My crush only sees me as a friend, and it's hurting my self esteem.

[Anonymous]

So, ever since I started going to my new school a month ago, this guy (who is currently my crush) was really nice to me and he was my first friend at my new school. About 3 and a half weeks ago, I started to develop a crush on him. He is very cute and sweet. I like him a lot. But the problem is, he only likes me as a friend and he likes this other girl. The other girl he likes is the complete opposite of me. She's pretty, blond, skinny, blue-eyed, and popular. She's everything I'm not. I'll go as far as saying she's "perfect." She gets perfect grades, she is talented, and she is fun and flirty. She is very nice and she is my friend, but I admit that I'm jealous of her and wish I could look and be like her because almost every guy in school has a crush on her and all the girls want to be her friend. The boy I have a crush on told me that she's really pretty and he likes her a lot and it really hurt my feelings inside. I didn't show it. He doesn't even know I like him yet. But, I have really bad self esteem issues. I am really dark skinned and my crush is a light-skinned Colombian (not that it matters, but it might have something to do with it) and I hate being black sometimes (please don't call me racist). I wish I could just change my entire appearance. And I'm fat, too. I've lost 40 pounds since last year and I still look the same. I hate the way I look and I wish I could change myself because no boys like me and only see me as a friend. And I already know my crush thinks I'm fat and ugly, and I don't even have to ask him. It's just a shame that he's so cute, and I learned to accept the fact that I'm an ugly ***** and no boy will ever like me. I know I can't make him change my mind about me, but is there any way I could try to make him see me as not "just a friend"?

All the guys that I've liked before him didn't like me back either, so I'm used to it, but how come it hurts so much now?

TL;DR: My crush has a crush on another girl and its hurting my self esteem. Is there any way I could try to change his mind about me?

[mmrlight]

Dear anonymous

Assuming that you are in high school the truth is you are still very young. One thing I have come to realize is that everybody is unique in their own way and this means you too. Maybe you are dark, or don't have blue eyes but the truth is that just doesn't matter. You will find a guy later in the future that will like you for who you are that is pretty much certain. He will like that you are dark and or he will like that you don't have blue eyes. There are so many more guys out there that it is going to happen that you will find one that suits you. Maybe not today and maybe not tomorrow but it will come. I hear you have lost 40 lbs and that is great congratulations. Keep up the work and you will continue to lose weight and be the weight you want to be. Just so you know not all guys like skinny girls. A girl with no meat is very unattractive to most men. You can almost relate it to a guy with too much muscle like professional body builders. Too much muscle is unattractive is just as bad as too little weight. Again keep doing what you are doing and oneday someone will find beauty in you. Just as long as you too find beauty in yourself. You don't have to be the prettiest but I'm 100% sure you sure as hell ain't the ugliest so no need to worry.

As for changing his mind this can be hard chances are you won't be able to if he just doesn't like you that way. The only way for you to work on your self esteem is if you move on. There will be other guys and to get caught up with just one at such a young age is not wise. You will see as time goes by that this little incident will just be a small bump in your timeline of life. AND the only time you need to start worrying is when you become mid 30's and can't find a man.

[Anonymous]

Well you either have two options

1. tell him you like him and see how he reacts

2. forget about him entirely and just move on

since you haven't even told him you like him yet, he probably has no idea. maybe he will reciprocate the feelings back to you. you really have no way of knowing unless you just do it.

If he does tun out to just like you as a friend, there's nothing you can do, there is no 'changing his mind'. it doesn't work like that. so if that turns out to be the case, well then its time to move on at that point

[harveykinkle]

Think of it this way:

Say you like a guy but another guy likes you.

It's nothing personal about the guy you don't have feelings for - you just don't feel that way about him.

Would there be anything he could do to change that? Probably not.

Someone else will like you. This is just one of the joys of dating. There's always someone else.

[Dionysos]

All anyone can do is just tell the person you like how you feel. Just the good stuff "I'm crushing on you pretty hard". None of the "It hurts my self esteem that you're crushing on X."

It's a risk, but you know one thing for sure. If you don't tell him how you feel, you'll definitely never get out of the friend zone.

So roll the dice or write him off. Those are just about the only choices out there.

[gapgam]

it could be one of the reason but you see being a boy, all just love to see girls so beibg ugl is not the point just have good looks and dress that gives you a good shape.

you just have to change your style and ignore him for a weak then just talk as he is a friend of yours .

and if you could tell what he is mad about ...but try to be like that.

and the most imp always show attitude in your talks.and if it doesn't works simplest of all start a chat on sex either on phone or net to be safer.