Have you ever been too intimidated by someone's looks to approach/talk to them?

[beebella]

Is this really a thing?

Nowadays, I assume most guys don't approach me because of how young I look (although, I'm sure there are other reasons), but when I was a teenager I always thought certain boys who might've had a crush on me just didn't talk to me because they were too shy. I was shy as well, so nothing ever happened with these boys. I mean, I distinctly remember one time when I was at school and I was sitting with the math tutor (I was the only one at the table) and this boy, who I also had a crush on at the time, was sitting all the way on the other side of the room. I would periodically catch him staring in my direction, so I thought at some point he was going to come over and sit with us.
NOPE. An hour passes by and just as I'm getting up to leave, I see him finally getting up and going over to sit with the tutor. 🙄
This kid had an ENTIRE HOUR to come over and talk to me and he completely let the opportunity pass him by. 🤦‍♀️

So, what do you think? Are some people really THAT attractive that they intimidate others or is this just something that some shy people say?

Some people are just that devastatingly gorgeous

That's an excuse that some shy people use

Poll options A and B

Another opinion

Results

[abc3643]

Yes. In fact, it's a problem beautiful girls have. I call it Beautiful Girl Syndrome Type 2.
==========


If you Google "Beautiful Girl Syndrome", that's basically saying that beautiful girls can be bitchier and high maintenance because guys are willing to put up with more because she is so beautiful. Guys won't put up with so much shit and work if the girl isn't so attractive.

"Beautiful Girl Syndrome Type 2" is a phrase I coined, but it's a real thing I discovered not quite 40 years ago. This will take some time to explain...

All guys need to feel that they can "win". They view things as something like a competition in which there is some goal that they want to achieve. If a guy wants something and he believes that there is SOME possibility that he may get it, he will get emotionally involved. If he begins to believe that he won't get that, then he begins to withdraw and get emotionally detached. However, sometimes a guy doesn't even think he has a chance, so he doesn't bother...

And this is where "Beautiful Girl Syndrome Type 2" comes in. If a girl is really beautiful, a regular guy thinks:
1. There are a zillion other guys who want her.
2. She almost certainly already has a boyfriend.
3. There is no way she'd be attracted to me; I am not anything special.
4. If she did date me, she'd dump me for some better-looking guy who will hit on her and there definitely will be such a guy.
5. She's going to be bitchy and high maintenance. (In other words, he's thinking she suffers from normal Beautiful Girl Syndrome.)

So, he basically thinks that
1) he doesn't have a chance to get her,
2) if he did, she's going to be a lot of work, and then
3) he'll lose her.

Because oceans of guys think like this - the only exception being the hunky guys - the beautiful girl either can't find a guy or goes with dickhead hunky guys (who suffer from Beautiful Guy Syndrome). Of course, the regular guys see the beauties with the hunky guys and that just reinforces their belief that they don't have a chance...

Oh, and one more thing: Since the beautiful girls can get guys, they are getting laid... So, any new boyfriend has to "compete" against all of her past lovers and many guys don't think they are going to "measure up" (if you know what I mean) compared to those past hunky guys.

So, a beautiful girl needs to be proactive and hit on men instead of waiting for them to hit on her. A beautiful girl being proactive removes doubts males have regarding Beautiful Girl Syndrome Type 2.

Just to reiterate, this is Beautiful Girl Syndrome Type 2 in a nutshell:

If a girl is attractive enough, many guys will not approach her simply because:

1. He thinks he doesn't have a shot because:
A. He thinks she's already taken. After all, a girl that attractive is going to have lots of guys hitting on her.
B. Even if she was available, like with all women, no guy wants to get shot down. With a beautiful girl, guys expect that they will get shot down.

2. If he did get her, she'd be a lot of work to keep her.

3. ... and then she'll eventually leave him for a better-looking / richer guy anyway.

[DarkWinterNights]

This is a pretty good summary and lines up perfectly with everything I’ve experienced and seen. I’ve never seriously considered asking out a gorgeous woman.

It also lines up pretty well with the male dating rule of 6-8’s are marriage material, 9’s and 10’s are not.

[dolemite89]

maybe he just didn’t have the guts to flirt with u, probably from fear of rejection 🤷‍♂️ as a teenage boy it can be mortifying being shot down in front of other people when ur asking a girl out 😳

[hannahjo022]

Had guys from high school who will randomly send me dm's after high school or 10 years later saying they had a crush on me in high school and was too nervous to talk to me. I was the same way with some of the guys I found cute in high school and thought I would never have a chance with them because they are too good looking and have higher standards plus they were jerks and still are. I still feel the same way towards attractive guys since attractive guys have high standards when it comes to dating and they can be jerks too.

[aWes0MeNeSs]

I think it someone finds a person attractive, it can be intimidating for them to approach them, especially if they are inexperienced or have insecurities that make them very afraid of rejection. I find that this is especially true with high schoolers, as they tend to be both inexperienced and insecure.

No one really likes rejection, so I think most people are at least mildly intimidated by the thought of approaching someone they find attractive.

[Knighted2170]

Yep, it is a thing.

After high school, I was a photographer for a major modeling company. Long story short, I worked for a minor company when I was in high school and got hired onto a major when I graduated.

Anyway, I was surrounded by beautiful women who, at the time, I could only dream about talking to. Other than giving directions to get the photo I needed for the project I would clam up and not say a word. In high school, I used my camera as a crutch in order to talk to girls. Most of the time it worked. As a professional photographer, the situation changed. I couldn't use my camera as a reason to start a conversation.

My main reason was I didn't know what to say or how to say anything without it sounding stupid. Then getting humiliated for saying something at all. So the safe route was to stay quiet and hope she starts the conversation on something other than a professional level. At least that is the scenario that went through my head. I always played things out in my head first. The scenarios never ended well, so I just didn't do anything.

If I did do something it was always really awkward. Such as saying something or doing something in hopes the model would ask me a question about it. Yes, there were some really weird, and embarrassing moments on set. But, I was (am) a very good photographer and other than those moments, very professional. I never had a complaint.

If they talked to me first I was fine. I could ramble about anything. The problem was my confidence level was not there. I was worried they would reject me for the smallest thing. To be rejected by a girl was bad. To be rejected by a gorgeous girl is devastating. Being rejected by a gorgeous girl in front of others is biblical armageddon for a guy with low confidence.

I learned to talk to women through a separate group of guys I met in Los Angeles. Then I started to talk to all these models I was photographing. I learned it wasn't hard and they were just people like I was. After a while, they gave me a lot of insight into what women really want from a man. They also taught me a lot on how to improve myself to appeal to women and ask them out without being creepy. I ended up going out with a few of them. Some took me out to bars and clubs then coached me on how to meet, talk to, and ask women out on the blind.

But, to answer your question, yes it is a thing. Some guys, like I was, are just too shy and overall scared to talk to very beautiful women. For a multitude of different reasons. Others will use every excuse in the book (real or not) to avoid talking to beautiful women. I went through that phase as well.

[TommyMountainFigure]

I think you might have hit the nail on the head in your very detailed answer. Knowing what or what not to say, and then saying it without overthinking it is the key. That has probably been why it was always so natural for me. I don't fear the consequences of being shot down.

[NathanDavis]

Yes... I would feel intimidated to talk with any woman, especially the ones I had a crush on, so I never really approached them, but I was a young teen, 14 years old and younger I was very very shy... so me, going over and talk to a girl was just not possible, not to chat or flirt with her.

I only could do it when I absolutely had to do it and because of studies/school reasons and even then I would feel hot and cold and like I would faint at any point, lmao.

But I was a kid, around the age of 15, and when I turned 16 years old... it has been way different, I grew up a lot emotionally and mentally, and since then I am not shy anymore
and more importantly... I know that whatever happens after talking with an attractive girl is not a big deal really.

So nowadays, I do not feel any kind of reserve or intimidation when talking to any person, attractive or not, it all feels the same to me. The more interested I am in someone or attracted to someone the better for me because I feel more into it and so it gets easier for me, but that's just me... my own experience and of course I can only speak for just myself. So, I've had it both ways.

[TheorionMage]

I'm about to give a shameless 'plug' here. In the 1970's there was a Herlocker family in Bellefonte PA the cousins of a friend of mine, Louis Tanny.

They had two teen daughters who were naturally stunningly beautiful and on the rare occasion they felt the need for Glamoury, they were literally jaw-dropping STUNNING! Amazingly, their parents had raised these girls (Tanny and Terrin) to be exceptionally kind and humble.

Terrin worked for a time, as a cashier at the local SEARS outlet in the Nittany Mall.
People would walk up from behind her and when she turned to assist them, even WOMEN'S jaws would drop and Terrin would humbly await them to re-compose themselves and she'd ask how she might assist them.

I had the pleasure of meeting their mother at a Tanny family picnic and I could but compliment she and her spouse that they did 'nice work'... these young women were MAGNIFICENT both in allure and character! Were they 'livestock' you'd have KILLED for their progeny! <3 <3 <3 ;)

[ohshee]

No it's be honest with you if that's what makes me want to approach them because I want to see if they're just as beautiful on the inside is the are the outside and that's usually not the case. Bella if you are not getting guys to approach you it's because of the way you project yourself you seem like you are you're hell of a good person I know that you have a beautiful heart that you have it all together I think so much that people just think that you are with somebody because you not a flirter you don't act like you're out of control or anything and you just don't put out that vibe at least I'm here is that you're free I think if you were a little bit more Reckless which I don't think that you are that way not less you get to know the person but I think if you were to show that a little bit you have guys all over your ass and now that I said all of that I don't know if any of that is true it's just something I feel it's a vibe that I get from you I think what I'm trying to say is you project that you respect everything you respect people and so that is the way people treat you to at least for me that's what I feel that's the way I see you if you were Reckless and out-of-control I probably be all over your ass😊 one of these days I think one of these days I should learn how to control my mouth but I'm just being honest

[magiusX26]

for me its nothing about intimidation its a shiness thing period. add in these days just simply asking for a phone number can, if she gets offended in any way, land a guy behind bars with a felony charge. on top of that, i have a very mild form of aspergers (unofficially diagnosed) where i miss the social cues of being flirted with/liked. i work in the resturaunt industry, had a woman i found attractive come into my store lastnite that showed enough overt signs of liking me that even i noticed it (she stayed in talking specificlly to me after getting her food, paying for it, and her ride had gone outside to the vehichle) and i was pretty sure i could have gotten her number. i did not ask simply because i do not approach in person like that, unless its a case of we have already known each other awhile such as a friends group and something develops, and the worry over my misreading those signals, as well as the now reprecussions brought on by the metoo movement (arrest that i mentioned earlier in this) . actually discussed this with my coworker/friend after she left.

[K-I-S-S]

I had a pretty shitty childhood, getting beat up daily by father, brother and/or most people from school. And all the other fun stuff that comes with it.

So that really made me feel unwanted at an ealry age. And i feel it pretty strongly to this day. So i don't approach women at all now.

Not intimidated by them or any other gender. Can approach random people when i need to for some reason. i can and have given public speeches to few hundred people at once. Have lead guys in the military and in work etc etc.

Maybe the feeling of unwanted is some form of lack of self worth. I mean, i'm great at tons of things plus fit, earn more than some politicians etc etc.
So i don't feel worthless in that sense, for attraction from opposite gender, it just feels like a "yeah right" type deal.

It does sound like shiness or a similar not good enaugh type from that guy. Dudes are also told to leave women alone and not harass. Some guys will just wait for a better moment, although it may never come.

[MCheetah]

Both A and B. In my experience, the prettiest girls tend to be the meanest. They probably get hit on so much, they've stopped being polite (assuming they ever were to begin with). Girls usually don't want ANY men approaching them unless they're super attractive; only then do they get mad for the guy not "shooting his shot."

I used to just give out my business card after so many rejections. If she's interested in me, she knows how to contact me, if she wants to (they never want to). So I feel like I did something and made an effort to reach out to her, but at the same time not getting accused of "harassment" and having the nearest street cop come over to white knight for m'lady.

[TremorJay]

Intimidation is not really what's going on behind the scenes.

It's always awkward to approach a girl on the basis of sexual drive unless you have the natural charisma or experience to pull it off. I see a girl and instinct (not to mention social pressure) tells me I should talk to her, but I don't actually have anything I want to say. My brain is just telling me she has good genetics and I should reproduce with her. Then it calls on reference experience which tells me I am likely to fail because she is "out of my league". So I do nothing

That's why there are pick-up coaches, because men have to overcome this logical path to inaction, stuff down their sexual desire and learn to enjoy casual conversation. Then, the next time they want to talk to a girl, they have a lower bar for success, and are therefore more likely to act.

[DJB72]

A combination of the two. I was a shy teen. I had a crush on a girl for most of my teens and I took too long to say anything so nothing happened 🙁

My problem with her was I believed she was out of my league. I met her at a ballet class and we were friends more than I was with the other girls. She was really pretty and frankly I'm not what you'd call good looking - at least, that's what I believed then - so I kept quiet until I was practically drowning in my own feelings. I was incredibly shy, very insecure AND she was gorgeous.

So yep. I was too scared to say anything to her for nearly 3 years because I thought she was too beautiful and because I was shy

[TadCurious]

Bella the boy you had a crush on and who was looking at you when you were at the table obviously thought you were attractive (for good reasons!). But he either thought he wasn't good looking enough or was simply shy about approaching girls in general. Now, since you had a crush on him you obviously liked the way he looked just fine. So this is an example of how sometimes we get in our own way.
But yes, I do think some people fail to approach because they don't think they're attractive enough compared to the person they have a crush on.
🙋‍♂️😊😀

[igaveyouanickname]

Everyone puts on their pants one leg at a time and has idiosyncrasies.

I must be a weirdo. Looks don't faze me for some reason. I don't go "gaga" over celebrities or attractive people. I purposefully go out of my way to talk to very attractive women like human beings because I figure everyone else is scared of or hitting on them, and maybe they would like something different. Most turn out to be sweet, normal darlings who deserve cuddles.

TLDR: Guys (and girls): stop worrying, stop thinking, stop trying too hard, and just say "hi." Turn your conscious brain off and know that you're enough.

[ReneD13]

I don't think it's intimidation necessarily as much as fear of rejection or embarrassment from getting shot down. People tend to focus on the negative outcomes and blow the impact of that outcome out of proportion.

I remember I when I was much younger I used to be terrified of approaching people in public especially a girl I found attractive because I was scared she would blow up and make a thing out of it and I would be publicly embarrassed. Then a friend of mine took me to the mall and basically made me go up to women I found attractive and say the mist ridiculous thing I could think of to start a conversation, talk with her for a minute or two, then ask for her number. I'm pretty sure I went 0 for... well everyone that day, but I learned that it wasn't the end of the world when they said no, and they were always kind with their refection. It was quite the experience and actually made me a lot more comfortable approaching people in general.

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

I have a habit of being shy around some girls and this girl looked at me and waved and of course, she was way younger than me and I waved back but went to the other side of the store cause my shyness got away with me... She was very cute /pretty I just was scared with shyness but she was like age 18-23 years old, to be honest, I was in my middle 40's back then but I notice staring can be a form of communication one time
at a doctors appointment, me and this girl took turns at staring at each other

[Friendlybro79]

When I was in HS i was incredibly shy and your example with the math Tudor is pretty much the same scenario I was in but I was the shy guy and it was chemistry lol. I was too intimidated because of everything. She was beautiful, nice, funny, sweet, and I thought I was in love. I also didn't think there was a chance in hell she liked me because I had zero confidence. Looks were part of it because i never thought someone as pretty as her would have liked me. I'm 41 and I'm still upset I never said anything lol. I found out years later she knew I liked her and was waiting for me to ask her out... Yes ugh lol. Long story short if you're that guy SAY SOMETHING lol

[JackSmy]

When I was in my 20's yeah. Now, my friends bet and challenge me to chat with the HOTTEST one, in the bar, laughing!!
Of course I go over, after having seen her sitting alone for a while, or just brushing off dickheads. I just sit next to her, and let her see men. at some point I introduce myself, or something comes up, like the bartender drops something, and I make a joke, and start talking with her.
I have ABSOLUTELY no interest in her, like sexually, or anything, but just talking to someone, and most seem to sense that, because I don't look at her chest, or use BS lines.
Most of the time, we have a GREAT conversation, for a while, as neither of us wants, or expects anything from the other!

[Anonymous]

I am very wary of approaching women who look very young. Girls between 16-24 can all look like teens or very young adults and all have about the same mentality, which is bratty and needy. This on top of the ease of making fake IDs and with how society does not accept "her ID said she was 18" as a defense makes this a very risky move for a guy. It does not help that people tell me I look like I am 21-22, which means I tend to attract younger women. Twice when I was 21 I approached a girl who I thought was my age but they were actually 16 and 17. Luckily they were honest about their ages. They thought I was their age as well lol

[Vikkrram]

For me... it's like shyness are the main reasons that people always Don't approach... and second is if u r having age gap, third can be living in a same place like same apartment,

But most cases shyness is the main reason and age gap these are the both i see.. more... often not allowing people to approach to another sex. Wether a girl or a boy

[TommyMountainFigure]

I can't really say, although I have spoken to people on here who are terrified to speak to beautiful women. I just don't get that I really don't
IF I want to speak to a woman who I think is beautiful, I will go over and tell her. She is well within her rights to tell me to buzz off, but it's rarely been the case.

[hellionthesagereborn]

I wouldn't say I've ever been intimdated by a woman's looks, I just figure if she is that good looking she is probably taken (kind of hard to believe she wouldn't be (though if enough guys think that then obviously she wouldn't be so maybe I should stop assuming that). But none that I thought where just too good looking for me (if she wants to make a terrible decision like dating me when she could find a hotter guy, who am I to stop her?).

[TwistedSukuna]

As a very shy guy, I can confirm that this does happen to me at least. I'll see a girl that interests me and when I make the decision to go talk to her I take another look and freeze up. Anxiety gets the better of me and I go back to whatever I was doing beforehand.