Is he texting me because he feels sorry for me? (really long Q)

[Anonymous]

My ex was a total jerk after our break up (and I didn't handle it well, I was very emotional) but he always stressed the fact that I was a really good friend and he wanted to stay that way, I said "no" and didn't talk to him. but after a while I wanted to have closure and realized that the relationship wasn't good for me and I didn't really need him as a boyfriend and we were much healthier as platonic friends. just to help the final process of me moving on... I wrote him a good bye letter, explaining how he could have handled the situation better and how he hurt me. And I felt much better and then...he texted me to say he read the letter and felt horrible and we sort of talked over why he was wrong and what we both did wrong. I said "you didn't treat me well, and its weird getting used to the fact that we're not together and you're not in love with me anymore. But I'm fine" So He mentioned he "thought he was over me but then realized he definitely wasn't" Then he asked if I hated him and wanted him to leave me alone forever. I said "no, your behavior was poor and you didn't value as a person in our relationship, but in general I think you're an amazing person in other regards and you have lots of potential and I hoped he didn't feel horrible because I forgave him." He said he did, and that he did think about my feelings but things just went out of control and he'd acted selfishly. He said he missed me. I explained to him I wished we could talk like normal because we hadn't in a while, and I don't text him because I don't want to bother him. He said "I've just been busy and you just seemed so angry with me"

we started to chat. It was awkward, and kinda pointless it dragged on, very superficial. Then he said "I'm sorry I didn't mean to take up your time do you have to go to_____ (an activity I have planned on schedule every week)

I said yes "I'll text you later to ask about your new class"

After I was all done, the next day I texted him to say "hows your class" and we just sort of chatted back and forth, for hours. Finally I was just like "I just wanted to see what you were up to, I don't expect to monopolize your time like I used to, feel free to stop talking anytime"

He said "No, I don't mind" We texted more, with lots of gaps. Short texts on both our part. Finally he just didn't reply 20mins later I say "bye! Have fun at your party tomorrow!"

His reply was sorry for the wait, I was...(doing something)

I replied "no problem, I didn't mean to take up so much of your evening"

He said "no, my name! I never mind talking to a friend :)

I said "acquaintance cough, cough lol" (which is our running joke)

Obviously no reply, So Is he talking to me because he feels sorry for me? And if so how do I get him to stop because I do care about him but don't want to continue contact if he just wants to "be nice" or if it makes him feel better about his awful behavior. I forgave him and don't mind being friends. What do you think he's feeling?

[happygirl18769]

im sure he feels bad about treating you the way he did but that dose not mean that if yall ever got back together he would do you any better then he did he probably wouldn't . to be real I think he is talking to you just to make himself feel better about HIMSELF ... like he prob no he is a jerk so if he talks to you and kinda smooths it over he don't have to feel so bad about him self . point is we never no what we have till will lose it if he is really into you he will go way out of his way to show you that and he would treat you good but I really wouldn't expect this from him at all and I'm sure you don't .. don't toss your feelings out there again to him becuase you will prob get hurt by him again and you can do better .. don't let no one treat you bad I bet you was really good to him and he didn't appreciate any of it at the time .. if you wanna be friends I would really keep it as that for a long while ... he did you wrong he don't deserve to have you back yet ;

[Asker]

You're right and I really don't think he wants me back, other than the stupid "I thought I was over you but know I know I'm definitely not comment" he really made no effort to talk about us (even when I made an offcolor joke when he got a hair cut...I told him now that I didn't to tug on it, he didn't really need it. He just said "lol. true") Or ask any questions about how I really was. I think this is just guilt, also since its his birthday he kinda realizes I'm not there and misses me.

[happygirl18769]

yeah .. I mean really it sounds like he is more worried about his own feelings then yours. don't waste your time with that . go find someone who treats your right from the start !

[YoureMine]

Its hard to tell. Just ask him straight up if that's what he's doing. It's your choice on how you'll handle the situation after you see his answer, but if he is only doing it to be nice, or to make him feel better just kindly let him know, that you don't wanna be friends if its just because he pitys you or wants to make himself feel better.

Good luck Girl.

[sfauo]

I think there's no way for us to know how he's feeling. That he didn't reply doesn't say much to me, it could have been for many different reasons.

[Asker]

Thank you so much (I'm not being sarcastic) I'm happy to know that its not just me failing to pay attention to signals and this is actually a confusing situation.