Is it a good idea to tell a girl you are done chasing her?

[Anonymous]

I'm really good friends with girl and I have liked her from the moment we met. She knows I like her, I've told her on plenty of occasions. She's never just told me no, and continues to flirt with me but it never get beyond just flirting, she won't let it, trust me I've tried.

Think it would be a good idea to tell just tell her I'm done chasing her? I want her so badly but its unbelievably frustrating to be so close to her and yet so far away. Id give anything just to kiss this girl... I feel like telling her I'm done will help me get her out of my head.

[jdcpa]

No.

I once had a girl tell me that we "weren't exclusive", and that she was dating other people. This just so happened to take place within the first two weeks of us dating, where she was moving fast, and wanted the same from me. So my best guess is that she read it from some book or magazine, with some attention grabbing headline like "how to make him choose you", "how to make him want you", "secrets to make him crazy for you", "the trick is to make him feel he has to compete with other men for your attention", etc.

Needless to say, we're all human beings, and as clever as she thought her efforts would be, she was equally ignorant to assmume she's the only clever person in this world. In fact, I actually remember "lol-ing" inside as the words came out of her mouth, then feeling bad for her, sorry for her, losing respect for her, and then just ending things.

Here's a lesson in negotiation theory:

What's more important than bargaining power, is respect. Bargaining is a very cut-throat, dirty, and selfish process. It's not the sort of thing you want to be doing with someone you plan on having a "romantic" relationship with. Respecting the other person & not tolerating any disrespect for yourself, completely bypasses any bargaining. Why? Because bargaining in-and-of itself is disrespectful. It suggests one of both parties are being either dishonest or unwilling. It's an ritual performed out of fear (of being used, getting the raw end of the deal, etc), and greed (trying to get more while giving less); not out of trust. And that's not the way you want to start off a relationship with someone you like.

Men & women approach dating very differently.

Men approach it with "respect" in mind, while women approach it with "bargaining" in mind.

If you notice, you've done away with all your bargaining power, as a way of curtiously disarming yourself so that she has nothing to be afraid of, and so she can feel safe to do the same (which a lot of women do). But instead, she's held onto her bargaining power, out of fear, to feel safe. You express all your interest in her while she expresses none in you.

(That's disrespectful towards you, and if you'd like to be consistent with your respectful approach, and not tread down the path of the desperate approach, you should simply "show" (not tell) her than you don't tolerate any disrespect for yourself, and simply slowly cut off contact with her & just keep her as a friend)

After all, I'm not entierly sure how or why you would still want or feel desire towards someone who disrespects you.

There is immature thinking (attention seeking, I want to know that guys want me, etc.) and there's mature thinking (I want a respectful relationship)

We expect the immature to one day mature..

..not for the mature to one day do the opposite

[Cashflow247]

Dude this reply is $$$ exactly what I needed

[noctum]

Nop just do the oposite.. start completly ignoring and stop the flirting ...dont even coment.. if she ask you why you chnaged your behavior just play dumb and say your still the same and start flirting with otehr girls..if you have the chance even ask her about some other girl..somethign doenst matter what and after she answers say thanks and how your glad to have a freind like her to soemtiems give you tips on girls you like...belive me girls hate to suddently become "the friend" as much as guys do... usually you want what you can get .. so might work or not.. at leats ull be flriting with otehr girls :P so will be a win win:P

[footballguy]

Haha that's very true...and I'm kind of going through the same thing right now and feel what you said is perfect

[noctum]

Oh btw where it says " usually you want what you can get" I mean usually you want what you can't get" :P

[navahohoe]

thanks lol no dude well said. people it's TRUE girls hate a dickhead and want a nice guy... now flip it!( 1st u need to be talking abit and you flirting at least) now with you being short on text, convos; and asking about other girls she close to, Will drive her crazy! on that note ( you can only do for so long till she will lose interest, trust me they do faster than you think; there wall goes up faster than Trumpz wall (in his head).

[RedPeppa]

Best is to let her know you are interested but noticed she doesn’t feel the same and you need to move on. Could result in one of 2 scenarios:

1. She likes you and can't stand the thought of loosing you. Ending the games she's playing & you live happily ever after...OR

2. She doesn't like you romantically and do nothing. Which gives you the green light to move on with your life & get someone that does deserve & appreciate you.

Ether way, you will get answers. Good luck, hope it goes your way!And keep us posted if you end up as a loving couple ?

[navahohoe]

# and I'm single lol

[justme91]

I think that's a good idea. If this girl is anything like me, she's likely to be totally oblivious to your feelings, or the fact that you're being serious. Saying something like that may help you move on, or it may be the kick she needs to realise you're being serious.

[dellfavorite]

telling her that your not going to chase her is basically asking her permission to pursue other girls. She's not biting and you shouldn't have to put yourself in such a position. Your not getting what you want from this relationship so move on to someone who is more compatible. Lots of girls these days are flirts and just want attention. Be careful, don't fall for a girl that is not worth pursuing.

[Anonymous]

Yes. Stop the chasing. Let her see what life is like without you. Most likely she will come back to you herself. :)