My latest rejection story

[Anonymous]

So being a single women in her 30's alone in the new country not having any friends, I became a local at this one very fancy cannabis club near my home. Apparently here is legal. I tried marijuana couple of times before and I saw good reviews about this place for meeting new people, various events, international, or just to chill by yourself because it's really quiet and relaxing.

There works 6 people in 2 shifts, I think; the reception, the weed bar and the drinks bar. I met this guy at the reception the first time I came to register as a member. I liked him instantly. Not the 'omg I'm in love' kinda thing but his happy personality and very cute eyes made my day. He was very friendly, showed me around and got me my 1st free joint + drink. I met couple of other staff that day and one woman. Ever since then, which is like 4 months now, I've been going there regularly like once a week to get weed, but unfortunately I didn't see this guy often because of shits.

Fast forward to a week ago, I went there in the evening to have a drink and a smoke. It was surprisingly empty, and "my guy" was working at the drinks bar. He was very surprised and happy to see me, I sat at the bar stool next to him the whole evening and we had a great conversation and good laughs. He told me I should come more often, suggested certain events and time, and I guess at that moment my flirtyself awakened and I said "I will come when you are here!" which sounded a bit bad but okay, he laughed at it and gave me his schedule.

I was feeling pretty confident about him liking me back, and I wanted to go again as soon as possible. So few days later I went again (on his schedule, of course) but this time was very crowded and he was super busy at the weed bar. I asked him if he could recommend me something new to smoke and he said he has something special for me but will make it later when he finds time, because it's not in the bar right now. I told him not worry about it that I see he's busy and maybe some other time. Nevertheless , he did make it in the end and brought it to my table with a huge smile and on his knees (like a wedding proposal joke). At that point I think I was in love hahaha! What can I say, he got me. I thanked him and hugged him and told him I'll definitely enjoy it. Later I realized he draw a smiley face on the blunt haha.

I wasn't sure how to advance at this point, knowing very well that bar staff's job is to act like this to get tips and customers. I wasn't sure if to him I was just another customer or there's something more. I paid attention on how he was with other customers and it seemed to me like he doesn't talk to them as much as with me.

The next day I sat on my balcony and lighted the joint he made me, and it really was special! Very good stuff and very professionally rolled, almost too good to smoke it. I decided to find him on social media (which wasn't so hard, he was on the Club's following list on Instagram). I followed him and he followed me back, and then I sent him a DM to thank him and that I have never smoked better joined. He replied that he's glad I like it, but that he thinks there are better stuff. I assured him this one was best for me so far (mostly trying to indicate that it's because HE made it, like hellooo dude I like you! haha). Then I told him I'll drop by later to pick up some and asked him if he could make me one more of those. He said of course and that was it. Feeling very positive about everything, after dinner & drinks with my colleagues, I went there in hurry for closing time. When I got there they were about to close, and it seemed like he wasn't really in the mood; he wasn't as goofy as before. When he saw me he just said "You're late". I asked him how he was and he said he's fine, asked how I am and I told him about my dinner with colleagues. There was a brief moment of no one being around so I gathered all my courage and asked him about his plans after work. He said he's going home nothing special, and I asked him if he maybe wants to hangout together a bit.

"Naah". That's what he said. Lol. I was trying to find the words to respond to that, but all I think of was "Oh, okay" to which he said "Sorry" and I only said "No worries, see you!" taking my stuff and heading out.

Now I'm on the balcony smoking his joint again and just recalling all the stuff. So cringe, I feel so embarrassed. I guess my intuition about him was wrong... and I'm definitely not going there again!

[Part2603]

I don't think you were too cringe. Maybe he flirts with everybody, maybe you read too much into the way he acted, but that's okay.

If it's one thing I hate about girls is how they never really commit to their emotions. They're so ready to retcon everything just because things didn't work out EXACTLY the way they wanted it to.

Listen, you liked him, and in your mind it was the most obvious thing in the world that you guys were flirting with each other, but maybe you picked the wrong moment.

I can't help but read your story and come to the conclusion that the time you should have asked him out was when he brought the weed and got on his knee and you hugged him. You should make your move at the peak of your attraction. Not like the next day when you've had time to mull it over and psyche yourself out.

Also, even in the event that he's super popular and he flirts with everyone and he's a lot cooler than you, (and that might not actually be true, right, that could all just be in your head) even if that's true, you shouldn't write off your feelings as if they're not real, just because.

You like him. Ok. Then dial it in. How lame was your story that it went out with a whimper? Good story by the way. I thought it was long, but I really liked how you built out the details and the events in question. It wasn't too long, it provided plenty of context.

Anyway, I think the reason you told this whole story, is because deep down part of you suspects that you missed your moment, that things were going right until they didn't. And I say to you, just because something goes wrong, doesn't mean you should retcon everything to say that it was always wrong, right from the beginning. I think you should get to the bottom of it.

I think you owe it to yourself to really ask him out on a date date. To really put it out on the line. It's possible that he got cold feet just because you know, he's this phony baloney salesman and he kinda doesn't believe that his phony baloney sales persona should extend past the point of fraternizing with smitten girls outside of work. You know? Like it all feels fake to him. Or maybe he just got some bad news right before you arrived.

And no, that's probably not likely. Right? But I think you owe it to yourself. It would have been the easiest thing in the world, when he said "nah" to just open up a little and be honest about how you like him. "That's really disappointing." Even something subtle like that can make you feel like at least you said something honest. But you saying "No worries", and then running home and crying? Tsk tsk.

[myTake Owner]

I really liked your opinion! You are absolutely right, especally about the part where I chickened out.

Well anyway, I did go there again and we talked about it (because he continued flirting with me), and it turned out he had a girlfriend already. That he lives with. He called it a friendly flirting with me but didn't realize I was into him actually. Nevertheless, we're friends and I keep going there and I'm over him in that way.

But yeah rejection hurts. But it could've been avoided if he at least mentioned her, you know? He said it wasn't on purpose but I don't know. Not that we talked often but in my opinion that time I asked him about his plans he could've simple said "I'm just gonna watch a movie with my girlfriend". Do you agree?

[BoopBoopBeep]

Aw, you get honorary induction into the man club. That's pretty much what we go through constantly when we're not sure if someone is interested.

[alderoth]

Man, he is a walking red flag lmao! Seriously though, he seems like a bad choice. It appears that he likes it when women fawn over him and are ALWAYS where he is, meeting up, hanging out, at the exact same time, all the time. Also, and I speak from experience, because I used to get jealous at the same stupid shit. Just because you were late to meet him, to get a J, he instantly thought you were out with someone else. I used to be that way and all the classic signs are there when it comes to this story and his reactions.

Now, listen to this part very, very, carefully. Please, I am begging you, do NOT date him because you think that if you two are together that it will ease this side of him, and it'll all be better. It won't, I'm extremely sorry, I wish things would change like that, but it won't. I had to learn the hard way, by doing it myself, but if he doesn't change on his own, he will never change with ANYONE, FOR anyone. That sounds messed up and bleak, but I'm telling you from experience. Once I learned that people I loved had their OWN lives, and their OWN friends, I felt like such a dick. It was usually too late by then, but I did learn while I was single. During the relationships I was just so wrapped up in jealousies warm blanket, I couldn't learn until everybody was gone.

So, he might be a good guy for you later on. He might change those weird jealousy ticks he seems to be having, but until then, Keep it marked in your little black book that he is either damaged goods, or he is too controlling. He's not worth your time, and you seem like a really awesome person. Don't get caught up in all of that. I hope you find someone that makes your eyes sparkle, and is as smooth as the best J you ever had. Take care!!

[Bill33]

So, when a man turns a woman down, he's a "red flag", but when a female does it, it's "her choice"?

[zeitgeist057]

@Bill33 obviously a bad read.. the update from another opinion she responded to said he had a girlfriend and just wasn't interested in her at all. Nothing to do with jealousy. More likely the budtender was irritated at her being late because he wanted to close up shop and go home.

[zeitgeist057]

"When I got there they were about to close"... "When he saw me he just said "You're late""...

[yucychan]

I'm sorry to hear that. You might find it patronizing of me to say this but I feel you did good. You made the first move. He turned your invitation down, no big deal, it's his loss, anyway.
I have been rejected by a guy previously as well, so I kinda understand how it feels, it sucks. You feel like you just want to dig a hole into the nether regions of earth and hide there forever. But the truth is, at least you now know, he not that into you.

I don't feel you should stop going to that bar entirely. I mean, the intention of going there in the first place is to relax, meet new people and enjoy yourself. So why deprive yourself of that?

To be honest, I think many women before you, have tried to ask him out, not just you. I believed he knew you liked him but it's just unfortunate he doesn't feel the same way. So, there's no need to think that badly of yourself.

[Seinna]

It happens, don't worry. You didn't do anything wrong to feel embarrassed about... of course it's normal that you do but don't beat yourself up. Move on, go to singles nights etc to places where people are genuinely interrested in finding a partner. I know it sucks now but every such experience will make you a stronger person... and if nothing else, at least you'll stop smoking weed every week because that can't be healthy and most people won't like it in a serious relationship. Not hating on the weed itself, everything is for people but at your age you should prioritise other things than being stoned all the time.

[OlderAndWiser]

He may genuinely lke you but MAYBE he is living with a girlfriend. Or maybe he just broke up with a girlfriend. Or maybe he is homosexual. His response doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you.

[Guy13]

This was incredible interesting and it is ashamed it did not come together as hoped for.

[Summeroflove]

Sometimes, you think someone is really into you but they in reality are just nice people. Sometimes we also make something a self fulfilling prophesy. But... What else can you do? You made a move on him and got rejected. At least you have closure now. At least you aren't sitting around waiting on a guy to make a move who never will. At least you aren't putting it off and putting it off and then he gets a new girlfriend or something.

Who knows maybe he was just having a bad night. But I say just for now cut your losses and move on. You will find someone else. Don't let it kill your confidence and when you like someone just ask them out.

I think that what happens sometimes is someone keeps flirting and someone really isn't into you romantically but are nice people and maybe are friendly and like you as a person. Then someone pushes too far with it and ends up pushing them away.

I think sometimes when someone is like "this person won't catch my hints"... Could simply mean that someone really isn't that into someone and either they are not paying attention or intentionally not flirting back.

As others said. You were not cringe. You did what you could. It sucks I understand your feelings but

[Texaskid1]

What you described from his part was good customer service. From his part he saw that you were into the weed so he kept selling it to you... like a good salesman should.

But you made a mistake into thinking that the guy was into you... when he was into your money ( but it is a business and that is what they do.)

I recall the very first time I went to a Hooter's bar. The waitress was flirting with me and was all up into my personal space... not... LOL... actually that is how they are trained to interact with the male customers to get more money. But I realized this within the first 20 minutes or so.

One lesson to learn: when people are on the job they will may be super friendly but this may be part of the job... they are getting paid to be there. Always keep in mind if they are on the clock they are paid and trained to act a certain way.

This guy you crushed on was a good employee doing his thing and from his viewpoint you are a paying customer.

Move on and find other men that are not on the clock.

[Adaeva]

If they are not interested in a girl, almost all men will nice. If they are not interested in a guy almost all women are rude. If you were not interested, you wouldn't have given him the time of the day and if he persisted more than once, you would be rude. However, don't expect men be like you because they are not. Watch this video:

https://www.youtube.com/embed/DmP1ier3R30

The rule you should go by is, "If you think you are doing well, he is not interested in a relationship." However, he may be up for a one night stand.

If a guy thinks he doing well, you know it because you can sense it. I sure that happens frequently but seldom are they guys you would interested in.

[zeitgeist057]

Dang that's so harsh how mean and entitled those women are, they don't even treat the guy like a human being. I hope I never date a woman who treats people like that, I feel like they are fake and act nice, but only with someone they want to get things out of, or that have some status they want to glom on to.

[Adaeva]

@zeitgeist057 What you fail to understand is girls can't afford to be nice because they are approached so often, it would take up too much of their time. Guys might be rude too, if they were approached a dozen times every day. However, since it almost never happens, they can afford to be nice.

[zeitgeist057]

@adaeva I don't fail to understand at all. What you fail to understand is that a person can be approached a LOT more than your average woman does, and STILL be a nice person. Take Tom Hanks for example. Everywhere he goes, he is approached by men AND women, all wanting a little piece of his time and attention, just to say how much they appreciate him. What does he do, how does he act? Does he say "I can't afford to be nice."? Nope, he is kind and smiles and understanding. He is approached more than any non-famous woman, yet still manages to be a decent person.

Having guys come up to you because they think you're attractive and want to give you positive energy isn't a hassle or something to be shitty about unless you've got personal issues. Which a lot of people do, so that explains why some women are so mean about it when they don't have to be. But don't fool yourself into thinking "oh, being an asshole to strangers is the only way, because I'm so attractive they just keep coming.". Thinking like that means you're not acting like an asshole, you ARE an asshole.

[CatVader]

I don't think this is true.
most women, if they are not interested, you will just be invisible.
in fact most guys are in that position of being just invisible to most women..
younger women may be more rude to inviso guys. but not always.
after a decade though.. those entitled women will have to face the wall and it's a whole different game.
meanwhile women tend to fight over the few chad tyrones out there.

[Adaeva]

@zeitgeist057 Not that I'm totally convinced but you make an outstanding argument.

[CatVader]

my experience is.. Women have near zero game.
look at it from his view, ok, maybe he has sensed your interest but.. most guys won't.

you could have landed at that one final moment where you asked to hang out with bad timing, He could have had a long shift and be tired and just wanting to get home. He might not be in the place at that moment for anything else right there..
if you just follow each other on social media, it doesn't really mean a whole lot. have you tried contacting him there?

try to be very direct, but without giving too much gold.
Maybe ask if he would be up for serious dating.

of cause he could simply be not interested and just be professionally friendly. but only really one way to find out.
right now it may seem awkward for either of you... so.. bad place to let it hang I think.

[Kiss_Me]

Back in the day when I worked retail, I would enjoy having fun with all my female customers by flirting up a storm. Some were more responsive than others and flirted back. I never intended it to go any further than having fun at work.

He may do the same. If you misinterpreted his interest in you as a potential date... no biggie. He gave you the opportunity to practice your flirting skills and date request skills. ... and you had some fun.

Take it in stride and look on the positive side.

(by the way... "We can hang out..." is date speak for, "Come over so we can fuck." I don't know if this was your intent, but have a better plan next time.

Example: Since you were at a weed shop... "NOW I have the munchies. I'm going to get some ice cream. It would be a whole lot more fun if you joined me." )

[RingusUrDingus]

there's stuff you're leaving out. If he said "you're late" that implies there was a time that you didn't meet. Id wager you were very late, to the point he was ready to go home by the time you showed up as evident by the bar closing. All while not telling him you're out with friends and will be busy until much later, but giving him the impression you'll be there sooner. You said you told him about your dinner, but didn't say you apologized.

Short version, you were thinking about yourself and not him. And wasted his time and lacked the self awareness to realize it in front of him, but thought you can make it up with inviting him back for one on one time.

he's the one who dodged a bullet, it seems. You treated him like an object whod be waiting at all hours for you hand and fist.

[Aerissa_Jade]

Keep trying, its all good and don't worry about it. He may have been clueless or busy or whatever and it might hit him later or had plans already.

I never let that stuff bother me, moved on with hesitation and never thought about it again most the time.

[DarkWinterNights]

Ah, this sounds exactly what it’s like trying to date as a guy. Are they just being nice and friendly or is there something more? Unfortunately I’ve found it’s almost always them just being nice. The last time I asked a girl out who was just doing her job was so cringe it scarred me for life. You have to be careful cause if it goes south you can never show your face at that establishment again lol.

[DarkWinterNights]

That said, having read your recap again- I don’t think you did or said anything that awkward. You probably just caught him on an off night and he was probably not prepared for it. You’re probably fine going back to that place.

[Anonymous]

Well, this is why I am an advocate for speaking plainly about things.

You didn't actually express romantic interest in him as such and you didn't ask him if he wanted to go on a date so while you can make guesses and assumptions the fact of the matter is that you can't be sure what that means.

[Anthony20108]

You know I definitely felt that I used to get rejected a lot but now I don't really worry about I just go about life with a smile and my POSITIVE MENTAL ATTITUDE xD no but in all seriousness you did all you could it's definitely a bummer but hey that just means there is someone waaay better out there for you so hey my advice to try to keep on a smile and look forward! 😊 besides he sounds like a bit of a jerk anyone and I mean no offense if I ever come off as offense I sincerely apologize also if my spelling is off it's late and I'm tired 😴 soo goodnight all OH and best of luck!

[Daydreamer1983]

Sorry you had to go through that. My main takeaway was that he was very rude in how he handled the situation. 'Naaah'? That's so uncool to say that to you. He could have been better with you. You deserve way better so you should feel glad you found out now that this is how he treats women. In my view you have nothing to be embarrassed about but he has everything to be embarrassed about.

[Man-O-Metal]

I definitely think this guy was into you. You just caught him at a really bad time. He also might have been in denial of his feeling for you because he wasn’t sure if was ready for that. I hear that a lot when this situation occurs.

[chicosuave]

welcome to the world of men. We get rejected harshly and even worse. It would be wonderful to have a pretty girl visit me at work and show interest in dating me. that sounds like a dream come true. some guys are lucky as hell. like they say a certain number of guys get all the women while some of us get nothing at all. but its ok at least you tried. dont back down from approaching guys. keep going.

[Louis-1]

if it was late and you asked if he wants to hang out after, well, maybe he was just tired and maybe he had one of those " years later: fuck she was into me" moments, but maybe, maybe he just wasn't really into you, just wouldn't take one tired naah as proof that he can't possibly be into you at all

[tonamimargaux]

I really think he was tired also he did expect you to be there sooner but you weren't so that might be one reason but even then that 'naaah' response isn't justified whatsoever maybe the reason. he was straight up being rude. Don't go after him anymore that's it, if he actually has something for you he will show up. good luck.

PS : I enjoyed reading the guys opinions here.

[MannMitAntworten]

Bartenders, men and women alike are constantly hit on by their many hopefuls. If they want to be friends or go out with you, they will tell you or at the very least give you their number. Otherwise they are just being friendly/charismatic at work since that drives the tips their way. Let them ask you what you are doing later next time. Trust me, if they like you on some level beyond your patronage, they will ask or suggest linking up at some point.

[DermalPunch]

He absolutely was giving her a lot of signals. She did not start with him. He likes her but isn't interested.

[NoUsernameSelected]

Congrats to your courage. Seeing women actually do the approach is nice. Sad that it didn't work out for you, maybe an age difference thing? Well I hope you can find someone and keep looking.
But as a guy, I have to tell you, you should get someone you want to live with pretty much now. It will get very difficult for you from now on, something that you might not be used to.

[stonecoldmike]

Well my opinion be the guy kudos to you because you put yourself out there you took a chance so I say don't be embarrassed today's age women's live and equal rights and everything else why not nothing wrong with a woman asking a guy out. Maybe he was just tired had a busy night try again remember it's three strikes and you're out not one try again cuz you one night at your table and just slipping my note or something asking him to hang out.

[zeitgeist057]

That's what I thought. It's possible he's not interested at all, but it's also possible he had a hard day. Who knows, maybe he got some bad news or something, and really just didn't want to hang out because he has something else on his mind. You never know.