What It Feels Like To Be Unattractive

[Anonymous]

When you are unattractive/unpretty like me, your emotions are constantly yo-yoing. One minute you feel "not-so-bad", the next you're back to feeling ugly and unattractive. You trick yourself into believing that you're not the ugliest thing on earth just long enough to feel confident enough to put on that dress, that one outfit that you wouldn't usually wear, to strut around feeling just like the other girls. Then you come back to reality. Those other girls have boys looking at them, desiring them. Not you. It's funny, if you turn on the TV, on those shows and movies, anytime there's an "ugly" or "nerdy girl", it's usually some pretty actress with glasses on. Growing up, I knew I was much uglier than any of those "ugly" girls. Even worse than that is when people always say "no ones ugly, everyone's beautiful" but yet everyone on TV or magazines are always skinny and drop dead gorgeous. No matter what anyone tells me, I know I'm ugly. Why? Because, I turn 16 tommorow and I've never had a single boyfriend, admirer, kiss, hand hold, or even flirty glance in those 16 years. Almost all of my friends and peers, pretty or not, have had some sort of attention from the opposite sex except me. I can't blame it on lack of personality, I'm always being told how funny and entertaining I am. So it just mean that I'm not pretty. I've pretty much come to terms with it but it still frustrates me everytime I have someone tell me that I'm pretty or that I shouldn't worry about boys. I'm almost 16. I can't ignore the fact that I'm the odd one out. Does anyone else feel this way? Any opinions? Comment about it. Thanks letting me vent lol

[TheOneAndOnlyBart]

Sure, you might not have been gifted with the most stunning looks of all time, but that doesn't mean you can't try your best, right? Use what you got to work with. Lose some weight if you're fat. Got glasses? Consider wearing contacts. If you have acne, invest in proper skin care products. Do something nice with your hair. Grow it out, or cut it a bit shorter. Are you the kind of girl who always wears a ponytail? Free your hair! Don't be afraid to try something different. Got crooked teeth? Dental work does wonders (if your patents can afford it of course). Never wear make up? Why not try wearing a little bit for once? Don't like it? You can take it off, no worries. When you go for clothes, think about buying something different. Someone who dresses attractive will be considered more attractive.

Even if those things don't do the trick, who cares? Looks aren't everything. Mind you, when I asked girls to rate me I was rated an 8.5 on average. Guess how many girlfriends I've had? None. A big fat zero. That goes to show that appearance doesn't do anything for you if you don't have a nice personality to back it up.

Hope this helped!

[far2gud4u]

I would be what you would class as a 'pretty girl' but the struggles are similar... I worry I have added a few pounds or I am getting wrinkles and the one thing i have going for me won't last.
I also had a battle of being a trophy when i was growing up... something that has made me distrust men and hate being attractive. Now, I worry about my partner thinking I have got fat or a wrinkle or something that will make him leave me for a younger model.
My point is we all have struggles and while I know you think you are the ugly one, you most likely are not. The girls at school considered ugly just took longer to bloom. The pretty girls from school became average at best and the 'ugly' girls got lovely looking with age.
I know you feel being a teenager that right now is what matters but it really isn't. Enjoy being who you are inside and the outside will catch up once you are working and have a life which will allow you to spend more on your appearance to feel better...
All of this sounds so shallow but I think you are fed up of the deep talk so I didn't want to include it. Just dont worry for now x

[LiveFreeorDieHard]

That was the best opionon I've seen. You should follow this girl named southernbelle, she has really great inaight on lot of this too.

[Bluemax]

I feel for you. I really do.

I for one am not among those people who claim there's no such thing as an ugly person, or that beauty is entirely in the eye of the beholder. They've made something of a science out of attraction and have come to some rather interesting conclusions. One of them was that there is less consensus about what is beautiful, but much more agreement about what is unattractive. And being attractive can have much more far reaching effects than simply having a larger pool to choose from in terms of dating.

However, I think your assessment of your appearance might be premature. Have you seen how many very pretty girls on this site who are your age and even older who claim never to have been kissed or even had the attention of the opposite sex? Fact is quite a few people your age, attractive and unattractive, haven't found much affection or attention from the opposite sex.

For the sake of argument, let's assume you're correct (and again, for the record, I don't know with any certainty that you are correct). Most things which make people attractive or unattractive are within our ability to control or change. I ran across this when I was reading a psychology today article some months ago. It might interest you.

www.psychologytoday.com/.../being-beautiful-or-handsome-is-easier-you-think

It's worth a read, I think.

[LittleSally]

Well... people see beauty subjectively. Sure there's an objective standard of perfect skin, long eyelashes, great bone structure, but looking at a lot of models I'd say they're ugly but the industry thinks they're interesting and sometimes that's what sells.

I've seen a lot of girls who are not really attractive and yet they have boyfriends. I've seen many attractive girls who've never been kissed and they're well into their 20's.

I think it's firstly the question of self acceptance, self love and appreciation. Confidence from those three can lead you to achieve great things and make you focus much less about how you look and more about how you feel [once you learn to feel good about who you are and what you look like].

[TheEroticJester]

The thing is, ugly people still only look for attractive people. It makes no sense, 'personality matters' uhm yeah but how much of a personality will you have if you can't even look yourself in the mirror and say 'yeah there stands a legend'.

It's not even about looks, it's about you being so self conscious that you are afraid to go out and do anything. Do the things you really want to do. And then bam! you are stuck in a vortex of... lameness and laziness.

Dress Nice, be healthy and everything else is not under your control.

[Creative_Catbug]

You're young.
It's insecurity and low self esteem ruling you.

It's not uncommon to not kiss and all that jazz at 16.
Heck my 1st kiss was at 19 lol
Unfortunately it's just a social "norm" that forces you to think if you haven't done X milestones in Y time, then there is something wrong with you.
That is not the case.

Be you.
Be happy
You are not ugly.

[myTake Owner]

It's really hard to ignore all my friends being desired by guys since like 5the grade and now I'm in 11th and nothing. and omg I HATE when people say that. Don't say "your beautiful" or "oh you're not ugly" when you don't even know what I look like. And don't say everyone's beautiful because that's a lie

[Creative_Catbug]

As I said, it's a sad social construct.
Doesn't make it have any impact on you at all unless you let it which you are.
Why?
Why do you want to be desired so bad at 16?
A little boost in ya confidence that will fade just as fast as it bloomed?
You have to boost your own confidence and self worth or else you will always see negative in the mirror.
Even if you have 100 guys begging to date ya.

I hate when people deem themselves ugly because they lack a bf/gf. So we even.

[Bonnie12I27I12]

so you feel ugly because a guy has never kissed you or anything? im sorry but thats really stupid. you're 16. i didn't have any of that either when i was 16 and im not ugly. why do you need a guy to make you feel beautiful? if you need to look to others to feel beautiful then you will never truly be beautiful. how are others supposed to think you're attractive when you feel ugly?

[myTake Owner]

No I don't feel attractive because of what I see in the mirror, guys not liking me only reassures me.

[Bonnie12I27I12]

if you dont find yourself attractive then you're lowering your self worth

[Anonymous]

You are right about ugly people getting bad treatment but if you think that your ugly because of guys then you haven't faced the real struggles. If people dont automatically label you as creepy, constantly make fun of you, are afraid of being friends with you because they don't want to be mistaken as your boyfriend and shun you then you are not ugly. Pretty and average girls who think they are ugly need to go suck it up I'm seriously tired of this BS.

[myTake Owner]

You don't know me so don't sit there and try to judge me... Just because I'm not an ugly monster (which you must be), doesn't mean I'm not allowed to feel this way. Lol having friends doesn't make me pretty, stupid

[Anonymous]

I never said that you couldn't feel unnatractive. I'm saying that people have it worse. Its not any different from a middle class child saying that they are poor. You blocked me on a site that influences opinions which is immature. Just because you don't like that some people disagree or have different views, doesn't mean that you can just block them out. I also never insulted you neither did I call you stupid for your reason, I only told you to suck it up, so it makes no sense to call me a ugly monster and stupid over a vent opinon (didn't you asked for people who felt similar?) No I don't know you but that doesn't mean I can't have an opposite opinon. Plus that's all the information you give anyway, you claim that you are unnatractive and state boys as the reason.

[myTake Owner]

A) I didn't block you b) you were/are judging me for how I feel. You telling me to "suck it up" is you making me feel like I'm not allowed to feel the way I do. Don't make assumptions about who i am

[evenlift]

Being an unattractive woman is like being almost every man. The opposite sex doesn't initiate. You have to. Should almost every man feel sorry for himself?

[Avalon4]

I've found that all girls care about is looks, even ugly girls want a good looking guy. Damned if I do damned if I don't. I've never been good looking even when I was younger and thinner, so I've never had a girlfriend or even had a kiss.

Forever single.

[myTake Owner]

I think both guys and girls are like that tbh

[James19]

Beauty doesn't last long faith does. Have faith in god. He creates living out of non living. He can do anything but he always dont. We are in the world to be tested some suffer economically some bodily etc. I know you are too young and heartbroken to understand this but seek eternity not beauty.

[Anonymous]

"Does anyone else feel this way?"

Jeps, we share the same feeling, main difference being I am male and a lot older. Still, not a single woman have ever liked me romantically, so I know what you mean.

[ThisDudeHere]

I know this means little coming from a 20 year old guy in a similar situation as you, but I wish you the best, dude. Have a nice day.

[LiveFreeorDieHard]

Honestly, here is a secret. Its the guys who are the most outgoing who get girls. Think about it. They are not shy at all so they ask out a lot of girls so the chances of someone saying yes ia high. Thats why you see girls with asshole because they are outgoing which makes them more interesting then a shy quiet guy who is nice.

[Opinion Owner]

Sure, but when you have been rejected 50+ time, it's kinda hard to keep ignoring the fact you are unattractive.

I kept hoping until I was like 30-32, so I kept hope for a long time, now it's just like, well that's that way it is and going to be, life with it.

[Bards]

Yeah thats low self esteem.
"Attractive" and "unattractive" people go through the same thing, some more than others

[myTake Owner]

How can I have high self esteem if I'm ugly? Lol that makes no sense. It's just hard to ignore all my friends being desired by guys since like 5the grade and now I'm in 11th and nothing.

[Bards]

Yeah there are *ugly* girls with high self esteem. Its pretty common.

a lot of attractive girls dont have boyfriends and never have kissed anyone or have been asked out

It isn't your looks. You probably dont even look as bad as you say. Its your confidence that attracts people. :/ and who asks you out or who says you are good looking doesn't matter in the big picture

Real Beauty is inside and comes from loving yourself. If you speak it, you'll believe it and it will be true in your ears. You are only hurting yourself. Its pointless.

[Anonymous]

I feel exactly the same way about my endowment, being below average...

I go from feeling great about myself to hating the world at the drop of a hat. Anything related to size will trigger my dark moods.

[Anonymous]

You know what?
It happens to guys too. Even to guys twice your age. It's not age related.
Just read on this site how many guys have similar feelings.

[jimmyksn]

I'm ugly. Cox of that I've never be in a relationship.

[KidanisCortes]

I'm ugly myself at life is pretty good well the only thing is that I'm always single and sexless

[Anonymous]

I'm 20 and chicks would rather f#8k a frog than even hug me. You've got me beat.