You Think Too Much!

[ResearcherGuy]

I've heard this many times in my life. Honestly, I don't really get it (feel free to explain it to me though). Most of the time I don't think that much about things at all, I'm not neurotic and when I talk to people, I'm in the moment and engaged. However, this statement "you think too much" comes up a lot. But sometimes, as a guy, I feel like I have to think too much.

I've been called 'mean' before. When I don't want to see a girl again, or when I feel like I should just stay friends with her, I tell her, directly, and I also give a clear, realistic and rational explanation as to why. In the past I may have done it too bluntly but now I feel like I can do it in an adult way such that there is no ambiguity and a minimal amount of hurt feelings. I have never gotten anything similar from a girl.

How can someone not think too much under circumstances like that? Guys are expected to 'read signals' to determine if a girl likes them. Conveniently, even this isn't enough, as some girls will say, "guys always confuse my niceness for flirting" or "I'm just a natural flirt and I flirt with everyone." Yeah. That makes life a lot easier. Anyway, I find myself over-analyzing texts from girls because I'm just trying to do what seems to be expected of me and read their 'signs.'

For those of you that say that signs from girls should be obvious and clear in order for things to move forward, that is totally impractical and exceedingly rare. I have never heard any direct expression of interest from a girl unless they were drunk. Even when I only found out later that a girl liked me, I would have never determined that from her behavior at all.

Message to girls: I'm not thinking too much because I'm insecure. I'm thinking too much because I feel like you are and because that's what I feel like I have to do.

Thanks for reading.

[Azara]

its because when someone says ' you think too much' or ' you are over thinking'., they are not referring to thinking, or the other person at all. they are talking about how they feel.

its an emotional statement made by people who are feeling uncomfortable and confused and want project it on6to someone else.

thinking is useful;l and its best to think clearly about something until yo come to a reasonable conclusion or plan of action... too much sounds like people dont want you tho be logical;.

its like when guys Accuse women of thinking too much, bc it potentially gets in the way of them being able to con them into sex. or obtaining some form of control.

the thinking person can not be over powered. im skeptical of anyone who uses the term thinking too much/. you either have an opinion on the matter or you dont. attacking another persons thoughts is indication of the latter. secure people dont worry about other people thinking. they welcome thoughts with an open mind.

also life is a work in progress and people experience things at different times. thinking about a new situation a lot means you won't have to the next time around,. but not thinking deeply 6to avoid 'thinking too much' just leaves you endlessly ignorant.

thinking is not neurotic., analyzing is not neurotic. being indecisive i-like worrying about thinking too much- is itself neurotic. its a mind trick. best not fall for it.

[Azara]

hmm, i was not really thinking of strictly in a dating sense. i think people can think instead of communicating and or acting... thats no good. thinking is good but it should supplement actions. not replace them. :)

[Keren]

This helped me a lot thank u

[needsanswers100]

When people say that you are thinking to much to a guy in reference to dating, what they are trying to say, is that your decision to pursue her or not should be based more on your feelings about the girl and less about attraction signs that she is showing to you. When you go off of your feelings you don’t have to go through the guess work of analyzing the women in question. Of course the natural tendency of men is to analyze how the women in interacting with us to see if we think she is interested in dating us. The problem with this is that not all women show attraction in the same way. For this reason, what men should do is first analyze how they feel about the women and think back to themselves if she has shown any signs of not being interested. This should not be an intensive check. After that the decision is up to you.

[ResearcherGuy]

Hmmm this actually makes a lot of sense, thank you! I strangely never thought of it like this... it could be a perfectionism thing. I try to read these signals in order to maximize the possibility of success (really: minimize the possibility of failure) when this actually isn't a necessary step at all. Ultimately I end up not leading the relationship where I want and trying to read too much into her behavior which is like staring into a black hole trying to find answers. I can totally see how that can cause issues. Genuinely, this is a really great answer and thanks for writing!

[Mickey9999]

You’re not alone. And trust me, you don’t outgrow it. I don’t know if it’s our own insecurities or self doubts or just our confusion reading others. I’ve always said i wish people would just say what they mean and mean what they say. I don’t think it’s going to happen in my lifetime. As far as advice, I’m trying to just not listen to my self doubts and trust my instincts. Trying to believe that when a guys says call/text me any time that he actually means it etc. but when the self doubts tear up, it wouldn’t hurt to ask for clarification. We are human, and you’ll be more of a fool if you let a good budding relationship slip away because you were left guessing and didn’t have the courage or self confidence to ask for clarification...

[Anonymous]

it means you need to let things flow and happen. stop trying to analyze every word out of someone's mouth or every minute a reply isn't sent to your text. when i say "you're thinking too much" it means you need to let go and let shit happen no amount of overcontrolling or mulling will make a situation go your way.
she blinked at me what does it me and she called me but only talked for 2min with 6 large pauses what could it mean. these to me are pointless overthinking. use your brain power for absolutely anything else.

[Bluemax]

When most people say, "You think too much," they mean, "You think a lot and don't act on it until the opportunity slips by."

[Azara]

there's this too.. its a good point. one of the only good reasons to say you think too much, in my opinion;)

[DarkHumorRUs]

You actually sound like you think very similarly to me, based on the way you write. You seem very logical, and I think that's my problem too with girls... I always tell myself that I over-think, because I do in some situations.

So yeah, I can relate.

[Bananaman177]

That's just how stupid people say, "you're overthinking the problem."

Sometimes you can get so used to being extra clever, and seeing around corners, that you can forget that some things are incredibly simple, and you miss the obvious answer by looking for an answer only your subtle mind can grasp, when that simply isn't necessary.

Sometimes stupid people have the advantage in thinking. With very simple problems, this tends to be the case.

[MackToday]

The problem you're running into is they don't think enough. High IQ's are rare and creative analytical types are even more so. You don't owe your time or your body or anything to any of these girls. No one has a right to demand that from anyone.

[ShySocialButterfly]

Guys will usually tell me this when I decline them sex.

It’s mental abuse smh

[Johnagain]

As I read this it seemed like me talking. The responses gave me insight as to what to do about getting past that. Thanks to all... especially needsanswers100 & Bluemax.

[QuestionMan]

Amazing take.
This is the reason I have a problem with over thinking.

[pavlove]

why is this in girls' behavior? is there something you're not telling us?

[Anonymous]

they are just low IQ retards.