A guy at my job is much older than me and he’s always flirting and leads me on and I think he can tell I have a crush. How do I make sure I don’t get?

[Anonymous]

Used

[SteveSmith1985]

Well this is a rather complex question.

At the end of the day, you "don't get used" by keeping your instincts alert for signs he's a "bad guy." (a guy with bad intentions).

So, this is like asking "How do I make sure my relationship works-out long-term".

People can certainly give you "tips" or suggestions or general advice. But there is a whole lot of moving-parts to make sure any relationship works out long term. Same thing here.

So, the way you worded your question suggests that you're weary of being used. You talk about him "leading you on" (suggesting that he isn't sincerely showing interest.) That suggests something manipulative or calculated. Or perhaps I'm reading too much into your choice of words.

Now that could be, because you are someone who is extra-weary of a guy's intentions because of experiences in your past. In other words: I don't know you, so I have no idea if you're someone who is inclined to assume guys likely have bad intentions. The other option, is that something "in your gut", or "your instincts" are warning you that this guy might not be genuine in the attention he's paying you.

If I were to give you one single piece of advice when it comes to making sure you don't get used, it's:

"Trust your instincts."

Don't second guess yourself if you have a bad feeling about something. Even if you don't have a reason. So if your instincts tell you to be-on-your-guard with this guy... make sure you listen. Don't tell yourself you're being unfair, or being stupid or anything like that. ALWAYS listen to your gut. ALWAYS.

So with that said... Unless you worry that every guy has nefarious intentions... then it sounds like your instincts are already telling you to keep this guy at a distance. At least for now.

Don't "follow your heart". Follow your instincts.

So no saying "I have a feeling it's going to end badly, but he's so hot" or "Might as well take a chance" or any of that shit. Listen to the "bad feeling" part. I may be wrong, but it sounds like you may have some of that going on already.

The best way to keep from being used is to not get involved with a guy who is going to use you.
(that's... not meant to be patronizing. That's literally the key. So if your instincts say "stay away"... do stay away)

[Asker]

Thank you. I liked him since before he started flirting with me. When he first started saying flirty stuff I actually didn’t even take it seriously and brushed it off and didn’t even know or care to think about why he said them. Now he has really been showing a lot more attention and flirting and it’s hard to say it’s a joke now. At one point I kinda felt like I was his wife. Sounds ridiculous but that’s what my instinct felt like. I felt like the way he treated me felt like a husband would treat a wife. Just the energy not like he was buying me stuff or whatever. Just vibes. But I always thought he was cute and interesting. I think my type is guys who look intelligent and nerdy LOL. It may be the glasses just kidding.

[SteveSmith1985]

Hahaha, this is cute. Alright, so I was indeed reading too much into your choice of wording. It sounds like your instincts are waving you in. You should listen to your instincts in these cases as well. If you feel in your guts that you can trust someone, then that's important too.

If you are starting to feel husband/wife vibes between you two, then it sounds like there's probably something there. My advice would be to try and bring about a situation that matches up with your "instinct" to feel like his wife. What I mean is: sounds like you should go for it!

How do you keep from being used?

1. Trusting your instincts.

2. Never compromise your standards for "what you're willing to put up with from a guy."

You know, right now, what any guy would have to do to make you say: "Fuck this, I'm out."
(if he, for example hit you; or cheated; or were disrespectful to you in certain ways; or controlling behavior etc.)

Be firm in knowing your own boundaries. Know yourself where you stand on ANY and ALL of the possible things that a guy could plausably do. In other words: "know your boundaries."

You should be able to answer ANY question someone could throw at you in the form:
"Would you stay with a guy if..."

(and maybe you already have this firm sense of your boundaries. I don't know you. But if not, that's key to not being used. it's defining what exactly "used" means in your own mind)

Once you know your boundaries; pay attention to whether or not they seem to "shift." Being used is allowing your boundary to "shift" from what it was prior to becoming involved with someone.

[SteveSmith1985]

@Oitfcb Good luck!

[Vikkrram]

Means you have a crush on him but you don't like to show it? You wanna hide from him?

[Asker]

I don't know why I’m shy

[Asker]

Well I think it’s cuz I don’t wanna get used. Last time I showed my feelings to a man openly I was lied to cheated on used and dumped like trash

[Vikkrram]

I know shy means , like you look at him when he is not looking at you , kinda ignore him , had frequents eye contacts wid him , still behaves like you don't like him but you actually likes him...

Don't worry he won't get that you like him

[Asker]

Thanks lol. Also blushing and smile hard around him too. He locked eyes with me too lately.

[Vikkrram]

Don't worry coz u don't blush and smile around him too often so he won't understand.

[abc3643]

Don't get what?