What Not To Do/Say To A Pregnant Woman

[Stacyzee]

Things not to ask or do to a pregnant woman:

(1) Make reference to her size:

• You look like you're ready to pop!

Do I look like a bomb about to explode?

It's great that you think that!

Now, If only I could explode on you....

• You look like you're having twins! (When in fact, I'm only expecting one)

As if I don't feel big enough already, having gained 30 lbs with my now swollen ankles. The last thing I wanted to be reminded of is the fact that you think I look like an enormous truck.

Why are you so bloated in the stomach area?

I was 22 years old at the time (about 4 months pregnant). I am a very small framed person, so if I even gain a little bit of weight it's noticeable. I will never forget this question...it came from a 26 year old woman who I worked with at the time. She had a child of her own (toddler age), so the fact that she asked me this question in such an un-thoughtful way shocked me even more.I assumed since she is a Mother herself she would know how to better phrase that question. But boy, was I wrong!

::Raging hormones::

• Talk about how wonderful her old body used to be.

I had met a guy a previous time before (he was a associate of my partner). Although he was old enough to be my Father that did not stop him from checking me out. The first time he saw me I was not pregnant. The second time he saw me I was well into my pregnancy. He was shocked and a bit inhebriated that day. Perhaps this had influence? but he wasted no time going on and on about how nice and slim I used to be. I had never felt so ugly and undesirable in my life!

Oh well,

at least my man appreciated those huge pair of tits that came along

with my ever growing belly!

(2) Non-chalant actions and questions.

• Start rubbing a pregnant woman's belly without asking permission.

It's great that you love the sight of my belly. But no, this isn't a magic genie. I do not give you permission to rub, now get your filthy paws off of me!

• Do you know who your baby's father is?

I know this world is overpopulated with people making poor decisions, but I am not one of them.

Just a pregnant woman trying to buy some baby clothes.

I remember walking through a department store. I headed towards the direction of one of the employees. I wanted to ask a question about one of their products. Before I could even open my mouth, the employee pointed me to the direction of the bathroom.

I know...I know, pregnant women usually have to pee. But don't assume whatever question I am about to ask is going to be of that nature! Let a girl get her words out, before you assume you know what she's going to ask.....sheesh!

(3) Judge me

• "You better be at least 25!"

I remember an older woman said the above sentence to me. I was in my early twenties. The fact that I barely looked like an adult and still a teen did not help! Just because I was a bit on the younger side doesn't mean I didn't have a lot to offer my child.

Have you seen the news ever?

Age doesn't determine whether you're there for your child or not.

I've seen parents that are "mature ages" abuse, neglect, and harm their child. Whether someone is a good parent or not, comes down to the individual themselves not their birth year.

• "You better be married or you should get an abortion".

I was a cashier during this time, so a lot of people had questions or were curious about my pregnancy. I remember I had a customer that said this to me.

So, there you have it!

A great majority of pregnant women want to feel...

• Desired.


• As far away from fat as possible.


• We don't want you to act as if our stomach's are magic genies (Ask permission before you rub)--It's polite!


• Not judged (If you don't know me personally, then you have no business saying what I should or could have done).

All this typing has got me having the craving for some hot cheetos and rice.

What a combination!

I think I'm having deja vu....

Take care!

[Anonymous]

Just to give you a reason to look at things differently and so protect yourself from getting hurt in the future:
- I quote from one of your own responses: "For someone to have hate, that person would have had to do something for them to feel that way." This statement is very untrue. People can hate you without even knowing you. E. g. from pure jealousy. They envy the color of your hair, or eyes. Or they have been dealing with infertility and so they hate ALL pregnant women. Or they had wanted children at your age but didn't have the opportunity, so your pregnancy AND your youth sets them off. Or they have an unsolved psychological problem from their childhood. You never know. So it's more of a two way street, the same way that they don't know you, you don't know them either, and consequently their reason for hate. So it's most likely not YOU that they hate. Mathematically. Out of the many millions of reasons they might have for displaying hateful behavior, only one can be your fault. So it's a one in a million chance. Mathematically. But of course naturally as human beings, we see that one reason first.
- I'm a cashier too, and pregnant or not, tons of people approach me everyday looking for a bathroom. And eventually I have learned to read "the bathroom look" on their faces, and a lot of times from their body language (unlike how it seems, cashiers are on very strict time schedules, or at least feel like they must always hurry, and not waiting to hear a complete bathroom request -along with some of the juicy details on what they had for lunch and their bowel problems- will save us time, nerves, and disgust). But of course naturally sometimes I guess wrong, specially when I was new. That certain cashier might have made the same mistake too, so that only leaves you with a 50% chance of being insulted, which is a lot better than a 100% chance.

It might sound irrelevant, but I've had to tolerate lots of pain caused by such thoughts, and after lots of expensive help, I am getting better at catching myself at these seemingly harmless and innocent and small insignificant thoughts that if left ignored can add up to a great disaster.
Anyway, good luck and best wishes with your life and kids.

[Stacyzee]

Hi, Thanks for your response.
I appreciate you adding that.
You are right people don't have to know me directly to harbor hate or resentment.
We see hate crimes every day, so those are perfect examples of it.
However my response to that user, was me referring to the common or normal circumstances. Not someone who has issues which they may need to be hospitalized for (depending on the extent of it).

Thanks, I wish you well too!

[heavensgift2girls]

I know it is weird that people touch a pregnant woman's stomach, but people are easily distracted. The person starts thinking about the baby inside and want to get closer, so they forget they are violating the woman's space as they do this.

I have had something similar happen to me when I use to have a silk shirt. Every time I wore it people would walk up, and ask "Is that real silk?" Then they would start rubbing my shirt, and by extension rubbing my body. It was pretty awkward for me. My point being that this has more to do with humans not realizing the consequences of their actions, more so than meaning to be disrespectful of pregnant women.

[Stacyzee]

Yes, I agree.

People didn't intentionally mean to make me feel uncomfortable. But after it happening so many times , I could no longer stand it.

[Stacyzee]

Unlike your shirt I couldn't exactly take off my baby bump.

[detlef]

Good answer.

We just stopped minding when my son was in the womb. No total strangers ever rubbed her tummy, but virtually every female we sort-of knew did, and few asked permission. It was odd, and WE would never do it, but it just seemed like one of those things, like everybody asking when the baby was due.

[ObscuredBeyond]

It's kind of obvious what should / could have been done. However, those saying you should be married should also themselves consider if the father is worthy of marriage. If not, mistake made, lesson learned. (Hopefully.) And be supportive so you don't make another mistake.

Abortion is never the answer, and whoever said that is a Nazi in my book. A woman making a poor decision and having to face consequences does not mean the child lacks an eternal soul which is endangered when they are unceremoniously snuffed to feed DNC money laundering coffers.

Also, there are a handful of women under 25 who marry and become good mothers. So the "better be 25" is based on assumptions about income which aren't fair.

The way I see it, unwed pregnant women who know what they did have plenty of reason to feel like trash already. Unless they are shameless or have demonstrable bad attitudes, there is no reason for me to shame them any further. Instead, I ask questions about how well they are ready for what's next, and if they lack anything that I might be able to supply.

And yeah, if that one guy was drunk, it would interfere with his sense of tact. It takes more than a pregnancy belly for me to consider a woman "no longer pretty." Especially since I know that a lot of women snap back to their old selves a short time after giving birth.

[BuchitaBuchys]

"Do you know who's the baby's father?"
Bahahahaaaaa. I lost it at this one!!!

As for the touching of bellies, it's a cultural thing. It's pretty much ok, even welcomed in the Latino community. But it's unwanted and even "offensive" for US culture. It's the difference between us, we see things more "communal", while the US sees things more "individual".

I guess I offend pregnant chicks because I always tell them "you look ridiculously pregnant!" Or "you're the most pregnant looking chick I've ever seen!"
I also tell my sister that she looks better pregnant. And she does. in my opinion.

[Stacyzee]

Yes, I guess touching belly's can be a cultural thing.
I never looked at it from that perspective.
Thanks for sharing that, that's interesting.
American's typically love their privacy.
I find it odd and rude when someone that doesn't know me starts touching me.
I'd rather they ask.

I think you making those comments about pregnancy go well to your sister because she knows your personality, and knows you don't mean any harm.
However a pregnant woman that doesn't know you well , may get offended.

[BuchitaBuchys]

Yea. I know not to go up to non Latino strangers and do that. Those who are Latino/Hispanic probably wouldn't mind. But I still don't because you never know. She may be Americanized in this aspect.
I do like touching pregnant bellies though. But I make sure to ask. My mom and aunts, who are more old school, will just go up to a lady and touch it and ask all about the pregnancy. But they're more old school, less Americanized. I remind them they can't do that here haha.

Yea, she knows I'm joking. Though I do really prefer her pregnant lol

[Bluemax]

People actually rub your belly without permission? ?

Would they ever dream of doing that without permission if you weren't pregnant?

I don't get the "but people can say whatever they want " responses. OF COURSE people can say what they want. We live in a country where people are free to make as big a jackass out of themselves as they please. But is it wise? Is it polite?

[Stacyzee]

Yes !
You get it !

I worked as a cashier during that time so I met tons of people in a day. Some of who felt it was ok to reach out and start touching my belly after a little small talk.

[RedAmulet]

That's a perk to living in England, everyone is so awkward we don't talk to people like cashiers so that would never happen :P

[Stacyzee]

The funny thing is people spoke to me way more when I was pregnant during my job.
5 days a week for 5 out of the 9 months, I'd hear the same questions everyday
"Is it a boy or girl?"
"What's it's name?"
"Are you excited?"
"Is It your first baby?"
"Etc etc

[Stacyzee]

It's like when someones pregnant people want to be more involved

[ThisDudeHere]

Or to simplify:

"Don't even breathe around her." :D

[Stacyzee]

I will spare you my child! You will live!

[loveisbeautiful]

I just want to say one thing, I think all of that depends on the woman herself. Each woman handles pregnacy differently, some make a joke out of some of those things you mentioned and others might be sensitive about it. I think it all depends on the woman and her attitude towards being pregnant.

[Stacyzee]

I know.
This is all written from my perspective , and what I did not like.
Generally speaking however,
No one likes to be given the implication that they are fat or undesirable.
Pregnant or not , most people don't like to be touched without permission.
Also , many don't like to be told what they should do with their lives by people who look down on you (judge you) .
So in all fairness what I'm saying is practical.
"Most" women , pregnant for that matter wouldn't appreciate that.
I stated "most " and "some" at certain points in my article to make it clear I'm speaking not for all however.

[Stacyzee]

And I must include judged by those who are strangers especially.

[Nicolás25]

I knew this fat girl that was nine months pregnant but didn't look like it because she just looked fat as usual there's something you don't tell someone oh you're 9 months pregnant I couldn't tell you always look this way

[Stacyzee]

I notice that overweight people typically don't show because they already have that extra weight.
But as someone that is 5'6 and 110 lbs. (slim)
It showed on me rather well.
Under 4 months people that didn't know me well just thought I was getting heavier.
But after 4 months my stomach "popped" and it was more than apparent that I was pregnant.
I wore big clothes so that was also why.

[CottonMuffin]

Where are you people living that rubbing someone's belly is actually common , but obviously not desired xD
In germany I have never encountered someone saying : They just touched my belly without permission.

[Stacyzee]

Strangers doing so isn't desired.

It's actually people rude to start touching someone without permission pregnant / not pregnant.

it's always best to ask.

[Stacyzee]

*it's actually pretty rude

[Mekkalyn]

You're not fat, you're having a baby.
I absolutely hate when pregnant women have pity parties about being "fat", like no, you are not fat, you are pregnant.

[Mekkalyn]

But unfortunately people feed into that and make pregnant women feel insecure by calling them fat.

[Stacyzee]

The thing is, you know you're pregnant.
However let's just say you didn't come out with the news.
People just start to think you're getting fat or "unattractive"
It's crazy how many people before I really "popped" thought i was getting fat.
I've had some people say that to me.
And have asked me that directly.

[Mekkalyn]

That's so rude!
I can't believe that people are so rude to mention it.
Like it's not YOUR weight, why do you have to say anything about it?
People are just rude.

[MysteriousFlower]

I think it depends on the person touching. If it's an old lady or preferable a loved one it's probably ok. I do think they should ask but it's more of a cultural thing. The rest is rude!.

[Stacyzee]

Yes , you are right.

Family I can look past.

But it just so happened mostly strangers or Co workers wanted to touch my belly

[Stacyzee]

That's a violation of privacy. Just imagine if random people felt it was ok to put their hands on you.

[MysteriousFlower]

Yes but with older people or other mothers I can see their perspective. I don't see what that would gain, it's not like the baby going to give them a hi five.

[peachblossomluck]

I encountered my share of rude people, belly-touchers etc when I was pregnant. I musr say I always liked knowing where the restroom was though lol. I couldn't get a cab when I was pregnant lol.

[Stacyzee]

Yes , the bathroom was my favorite place. Like a home away from home lol.

[Calex]

Yeah, but then again people can say whatever they want.

[Stacyzee]

Well yeah! But that doesn't make it okay does it?

There's something called courtesy, manners and respect.

[Calex]

Yeah, but when people hate another person they don't care about manners/respect etc :[

[Stacyzee]

Yeah but who's harboring hate?

[Calex]

Let's say someone hates a pregnant woman. They will say hurtful things. Saying most things has never been illegal anyway.

[Stacyzee]

Why would someone possess such strong feelings about someone they don't know? For someone to have hate, that person would have had to do something for them to feel that way. Depending on what it is, I'd say they have every right to say whatever they feel.
But assuming we are talking about strangers (like my article states), people should be careful with their words and work on their phrasing.
Some people come across as rude.
Just because they CAN say that... doesn't make it okay.
Unless someone is okay with making themselves look like an ass half the time... then sure...
have no filter :D

[Calex]

Yeah, but sadly most people will see it as a restriction of speech and do it even more. That's how selfish people are.

[Stacyzee]

Yea.. well such is life :( all I can do is preach on and hope I don't have to encounter people like that

[Calex]

You're pregnant or something?

[Stacyzee]

I was several years back , but I will be again in a year or two.
My factory is still open.

[Calex]

"My factory is still open"

Hahaha

[Stacyzee]

Yep lolz

[GreatnessPersonified]

Yeah, you can, but they can't be too mad when they get a fly kick out of nowhere.

[Stacyzee]

Yep I'll go Bruce lee on them

[Stacyzee]

*Thumbs up for expressing your opinion in a healthy manner.

(Even if I disagree with someones thought I will give them a thumbs up because I respect approaches that are not offensive/hostile).

Just stating this... for any future commenters.

[Calex]

In a healthy manner? what do you mean? haha

[Stacyzee]

In a vegetarian manner of course jk

You know what I mean !

In a way that's not intended for offense.
I value thoughts just not when I feel I'm being attacked.

[Calex]

Well, be glad I'm not Simon Cowell haha

[Stacyzee]

Ahhh! He couldn't handle me!

[Anonymous]

This was a good take! When I have children of my own I know people will ask about my age and if I know who the father is. That's just what black women get when they have kids in their twenties :/ I still look forward to having a child! Thank you for the take.

[croxy]

All of your points is common sense so I agree with them. I wouldn't do or say any of this. I thought it'd be unreasonable as fuck before I started read it haha.

[Kris85]

I hated it when strangers would comment and say "oh look what a cute baby belly!" And then try to touch it. DO NOT touch my baby belly unless I physically take your hand and let you feel the baby kick etc.

[DessieDoo]

Love this! I didn't mind the belly rubbing though. Awesome take!

[Stacyzee]

I don't mind it either.
But I think it doesn't hurt to ask before you do it.

[DessieDoo]

Oh definitely!

[Jager66]

Some of these made me laugh, also this;

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FwTWDBNgSEo

[Pinkbeauty]

I don't want kids because I don't wanna go through the things pregnant woman experience like morning sick ness and the luseing hair and belly getting big

[Stacyzee]

I didn't go through morning sickness or lose hair.

Everyone's pregnancy is different.

I had a good one.

[Pinkbeauty]

that's good but I still don't wanna go through it and I don't like kids

[Kingfrosty]

LoL SHHH the pregnant women is sleeping i don't wake her ^^

[Pedantic]

Your pregnant? That's awesome!

Anyway, its time for you to go to the bathroom now :)

[Tomsta]

Regarding the age this, i think it's partly maturity but mainly if you're below 22 i personally think you haven't got the qualifications to be able to be financially stable for yourself let alone for a kid. I personally think that women that plan to have kids while they are still in their early twenties are kinda stupid

[Stacyzee]

The fact that you cannot voice your opinion without coming off as offensive, shows that incapability's you possess.

I think you may want to look up the word stupid.

You must take into account that people are at different financial states.
Not everyone is the same because they were born in the same birth year range.

[Tomsta]

It's my 'personal opinion' ...

[Stacyzee]

I admire opinions. But yours is offensive. You're name calling.
I think you could have done a better job at expressing it.
Although I would have disagreed, I would have respected it.

[Stacyzee]

I partially agree with your opinion.
Sometimes people that are a little younger may not have a lot to offer their child financially. But,
couldn't I say the same about a 30 year old that has a kid?
Just because they are that age... whose to say they are financially stable?
You can be at any age and struggle.
Take a look around.
I've seen people that are homeless that are old enough to be my parent.
Age alone doesn't tell people much about peoples security.
Not everyone stems at the same level in life.
I think people need to take into account, is this person already established? not just how old they are.