How can I be more confident talking to a man I really like?

Question

I was with my ex from 16-27 so if I’ve been single af for the last 3 years and have lost a lot of my confidence. I am very shy and nervous around guys now.

I met this guy at work a year ago but noticed I act so differently around him because I like him.

Its really embarrassing, like I start fidgeting like crazy, say stupid things and sometimes avoid him because I panic lol.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Try to befriend him first. I know it sounds lame & corny, specially if you want him.

But try to brainwash yourself with the idea that he could be a loser, or a momma's boy, or a complete jerk, or broke/ poor, not intelligent kind of dumb/ LOW IQ, has a high pitched female voice, has a itty-bitty tiny pinky D-K.

You just need to remove him from the pedestal you’ve put him in. It’s always worked for me. Because that’s the problem, you’ve put him above you in value. NEVER put some guy above you in value. Even if he looks like John Travolta from that movie Grease.

I was just like you. And you tend to make them into a superhero specially when your lonely and single more often than not. And they’re slightly attractive.

You need to have the idea in mind that even the most beautiful men, they SH-💩, CRY😢, PISS💦, FART💨, DREAM💭, HAVE MENTAL ISSUES, THEY SMELL🤢, they take MEDICATION💊, they have MORNING BREATH🤢,

LIKE ABSOLUTELY EVERYONE ELSE.

Also write-down their flaws only, specially if you like him too much. Keep it in your phone or jurnal. Somewhere you can always see it. Like

he’s short
his fingers are short
his breath smells
he's rude to waiters
i don’t like his teeth

This will slightly turn you off, but it’ll bring your confidence back to where you’re able to now speak with him daily. Even if he’s a catch and one of the most manliest of many men with gains all over him. And has a seductive deep manly voice.

Trust it. 👍 Good luck

wildorchidvera · Accepted Answer

Omg he has free sex for 11 years🤦‍♀️ I think no solution for u honey:( first rule should be no free sex for guys. If you violate this, u have no chance in life. I am happy to have this experience at my current age.

Datboi65 · Accepted Answer

Let me tell you a little secret. Guys don't really care at all if you are nervous.

I think society has confused male dating standards with female dating standards. Women are attracted to confident men because they have a shining armor of masculinity. Men are attracted to feminine and friendly women. Whether or not you're nervous, that doesn't matter, because to us it's not really a turn off if a girl is shy or nervous like it is for women when a guy is shy.

Now you don't have to outwardly tell him that you fancy him if you can't do that. You can drop hints that he can pick up and if he's sharp enough he will know. You don't have to lead the date or anything if you can't do it, a confident man will take care of that. Asking questions, switching topics and keeping you guessing is a man's job.

What I noticed about shy people in general is that they are only that way in the beginning, but after you break the ice then all is good. One thing I would say is you should practice eye contact and maybe that will help your confidence a bit more. You can follow the "boomerang rule" where you maintain eye contact for 3 seconds, look away and then look back again in a conversation. That way you're not creepy/staring or too shy/looking away all the time.

lightbulb27 · Accepted Answer

it's hard because it's your sub conscious and hormones doing this.

Two things I know, go out and practice talking and feeling good. put yourself in places you aren't comfortable (that are safe) and practcie being comfortable. For example, take a martial arts class where there is close contact.

Watch videos on relationships and dating and such and work on yourself.

That leaves your sub consciuos mating mind. Re-think of him as a human being, with flaws. Need to take him off the pedestal you falsely put him. The answer to all this is in your sub conscious mind... aka childhood.

If you learned from your prior relationship failure and grew from it, then all good. If you didn't and you had problems in childhood that lead to your prior breakup, then time to backstep and deal with that. The problem is the sub conscious mind... yours... is choosing this partner. If you didn't' fix the "selector" in your mind, then you have risk of picking the wrong type again and a repeat. I wish I was a therapist or counselor, because I think I could help avoid so much of problems before they happen.

Guy13 · Answer

Does this sound like you? I have a lady friend that is conservative to begin with and shy. When she gets a martini in her the stress and shield comes off. She is highly energetic and is outwardly the person we all know.

Sometimes, she will nervous talk the guy to death and think she failed.

Other times charming, high energy, exchanged emails, and "that's not how I am in real life"... he's going to be disappointed because that's not who I am.

If you are not that bad then you are better off than many shy and traditionalists. Is that you or are you different?

coachTanthony · Answer

Stop caring what he thinks or could think about you if you say or do the wrong thing. People fall in love with authenticity so just be you and be authentic.

Moose304 · Answer

I was once asked almost this same question by a 25-year-old female. VERY beautiful girl. We were nothing but friends basically because I have known her since watching her as nothing but a baby bump on her mom. To make a long story short she was smitten with a man at her job. I pretended to be that man. This happened at a bar too. I sit in a quiet place and she came in and sit near me. Every single time I rejected her. About 30 minutes later she got angry! Wanted to know why! I said every time you have sit down you are being somebody you are not. Stop acting like a child and learn to be yourself. He will either like you or he won't. This 25-year-old female is now 32 and married to that man. She has a son and a daughter. Just be yourself and stop overthinking this situation. Chances are the man is just as nervous as you are!

Orion76 · Answer

There you have it, some really fascinating instructions there lol here is what you need to do disregard everything you read including mine and do absolutely nothing if he is into you he will notice how you act and realizes it’s his chance to make a move or at least hint back, if he ignores it repeatedly then you know he doesn’t feel the same way or he is full of himself then avoid. Don’t follow the rule of this and rules of that unless you come across as an airhead or a working girl. Best of luck

Anonymous · Answer

You need to talk to tell him. There's nothing else I can say but tell. Just ask yourself, "how does acting shy and embarrassed help me?" the answer is it doesn't.

I used to be shy all the time. But I got to the point where I couldn't stand watching life pass me by and got and did something about it. I wanted better for myself. I had nothing and put myself out there just to become successful. I was scared of failing; I just didn't want to stay the same person anymore.

Do a public speaking class. There are classes like toastmasters. Get used to the awkwardness and over come it.

blueonblack22 · Answer

Well the good news is that most men don’t get automatically turned off by a woman who acts shy as vice versa. Sometimes it’s a turn on as long as we know beyond a reasonable doubt the girl is interested.

Just smile at him and make eye contact. Ask him how his day is going. Most guys especially guys 30+ can take a hint. If he’s interested he will take it from there.

Vikkrram · Answer

So basically you don't look at him , you trying to avoid him , when he looks at you then you start to look here and there, sometimes you act weird like you have lots of confidence and sometimes like you don't want to speak a word.

Is it like this ma'am?

gr8guy4u2no · Answer

Identify what relationship you want with him, and then check to see if he is available for the same. If he's not then just compromise for the future, and be his friend. If he is available start with a "Hello". Slow your thoughts down and enjoy the ride. Most guys don't remember details, that you will remember.

MrCommodore · Answer

Try to spend more time with a guy you really like, maybe ask him for help outside of work and just get used to being around him and talking. That should settle you down.

Charlesbrandonf · Answer

I’m in actually in same situation, the person that I really like is difficult to talk to. Not sure I can’t even say hi.

bowenw · Answer

I'm a lot like you and find you just have to keep trying. Relax as best you can and be yourself. Try not to overthink it.

-Mad- · Answer

It’s sad to see long relationships end but this is life. Anyways, time builds everything and take things slow

Twalli · Answer

I was nervous before the girls I liked too. I got more comfortable by talking to girls that I was not interested in. Then, talking to a girl didn't make me nervous anymore.

Bklynbadboy12 · Answer

The only way you're going to get more confident is to actually do it the more you do it the more comfortable you become doing it and that's how you become more confident

chilldude33 · Answer

Embrace the experience of crushing. It doesn't last forever.

Äxlbäksölöl · Answer

Its usually easier to say it to men since, most of us are usually desperate

jimmy2 · Answer

When I was working 2 jobs I got 2 hours of sleep in morning

Iron_Man · Answer

Practice makes perfect have confidence

Anonymous · Answer

Tell hime that you want to give him a blow job?

LivingExample · Answer

Confidants comes from being Yourself!

slatyb · Answer

Why don't you just ask him to lunch or whatever?

KrakenAttackin · Answer

Are you a single mother?

Anonymous · Answer

Interesting question

Subarugirl · Answer

Practice

In_Trance · Answer

practice

How can I be more confident talking to a man I really like?

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