Why does he not feel a boyfriend-girlfriend connection?

[sadface123]

I've been seeing someone for a while now, he says he likes me, a lot, and goes into detail about what he likes about me specifically (which was A LOT). But he says he doesn't feel a boyfriend-girlfriend connection with me.

I know he's not just using me for sex because I've asked him if he wanted to while we were in the moment (a couple of times actually) and he said not yet.

We cuddle and talk for hours and text each other all day when we don't see each other. I draw him silly cute pictures and he learns songs on the guitar for me and we exchange songs/drawings every Thursday.

How is this NOT a boyfriend-girlfriend connection? Should I just give up on ever thinking he'll want an actual relationship? What can I do to make him realize I want him, and only him. To be with me in a boyfriend/girlfriend way instead of just seeing each other?

Help me please :( This situation has me so torn because I've never met anyone like him, ever and I don't want to give up.. but I think I might have to.

[Tamikaze]

This is a difference between the sexes that can be very confusing. For girls, we can size up pretty quickly whether we would want a guy for a boyfriend. Once we start cuddling and talking and just overall connecting with a guy, we really do have our hearts set on him being a boyfriend.

Guys, however, can enjoy physically connecting with a girl (not necessarily sex, but cuddling, kissing) and even having conversations and hanging out without feeling any thoughts of her as a girlfriend. Sounds like your guy likes you as a friend and enjoys the physical contact, but that is where it ends for him.

In the end you should respect his honesty though it hurts and is not what you want from him. This is not about you. There is nothing you can do to get him to see you differently. I am not saying that there isn't a small chance that he might change his mind. But it would have to come from him. And I see you say "What can I do to make him realize I want him, and only him.". He probably already gets that, but this is about him and how he feels, and your feelings are not enough to carry a relationship. He has to have his own feelings to match yours, and he says he doesn't.

I personally would not stay with him hoping something will change. I would just be straight with him and tell him that you feel more than friendship towards him so being a cuddle buddy and a friend is hurtful for you if he really cannot see more than that with you. See what he says, but be prepared to move on. Good luck.

[amber505]

You should tell him what you want from him, even if that means that he doesn't feel the same and you have to give up. My best guess on what he said about not feeling the connection between you is that he either isn't ready for a relationship at all right now, and then it's just a matter of are you prepared to wait for him? OR he really likes you, likes talking to you and there is a physical attraction between you, but you're not what he's looking for in a long term relationship.

I don't think either or those are going to get you what you want right now but if you believe it's worth fighting for, don't give up. Good luck!

[sadface123]

Thank you. The thing is I was only seeing someone (different person) for over a year and a half.. and it ended up just being a waste of my time and he hurt me pretty badly. So if I do wait for him, how long should I wait? I'm terrified to ask if he could ever picture himself being in a relationship with me because I know what he say might not be what I want to hear.

[amber505]

Telling him that you want a relationship and asking how he feels about that is going to be the hard part but at least you'll know if you're wasting your time or not. I really hope it all works out for you.

[l-hedoniste]

I think he's saying, in a (too) gentle and somewhat confused way: "We have no future." Take him at his word.