Don't know what to do with teacher's affection?

[Anonymous]

So I worry a little that my teacher's affection towards me might be getting out of control. On one hand, he's nice, stable and all that, but on the other, he also shows manly behaviour which I'm not sure he should be doing. Of course I'm not a child anymore and I have long accepted that men of all ages can find me attractive, but this particular dynamic still bugs me. I don't know if it's creepy or not to realize that your teacher finds you attractive.

It would be one thing if I didn't notice, but I do, and I even think that he makes it kind of noticeable. He stares at me, comes close to me, subtly tells me I look good. He does it in a non-creepy way and he is, as I said, a nice guy, but he's also a bit specific as a person and he makes it all pretty... intense somehow. Nevertheless, sometimes I'm actually worried. He seems to want me to rely on him and all that and in combination with all his staring, trying to befriend me, staying in contact and clearly having stalked my social media site, I find myself not knowing whether to trust him or not. It would be nice to have ab authority figure to look up to, but he makes it hard when he introduces romantic elements.

I do notice that he always has to have my attention on him, I feel like he always wants to look good in front of me. Both physically and as a person.
The attention makes me a bit insecure, actually. I've never been one to flaunt my assets but now at 25, I've been thinking that I better wear what I want while I'm still effortlessly beautiful!!! So I do wear some skirts sometimes, nothing skimpy though, and especially not on purpose when he's around. But sometimes he sees me by accident and I feel like he stares intensely and it makes me self conscious and I start wondering if I should just wear a garbage can altogether for the rest of my life because this is so stupid. I'm told I'm naturally alluring and even though I don't try to seduce anyone, I feel bad about it. This is stupid.

[Anonymous]

Im sorry but Im going to have to call bullshit on the idea that he is a nice guy.

I realise that you can't help who you are attracted to but it doesn't seem to me that he is making any effort at all to moderate any feelings or urges he may have, it seems to be quite the opposite and that is completely unacceptable and inheriently creepy.

If he wanted to say something to you about how he has been feeling at the end of the last day you were going to see each other, fine, do that, but this shit? Sooo not ok.

[Asker]

Yes. I have two major options, the way I see it right now: tell him politely that I just don't do things like that, no matter how attractive the other person might be, or, pretend like I don't understand anything and happen to get a boyfriend or turn gay or whatever, basically something which makes me off-limits to him.

[Opinion Owner]

No, you can tell his boss what he is doing and complain that he is making you uncomfortable.

You dont have to do shit, his behaviour is totally unprofessional, its not even ok as a man never mind a fucking teacher.

[Asker]

Why is it not ok as a man... ?

[Opinion Owner]

Because if he is interested he should be direct, not stalking you on social media.

[Asker]

Oh that's what you mean. Yeah well, true.

[Thatsamazing]

This really isn't complicated-- do you like it or not. If you do, then what's the problem. If you don't, then talk to him about it after class some time and ask him to change what he's doing, even though that may be nervewracking, because there's always a chance that you're seeing things that aren't actually there. As in he may not be intending any of this.

[Anonymous]

Report him to the school's administration. He should know better than to treat one of his students in this manner; and if doesn't he shouldn't be a teacher.

[Asker]

This is going to be difficult, it's at a new school and I already feel bad for not knowing what to do about this. And I'm still insecure about whether this actually is something to worry about. I could just invent a boyfriend and that's it.

[Opinion Owner]

If he doesn't care about the power dynamic over one of his students I doubt that he would care if you have a boyfriend or not. Also don't feel bad for reporting bad behavior. If you let his behavior go unreported it will only embolden him to do the same thing with other students. If you are uncertain of how to report it to the administration just tell them what you have told us. They should know how to classify your complaint so that the appropriate action is taken to reprimand his behavior. You should be free to learn without being hit on by your professor. As you are paying for your education; so you are the customer.

[OlderAndWiser]

You are not interested in him romantically? Do you want him to stop taking any interest in you?

[Asker]

Well as long as he's my teacher, I don't want him to show romantic interest. Sure he's interesting and attractive, that can be helpful but also make the whole thing murky. I don't like that. I want everything to be clear. And he's not supposed to confuse me.

[Asker]

What I mean by that is even though he seems attractive to me at times, that's nothing I can't get over. That doesn't cloud my judgement normally, but when there are signs I notice, it bugs me too much, it's not good.

[OlderAndWiser]

You could approach him and say, "I find you very interesting, but I never date my teachers, so let's put everything on hold until I'm finished with your class.". That does not promiscuous anything later but yes him to slow down for the present.

[Anonymous]

When he dies or says something that makes you feel uncomfortable you need to tell him

[Opinion Owner]

*When he does

[Smirnoff23]

You should report him no one has the right to make you feel uncomfortable

[Anonymous]

No means no.