Women: are women attracted to innocent boyish guys?

Question

Okay. I'll start by saying this isn't a "nice guys vs. a**holes" question. I'm a good respectful guy who isn't a pleaser or pushover. And that's all I have to say about that.

I look very masculine on the outside, but I'm soft on the inside. I have the mind of a man. But on a deeper level, on a sexual level maybe, I feel like a little boy. And I'm wondering if that's a liability.

To quickly sum up my life story:

I used to be shy, awkward, really humble, nervous in social situations, and I never had a lot of experience with women in my life. I've learned to be more social and I'm much more extroverted now. But still, inside, there's still a little bit of the timid me.

So I'm really good at conversating with women, but I still have that boyish innocence about me.

I know women will think that's cute and I'm a cool guy to chill with, but for the long term, I want a relationship with the right one. And I'm afraid she'll pass me up because even though I'm a cool guy, I'm too innocent to attract her on a deeper level.

Okay, I'm not an innocent person, far from it. But I'm a boyish virgin. I have the mind of an adult, but the life experience of a 14 year old. I just have this part of me that thinks she would never actually go nuts over me sexually or ever have dirty thoughts about me.

I don't want to be a manwhore or base my validation on that, but I do want to be appreciated in a sexual way, by a woman. Otherwise, I feel like too much of a boy. And I want to become a man in that sense.

Your thoughts?

journeyman1126 · Accepted Answer

We were all virgins, once. Some of the people on here still are. Including you. So you're not alone. Relax and take a different tack.

I'm 41 and still get told I look like I'm in my twenties because of this damned boyish face. A beard helps, but I still get treated like a little kid by my family. I have to review my own accomplishments to avoid slipping into their delusional view of me. I've got decades of experience beating this frame of mind you've slipped into.

And that's where I want to start with you - understanding deluding yourself. Sure, you can go around feeling meek, and insecure, or you can remind yourself you've accomplished quite a bit already. Take stock of your potential and understand that's nearly as good as actual experience. There's a few highly thought of philosophers out there today arguing knowing something is intrinsically the same as having done it.

Women's bodies are a wonderland but they do share certain anatomical features. Study the skills of a good lover. When you've found a girl to experiment with, you're not becoming Don Juan as you begin to get sexual experience. You are, however, learning how to utilize skills that other good lovers have already picked up. Thoughtful people pick up a Kama Sutra or browse the p*rn sites for actual instructional clips once in a while.

Good lovers know that, and begin appreciating how each partner responds differently to each aspect of lovemaking. Every time I'm with a new woman, she and I teach each other something new. It's fun. Part of the process. Enjoy it. Practice saying "I'd like to try this," until you can say "Hey, have you tried this?"

Also, stop beating yourself up. Find a girl that has been with someone else, or find another virgin. Appreciate the unique perspective they give to you losing the big "V".

Then don't expect the skies to open up and angels to start singing.

You may not feel much different afterward. Don't expect to suddenly "feel like a man." Feeling like a man comes from understanding this is one big adventure. It doesn't matter how far you've come. What matters is the journey.

Meedo · Accepted Answer

Martial Arts. Moderately violent ones. Don't go to a fake dojo that will hand you belt after belt as long as you pay. In the same time.. don't break your bones .

Kickboxing, Kyokushin , are two martial arts that will get you to roughen up. This will give you a sense of purpose and pride . Like your life mission to shape your tolerance to the highest level.

The next thing to do is to allow yourself to experiment and leave guilt behind. It is OK to make women uncomfortable. It is OK to be sexual. It is OK to speak your mind . It is OK to make mistakes. It is OK to f*** up big time. Don't apologize. Don't give a f*** much . Life will sort itself out . Ladies want an emotionally stable man . Someone that can be the rock that they lean on when they themselves are emotionally unstable. To be that stable .. you need to not let life events phase you .. women will look at you like the guy who they can rely on . The guy that wouldn't give them a second chance if they start to play with you .

Look at the responses of the girls above.. two said they aren't attracted and the third said that she likes that because you wouldn't take advantage of her '' have sex with her'' . What women mean with a nice guy is not what men think of a nice guy.

When you give yourself the permission to make mistakes.. you break the chains that keep you this nice boy you are. Good luck

emmabee11 · Accepted Answer

Not really... I mean it's cute and everything and they can be really handsome but they are too sensitive for my liking, I'm a very sensitive girl so sensitive vs sensitive doesn't match, I like guys who don't pressure me but are quite nerdy and just go for things, most guys are afraid of just going for it with anything and they don't loosen up entirely I just feel the part I can't move and that isn't good enough because I can't reach all of them,  I hate that most guys treat girls like tooth picks and think were going to die just by carrying one heavy box and I know men want to feel needed but when us girls can handle ourselves and don't need help it's very insulting, I like a guy that doesn't underestimate me and lets me do my own thing and understands that woman or male we are very much capable of anything, even if I can't believe in myself much and  let myself be pushed down it's a great guy to be around as he will help me take a lot more risks in life like him, I will never have to be afraid again but I can also accept the more free and wild side of myself.

JazzyDevil · Accepted Answer

Being all "innocent" gives the women something to care for - especially when you go and make mistakes and whatnot. However like these guys have said, you've got to take more of a risk and dare to be bold and experiment in the field. No woman wants to be "the rock" to someone who is all innocent all the time (believe me I've had TOO much of that).

The fact is being inexperienced is fine, but if you are, dare to experiment and try things out. Kind of like the "fake it until you make it" thing :P. Sure we're all human and we make mistakes, but if you go out there and try you may find that the women will laugh it off and admire that you're trying.

You may still feel like a "boy" initially, but in time, with the right woman, you will feel like a man.

kaylaS91 · Accepted Answer

I find myself attracted to guys who some off with an innocent boyishness because they come off the least likely interested purely for sexual gratification, therefore the least likely to take advantage of me or hurt me in any way.

As for answering the question, don't change yourself or add any traits to yourself. Regardless of how hard you try, you'll always deep down be yourself, so technically you're setting yourself up for misery if you try to change for anyone. you know what they say, 'old habits die hard'.

Gawesome · Answer

I can sorta relate to your personality...I can be somewhat a 'nice guy' but definitely boyish/brat. I think you're 2/3s there but time to elevate your game with a few simple changes: FLIRT with girls. Don't JUST be a good conversationalist...slip in some flirting here and there. Being a good conversationalist is important but you also gotta build that physical and sexual attraction. Be confident when flirting too...or else you sound creepy.

Another thing: have good stories to tell of crazy life experiences (not crazy binge drinking nights...) or sweet vacay spots you've been to, funny stories/events, etc. If you feel you lack life experiences and knowledge, take charge of your life and travel, do some crazy things in your 20s, take up new and interesting hobbies. It shows that you're not that innocent and that you're living life to the fullest as a man!

This may sound a bit vain but dress SHARP. Doesn't have to be GQ-stylish but rock your style. It shows confidence and it can boost your self image. No hobo crap, ugly jeans, baggy/old/immature tshirts and clothes PLEASE. Women will notice the way you dress.

Just think: what would the OLD SPICE MAN do?

Anonymous · Answer

No, guys like that don't turn me on. We can be friends but it just doesn't give me that primal animal attraction. I'd feel like I'm dating my little brother.

kheserthorpe · Answer

You will notice most women don't, and the ones who do like it like it because they figure they don't have to have sex soon or often. Sound good?

Maybe you want to wrap your head around being -indifferent- to beig a manwhore or not, and just actively pursuing what you want in an honest way.

InquisitiveMale · Answer

Allot of girls are going to pass you up but not the right one. So long as you have the ability to put yourself out in the line of fire you'll get what you're looking for but it won't likely be what you expected.

kumikochan48 · Answer

Absolutely! That innocence is cute, and  tells me that the guy won't hurt me.

Anonymous · Answer

you just have to find somebody that likes you the way you are

ekathleen77 · Answer

i like a big softie that means you won't pressure me in too things don't change

Anonymous · Answer

odds are against that sadly

Anonymous · Answer

Not really

Anonymous · Answer

I'm not.

Women: are women attracted to innocent boyish guys?

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