Should I move or fix my bad rep?

Question

I was the smart pretty girl who was in sports,cheerleading and was friendly and confident

But the last two/three years of high school I went wild, drugs(meth and would smoke weed between classes), got arrested for being drunk and making a scene at a friend's concert, fighting with teachers, dropped out and was even homeless, I slept around, even with some random guys who picked me up in their car while I was walking on the street... I cheated on my boyfriends, I was a piece of sh*t I admit...People must know stories about, and now I'm sober and not doing any bad things... I'm even volunteering, just laying low and really haven't made any friends. I live in a small town and there is people I know every where, sometimes I avoid even going out because of that... should I just move and start over? How can I fix a bad reputation?

ryanrhino · Accepted Answer

Congratulations on your life changing path! I applaud you on your path to peace.

The first thing you need to do is forgive yourself. Some people are wild in their youth and hurt people. What matters most is how YOU feel about YOU - not when anyone else thinks.

Ever seen 'My Name is Earl' on NBC? Maybe make your own list of those you have hurt and wish to heal, similar to what NothingGoldCanStay said.

Next, you are still smart and pretty, but now you're wiser, which makes you even better than simply smart. Be glad that you've hopefully done these things without any lasting ill effects, save your reputation. Your reputation can be repaired, but it will always have your scars from your past.

Finally, be simply happy with who you are. If you can be happy with yourself, then you can begin to share your happiness.

I'll leave you with a little bit of wisdom from Neale Donald Walsch:

“Whatever your choose for yourself, give to another.

If you choose to be happy, cause another to be happy.

If you choose to be prosperous, cause another to prosper.

If you choose more love in your life, cause another to have more love in theirs.

Do this sincerely – not because you seek personal gain, but because you really want the other person to have that – and all the things you give away will come to you.”

“The very act of giving something away causes you to experience that you have it to give away.”

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

you should consider volunteer work

saphirasilverwings · Accepted Answer

I live in a rural area where (unfortunately) lots of meth is produced, and because of the stories I hear and what I know about it, I find it hard to believe that you are totally fine five months after taking such a drug. I don't know everything about it and I certainly don't know what it's like to take it, so forgive me if I sound over paranoid. But have you considered working with someone who could help you recover? It could help make sure you don't have a relapse, and could also help your reputation in some ways.

Moving might be easier, but if there are people you still care about in this town, I think staying is at least worth a try. Lots of people go through rough times and do things they regret, and as long as you're interested in behaving differently, there's a chance that your old friends will forgive you. I suggest talking to them about it, apologizing, and making it clear that you're on the right path now. If it doesn't work out even after you make an effort, moving might be a better plan.

oranges123 · Accepted Answer

It's like if you got in a fight with someone verbally the day before and didn't show up, that says a lot. I think you should rebuild your reputation, screw what people think. They really don't matter. I'd rather go to sleep at night knowing I had courage than running away from my problems and living with the "If I only had done such and such...". If someone brings up your past all you say it "Well, people change." shrug and walk away. Most people aren't going to ask you about your past, simply because it's weird and sounds ridiculous to bring up out of nowhere. As long as you stand your ground with confidence nobody will say anything to you. I will warn that people may say stuff behind your back, but that's typical gossip. Just don't let it get to you, if that's all their lives consists of is talking about other people behind their backs then that's a sad excuse for a life :)

scfranci · Accepted Answer

wow, you've really been through a lot and done a lot of things. I'm glad that your sober now. I live in a small town too, so I know how it is. I wasn't very popular but had a few friends. I went to college and joined a sooriety and made alota friends, most of the people on campus knew who I was, and it was in a good way. However, the people in my small town will always seem me as the kinda dorky girl with out any freinds.

My point is that I think the best thing for you would be to move on. Try to finish high school online or see if another one would take you, maybe you could live with family. Maybe you could even try college. I would most definitely try to finish high school though because it's almost gonna be impossible to find a job in the future. Also, this will give you a fresh new start and you can make some friends eventually.

bioweapon154 · Answer

Well, the real thing to do is to fix yourself. Changing the scenery only changes where you are at, not what you have done or who you are now. You owe it to yourself and the people around you to come clean about all that has happened. You need to realize your mistakes and never look back. Laying low is okay, but in the end a rep is a rep and it will take time to break. It will also be hard to get a guy now for yourself too. I would actually suggest that you apologize to the guys who you cheated on and tell them honestly that it was a mistake and that you are sorry you did it. Make sure of course that you are truly sincere.

What should you say if someone brings up your past?

How about the truth? Tell them the mistakes you made getting involved in things you never should have. Tell them how its made you feel and how you wish things were different now because of it. Tell them of how you wish you could go back and change it all but you have realized that you can't. Tell them that you want to be a good person and never go down that pathway again.

Hopefully this helps you out.

meesh1220 · Answer

They say our past is who makes us who we are today..it will either make or break you. Your choice. People will talk, yes, because that's what society does. It takes the spotlight off of their lives...it's just something to talk about. But then, like everything else, it'll fade. People will get tired of it, and move on to the next. Think of the celebrities who have gone through hell and back, being talked about, in the spotlight. Yeah it stings for a while...then it fades. Don't worry about what other people think or say about you. They are NOT you. Love and care for yourself. You will become stronger for it. Good luck to you and kudos for taking that first big step to bettering your life, and yourself. =)

MWalsh89 · Answer

Honestly, I'd say apologize to those you hurt/wronged. It's not easy, it takes letting to of some pride, but it'll impress people and show them you've changed. As time goes on, they might remember things you've done, but they'll also see you've changed. Just continue volunteering, doing what you can that makes you happy, and I mean truly happy. Then as you do good and move around town with a smile on your face, they'll come to terms with the change. :)

DallasTexasGirly · Answer

i have a lot of bad things happen to me, sexual abuse and addoption and honestly it makes it hell, people tend to use it when I fight and you just need to learn to accept it. its very hard and it took me a really long time to but now someone says something about it and it doesn't hurt because I know that's who I am and there digging to a low level by bringing up the past. The past is the past, people needto learn to keep it there

ALWAYSclassy · Answer

I don't think there is anything you can do to restore your bad reputation, especially if you live in a small town. I went to high school with this white girl that got pregnant by 3 different black boys and had abortions (I live in the South so it's a big deal), slept around with everybody and gave BJs like handshakes. She is married now to someone else but she did have to move to be taken seriously.

If someone teases you, stand your ground and defend yourself, but yeah you will probably have to move because people will always judge you and look at you the same even if you changed. Either way you don't have to answer to anyone.

I haven't done things like that, but a guy went around telling people fake stuff about me after I turned him down. This was YEARS ago and I still have people look at me funny due to what he said, even though none of it is true.

xxbabyxox · Answer

I really agree with everyone else on this subject, about finding a new start and forgiving yourself, so I don't really have that much on the front. But there's this song that I think may help you. And yeah, it's by some Disney chick and you might scoff at it at first, but try listening to the words. Listen to them over and over again, and I promise you'll feel better.

Who Says- Selena Gomez.

You should be proud for coming so far, and just remember that your opinion about you is more important than every else's opinions about you. Sure you went through a lot, but everyone has skeletons in their closet, remember that. No one is perfect, and therefore no one has the right to judge you but you, or a higher power- if you believe in that.

india101 · Answer

Stay where you are but get out there!  You need to show people that you've changed and is trying really hard to not go back.  It's gonna be hard and people may not accept right then and there.  There's always going be people to push you back into the ditch but don't let them.  I guess harden yourself around those people while being open to the kind people that ARE there.  But if it gets hard and you can't handle it, then yes move someplace else and start new, but not until you gave it your all.  Don't prejudge people on what they are going to think of you before they've even opened their mouth! K?

Tamikaze · Answer

I have always pondered why people want to believe we are just a reflection of the worse thing we have ever done. Sure, if we murdered someone, I see the point, but beyond that I believe we are a reflection of all that we are, not just the worse.

You will need to have strength to deal with your rep. Like you said, you are in a small town. People talk and people love to keep the drama going. Just when you least expect it, someone could throw something out at you in anger. I suggest that you continue to lay low and take social activities in small bites. The longer you are the sober version of you, the less your previous rep will matter. Good luck!

Hidden_P · Answer

Everyone has things in their life that they are ashamed of, some people have more serious ones than others.

If I were you, I would get yourself to a point where you are OK with yourself. You shouldn't feel like you have to move away just because some people can't let go of your past. Most people have a "wild" and "crazy" period!

As for people bullying you... if you're a position where you're OK, it won't matter what they say. There will be a day when you can stand up and say to them "you know what, yes, that happened, but I've changed, and I have a great job, and I have a great life. I've grown up, I'm getting past it". You will feel proud of yourself for rising above it.

Best of luck :)

kurozogo · Answer

Shit happens , we all have our share of mistakes on our past and future , no body can judge you for doing something that you yourself find a mistake , ofc people will find it hard to get involved with you but those who will , may get to know the real you and not the one that people talk about , if you can not stand people talking about you , you may want to move to an other town ,

but most of us are no angels and I think that a mature person can deal with foolish people talking about people that they don't really know .

Anyway I can understand that a bad reputation is hard to deal with , but there is no time in life to feel bad about the past ,

we are who we are because we made some mistakes and we learned from them , that's how some become better people and how some (those that did not learn) fall even lower ..

So Good luck with whatever you do ..

DallasTexasGirly · Answer

well your gonna have to fight a lot to be able to pull it off. you need to prove to people that the person you are now is the real you. and YES fix it, no one wants to be around someone like how you were, and everyone wants to suceed and good for you. don't ever  go back to it, you'll get respect as long as your truly off and not hiding something. cause in the end your just cheating yourself.

sunwolf94 · Answer

moving is not going to change your past. when you find that someone special, you'll have to tell them about your past. There's no running from it, only coping and dealing with it. It's like when someone dies, you can't run away from the fact that they are dead, but you must cope with their death. you must be strong, my dear.

You're not a slut,

You're not a drug addict.

You're not a bad person,

you're a human being,

and eventually you and everyone else will see that.

sarahruth · Answer

honestly , if you could I would move. start over , fresh and clean. People in your area will more then likely still have that view of the old "You". its easy to create that bad reputation but sadly its hard to rid ppls minds of the things that you did back then. I want to say that you should be very proud of yourself and the things that you have come to accomplish. get on with the rest of your life whether it be to further your education and get that dream job. keep going the way you are and don't listen to the people in your area. small villages and towns tend to be like this, best of luck and congrats again on finding the new you !

Prof_Don · Answer

I know people make mistakes. However, the problem is 1) in "popular" social circles, and 2) in small towns...

...you simply can't "reform" your rep. Your past will definitely follow you.

When you feasibly can do so, I would move to a new area. Not across the country...but to another city or town where the "social circles" you were in before won't mix, and ruin your "reforming" process.

I'll be frank with you...I haven't done anything that I'm truly ashamed of, so I may not be the best person to advise you, since I've never "worn your shoes".

Regardless, best of luck to you. :)

lapa5 · Answer

If you don't have anyone or anything to stop you from going, I suggest you go.

I don't know what's it like to be in your shoes and I can't bring myself to sympathize, because I honestly think you're an idiot. But I think I'm able to tell you to go because I know how hard it is to fix the way people view you. I had it happen to me. It was mere gossiping that originated from lies and jealousy. Later it became old news, but I was still pointed at and couldn't make many of the people my friends. It made 7 years of my life quite the hell you should be facing now.

Good luck, and don't give up on school. School can be awesome. =)

Anonymous · Answer

Even if you arn't a whore or a slut or anything ugly they will give you a bad rep... Your rep isn't going to be a good one even if you arn't all that nasty stuff, they the nasty ones will lay in wait and cause you to have a nasty rep because there is no trust in anyone. No one will give you grace no one of them in any city will leave you alone.  I watch nasty men and nasty females damage virgins reps everyday and what they say about the virgins sex life isn't true. Your rep isn't secure in anther bad boy or girl beleifs your rep is secure only in you! Most all humans are bad and when you find one that won't cough their sickness on you well let us all know...

Anonymous · Answer

Impressions can be lasting.  And the familiarity of your surroundings could cause you to relapse. I'm glad to see you are taking initiative and trying to reform.   At least you are not still addicted or got knocked up on one of your little past misadventures.   I would apply for some jobs online (indeed.com is a good one) for a job outside of your town or even consider joining the military.   You have your GED/high school diploma right?   Being unemployeed and at home can lead to depression.  Depression is not much better than where you were earlier.

NothingGoldCanStay · Answer

Seek closure look for the ones you hurt and apologize. This and try to redeem your self by being a much better person. People have to see your repent and see you care for more than your self. Finally keep your head up cause life is beatiful don't let sh*t get you down cause you only have this life so make the most of it.

echo324908 · Answer

Just be a good girl; whem time pass, the former you will disappear from others' memory. You are not the center of anyone else (except the one really loves you, your family, your true friends...and who will only feel happy for you) so, if people brings up the past , tell yourself not to get hurt and they will forget you the next minute. cheer up, ok?

Littletad · Answer

Finish high school on a high note. Continue to volunteer and study. Work on your future, don't worry about your past or let it judge you. When you're done with school, go to a college that is preferably away from your small town. This might be best. You don't need to let others bring you down. Your past is your past for a reason.

6842yvil · Answer

Unfortunately, it is very easy to gain a bad reputation but difficult to lose it. You shouldn't have to move, but with how the world works I think it would be best if you did. People won't forget, especially because you come from a small town. Move and get a fresh start.

Good luck with everything! It is so impressive that you were able to turn your life around, not many people can do that.

Kattrain · Answer

Your rep will never be the same, tbh. especially in a small town. Move if you can, but improve yourself and try to make amends to those you hurt. Your family, the guys you cheated on.. etc.

Caleio · Answer

try to fix your reputation first, it can follow you no matter what, then, if things still aren't very good, then move, but just remember what you don't want to happen again and stay away from anybody that would pressure you into any of it

Noelbonds · Answer

dont listen to this guy.

You'll find someone who is right for you and he will not judge you about your past. Keep your head up :) things could be worse. The good thing is that your sober and your making your life better now :)

beer3 · Answer

Apply for a job/ or education in a different city, if you really want to live their comeback in 10 years as a succesful person, it would change how people would view you.

martyfellow · Answer

You can just live a good life.  You'd be surprised how forgiving people can be.  But you'll never totally recover your reputation in a small town.  Think about moving away fairly soon.

Anonymous · Answer

if its really that bad? (as far as other people teasing you) I would just move and start over. Because people are gonna think what they want or what they are infuensed to think anyway. Sorry but its true.

daytrader · Answer

I think you need to move at some point... Start applying for jobs in other states/cities.  People might forgive you, but they will never forget.

Anonymous · Answer

So wait you want people to just forget the fact you were a slut? Damage is done. Cheaters are cheaters. Most men don't want to marry whores.

diamond3 · Answer

move

Should I move or fix my bad rep?

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