Why are some guys SO passive?

Question

I can't help but notice this trend of men expecting women to pursue them. Guys maybe aren't aware that females are taught to NOT pursue a guy, or else, they say, you are not respecting his need to be a real man, because you are acting as aggressor. But I find it funny that I know a lot of guys. Signs indicate they like me, but I don't ask men out, so it's like they are waiting for me to take charge. It's just not the kind of man that I want.

I also see this trend in professional situations, with men that I know so badly wanting to be involved on a certain project with me but then it comes out they were waiting for me to pursue them and 'hurt'' that I didn't ask them to get involved.

I just don't understand how some guys are so passive and want and need the woman to take charge.

I would love to hear responses from both sides on this :)

toulouse · Accepted Answer

@Guys maybe aren't aware that females are taught to NOT pursue a guy, or else, they say, you are not respecting his need to be a real man, because you are acting as aggressor.

Why should Women be passive so Men can feel respected. that's placating--not respect.

it isn't his fault he didn't learn you expect him to persue you because you were giving sh*tty advice as a kid. it isn't your fault you were given that advice but you're adult now. you can make your own decisions.

if these men are expecting you to persue. then they obviously do not feel demeaned by it... so what exactly is your complaint. your hands are not tied. you may persue anyone you want, and I don't see any legitimate excuse not to.

youre a grown women, they are grown men. you decide what it means to you to be a woman theyll decide what it means to them to be a man.,. maybe they don't want to be a cliche. anyways if you don't want to be with a guy who isn't fitting into a stereotype. you don't have to date those guys.

its irrational to claim you want one type then go after a different type and complain they are not what you want.

many different kinds of people in the world. some persue some dont. you're not doing yourself any favors thinking 'this' is what men do. because clearly it is not the case for all men.

recognize who heus and what you want and if he's not what you want move on instead of trying to 'understand' what is wrong. nothing is wrong with him, he's just not what you want.

canuckfarmgirl · Accepted Answer

Passive/aggressive, I've always been against those words. So if a guy approaches you, he's aggressive? And if you approach him, you are aggressive? I don't know how you grew up but I was taught that if I wanted anything in this world, I was going to have to go out and get it. Of course I'm not going to walk up to some guy I think looks cute and ask him to go out on a date with me next Friday. But I might walk over, smile, start a brief conversation and if it feels like we're getting along well, maybe suggest he comes along to something. I've done that with more than one guy including all of my exes and my current. I am not aggressive or forward. I'm open, approachable and friendly. I will suggest something once and if they don't want to and don't suggest something different (as use my invitation as an opening), I move on. In talking to the guys around me, they like it. They are not passive, they are just worried about rejection and its a huge relief to them to be given an opening. I do not take charge, I just make it easier and basically give them a yes in advance. The guys are always still in charge, I just make sure they have less to worry about.

Opportunities come to those that make them, sitting around and waiting for a guy to sweep you off your feet is silly. A friend of mine has this poster on her wall that says “Stop waiting for Prince Charming, go out and find him yourself, he might be stuck in a tree or something.”

UberTroll · Accepted Answer

Men are getting tired of doing all the leg work in dating. Times have changed and we're not as set in gender roles as we once were so a lot of them would love to be approached by a woman for a change.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

You do realize that guys AREN'T taught to pursue girls or HOW TO do that? We are the children of the children of the 1960s. Our parents were mostly useless.

And the culture in general tells us men that being, as you say, 'aggressive' (or even just assertive) is disrespectful to women and creepy and possibly criminal and that men should treat women the same way they treat men. Of course women don't find that attractive. And of course women don't want to make the first move. But, by the time a guy learns the truth (usually in his twenties), it's often too difficult to break the habit.

I find it funny that women often complain about the effects of feminism but they never actually explicitly blame feminism.

I don't think much can be done to fix this generation. The majority of men are just too passive. All you can do is to make sure that the next generation is different. Raise your sons to know that it's good to be manly, or otherwise your daughters will have the same difficulty in getting men to approach them that today's women have.

kairon156 · Accepted Answer

respecting his need to be a real man allot of men don't get the respect they deserve and their sun's understand this I know I did and do.

boys are not alloud to play rough sports and what sports they do play they are just going through the motions because points rarely matter any more so they no longer feel the need to be agressive or don't know how.

at least for me I went to school with all femail teachers up to like grade 8 so I had almost no male role models other than my dad.

here are a few rather long videos from girlwriteswhat aka karen straughan.

"those privileged blue bundles of joy"

https://www.YouTube.com/watch?v=7sAomeiTOKI

"men not marrying? how deep does the problem go"

https://www.YouTube.com/watch?v=rlvMAS_20K4

"the invisible man riding the donkey backwards"

https://www.YouTube.com/watch?v=JHkGZvC0z4I

Simonitro · Answer

Well, it is easier for the girl to pursue the guy than the other way around. There are moments I ask a girl out and they're like: "Ummm... uuuuuh... I can't I have [insert excuse]!"

However, if a girl comes up and ask me out and I'm like: "Sure... let's do it!"

It's always the girl who makes the final decision if she wants him or not, it's never the guy. If it was, it would've made it so much easier for me and other guys who are dealing with the same situation.

I don't mind if a girl I like take initiative, I'm cool with that. I also have those girls who would come up with an idea and the guy goes "Okay!" and then she declines. WTF! is up with that?

So, I'm not passive, I like being active and want a company but it is so hard to find a girl who would accompany dedicatively.

Anonymous · Answer

Trend? I call bullsh*t.

Guys have always been expected to be the pursuers and that hasn't changed a bit. Most of us would love women to actually show some initiative and own up to the "equality" they say they want...they haven't and for the most part it's NOT because they have been taught not to. Taught by whom? Certainly not by most men.

Everyone is different and that goes for guys as well. Some are just more passive than others by their nature. But for most of us, despite the fact that we don't enjoy it, we do take responsibility for approaching women because if we don't, odd are we'll be single for the rest of our lives.

Anonymous · Answer

Males are currently being taught to NOT pursue a girl, or else we are creepy, perverted, and possibly guilty of sexual harassment. I have seen a lot of women flip out because a guy would ask a girl out in a place other than a club, bar, or on an online dating site. Currently those are the only acceptable places to approach a woman in our culture.

kheserthorpe · Answer

Some guys are passive, some are not.

Passive guys are more likely to be single, hence they form a disproportionate amount of your potential dating pool.

Guys who were active but are 40 and successful may find less need to be active, they can simply let women throw themselves at them.

cavmanier · Answer

I never really pursued women in the past. I'd keep my options open and have fun. Pretty much every girlfriend I've had has pursued things with me. I've been single for awhile and am open to pursuing a girl, but I'm more focused on financial and life things right now and don't know how much time I want to put in it. I think both ways are fine. I'm guessing you want him to pursue you because you want to feel desired or do you want a alpha male take charge guy?

Anonymous · Answer

because its the girl and its always been the girl who chooses the guy or wether she wants a guy in the first place ... also to add you say girls arnt taught to not pursue guys... that's not really true its just girls don't care about guys or desire them, and also girls make up stupid rules and  say "its written somewhere" just to have an excuse for their lack or no desires for guys... just to let you know most guys want that special perfect ideal girl, but the problem is (like I say above) the feeling or desire isn't mutual from a female for example: guys look for love and sex.. girls look for what he has to offer - that doesn't have anything to do with love or sex, like money etc and also to add girls are beautiful on the outside but their personalities are ugly... so think about this for a while, hope this helps.

Anonymous · Answer

It's odd that women don't want to act like women used to, but they want men to stay a constant. You can't flip it for yourselves and demand guys to be what you want to be. It's too late. How about pulling your own weight when it comes to relationships? What can you possibly offer at this point besides sex? That's pretty clear with the emerging prevalence of things like FWBs.

Anonymous · Answer

i am annoyed by that, guys are so willing for girls to have a role, to make them sandwiches and all that bs. But they are not willing to be the man and ask girls out, it is annoying, they want girls to do everything!

RedThread · Answer

Hmm some guys like myself don't care about being in a relationship so I'm passive on that basis alone. Also I don't expect a girl to have any kind of gender roles so I wouldn't like if a girl treated me that way in return.

COCOCHANEL · Answer

the best way I've found to counteract a passive boy is to be extremely passive and vague in response and just talk about the weather and eventually they take the lead when they see that I will not.

Konnour · Answer

Girls are taught not to pursue guys? Oh, yeah? I've heard somewhere now there's something like feminism which says otherwise! You can't have it all!

croxy · Answer

Maybe they aren't interested in a relationship.

Anonymous · Answer

not all are but you should just try and help them a little bit, suggest hanging out or something.

Anonymous · Answer

What's so bad about that? You seem to be onesided in gender roles. Be more progressive, its not the 50s.

Anonymous · Answer

it is just in their nature

Anonymous · Answer

True. They complain too much.

Why are some guys SO passive?

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