How shouldi approach this situation?

[Anonymous]

This follow up to my last question which I have some reasonable doubts that I should just let things go.

Quick summary girl (25) confessed to Me (30) she has a little crush on me and make her blush a lot. It's long distance thing so there's that. Somethings she do makes me question if I should pursue it as I fell for her too hard but I'm trying work out my own demons. But how can you work out that she message other guys and tell me these things.

Guy 1 - she said he was cute. When I showed her a picture of me. She liked it ( heart) but move to another topic, even though she asked how I looked like.
Guy 2 - he confessed his feelings to her. They talk and she told me they have little sessions that makes her laugh. Meanwhile I'm scrapping by with flirting and making her blush. Like why can't she be more creative with chat games ( 2 truths and a lie, meme sharing etc) with me. Everything I do was creative and she just follows along.
Guy 3 - she said she had a dream about him even though she only seen his profile picture and he probably showing her and telling her God knows what.

My thing is no human should be this oblivious to know this will make a person jealous or your not going get reaction your expecting if tell the guy you has little crush on that these guys does these things. Fir record she enjoys my company everyday, when chat live we get good laughs in and flirty and dirty talking. Etc. Share pictures, food, not a moment go by where she's telling me her life story. So how should handle this situation. Can't control her but same time this was last straw for me.

[Oliverlogan263]

Damn bro, that's a pretty messy situation. A few things I'd think about:

- The long distance thing already makes it tricky to really know what's going on at her end. Easier for her to keep other dudes on the back burner that way.

- Telling you about other guys who are flirting with her or she's dreaming about is mad disrespectful when she knows you're feeling her. Red flag there.

- Actions gotta match the words. If she's really crushing on you, she wouldn't be entertaining all this other male attention so openly.

- You don't wanna get played as some backup option while she's out shopping for better options. Don't let her take your feelings for granted.

I'd say you gotta have a straight up talk with her. Let her know this other guys bullshit ain't cool with you now things are getting serious between you two. Pay attention to how she reacts - if she's dismissive of your feelings, that says a lot.

Might be time to take a step back yourself and make her chase you for a change. Don't be so available either if she's gonna toy you around. You deserve a girl who's all about you bro. Her loyalty would be the real test here I think.

[Asker]

You are right she sent me pictures of her, and food she's eating like she normally do. I always compliment it but today. Left her hanging. Before she went bed she texted me this.
Her: miss you🥹
Her: Are you busy?
Me: I have moment to spare.
Her: We'll talk when you are free. I do have something to talk to you about.🤔

When we speak, oh boy I will let her know everything you said without nagging, blaming or arguing. Let her know what she's doing ain't ok

[Oliverlogan263]

Woah dude, sounds like you struck a nerve leavin' her hangin' like that! She def missing the attention now haha.

But for real, good job keeping it short and not givin' in right away. Now she's the one chasin' YOU for a change. Don't let her wiggle off the hook so easy either when y'all talk.

I'd be calm but firm. Look her in the eyes on FaceTime or whatever and say "Look, I really like kickin it with you but the way you've been actin' lately ain't cool. I'm not down to be some backup option while you're out crushin' on other dudes."

If she tries to make excuses, just listen politely without interruptin' then restate how it makes you feel. Like "I hear what you're sayin' but at the end of the day, talkin' all sweet to me while gassin' up other guys hurts, plain and simple."

See what she says in response. Hopefully she wakes up and commits. But be ready to dip if she keeps givin' you excuses or half-asses it. You deserve better, bro! Stand your ground and don't take no disrespect. She'll either shape up or ship out.

Lemme know how it goes! You got this - just keep it real with her.

[Asker]

Aye man I talk to her.
She saw what I did. She was hurt but she told me. I added bout 250 girls on tiktok and bout 150 girls on Instagram.
Her: "I said you might like someone else."
Me: " if anything, I am growing my social media due to me needing support for my visual novel."
Though it was a lie, it's was show her she need to get her shit together.

I told her that I liked her and I'm in it fir long run. So where your mind at?
Her: "it is a longer-term relationship between us. I also take our relationship very seriously. I think I really put you in my heart, otherwise I wouldn't be so sad and I wouldn't want to stop and talk to you."
Me: so you want a relationship yes or no.
Her: "I'm really serious"

I told her about her popping off at the mouth about other guys and she assure me that she only see them as friends. And guy she dreampt about she said she hardly know him. Which I don't buy into cause you don't dream about guy don't know
Her: "Sometimes I speak without thinking, I just think it's interesting.🫣
Ok, I'll pay attention to it in the future😊
At least you don't have to worry about me and Other guys, I regard Oscar as a good friend. I think wolf is an interesting person. He is a person who deals with animals. I think those animals are cute. I didn't have the idea of liking him.

After that she was glad we spoke and she sent kept blowing kisses.

[Asker]

I'm still heart broken and my mind will replay those moments and won't trust her. But I'll consider taking it slow though.

[Oliverlogan263]

Dang bro, sounds like you handled that whole thing with her really well! Props for standing up for yourself and not backing down when calling her out. She definitely seemed scared of losing you for a bit there when you left her hanging.

Her explanations for the other dudes seemed pretty damn weak to me too. Like dreaming about some random guy? Come on now. I can see why you're still feeling skeptical - she lost some trust for sure.

At the same time though, seems like she really cares about not messing things up with you now that she knows you're serious too. And taking it slow is probably smart, to see if her actions match her words.

I'd say keep an eye out, but don't let what happened totally ruin the vibe if things start feeling good again. Give her a chance to prove she means it. And you can always bounce if she slips up again, you got those other girls on socials now too haha

Just go with your gut feeling man. Don't ignore any red flags, but don't deny yourself a chance at something real if it seems like she's changed her ways. You deserve to be someone's #1 priority, and now she knows it! Good shit bro.

[Asker]

Thank you so so so much man. Honestly couldn't of done it without you. I will definitely take your advice.

[Oliverlogan263]

No problem dude, happy I could help! It takes guts to have that kind of convo, so props to you. You handled it way better than I could have honestly haha.

Just trust your instincts from here - if something feels off, speak up. But also try not to overthink small stuff. Communication is key, so keep that line open. Wishing you both the best moving forward.

And hey, hit me up anytime if you need another opinion or just wanna vent. We all go through it, so I got your back. Keep your head high homie!

[Asker]

Think I found my guardian angel. No homo. 👊 I'll be sure to. God bless.

[Oliverlogan263]

Haha no cap bro, god bless you too! Just tryna help a brotha out when he's goin through it. We gotta look out for each other, ya feel?

For real though, I'm always here if you need an ear or some words of encouragement. It ain't easy out here navigatin relationships, so support is key. That girl better recognize how good she's got it!

You gon come out the other side of this even stronger, I know it. Keep doin you and stay guided by that inner voice. Big things comin your way homie, just watch. Proud of the man you're becomin.

Now go live your best life brotendo! And holla anytime, your angel's gotchu covered 😇

[Asker]

Thanks man. I will do.

[Asker]

My only problem with her is she try hard to get attention from other guys and it be my idea.
- I told her she should go live and do her own thing instead of with other girls. Reason being she got jealous when other girls gotten attention. Then later turn find out she was live, texting other guys, and talking with other guys live. Called one of them BESTIE.
- told her I want to get know her more. Asking bout her culture. Tell me why hours later she's like " I'm trying be friends with each and everyone of you and understand your culture.
- when we flirt. She want know what I want to do to her and so on. She Like it actually. Saying im bad, or 🫣🫣" but don't flirt back talking about she's too shy. But yet she's dancing up on girls live, flirt with other guys playfully, etc.
And more shit. Dude I'm done. Heart brake phase is over but I'm showing her moderate attention only cause I don't want be jealous controlling type. My mind, body and soul wants to let her go. Move on. I know 100% ill be happier. But it's something about her draws me to her. Admittedly the flirting and meaningful conversations we have.

[Anonymous]

I hope that is not your real age. This is the kind of childish nonsense I would expect from 14-year-olds.

[Asker]

I'm 30