Why would a married man send mixed signals?

[Anonymous]

I had a fling with a guy I knew from work last year. We slept together and talked on the phone almost every day. He was not married at the time. Now he is, but as far as he tells me, its unhappily and they're sex life is not good. He will only text/call when his wife is not around even though she knows we're friends. He won't answer me even if I text if she's around. Recently he's been making comments about guys who post on my Facebook and asking lots of questions or comparing himself to them. Making mean comments about me dating. When I saw him last at a party he held me a little longer then I thought was normal. He was playful all night with me when he's normally a shy guy. Then he kissed me when he walked me to my car. His wife and friends were inside. He'll act like he did when we were together sometimes, and then other times like he couldn't care less. Let me say that I have NO intentions of messing around with him and made that clear. He still texts me, but conversation is very stale.

Like I said, I don't have any plans on messing around with him, but out of curiosity, do you think he has feelings for me or was he just trying to have sex because he's unhappy with his marriage?

Updates

+1 y

It's not just me that know's its unhappy. We have mutual friends who know, but I'm not sure if he goes into as much detail as he does when he talks to me.

[MrOracle]

Let me get down to what's important in your story.

1. You've had sex with this guy.

2. He is now married.

3. You shouldn't be having ANYTHING to do with this guy for any reason now, PERIOD.

The "why" doesn't matter. At the very best, he's a jerk and an idiot for marrying this girl (who may or may not be a good fit for him) and continuing to talk to you. Very likely he's also a cheater, in willingness if not actually in deed. You need to have your head examined to figure out what you see in such a lousy guy, and by continuing to associate with him, you are lowering your own social and moral currency.

I strongly recommend that you tell him that you can't talk to him anymore, and ask that he doesn't contact you again, and spend his efforts and energies on his marriage instead. Then, you need to move on and find BETTER guys to spend your time and energies on.

[Asker]

Just because someone gets married doesn't mean you cut off all contact with them. What I "see" in him is still the good friend he has been before. Having issues in his marriage doesn't make him a bad friend. And I said it very clearly that I didn't wasn't interested in him that way.

[MrOracle]

The point is: it isn't really appropriate for you to be in contact with him, especially not without his wife's knowledge (which I'm assuming is the case due to what you wrote). You're a former lover, and he's married.

[Ask-Me]

He is just trying to get your sympathy and hopefully have sex with him, if the marriage is that unhappy he can divorce, tell him to get lost, better still next time you meet him with his wife go out of your way to have a conversation with her, 2 sides to every story!

[beccam95]

I don't necessarily believe he kissed you because he is unhappy with his marriage. I think memories came up again, and he is missing those days. And maybe he is unhappy, and he is trying to figure out what to do. But once he kissed you, things got a little complicated. I basically think, he likes you but he don't know what to do with his wife. And it's no doubt that he still wants you, but just remember...he's married. and if I were you, I wouldn't let him kiss me again without a divorce.

[Anonymous]

He fooled around with you in the past and now he is married he could be happy and just lying or generally is. At the end of the day if you did want to have a fling with him he'd use you until he was bored of you. He is just jealous of the other guys,he may like you a bit but he's married and most likely loves his wife and makes it out to be worse than it is. Keep away from him I say.

[Asker]

So if sex is all he wants, why keep texting, asking all the questions and getting mad if I date? We live 2 hours apart and only seen each other twice in a year. Not like I'd be an easy booty call for him.

[Opinion Owner]

Well he just could be bored ,your someone who's there when his wife is not there. Getting jealous for a guy I'd say is normal he acts jealous but then he is with another woman so it's like who doesn't want you like he wants his wife,but he's mad at the thought of you with another guy. He seems confused.

[Anonymous]

trying to continue the fling. look, he married her.

[smallguy]

So now you are a marriage breaker and you still do him favours. in this situation tell him off and suggest him to get a counsellor to talk his marital problems. You stay out of it

[Asker]

What favors? And if I told him no, how does that make me a marriage breaker. I hardly ever see him (and never without his wife) and stopped him when he made a move.

[Anonymous]

he sounds like a skanky dude