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Sometimes you marry a person who years down the track shuts you out, refuses to be intimate with you, and in some cases becomes abusive towards you. You have assets and kids. Someone else comes along who you feel connected to and you haven’t had intimacy of any kind for years (for some people it’s more tha 5 years). Your spouse doesn’t want you but doesn’t want anyone else to have you and you feel obligated to stay because you made a commitment and you have built a life together but you have all these things and yet you have never felt more lonely. When you married you made a commitment to stay together but they also made a commitment to love you and they don’t. You want to work on the marriage but despite your pleas and tears your spouse tells you to “suck it up”. What do you do?
I chose not to cheat and eventually ended the marriage. Part of me wishes I had. It was a confusing and difficult time and in those circumstances and I can easily see how good people cheat. I used to condemn people for cheating but with some life experiences behind me, I think people are driven to do things against their moral judgement.
It’s like asking this - would you ever steal? Well most of us are comfortable enough where we don’t need to. But what if you were extremely poor and your children were starving? I can’t even imagine what that would be like so do I have the right to judge someone in that situation if they steal a bit of food? I don’t think so.
Then work on your relationship. Cheating is never an option.
Just told you - he didn’t want to work on it, he told me to “suck it up” and said he didn’t care that I was unhappy.
Then end it. Still no reason to stay and cheat.
I did. But ending it takes time, has its own consequences, and after years of a shit marriage you are not yourself. And some people choose to stay because of their children - in some everything else works except for the intimacy.
Unless you’ve been there you can’t understand.
It’s all very well to pass such judgements when all you’ve ever experienced is a couple of relationships where the break up process is actually quite easy and only involves some heart ache - breaking up a marriage involves the heart ache of children, inconvenience for children, and huge financial upheaval.
❤️ that’s such an honest response. Thank you so much for being so open on here. I’m sorry you had to go through that but you are right, cheating isn’t as black and white as some people would have you believe. I always said I’d never cheat and then something changed and suddenly it was a consideration
You’re welcome. And I know what you mean - it was a consideration for me too! It’s really hard not to fall for another guy who makes you feel good about yourself when the guy you come home to treats you like crap every day because he figures the ring on your finger gives him the right to. Sorry to hear you have gone through some things that made you change your perspective. Any by the way most councillors do not immediately condemn the cheater - they will ask what made that person so unhappy that they would be driven to that. No one gets married with the intention of cheating.
I think that’s it, when you get married you think it’s going to be forever and then life happens and you realise it isn’t always so clean cut
Yes unfortunately the dream can turn into a nightmare. My husband was caring and supportive when I first met him. When I had our child (she’s so beautiful and amazing), he just turned on me. I couldn’t believe this was the same guy I married. How did I make such a bad choice? I felt pretty disillusioned because this was not the life I thought I had signed up to. He made my homelife unbearable, I’m glad he’s (mostly) out of my life. But yes while all that shit went down, I met a guy who picked me up emotionally, many times. He made me feel it’s ok to me and made me feel strong. Thank god for him because I would never have had the strength to leave without his support. I never cheated wth him but yeah it crossed my mind.
I’m so pleased you’re in a better place now!
Thanks very much - me too 😅!
Going back to your question - you have to just accept that some people are just not open minded enough to see both sides of the coin. Life is not always black and white.
No definitely not; I could not and would not cheat on him because I love him and I couldn’t live with knowing that I’ve betrayed his trust and hurt him. I am loyal to him and I only want to be with him. I’d never do anything to risk what we’ve got and would have in the future.
No. My character isn’t so flimsy. I stand firm in my beliefs, actions and words regardless of the company around me. I so wish more people would do the same but that’s what’s scary. Many people only act respectable for an audience.
I had a few opportunities here and there over the years but never did and never will due to my own principles.
Whether I thought I wouldn't get caught or not, it's simply not worth the risks, consequences or drama that will follow if eventually found out... And for what? Some sex?
I like me some sex as much as the next person, but not enough to screw up the relationship I am in now, end up divorced, paying child support, dealing with parental visits and of course betraying someone's trust when they didn't deserve it.
Also being cheated on in the past may skew my perspective a bit, but even before that, I was raised better than that. I have my own self respect and at the same time, my partner doesn't deserve such disrespect of me sleeping with someone else behind their back.
Of course if she suggested to do a threesome or group sex / swinger sort of thing & we were honest and open to one another about it... Well, I'd have to think about it.
Maybe. It happened to me once in a mall that 2 girls were approaching me and after they passed one of them got my attention (I must have been looking and checking them out). She said, indicating her friend. "She wants your body!". Whereupon her friend emphatically started gesturing at her and It was obvious she wanted her friend to STFU. I was dumbstruck as this had never happened to me before. I was sure at any moment the flirting police were going to pick us up, so I said nothing. The girl must have figured out the reason for my reticence because she came over and looked me right in the eye and said somewhat subdued "She'll never know". I was still speechless so she said it again "She'll never know." You don't know how many times I've thought about that incident. I'd only been married for 3 months.
Now I'm older and could really believe my new wife wouldn't ever have found out that I cheated. But if it ever happened again I would in a heartbeat.
That’s a pretty cool story!!
Opinion
46Opinion
no I wouldn't. Most cheaters don't get caught anyway
Definitely not! I love my partner and don't want to be with anyone else but him. Our relationship is good and I am not about to jeopardize over a fling.
If you're in a relationship, then you shouldn't cheat. Period.
Character is who you are when people aren't looking. I'm not a piece of shit, I don't cheat.
Cheating is never an option. If it is you don't respect the person you're with and need to end the relationship.
I don't know :( I realy can't say :( I hope I am strong enough to resist but I know a lot of girls who are always getting what they want and they can make guys to forget the whole world :( some dirtly looks a bit cleavage an Interesting conversation and most guys will get weak
No can't say I will I like flirting in bars cus I'm single it'll be different if I'm with someone, completely destroys the trust and faith I have in myself let alone the trust he'll have in me.
Nope, that's pretty shitty thing for someone to do regardless of the risk. You gotta have little or no dignity to even consider it. If cheating is something you would do if you knew you wouldn't get caught, what else is that person capable of?
No. Because I have standards and a trait called loyalty.
Only assholes cheat on others.
Break up or don't. But don't cheat on someone.
When you do that, you shouldn't have the right to blame others for cheating on you!
@Shoenron sometimes it’s not that easy to leave. But the point was that everyone has the view that the cheater is 100% bad and the person being cheated on is 100% innocent and my point is that this is actually often not the case. People frequently cheat because their needs are not being met by their partner. And sometimes cheating is not a planned thing. If you were denied sex for 5 years and your wife told you that she simply isn’t attracted to you any more and then one day you are out say walking the dog and you meet a attractive woman who you start talking to just on a friendly basis and eventually she tells you you are really attractive and wants to have sex with you... now you have to chose between having a chance at sex when you have been denied it for 5 years and being faithful. There are lots of people who would struggle to be faithful. I personally think it’s also wrong to stay in a relationship with someone and deny meeting their needs but still demand they remain faithful.
Cheaters are 100% bad, the person cheated on is not 100% innocent.
I've been in long distance relationship, I've been in a toxic relationship. I never cheated and never will.
Cheating is always a matter of choice. You might be unhappy with what you have, at the end of the day you made the choice to stay in that situation and cheat.
Cheating is treason, all human interactions are based on trust. If everybody find excuses to break trust, the world crumbles.
Never. Not at all. Don't get in a relationship if you want to sleep with other people
No, not unless my partner knew and was ok with me seeing them.
No. If I'm in a relationship, it's because my partner makes me happy and I love being with her. If I can't do that, then why even be in a relationship?
It’s always love and roses in the beginning. Sometimes you can get trapped in a marriage with assets and kids and a low self esteem because your spouse has gradually escalated a few complaints to a full scale daily attack where nothing you do ever pleases them or shuts them up. Before you know it, if it wasn’t for your beautiful little child at him you wouldn’t want to come home and face the toxicity that your supposed loving marriage turned into... just saying...
I believe that just thinking about another person is cheating. We all do it so I think we all cheat to a certain degree. But, I wouldn't be with another person physically without talking about it with my partner first.
Nope , i am a very emotional person and full of guilt , i dont like guilt chasing over me.
Sure, but I'm not really the type for settling down, so I'd never be in a position to cheat.
No. If I'm in a relationship then I'm loyal to my SO.
@Kandy-Kane said fingering a girl met at the bar while very drunk would be considered cheating
Lmfao 😂
Kissing IS cheating
Lol where
😘😘😘
Not a real kiss Duh
Lololololo
I have cheated, but not caught - - I told my boyfriend. We spoke about it. My relationship was worth much more than any stupid flings.
No. I still have to look at myself in the mirror from that night onwards.
Nope. That's betraying your trust from your partner and I'll never do that.
I won't cheat...
Not because I can get caught, but because it's wrong...
No, if you love your partner why would you cheat, wouldn't the Gilt kill you if you are in love with your woman 🌹
The term "cheat" is erroneous and stupid, and no one should use it. That's the real answer.
No, cheating is the worse thing you can do In a relationship.
I would and I have. It's not from a lack of getting it at home, but a lack in variety.
I feel like you're missing the point of why cheating is wrong.
No, never. It's a horrible act to do and anybody who does so should be tremendously ashamed of themselves. Cheating only brings ruin and heartbreak.
No, it's just wrong. Not to mention, the guilt that would eat away at me afterwards.
No. Never. What's the point of being in a relationship if you're going to be with other people?
Nope. Have never been one to have loads of relationships, so I wouldn't do that to someone else. Even if I wouldn't get caught, it would eat at me.
No, if I wanted to sleep with other people I wouldn't be in a monogomous relationship in the first place.
Pretty much everyone would.. And if they say "no" they're lying
I don't think I'd cheat, cause I wouldn't like it if someone did it to me
Yes I will cheat as long as its not creating problems in all the people involved knowingly or unknowingly
No, because I would know I'd failed to live up to the standards I expect, and set for myself.
That's the whole point of cheating.. is to get away with it. If people didn't think they could get away with it, they wouldn't do it
No, cuz i'd still feel bad knowing that I did something bad
girls say no but some girls can't stand this poly shit so they have a affair
If you take the cookie now, one day you’ll do the time
Never, cheating is never an option no matter the circumstance.
Fuck that. Cheaters deserve to burn in hell
No, I would just hate myself for it
Absolutely not. Cheating is never acceptable.
U should be ashamed of urself, u whore
Not in the slightest.
Never. It's disrespectful
i'm not one of those typical women
No, I know how much it hurts if they did find out.
Yes. I’ve done it like 30 times.
Never. I couldn’t do that to someone.
no i would not.
Fuck no !
No chance. I'd reconsider my relationship tho
Yes maybe
Yea I think I would, if the situation was right and I knew I’d never get caught
Nope
In a heart beat.
Women cheat all the time. The difference is our society has conditioned us to believe that women are always victims. The truth is, we often think women aren't cheating as much, or more than men, because women are better liars and cheaters than men. Its common knowledge that women are better multitaskers, and that is the reason they do not get caught in the act of cheating as often as men do. Women in general cover their tracks well, at least well enough for it to go unnoticed by men. Men in the other hand, simply do not. Dont be fooled gentleman, most women aren't innocent, they're simply embracing the stereotype in order to remain incognito.
Hell yes!
No way
No. That's scummy AF
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