find scary. They don't ever want to offend, so they never risk being offensive.

[MrOracle]

Excellent insight, especially where you gave examples with differing levels of "inappropriateness." In my experience, "nice guys" are often extremists; they only know how to be "all the way nice" or "all the way sexual", when the real "gold" is to find just the right middle ground. And as you point out, that's a moving target as your relationship evolves.

Pay attention, guys! Good info here!

[Breathe]

well of course you try and please the girl and bend yourself to be liked.

I'm glad you're stupid enough to try and bring Christians and Muslims terrorizing each other into a dating conversation. Thanks for making women that much easier for normal guys!

[Breathe]

You see Jinmetsu, this is why you don't take advice from women about how to get women. Your anger is a good thing, and you should use that anger towards women to stop being so nice and considerate to them, because they sure as hell are not the same back to you. So be more of an a**hole, which women are naturally and you'll do much better.

[Breathe]

My goal? heh all I did was comment on how you choose to respond to some guy creating whiny drama and ignore something you agree with. You're the one who got offended about it because its true. yes it takes SOO much effort to go out of my way and come back here, you know how hard clicking a link is and all! very serious amounts of effort go into it

[Breathe]

I think the typical nice guy was raised to see girls as goodie two shoes, so they think girls are all prim and proper. Truth is girls are super horny and love sex just like guys do, and they want guys to be more forward with them so they can choose the opportunities they want.

[celestialdaeva]

Well if you are the super religious type, then you need to find someone with similar values. The behavior you describe of the previous women who have friend zoned you and been, quote, "damaged", makes it sound like they did NOT have similar values.

[diegoD]

hey celestiadica, I feel like you are writing this article directly to me after the question I asked you about how it is difficult, in my case nearly impossible to be what you call inappropriately appropriate which is why I could never get a girlfriend until ... well, the point is are there any women that actually like you for being nice, or like you if you are too strightforward, why does it have to be this fu(king game all the time, how could you distinguish a girl who is not into this game

[celestialdaeva]

Thanks, ImSoSozzled :)

Yeah I think being a doormat is commonly confused or maybe overlaps somewhat with being a nice guy, but it is an entirely different problem with an entirely different cause and an entirely different solution.

[celestialdaeva]

I'm really not sure how you take from this that I am talking about my own behavior and using too many generalizations. Some examples might be helpful.

[celestialdaeva]

Because he asked me a question whereas your comment was pretty straight forward and, though somewhat crudely phrased, accurate. Lol are commenters competing for my attention?

[celestialdaeva]

Thank you for the feedback! You might be onto something about some "nice guys" only recognizing extremes. Relationships are definitely made and nurtured in the gray zone.