How to be dominant/less boring?

[loxydragon20]

So today my boyfriend told me Our sex is boring. And well, I’ve never been told this before. And I have no idea to fix this. I have tried google searches and everything. He won’t give me a single hint on what he wants because he says it takes the fun out of it if I just knew. Only hint he’s giving me is a definition of “power bottom Queen” like, I don’t know how to be dominant, nor do I know how to talk dirty. Like when he asks, “where do you want me to finish” and I always reply, I don't know where ever you want. Please, I’m literally begging someone to help me. I really just wanna be this “power bottom” or whatever. Help me, be more sexually appealing to him..

Updates

+1 y

Update: today he told me it would be more attractive if I just grabbed it and lead myself instead of waiting on him to start it.
That’s super hard on me because consent is huge to me
And his response was “don’t be a pussy”
Now, laying in bed crying because I really had to say “I’m sorry I’ve been raped and I didn’t get that choice”

He doesn’t understand.

Updates

+1 y

Alright, you guys said be aggressive? What would I say? What turns you all on the most?

[MrOracle]

So, let's start here: your boyfriend clearly consents. He may not say those exact words, but the very fact that he's asking for these things ARE his consent.

Second, it seems obvious to me that what he's looking for is to feel SEXUALLY DESIRED. You're happy to have sex with him, but it sounds like you're pretty passive about it - "whatever you want." He wants YOU to want HIM - and to want him SO BAD that you can't help but practically attack him and beg him for it. He wants to feel like you are PARTICIPATING, and not just passively accepting his advances, because when you are passive, it makes him feel unwanted and undesirable.

Now, I get why this might go against your nature, especially after being raped. But you HAVE his consent. If you need to for your own peace of mind, ask him to tell you directly that he has your ongoing consent until he directly revokes it, and tell him why it's important to you. But once you have it, you don't need to worry about that anymore.

He needs to know that you desire him. That's what he wants. How you do that doesn't matter as much as the fact that you do it in some way.

[GoldenAxer]

How about you two try dancing together? Many styles of dance. You're making it like it's a "you" thing and not an "us" thing. It's always an "us" thing in my book. You find each other's rhythms, and the way you move together to the beat, and feel connected.

[GoldenAxer]

Maybe you don't even have to be more dominant. Is he not dominant? I don't know. If he is dominant, the last things he wants are neither starfish nor a dom girl. He wants a girl who appreciates the way he moves. But you dance and feel each other's rhythms, and you're great at dancing when you can anticipate and appreciate each other's moves. Great sex is like great conversation. It's a back-and-forth thing. You can't make it that much better by rehearsing.

[GoldenAxer]

Dance!
https://youtu.be/VYj3lWjPqvI

[GoldenAxer]

Or if that's not your style or his rhythm, then do this!
https://youtu.be/RECaepj8LkU
Or anything else. Rhythm is a dancer, it's a soul's companion, you can feel it everywherrreee!

[GoldenAxer]

Well, I failed to clarify a difference when I said a conversation shouldn't be rehearsed. Rhythm can be. Conversation can be. But not for him so much but for you. Just like how you shouldn't be talking in front of a mirror every time before a date practicing what to say to him.

[Petitebeauty]

If consent is big for you I definitely get it! I’d wear lingerie nothing floral or anything like that! The store Spencer’s would be a great option. It’s good to create a safe word when things have gone to weird or whatever. Handcuffing him and giving him head is a good option. Every man or woman likes different things so being vocal is key! He needs to explain.

[UrvashiKamini]

It's although a bit difficult in the beginning, but not so tough on the course of time..

Things get easier day by day, and step by step.

Just start!

Let us know if you face any problem at the start point.

[Abhay765]

You vanished?

[Ghostlock]

Tell him that he is boring because he is not in to being pegged. Tell him sex with him is boring because he is not a cuckold and then leave the guy. Move on. if he is not happy sexually, then he needs to find somebody who fits him better so that you can go find somebody who fits you better. Trust me, you will both be better off.

[loxydragon20]

I.. uh.. I even asked if sleeping with another woman would make things better. He told me no. I tried to start things on my own, and was told “it’s just a start”

[Ghostlock]

One thing I have learned through life is finding out if I match somebody sexual before we even get started on the relationship part. It makes the dating scene so much easier.

[ChrisMaster69]

Tell him to sit down like an adult and discuss it.

It does not take the fun out of it, he’s being a complete fuckwit.

give him one chance to communicate effectively, then dump his ass.

[Tomsta]

To me it sounds like he wants you to take control. You said consent is a big thing for you, why don't you ask him say the morning before you meet that if you just went for it and started rubbing his dick over clothes, would he be ok with it?

Also talking dirty isn't as glamourous as it seems, works better in text form than in person. Especially if you're not confident in the delivery of it

[PatrickFusion]

Maybe his kink isn't something you enjoy. You may be boring to him, but exactly what another guy is looking for.

[loxydragon20]

he won’t talk kinks to me. He’s terrible at communicating. He wants me to find out

[PatrickFusion]

Is it even something you're interested in?

[loxydragon20]

I’m typically open to everything, I really don’t have any non-kinks.

[PatrickFusion]

I'm different, I just want to do whatever we wanna do naturally. I love sex, but I'm not into bdsm stuff.

[Ironic_Method]

Sounds like he needs to get better at communication if he wants to improve his sex life. It sounds like you're more than willing to indulge, he just has to do his part in letting you know what it is.

[Phoenix98]

Take control be aggressive it's pretty hot when a woman does that.

[Phoenix98]

You don't have to say anything it can be more action then words. Take his clothes off, handcuff, pin, push him onto he bed, etc you know dominate, aggressive actions.

[Iron_Man]

You mean like an athlete like a good wrestling girl

[loxydragon20]

Hm? Explain a little please

[Iron_Man]

Text me later I’m at the movies theater

[Anonymous]

your boyfriend is being dumb

AT MY AGE IF A GIRL LIKES ME
I tell her up front what type of sex I want

if she cannot do it
ok
bye

[CuriousMufuxka]

Power bottom is dick up the ass action. Otherwise you will continue to be boring unless you become spontaneous.

[Tonto121]

Talk dirty, tell him where you think he wants to cum. Suggest something right out of your comfort zone. PM if you want other ideas

[slatyb]

He’s being ridiculous. You can’t read his mind.

[slatyb]

So here told you that her would like you to initiate sex sometimes so that he feels desired. You don't have to throw him down on the bed, just let him know that you want him instead of waiting to be asked every time.

[Anonymous]

Sexually aggressive women are f'n 🥵

[Gwenhwyfar]

Try riding him

[loxydragon20]

I already do

[Gwenhwyfar]

Oh ok

[Gwenhwyfar]

Girl I’m sorry. I feel the exact same way you do.