What to do when a girl says she wants to take it slow?

[hazeces]

OK, so we been on three dates, no kissing, no cuddling. On the second date I told her I liked her and that I would love to be more than friends. She then says she's not looking for a relationship now, and I told her me neither, when you want a relationship your talking about commitment. She then quiet down and let me explained to her, that I just want a girlfriend and get to know each other and fallow the flow. She was like she's more of the taking it slow girl, she likes to see where things go and all that kind of stuff. Here's the problem though every time we are suppose to go out, or do go out she lets me pay, which I'm not very happy about. Why if we are not a item am I paying for you ? I'm a nice guy and all, but I don't like people taking advantage of me. We went to a restaurant she wanted to go, and I was the one who end up paying.. She wants to go out in the car with me, but she doesn't help me with gas, she wants a ride some where and doesn't even say, "well here's some money for some gas." I mean, I'm not trying to sound like some kind of cheap Boyfriend type. But why would I go all the way, for a girl who supposedly wants to take it slow. We haven't even made out or anything. I mean I'm cool with taking it slow, and all. But, when It comes to the money part it's a little to hard, because she's suppose to pay her own things if she supposedly wants to take it slow, and not be waiting on me to pay up. It's kind of pissing me off. We are going out today, and I don't know if I do want to go out with her because first off she's not going to help me with my gas money, I don't know how to tell her well you have to pay your own movie, and food... Seriously I would go all the way for a girl, who was certain of what she wanted, but when is a girl who comes up with taking it slow, and then letting me handle everything, with nothing in return like a kiss(make out) or affection, it really makes me skeptical, of being used.

[Phoenix52]

She's using you. You're a tool and she's getting free meals and rides from you.

Cancel the date. The next time she wants to go out, make HER pay.

I'm going to be honest with you - being nice gets you nowhere. Whenever I date girls, we go 'dutch', meaning she pays her own drinks and I pay mine. I've ended up with a female who said she 'didn't have any money'. So I ended up paying her tab, took her home, and told her she needs to make it up to me. The girl bought me drinks and took me home with her to bed.

There's no need to be a jerk to women when they do this. They play games because it's part of their biology to do so with the opposite sex. Just keep in the back of your head that you don't need to do anything for a girl - if I'm having a GREAT time with a chick, then I'll buy her a drink because I felt like being generous for once. Other than that, if a girl wastes my time and expects me to pay her way, she's mistaken. I'll end the interaction.

She wants to take things slow = 'I wanna use you for everything you got, and then walk away laughing my head off because you're a sucker". When you want to bang a girl, make the moves. You do get farther by touching a girl inappropriately than not touching her at all. It's up to the guy to physically escalate, but if the girl rejects, it just means 'not yet'. I don't need to tell you this, but always use a condom because women will most likely be vicious to take whatever you have if she gets pregnant.

Take the night off and read up on 'Game'. It will save you a lot of trouble buddy.

link (this guy is good)

[hazeces]

Wow that was pretty true. Except the part about sex. LOL. I'm not looking for sex from her though. Just want a girlfriend right now and see where it goes.

[kriskiss]

Yeah I totally agree with you. It's pissing you off and you feel used. Well I'd give today and maybe one more date...if she is still not kissing you after two more dates I would say adios. Just go in for the kiss and if she don't kiss you back just say it's over honey. But she said she wants to take it slow but at the same time she said she does not want a relationship.

SO if she does not want a relationship then she already told you that she does not want to be with you. So since you have your answer already, why are you even hanging out with this girl to begin with unless you are cool for being just a friend. If you want more than a friend and she does not which she seems not to...then you have your answer.

[hazeces]

Thanks for your responce. But she always contacts me when I don't. So, that's where I'm all confuse. She said she's not looking for a relationship, but that she likes to take it slow, and see where it goes. So I get kind of like confuse. But, like you said. I might give today on elast try, go in for the kiss. If she doesn't then "Adios." Like you said.

[eyesofdesire]

I know this question is kind of old and your situation is probably different now, but I had to give an opinion. I knew what you meant by "go all the way for a girl if they want to take it slow" ... you mean, you would make the effort to date her, right? That's great, if you like her enough and think she's worth it, you're be happy to go at the right pace which suits you both. It also sounds like you're both on a similar page: She wants to take it slow and you want to go with the flow and date. No pressure. I would see that as being on a similar wavelength.
If a guy asked me out on the first date, I would expect him to pay but anything beyond that, I would offer gas money and pay my share too. It's not fair. I think it's a bad sign she's not offered yet, so I fear you may be wasting your time here but I hope the outcome was different and you managed to sort things out :)

[Pure-Energy]

Misio is very right. I would also add, that after explaining this, anytime you guys start to plan a date or to go somewhere, discuss who will pay for what, or if you will split the cost right down the middle. That way she also knows to bring her own money. And if she "forgets" then there is no trip/dinner.

Sadly I've had to do this with my boyfriend. But that's because I had the job, therefore I was expected to pay. Finally we decided, who ever pays for the gas, doesn't have to pay for the meal/snacks. If it was the movies, we each paid our own way unless one of us offered to pay for both of us.

[hazeces]

Sounds like a real good idea. It tells a lot about a women when she's willing to help out her mate out. Means he can sure count on you, and you are considerate. :)

[Pure-Energy]

Thanks. I just wish he saw it as you do. :) I hope you figure out what's up with her and that it goes well. <3 You seem like a very decent guy.

[hazeces]

Well I took her to the movies, paid 36 bucks since these 3d movies are expensive, and also for dinner. She also said she likes it when a guy waste a lot of money on her so she feels interested in the guy. That right there was the big turn off for me, she also said that she's independent, but when a guy likes her he should go all the way out for her, and be able to spend money. I'm going to pass on her, and just wait and see what comes along it's way.

[Pure-Energy]

ouch. I'm sorry. She's looking more for a sugar daddy than a boyfriend is sounds like. You probably did the right thing choosing to pass. At least for your wallets sake. lol. I hope next time around with a girl works for you. :)

[Seraphine]

She's using you to buy her the expensive meals, take her out to nice places, and get her what she wants without having to pay a single penny. But in all honesty I don't think she's really interested in you. You should make yourself less available to her. If she makes plans, bail on her and tell her that you're busy. Show her that you're losing interest and see how she reacts. I hate to advise people to play games, but that's how you'll know if she has genuine feelings for you or not.

[hazeces]

you were right, I can't believe sometime I fall for these girls. :(

[davyjones]

if she wanna be friends then that's cool. find someone else and lets be friends her, and she pays her way unless its your idea to link up. you should be investing in yourself and going out. she can tag along or if you want to mates date her then fair enough, you can pay. simples. don't push her in any way. you are better off creating distance and making yourself look good. she must come to you. to be honest tho, its not about her, its about you investing in yourself and even pimping her as social proof.

[hazeces]

What do you mean by, "pimpin her as social proof.'

Sorry, I didn't get that part.

[davyjones]

use her to make yourself look good. ie if she is hot go out with her and girls will see you with a hot girl and put you in the bracket of guy who dates hot girls. f*** it. tooling people is easy. two can play at that game. its on her if she wants to play friends. don't be a\ d*** in a jar with break in case of emergency written on it. as for the ''friends'' side of things. that's all good. be genuine and be a friend. then she will see what she is missing rather than her have you cheap man slave.

[misio]

nah nah she doesn't see anything wrong with it cause she is on a date with you..on dates the guys always pays in her eyes..and well you need to let her know that you would like her to pay her share since you guys aren't an item...you get me? tell her exactly what said here..but nicer :) believe she's not using you :) everyone thinks differently :)

[hazeces]

Thanks a lot... I really appreciate it. I will fallow your advice.

[misio]

great :) hope everything goes well. :) let me know how it goes :)

[Soon103]

I have two daughters and I hope you’re that last cheap guy out there. I bought the dinner now I want sex in return...wow. I have no intention of making any effort to pursue you, but if you want to ride in this car sweetie you need put out. I bet in my days I could take any woman you thought was yours. I mean I know time has change but gosh what a mess of an attitude. How many guys have rode in your car and needed to give you booty afterward? I bet all females you see them as low class, nothing but a piece of azz to you and nothing more.

If you want her to be your girl than try romancing her...we use to chase the girls we like. I see now it azz for a meal!

[hazeces]

First of all dude, maybe that's why your wife takes such advantage of you, because you buy her everything she wants. Second you dumb ass read what I wrote clearly, and also read all the comments you mr. are a f***ing troll.. Before you decide to write non sense without reading and anylizing the situation you better f***ing think. Stupid dumbass, your telling me you want a men for your daughter who buys her out and show her no love, wow some future you want for your daughter.

[hazeces]

When the f*** did I mention I want to sleep with her, and when the f*** did I say I wasn't being romantic. If your such a big spender buying women's heart, why don't you lend me money so I can be like you and brag about how I meet women and give them all they ever wanted, and then make babies with them, if that's your case.. f***ing dumbasses get on here and answer questions without knowing well what the f*** is going on. I swear is f***ing people like you that make me so f***ing mad.

[hazeces]

you telling me when you and your wife where boyfriend & girlfriend she never helped you out ? wow some wife you got, I guess not all women are considerate and nice enough. by the way I'm glad you can take most of the womens I had because they all been bitches, and gold diggers, I'm sure you like the since your a big women spender who pays for everything.

[Soon103]

This girl dodge a bullet here, the sad case is that another one will be stuck with you. I can see the tears as so many wasted years she would have been stuck with something like you. I love this girl you wanted...hahaa, she knows how to spot a loser.

[hazeces]

No dude your wife knows how to spot a loser. LOL

I bet you probably do everything for her, buy her everything. You love her so much and show her so much attention, that you probably know she sleeps with another men, and you say it's OK. She does what she wants with you, yet you think your cool. LMAO. What a sour loser. Your wife probably takes so much advantage of you that you sit home on here, asking questions and answering them taking it out on other, because you think everyone is like you.

[DishLady]

It seems that neither of you is specifically sure of what "take it slow" means in your particular scenario. Sit down with her and hash this stuff out directly. It's the only way to hash out who should pay, who should initiate, how far she wants to go (physically) and whatever else you need to sort out.

A relationship is a two-way street. She needs to make sure she's doing her share. If you've attached yourself to a Princess, don't expect too much in the way of a helping hand, though.

[Anonymous]

I spent over $300 on this one girl who "wanted to take it slow" and then after a while she didn't want anything to do with me. Now I have $300 less than I had before...

[hazeces]

wow, that is so f***ed up (excuse the language)

See that really pisses me off. That's the exact thing I'm scared off, being used. Women know what they do, and they act like they don't know what's going on. :(

Hey, well don't worry about, just say to yourself at least you weren't boyfriend & girlfriend, because it would have cost you a whole lot more being with her, than losing 300 bucks.

[Opinion Owner]

Yup I was used and I hate that bitch now.

[sunnyday45]

You sound either angry or unhappy. Maybe you should find another girl so you'll be happy instead of focusing on making this girl happy.

[human_condition]

So in other words, you think that she owes you sex because you're stupid enough to keep paying?

My answer: So stop paying... and stop expecting something from girls just because you handled the bill.

I do agree it's unfair of her to expect you to pay though. It should be 50/50.

[hazeces]

first off read again. If your smart enough you will realize I was not talking about sex.. Second what I'm stating is that she's not certain of what she wants with me... I guess ignorant people, with the mentallity of every guy wants sex is always in the way. READ, ANILYZE! Before you go on talking non-sense.

[human_condition]

Ok, I re-read and 'anilyzed' your question.

"Seriously I would go all the way for a girl, who was certain of what she wanted, but when is a girl who comes up with taking it slow, and then letting me handle everything, with nothing in return like a kiss(make out) or affection, it really makes me skeptical, of being used."

That is what made me post my original answer. You want physical re-payments because you think that you're owed.

[hazeces]

I still don't see where I said sex, second is not about being owed. See you need to think a little more out the box, I'm talking about interest. Show some interest. When you go out with a guy who likes you do you let him pay everything for you, and treat him like a friend and that's it. Or do you say hey listen thanks for the movie but you shouldn't be paying things for me because I don't like you in that sort of way, or do you use him to get what you want, and show no interes in him.

[human_condition]

Maybe she does like you but is shy? But yeh there is a chance she's using you. Next time suggest that you go 50/50 on the bill and see how she reacts... if it's not a big deal then she's a keeper, if she makes a fuss don't bother with her :)

[hazeces]

Thanks... Will do.

[simplythebest]

lol this cracked me up lol

[hazeces]

Glad it did. :D

[simplythebest]

im sorry I didn't mean to sound heartless but stop paying for her...instead try to figure out her intentions by getting to know her on a firnd level and stop going to places were money is needed go to the park instead or sumfing like that .