I think he likes me, but won't admit it to me or himself?

[Anonymous]

Is it possible for a guy to lie to himself about liking a girl? I think my guy friend likes me, but doesn't want to deal with it... is that possible? We go to school across the country from each other now and we were good friends in high school and college. He said that had we been at the same schools he would have liked to have dated, but it seemed inconvenient. I know he's tried to date other girls, but he hasn't really had any serious relationships. do you think he's holding out? idk. I asked him and he said he didn't like me now, but he doesn't really always act like he doesn't. he kind of flip flops... idk. maybe it'd be different if we were in the same state?

He probably does like you

He probably doesn't like you

[PHILR]

you know what they say about long distant relationships besides he already told you how he felt ehen he said qoute:"He said that had we been at the same schools he would have liked to have dated,"

being long distant he may feel that it wouldn't work out but if he was near you there could be a chance there. maybe his dating life now could be because he may be hoping that soon(maybe after college he could get with you and really doesn't want to get to involved with anyone now for fear of missing out on you.

also the "THE WHAT IF" factor comes to play with many young people as yourselves (i'm 64 so your young to me lol) if they've been with 1 person say since 6th grade on as friends then boyfriend/girlfriend they'll always wonder what if that guy/girl from 11th grade who seemed to like me would have been a good boyfriend / or girlfriend or not to have been with others how can I gage how I feel towards this other person if I have no other to gage them by. if your doing any dating and you really do like this guy friend of yours you need to let him know that your holding a special place for him and that none of the other guys you date will ever have or hold that spot . in other words hold the door open at least a crack so he knows that if he comes back to you you'd accept him .

ask yourself this can you see yourself with him at some future date?

[Asker]

I probably should have said a little more on this question. it's really difficult to understand what is going on. I think he probably thought this for a while.. and now I am confused as to what he thinks now. last summer he and I sort of dated, when I went back to school he told me he was just using me because he wanted a girlfriend. I don't believe him. maybe I'm overlooking the fact that he could be that mean? I could still see him as someone I'd like to date, he has so many great qualities. gah.

[PHILR]

LOL, how long have you known this guy , has he ever used or treated other girls the way you say he's done to you. if so he may be that mean , if not then he may be using the statement to cover his reall feelings because of the long distance thing. would you consider this guy to be a good nice guy by how he generally treats others or does he act like a jerk most of the time . when you dated how did he treat you (well or badly) if well he's into you if badly he may have been using you.

[Asker]

I've known him for 7 years! I never thought he was capable of something like that. he's a tad arrogant, but I always took that for insecurity. he doesn't treat others poorly! he's never had a real girlfriend, but lots of almost gfs. they usually leave him because they are "too good of friends." I think he's a good guy deep down, but in groups, he likes people to know he's top dog. one on one, he's GREAT. when we dated he was fine, he was really nice, I almost thought he didn't like me he was that nice. idk!

[PHILR]

NO such thing as almost gf's he was dumped most likely in their friend zone because he was too nice and your discription of his personality more or less confirms that. however your words that says he was arrogant because of his insecurities somehow doesn't fit his profile personality. people who are insecure never come off as cocky or arrogant. also him treating you well speaks that he's a nice guy. I stiil believe he's hiding his feelings behind a self made lie he's trying to believe

[Asker]

ok, so he's never had a girlfriend. we dated for 2 weeks in hs, but I didn't think he liked me... so I left him... and I got scared because our older brothers are bffs and I didn't want to hurt that friendship. can people really make self made lies that easily? honestly, I really do agree with you. when it came down to it though, he had the chance to kiss me and didnt... because he said he didn't like me. he is rather arrogant/cocky and he hates it. he tells me to tell him when it gets bad..

[Asker]

I told him we should take a break... we spend the whole summer fighting because I was mad about what he did (saying he used me). I didn't believe him and I wanted him to care about me... but he kept saying I was pushing him into a relationship, which I wasn't at all! anywho, so now we aren't speaking. it's been almost 3 weeks. do you think he'll ever come back to me? is there anything I can do? he says he doesn't like me but he's surprised we still click so well after so many years!

[CuriousDude]

Well he probably like you but since you're such good friends maybe he is scared that the relationship won't work and he is worried he will lose you, and then you would think how does someone lose something they don't have well that's the way humans thinks. goodluck

[Asker]

we sort of dated in high school... and our 2nd year of college. afterward he said he just used me because he wanted a gf... but I kind of don't believe him. I mean, that's a very wrong thing to do, but... it just doesn't quite seem like that's the whole truth.

[CuriousDude]

Wow that was harsh, did you ask him if he has any feelings for you?more than a friend I mean. That would help you clear things up a bit to see if you should keep chasing hem

[Asker]

yeah, I did this last summer... he said no... but then he said he had to think about it. then he said no again... so idk... it just doesn't all seem very logical

[CuriousDude]

i think that your so in love with him and he looks like mr.Wright in your eyes but I think your hearth is playing tricks on you.use your brain and take another point of view...

[Asker]

hmm really? I really have no idea... blah. I am one of those people who is completely blinded by the bad when they like someone. I really just don't know what to believe anymore. my friends all keep trying to tell me that I should hold out and date him.

[PHILR]

here is some quid lines type tests you do yourself

how does (he or she) treat others in general ? (well or poorly)

how do (they) treat classmates or co workers in general? (poorly or well)

how do (they) treat other (female/male relatives) in general? (poorly or well)

how did (they) treat previous (bf's/gf's) if known ask them?(poorly or well)

this test works with either guys or girls

if you have more poorly's then most likely that's how they'll treat you as well;

if well that answers itself

[Asker]

he treats everyone really well! his parents just went through a divorce and he was always there for his mom to cry on his shoulder (literally, I saw it). when his friends are upset, he's always there to talk. he's not always there when people aren't upset though... if that makes sense. as far as I know he treats the opposite gender well, some people think he comes off as a creep occasionally, but I think he's grown out of that a bit. he slapped me on the butt once and I threw him out of my house