Why Do People Always Make Me Feel Guilty For Liking Older Men?

[Anonymous]

Look, I get tired pretty quickly of boys who don't know what's outside of their pants. Okay, I admit that's demeaning, but I'm trying to make a point. If and when I ever do decide to sleep with a guy, it sure as hell will not be some boy who doesn't even know what he wants.

I want a mature guy who knows what he wants and is confident.

I'm sorry, but I find confidence so damn sexy, I just can't help it. Now don't misunderstand, I know an a**hole when I see one and that is not what I'm talking about.

I want and more importantly I believe that I need a guy who can handle himself and can handle me. But if a guy is more than a year older than me and say I like him, people seem to lose their heads!

I'm not looking for sex right now, that's way into the future and I honestly believe I'm too young for that right now. But I figure eventually it's gonna happen and if there's a guy my age who is a confident, mature guy who knows what he wants and I'm it, you better believe I'm not going to let him go. But let's be realistic, I'm not going to meet a guy like that my age unless I do a world-wide search.

And sue me for not wanting to wait about ten years before guys my age are finally mature enough to be like that! But I'm a good girl, so do I date older guys? Absolutely not. But unless I luck out and find that mature, confident-sexy guy my age, I'm going to stay attracted to older men.

I guess maybe another reason I like older guys is because I didn't have much of a father and he always acted like a child himself and maybe I look for older, confident guys to take care of me. Well, at least I can admit it. But I still like them! Is that wrong?

I don't actually do anything about it but a lot of the time I don't think I'd mind to date a guy five to ten years older than me if he's mature and confident as guys seem to get with age. but don't worry, I won't, because- sigh- I know better.

But still, is it wrong?

[Kittie]

I don't really think age should be the judgement of how you can love someone or if it works out or not. However they do play a big part logically of why a relationship may or usually do not end well.

The experience gap is that the needs and dreams are different in a person's life. You sound very mature for your age, actually like me since I was attracted to older men and very mature for my age. I was 16 and counseling 15-32 year olds. However because of my "young lifespan" and not age, I did not know a lot of the world or people. I knew my friends well but not other insights of how wonderful or terrible people can be. Which is why people are horrified by your attraction because it might be seen as a fetish where they do not understand. Or they can be worried because older guys might actually take advantage of you. Right now you might need very little, but even you can change because you have grown "older" and the current guy you are attracted to may have stopped maturing and not fulfill your needs. Or you cannot fulfill his needs (which doesn't need to be just sex).

You are fine being attracted to older guys, just like how some girls get attracted to their teachers. I call it "admiring" them. It's a part that may be missing from your life and you want to either become or be a part of what you admire about them. They are your eyecandy. Just do be careful of actually being involved in a relationship since they also may have issues of accepting your age. They may break it off not because they are using you or dislike you, but they are embarrassed and also confused if it's wrong to date you. Everyone's always learning and growing no matter what age.

[Asker]

yeah, I deffinitely agree with a lot of this. And like I said, I don't date older guys because I do what I'm told and I wouldn't want to freak out my mom that way. and yeah, I get that the guy would be confused and/or embarrased. I guess I can understand that. As I said, I am attracted to them, but do not act on it. And as for being taken advantage of, yes, it is possible, and I do not know everything and understand that but I am a cautious person. But even cautious people get hurt huh?

[Kittie]

Even the "perfect" person can get hurt. Maybe your mom will have an insight or advice on how to deal with this. She may even accept you dating older men, however will be your guardian angel on how to deal with problems that occur that you can't figure out on your own because of your circumstance (age+innocence). My first ex kept dating 14-17 year olds (about 6 years apart from him). Sure he loved them but it was a fetish love, thus incompatibility occurred. He sought for a spouse from literally

[Kittie]

an adolescent. Barely even a teen yet. The girls themselves, including me, was beginning puberty so he was as if fathering us. Also the girls were not able to comfort him because he had issues we didn't understand. Jobs, finances, intercourse, how relationships don't always have a happily ever after, and depression. We couldn't "mother" him back nor be a girlfriend, so it was unfortunate. If we had been older we would have been more empathetic but that wouldn't be until another 6 years!

[sleepingbch]

i think you are confused right now. Are you trying to leave your house asap? I think you are. I have been there myself. My parents are always fighting and hiding and there was such spookiness going on and can't figure out what's really there exactly so I can't see who is who. It was really chaos. I know you might be stuck right now, but you shouldn't force yourself. You have to be calm down a bit. And, make your future plans. If you can't make good grades because of your family who is indifference, then don't be jealousy of others saying or showing. Just get what you want and I am sure your parents or anyone around won't notice you when you go away and will even be happy with getting rid of you so don't feel guilty of being independent or hanging out when you become over 18 or 21 or get a place of your own.

[Asker]

Well, I'm not in much of a hurry, a little scared still infact. But I've always been mature for my age or so the adults tell me. My parents are divorced and I don't speak to my father because he doesn't treat me very well. But my mom is calm and usually nice and usually I'm not all that ready to run out. And I already know what I want as a future career and all that stuff and have everything planned. Never had a father figure...never a good one any way. I just like older guys. Can't help it.

[sleepingbch]

yes, you think you are mature but you will soon find out that it's the opposite. It's not that you are not capable of but it's not that you are not mature enough to interact with. it's going to be like you want it but you refuse so you will give instead and that will make you very angry in your relationship. Relationship is very simple actually. It's like one gives and the other know what to give back but you have no idea. You might feel stronger but that will make you weak.

[sleepingbch]

I mean... there is nothing wrong with liking order period but there are lots of different older men out there. that's all I am saying.

[Screamo-Lu]

Sex with a man who is five or ten years older than you becomes less scandalous the older you get. Seeing as you're under 18, it might not be the best option now, but wait a few years and won't be as big of a deal as you think.

I believe that there are a lot of girls who feel the same way that you do. It's not unusual and it's not wrong.

[Asker]

thanks. I know it's so stupid of me but I'm not really into it for the trouble, and trust me if my mom wouldn't completely flip about me dating a guy just two or three years older I would, but right now 18 seems to be the maximum which I really think it stupid but I always do what I'm told. But it seems like all these guys my age expect sex for the most part. I've always gotten along with older people too.

[Screamo-Lu]

Well, once you leave the nest it'll ultimately be your choice. My advice would be to be patient. By the time you're 20 or 21 people won't judge you so harshly anymore.

[Asker]

yeah, I don't want to wish my life away because I am enjoying these years, but every once in awhile I can't wait to be in my mid twenties, considering that they go well.

[Cantremember]

You set very high standards for your partner. Are you sure you meet the standards of a partner that age? Because we sure don't like dating girls that look for a father figure. If we choose to date a younger girl we expect them to be mature. And we don't really see "need someone more mature" as very mature, actually. We would want someone who knows how to handle herself emotionally. Age doesn't matter when it actually doesn't matter. But that doesn't seem to be the case.

So, it's not fundamentally wrong that you want that. But it isn't going to be how you imagine it. Guys 5 years older than you will not date you very seriously unless they are immature for their age. Which is basically like dating someone your age. And the mature ones of us will ask you why you wouldn't want to learn and experience with your own age. Because its part of growing up to both have no clue. And if you emotionally rely on your partner since he is more mature, you are missing out on a learning experience that will possibly make relationships a lot harder when you get older. So please, ditch the conditions on age and find someone you like.

I hope this is helpful (coming from a guy a lot older than you)

[Asker]

yes, you're right, I have always had high standards and I know I do and I know it's wrong of me. I try very hard to help it and lower my standards but it's hard. as for meeting their standards, yes, I have found that older guys have always been attracted to myself once they got to know me. as for guys my own age, if you'll see below, I said that I try to be attracted to them and end up feeling guilty when I do not and I have to ask them to be just friends so I do not lead them on.

[Asker]

I dont' want to hurt these guys and I think it's awful of me to date these guys knowing I probably won't like them. I am doing my best to be an adult by dating guys my age as everyone wishes and expects, even if I do not like it. I make friends, but never more than that. Perhaps dating just isn't right for me, and as for my father, I'm not actually looking for a father figure but someone who is completely opposite of my father.

[Cantremember]

I didn't mean that you should lower your standards but rather embrace the learning together.

And don't misjudge the attraction by older guys. They know what they want. And it's usually not a deeply emotional relationship with younger girls (if you know what I mean).

Opposite of your father: that's still looking for a father figure.

[dkshadow]

Dating older people isn't wrong at all. The thing that bothers me is when you say "more importantly that I need a guy ..." You should always want someone and not need someone. Find yourself and depend on yourself. When you do this you'll find it a lot easier to pick the guy you want and not the one that may just use you because of your age.

[Asker]

but everyone needs someone one, and I really am very independant and I usually don't trust anyone or anything like that. I always assume I can do things for myself.

[Anonymous]

It might not be wrong, but you guys will be in different places in your life. You consider yourself too young for sex, while a guy 5 or 10 years older is going to expect sex in a relationship, maybe too soon for when you're ready. There's nothing wrong with being attracted to older guys imo, but if you want to date someone 5-10 years older than you, be prepared for some possible issues that might come up.

[Asker]

Yeah, I know, I've thought about that. I just get so tired of dating these immature guys who all expect sex anyway.

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah, it's annoying. Give it a few years though.

[Asker]

I guess I can I always focus on my career, which I actually am looking forward to!

[Opinion Owner]

Good idea :)

[Anonymous]

No, I feel the same way as you do. Some people can't understand but screw what they think, if you truly know what is going on and are okay with it and happy, that's all that matters.

You might want to wait until you are legal though, and also just beware that some older men just want younger girls for sexual and shallow reasons.

[KBMC1]

People make you feel guilty, don't feel guilty because peole want you to feel that way :) Who knows best? fck the rest :p (that was on a badge my grandmother used to wear when my stephgranddad used to nagg..

[blueblossom234]

Honestly, you are young and don't know what you want. And by going for someone older might end up in a uneven relationship. You both are at different stages in your life and that's something that would come up later down the line.

[Asker]

Sure, if you want to look at all the negatives. As for not knowing what I want, it's not really about what I want. I feel I need someone older, and I would relate to them better. But if I really were convinced I needed younger guys, I would do my damndest to be attracted to them. And I do. I try and try and try to like them, to be attracted to them, but I feel so foolish and mean when I am not. I do not think it is fair to these guys I date now. And like I said, it's about the confidence.

[Asker]

Age wouldn't matter at all to me, I just need a mature guy because I feel so badly about dating these guys my age, and trying to feel something, anything for them and each time having to just be friends with them. And it turns out they do not like that at all.

[NhuanVan]

Nothing wrong liking older guys that know what they want.

[kojikurac]

Do whatever you want to do