Why I No Longer Try

[Anonymous]

Although shy, I'm a pretty bubbly person. I like to be creative and try to make other people happy. However, I'm often under appreciated. I've woken up at six in the morning to clean the disaster area that is the bedroom I share with my cousin, and get nothing but snarky comments about it when everyone else is awake. Then it's my fault for not waking her up to help. That dampens my good moods and often times makes me want to do nothing for anyone.

Today has been a bad day. My uncle has literally just disappeared from our radars after a 5 hour trip to pennsylvania. He has been fighting with my aunt recently and doing some shady shit, so I know my aunt isn't in the best state of mind right now. I decided to try and lighten everyone spirits in a sort of creative way. We didn't have enough money this year to buy Easter baskets, go on Easter egg hunts, or anything extreme like that, but my aunt is a super family oriented person. She LOVES sharing holidays with us kids. I worked for half an hour to set up our kitchen table with paints and hard boiled eggs and any item we would need to color eggs, that way we could celebrate at least part of the holiday. I finished the whole thing and I was very proud of myself, I even drew little place cards for each person. Now, though, no one wants to do this with me, so my creativity has been wasted and I feel terrible.

I'm a normally nice person. If someone asks for something that I can do, I'll do it. It's not often that I'll tell someone no. However, I tend to get used and walked over a lot because of this. I've been loaded with other people's homework and even done someone else's job for them (my uncle works on a farm and asks me to lay down hay for the entire barn, p.s. I'm allergic to hay.) I don't normally get a thanks out of anything I do. This breaks my heart, because all I want to do is please people. I don't want to feel like a failure or an inconvenience to people, so I try to hardest to make others happy. Not even hearing a thanks can make me feel ten times worse than when I started.

I've gotten straight A's on my report cards every year since starting high school. I don't just get these grades naturally, although it may seem flawless to someone who sees me answering test questions. I study and stress for weeks at a time to get just the right grade to keep me at that perfect 4.0. I try to be humble about it when people ask, but I would always rush home to show my mom as soon as possible. After awhile she had started to expect good grades from me. I would bring home another 4.0 report card and just hear," Cool." or "Just put in in that drawer." Along with that, I want to share my achievements with my family. I will show them the nature photos I captured on my phone or ask them to read one of my poems or judge one of my paintings for me. I'll hear the same," Cool" or "Put it in that drawer" as I do with my report cards, and that kills me. I started to be less and less proud of myself, and I no longer show my family the things that I do because I know it won't do me any good anyway.

I've noticed recently that my creativity has been low. I don't want to write, I don't want to paint, and I haven't been holding my phone out the car window to take pictures of the beautiful scenery outside like I normally would. I've just lost my drive to do things. I would normally rush to the aid of someone in need, but I've found that I simply don't want to help people any more. I used to love the giving and determined part of my nature, and it was my favorite personality trait within myself, but now it's gone. I've simply given up. I no longer feel the need to try, and I no longer even want to make an attempt.

The only place I've been putting my creativity recently is GaG, so thank you my fellow GaGgers for reading these MyTakes and posting opinions. It's appreciated greatly.

[Spiorad_Aisce]

I am glad that GaG is providing you with an outlet. It is great to be a nice person and do things for other people, sometimes you don't get appreciated, sometimes you get recognition at times you may feel you get too much.
The concept I am going to talk about, I came to realise when my father was ill. My mother, my sister and I were his primary carers. We were very fortunate to be aided by a really helpful healthcare team so we could keep him at home during the last years of his life. One of the earliest things they drummed into us was "Look after yourself", our natural reaction was "It is all about him, we should concentrate a 100% on him" but as the care demands became more full on I saw the wisdom in this, I was no use to my father if I got sick/hurt from overdoing it.
While it is not as dramatic, being nice is good but if you are not feeling the benefit. Say you feel constantly underappreciated, you are going to lose morale and maybe sink into a bad mood then you won't seem as nice as before. So look after yourself, if you are not feeling good take a step back. I had a bad patch recently, luckily I knew what was happening but I made a conscious decision just to do what was necessary and take the rest of the time for myself. I am now back to my old self somewhat and do feel like getting more involved.
I am not advocating physical violence but mentally pick your battles and think about it like this "Life is like a war. War is a series of battles. You may lose a battle but move on. Constantly reliving old battles won't help in future battles or the war".
So in conclusion after a roundabout opinion (1) Look after yourself (2) There will be good days and bad days (3) When walking forward, look ahead not over your shoulder all the time. This take is a few days old, hope you feel better.

[apple24]

I wrote a long statement but my wifi sucked. Sorry!

[joeb73]

even though they might not appropriate you fore everything you do i can truthfully say thank you for sharing a little part of your self with us. about the grades you dont need there approval to know you done a good job because with all the hard work you do you will go along way with what ever you want to do in the future. at least you are doing one thing that i never did and that was pay attention in school. you might see it now but it will pay you back more than you will ever know in the future.

[myTake Owner]

Thank you, this was sweet :)

[Almosthopelesscase]

Its difficult when family don't appreciate your efforts. You seem like a lovely person and creative and talented. I would just say don't ever give up or stop trying. You just need to move on from trying to please others all the time (especially those that don't appear to appreciate it) to doing things for your own approval. I know that's hard to do and you may never be entirely free from the need to please others, but it is definitely possible to make progress. Whatever you do, always believe in yourself and do what you do for your own approval. That way you will become the person you want to be and the thoughtlessness and selfishness of others will matter less.

[myTake Owner]

Thank you, I appreciate that you took the time to actually read this and try to fix my problem :)

[Prof_Don]

This is why it is important to do things for oneself primarily, not necessarily to get approval of others.

I don't blame u for wanting to shun you're family because of the negativity they bring. Keep on doing good in school so u can use college as a way out of that life. :)

[myTake Owner]

Thanks :)

[2tall2handle]

I don't blame you. I got good grade the later half of High School and the straight A's all of college and graduate school. My family could have cared less, even though I'm the only one with an advanced education and have never flaunted it at all, and never would. Common sense goes farther than a graduate school education ever will in my opinion. Don't get me wrong having it will get me jobs, and a career that I want, but I don't associate with my family any more than I have too.

[Satisfyd]

You are an amazing person. Please don't stop being you yet. Just hold on a little longer and you will be rewarded. Be stubborn do not give them the satisfaction of hurting you. You have the power and the will. Stay strong.

[myTake Owner]

Thanks:)

[Prince_teddy4u]

Love you. Hugs. You're beautiful and I'm with you. By your side. You're great girl. Thank you for being so nice to us and to DL even whom you don't know. You're the channel of hope to the people. You're lights off happiness in the darkness of agony.

[myTake Owner]

Thanks, that's sweet

[Prince_teddy4u]

You really got the skills of writing and expressing yourself well. Try your career in writing. I can see bright future for you.

[dipta]

It's normal to feel unappreciated sometimes and, as you know, not everyone will roll with your ideas every time. The opposite is probably also true.

Don't mean to put you down or anything, but one of the goals of being genuinely nice is actually doing things without expecting a return from them.
In the same way, you can do some things that make you feel happy, even if everyone else doesn't really attribute the same value to them as you do.

[LiveFreeorDieHard]

look you sound really soft. why do you seek approval in other people, fuck them. why do you let people use you, tell them no. your living life for yourself and nobody else. live your life with no apologies or regrets.

[myTake Owner]

Because since I was 6 I've been called a failure at everything and told I'll end up like my mother (two baby daddies, only knows one and the one she does know is a druggy) and I don't want to end up that way, so I try to be the best at everything. I as starved of affection and now I need to make up for that attention by doing well and getting approval.

[LiveFreeorDieHard]

I've had people call me some pretty mean shit but it doesn't bother me. I just keep chugging along. when you want approval, you should seek it from yourself.