Girl who likes thugs?

[Anonymous]

I'm a professional Black man, and I have a strong crush on a girl who apparently likes thugs. I saw her yesterday in a grocery store, and her thugged out Boyfriend was rude to her during what appeared to be an argument, and told here that "she could walk home". She started to leave without her, then she got in the car, then the car stopped (as if he was gonna kick her out), then started again. In my opinion, this looks like a budding if not already full blown, domestic situation.

She works at a bar that I often go to. How should I go about approaching her? I want to attract her, and take her from that idiot, but I'm sure that type of thing turns her on. Please help!

Updates

+1 y

Great answers, all - very helpful. Thanks

[Newport100]

My best advise, don't bring up her boyfriend, don't ask about thier arguements. You don't want her thinking of him when you are with him or you'll turn into a freind that's willing to listen and give her support emotionaly. Uh uh don't do that, you want to be the fresh new boyfreind.

Erase what you saw (even though the info is good, you know they are on the rocks) but remember even if they argue a lot it doesn't mean they are not deeply in love. If you make the mistake of talking about him and helping her think about him while SHE'S WITH YOU you run the risk of putting that first nail in the coffin between you and her making a new relationship.

Also keep it in mind that he is in her life now and if you and her really hit it off and she winds up dumping him, her thuggy ex boyfreind might want to give you trouble.

Just wiegh the pro's and con's , yea you are crushing on her but maybe your logic is being a bit clouded by those feelings. You might be better off with someone else without the hang-ups. Who needs this kind of trouble right?

You are a proffesional? maybe you'll be happy with a proffesional woman that's on your level. THink about it. THink long and hard about that.

[Asker]

Thanks a lot, I will.

[boi818]

I'd have to agree with most of the people that answered already, she's in the relationship because she wants to be and likes to be treated that way. Not, that she likes to be treated bad, but she attracts that type of person and allows herself to be treated that way. My current girlfriend was in an abusive relationship before and unfortunately it went to drastic measures for her to realize that she should leave that guy and demand respect from guys not verbally but the way she decided to carry herself from then on. Now, that she's with me we both have our painful pasts and have figured out ways of treating each other right.

As far as, you trying to save her. I don't think you can, unless maybe your just nice and be a friend to her. I believe she'll eventually get sick of her situation and then realize your a better match for her. Only time will tell..

[heavennhoney]

Some women just like thugs and eventually they accept the lifestyle because more often than not the lifestyle is negative. Talk to her but don't act like you care so much in the beginning if you show her you care - she will not respond the way you want. Treat her a little bad...say you will call and don't. Say you forgot to call or don't say nothing at all - this is an example but you will have to play your own way. I have four brothers and I have been in a situation like this so I know. Women what can I say :) Oh try being her friend if he will let her and if you can remain objective.

[Anonymous]

Sorry, I'm a grammar freak. Are you a professional black man or a black man who is a professional. The first indicates that your profession is being black, the second denotes a black man who works in a profession.

I know what you meant, but it was funny to read. Anyway, I'll just give the thumbs up to Elle0214s advice.

[Asker]

Haha.... true.... I wish I could get paid to be black, that would be a sweet gigj, and very easy for me.

[Opinion Owner]

Unless you're Michael Jackson :)

[palek]

Wow lady, you're a hard marker. Don't go lookin' at none of my postin's, else ya gimmee a detention or sumpin. Now I'm scared'a makin mistakes.

[arsenal25]

hm well start off with talking to her, and don't mention her boyfriend and how bad he is to her etc. I am sure she knows what she deserves and how should be treated. You can't do anything really, other then talk and flirt with her as if he doesn't exist and see how she reacts to you?

[gravygirl]

I'd love to tell you that you can save her. That you can show her what she was missing and give her the happiness she deserves. This probably wouldn't be true. The kind of girl in this kind of relationship is in this kind of relationship because that's what she wants.

[Asker]

OK, but out of interest, how do you pull a girl like that? What sort of approach do girls like that find attractive?

[palek]

If I had read your response before writing my own, I wouldn't have wasted so many words. None at all, in fact. Well put.

[gravygirl]

Thanks Palek.

To the Asker, I don't know if you do. My instinct is that you'd be better served moving on. I suppose you could try to play up your aggressive side or something of that nature, but this doesn't sound like it would be a good fit for you.

[palek]

You know the woman, as I, of course don't, but I'm always leary of such situations, as it seems that there is usually more at work than appears on the surface. I have to wonder if the woman you speak of, may somehow appreciate this kind of relationship. It could be related to some deeply routed psychological problem, possibly related to her childhood, or it may be something she has just come to expect, and accept. I suppose these are most simply expressed euphemistically as, "Birds of a feather flock together", or "When you lie down with dogs, you get fleas". I'd just hate to see you end up in the almost always hopeless situation of falling in love with someone, in hopes that you can "fix them". I've been there, and it's a miserable excuse for happiness. Wish ya the best.

[EasyEC]

If she's with the thug guy, she probably likes bold, confident, aggressive guys. She'd want a guy that's all of those things who also cares for her (the thug is 3/4). If you just care for her without being the other things, you'd be 1/4 and she'll just want to be friends.

[Skippy13]

I don't have any words of wisdom, but I truly understand where you are coming from. I'm in the same boat as you. It's one of those situations I can't figure out. Like most of the folks in here have already stated, someone can't be saved if they don't wanna be. Her choice in men maybe questionable, but you gotta keep pushing that professional positive vibe. Let her know that men, especially black men, have so much more to offer. Maybe just maybe she'll come to her senses one day.

[Elle0214]

the best advice is to just talk to her when you see her. but don't mention the BF. its up to her to make the right decisions, but just be yourself!

[Anonymous]

Treat her like any other girl you want to date and most of all be yourself. Good for you for not being that way. If she can't see that you are the better than those other guys who probably treat her like crap then she is an idiot.