Why am I a loser magnet?

Question

Not to brag or anything, but I'm a pretty awesome girl. I love my family, do my taxes, and don't kick puppies. So how come the only type of guys I seem to attract are losers? My past boyfriends have been jobless bums, or drunks, or potheads, or abusive d*cks. There was one who was all four. I am none of these things, and have a tendency to "mother" people in the hopes that they will change if I love them enough. But after my last disaster of a relationship, I realized that no matter how good I am to them, they won't change unless they want to. So I vowed not to date anymore losers. But every man that has hit on me lately has fallen into at least one of the above categories. Why can't a decent dude like me? Do I send out electrical currents that attract douche bags? Or do I just need to accept my fate that some people (like me) just don't deserve a good relationship? And if I have a chance, how do I go about attracting a quality dude?

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

So you know these people are already drunks, abusive, etc BEFORE you start dating them?  Like you said, you can't change these people unless they want to change.  And why should they change?...cause they want to better themselves would be a logical answer.  But why should they change for you?, as if you started dating them that way, they really have no reason.  I am not beating up on you about this...just trying to get you see why they are not changing.  They need to get their crap together before they can really be in a healthy relationship anyway.  By you dating them as they are, you may be relaying to them that they are okay as they are, whether that is your intent or not.  I would take a deeper look at what you want in a relationship and then put your energy toward those kind of people.  You can get a decent dude if you show interest in a decent dude...smile, make eye contact, and be confident toward those type of guys you really want to be with.  You sound like a nice girl, so I hope it works out.  You won't get out of your current pattern unless you make a conscious decision to do so.

greeneyedgal1 · Accepted Answer

Damn girl, you sound like me. I don't think it's you at all. I think it might be just timing and where you are meeting them. Given your experience, I am sure you can size up the losers right away. If I were you, I would consider taking a break from the dating scene for awhile and focus on you. Have your own fun and do things you maybe never had time to do before. I have found that when we don't go looking for someone, he will conveniently find you. In addition, when this happens, he tends to be profoundly different than those you might have dated in the past.

Don't give up hope or create a self fulfilling prophecy that you are a douchebag magnet. We have all felt like you at some point in time. Don't sell yourself short. Tell yourself you deserve an awesome guy and let the universe guide you to him.

eleet211 · Accepted Answer

You partially answered your own question when you said you "have a tendancy to mother people"... and honestly a lot of girls are like that. Its just a caring nature you have to see the good in people and want to help them. Sometimes I think its a sub conscious thing too. You meet a cute guy, you know he's not perfect but because of that caring nature it really attracts you to them.

Judging by your picture I would say you could attract just about any type of guy so I wouldn't say your a doushbag magnet. Maybe its where you find them? I don't know because I don't hang out with you but next time your out look around. Is it the place the quality guy your looking for would be? The thing about guys is you never really know. Some clean up nice and hide the rest well and when you get to know them here comes the baggage. LOL

Really tho, you never find what your looking for when your looking. Just be yourself, be aware of whos around you and before you get to attached make sure you know them. Before you know it you will have all your looking for. :)

rocksongwriter · Accepted Answer

You might have to go on the offensive and find a quality dude and ask him out yourself.

If you're attracting jobless bums, drunks, potheads, and abusive d*cks, then that means you're around jobless bums, drunks, potheads, and abusive d*cks.

So if you don't want to have to "go on the offensive" ask guys out yourself, then you need to surround yourself with decent guys and hope one (or more) of them asks you out. Just go to the local university & hang around the engineering library. Then you'll meet someone who you will land a job as an engineer after graduation.

Or meet guys at church!

Or do some volunteer work and meet guys there.

Anonymous · Answer

Try to remember that the confident ones who approach you have a downside like everyone else. That downside is usually (not always)  arrogance.  Some girls like the arrogance, but I think most don't.  I'm  afraid there is at least some truth to that old adage about "jerks " getting all the girls.  They are the confident extroverts who usually make the girls laugh which is supposed to be appealing to most girls.  I am happy to say that more women/girls are taking matters into there own hands and going after the guys they like. :)   BTW Congrats on the new bf.

Littletad · Answer

Seems you're dating on a pattern. Problem with those is that the girl in question doesn't realize what she's doing. There's got to be a correlation between those past boyfriends, not just their loser tendencies. What's you figure that out, you can start looking for guys opposite. But regardless, I don't think you're a magnet. I just think you make some lousy choices in guys. But this can be fixed.

Anonymous · Answer

Just a thought.  You mentioned in some other posts that you don't exactly think highly of quiet guys.  That's OK,   lots of girls don't like us and I accept that.  But doesn't that attitude kind of narrow the field of selection.?  I know you think we're pariahs but are we as bad as the guys you're describing?