It's time to check your perspective at the door, because I'm going to give you a different view of the topic at hand. The topic is 'Why you can't flirt' and what that means.
So you're a guy or girl, probably getting a bit down on yourself because you don't seem to have much luck with the opposite sex. Men don't seem to approach me. Women don't seem to notice me or give me any signs she's interested.
Sound familiar?
It should, because countless people have these EXACT thoughts fairly often when they have a dry spell (or never had any spell at all for the inexperienced bunch out there). You see other people doing it. You see other men catching the attention of women. You see other women getting approached by guys. Flirting. You know they are doing it. Eventually the question comes up: "Why can't I flirt?"
I think the title of this question is almost unfair because it's answering a question that doesn't actually have any basis. "Why can't I flirt?" It's a loaded question. Any attempt to answer it would be to say that you CAN'T flirt, which isn't true. You CAN flirt, but you come up with excuses not to flirt. So here comes the REAL question you need to ask: "Why aren't I flirting?"
Let's come up a list of some popular reasons why people decide not to flirt:
To an extent, they would be right. If your attitude is that you don't like yourself and hate on yourself, people generally aren't drawn to that negative behavior. We all want to feel GOOD about ourselves. We are empathetic beings. That means if somebody is dragging their feet, pissing and moaning, depressing, chances are we are going to get dragged down with them and we don't want that.
So if you find yourself being Mr./Mrs. Negativity, you're setting yourself up for this cycle of self-loathing. There's a good chance that your self-image is being tied directly to your social standing with others. If that's the case, it really is a cycle. You get down on yourself for not being the social person you want to be, and you're not the social person you want to be because you're constantly beating yourself down. Break the cycle.
The reality is simple. You WILL be rejected. Pretty often actually. Failure is inevitable.
But it's a learning process. It's a growing process. It's not something to take personally. Rejection should NOT be something you tie into your self-image. Your self-esteem should exist internally, not externally. It's your self-esteem after all. Self being the key here. Not Otherpeoplesopinion-esteem. Rejection has nothing to do with you as an individual. It's not a measurement of worth, and you shouldn't feel embarrassed about it. Show me the person who doesn't fail, I'll show you a fraud. We all fail. We all get rejected. Take it in stride.
They're sabotaging themselves and their happiness when it comes to relationships. Their primary failure comes from their inability to entertain the notion that maybe they're wrong. Maybe the world isn't what they thought. Maybe things don't work the way they believe. Maybe things aren't clear cut and just maybe, they don't really have a clue what they're talking about.
They won't admit to that though. They won't entertain that possibility, so they're stuck. Become open-minded. Sure, maybe the world really is a horrible place where everyone gets screwed, but that doesn't mean you have to live your life under those rules. After all, Gandhi said it best, "Be the change you wish to see".
So now that we've gone through some popular reasons why people say they can't flirt, lets just go ahead and call them what they are: crap. That's what those reasons are. The only thing stopping you from flirting is YOU. You CAN flirt. You may need to learn some of the more effective ways to do so, but that doesn't mean you can't.
When you fall off your bike for the first time, it doesn't mean you CAN'T ride a bike, it means you haven't mastered it yet. Do you decide you'll never ride a bike again? No. If you fail a test at school, are you going to quit school for the rest of your life because you decided it must mean you're incapable of learning? No. The truth is there's some time in life where you failed and got back into the mix. You failed a test and you tried again on the next one. You crashed your bike, and you got back on it. Why are relationships any different? Because they hurt more when you fail? If that's the case, it only means that the reward must be that much sweeter. The greater the risk, the greater the reward.
The point is you can flirt, so why aren't you? Stop trying to explain yourself, start trying to better yourself.
So you're a guy or girl, probably getting a bit down on yourself because you don't seem to have much luck with the opposite sex. Men don't seem to approach me. Women don't seem to notice me or give me any signs she's interested.
Sound familiar?
It should, because countless people have these EXACT thoughts fairly often when they have a dry spell (or never had any spell at all for the inexperienced bunch out there). You see other people doing it. You see other men catching the attention of women. You see other women getting approached by guys. Flirting. You know they are doing it. Eventually the question comes up: "Why can't I flirt?"
I think the title of this question is almost unfair because it's answering a question that doesn't actually have any basis. "Why can't I flirt?" It's a loaded question. Any attempt to answer it would be to say that you CAN'T flirt, which isn't true. You CAN flirt, but you come up with excuses not to flirt. So here comes the REAL question you need to ask: "Why aren't I flirting?"
Let's come up a list of some popular reasons why people decide not to flirt:
Physical appearance
This person believes they're ugly, horrible, disgusting, worthless, terrible looking people with no value what so ever. Self esteem issues - that's what we are trying to get at here. This person doesn't seem to like who they are, so they don't think others will either.To an extent, they would be right. If your attitude is that you don't like yourself and hate on yourself, people generally aren't drawn to that negative behavior. We all want to feel GOOD about ourselves. We are empathetic beings. That means if somebody is dragging their feet, pissing and moaning, depressing, chances are we are going to get dragged down with them and we don't want that.
So if you find yourself being Mr./Mrs. Negativity, you're setting yourself up for this cycle of self-loathing. There's a good chance that your self-image is being tied directly to your social standing with others. If that's the case, it really is a cycle. You get down on yourself for not being the social person you want to be, and you're not the social person you want to be because you're constantly beating yourself down. Break the cycle.
Fear of rejection
Maybe you talked this person out of beating up on themselves, only to find that their initial social withdraw was a result of rejection. They got hurt/rejected in the past, and they take the rejection personally.The reality is simple. You WILL be rejected. Pretty often actually. Failure is inevitable.
But it's a learning process. It's a growing process. It's not something to take personally. Rejection should NOT be something you tie into your self-image. Your self-esteem should exist internally, not externally. It's your self-esteem after all. Self being the key here. Not Otherpeoplesopinion-esteem. Rejection has nothing to do with you as an individual. It's not a measurement of worth, and you shouldn't feel embarrassed about it. Show me the person who doesn't fail, I'll show you a fraud. We all fail. We all get rejected. Take it in stride.
Disillusionment
Sometimes the person has just become so entrenched in this negativity that their perspective of the world has changed. Or sometimes the person expected something that it wasn't and now feels like they have been cheated. Whatever the reason, whatever the philosophy, they believe that it's no longer worth the time or effort to bother. They're disillusioned with relationships, and that's a shame. But that's a choice on their part. They're embracing this line of thinking, it doesn't mean they aren't capable of flirting, or having a relationship. It means they've become their own worst enemy.They're sabotaging themselves and their happiness when it comes to relationships. Their primary failure comes from their inability to entertain the notion that maybe they're wrong. Maybe the world isn't what they thought. Maybe things don't work the way they believe. Maybe things aren't clear cut and just maybe, they don't really have a clue what they're talking about.
They won't admit to that though. They won't entertain that possibility, so they're stuck. Become open-minded. Sure, maybe the world really is a horrible place where everyone gets screwed, but that doesn't mean you have to live your life under those rules. After all, Gandhi said it best, "Be the change you wish to see".
So now that we've gone through some popular reasons why people say they can't flirt, lets just go ahead and call them what they are: crap. That's what those reasons are. The only thing stopping you from flirting is YOU. You CAN flirt. You may need to learn some of the more effective ways to do so, but that doesn't mean you can't.
When you fall off your bike for the first time, it doesn't mean you CAN'T ride a bike, it means you haven't mastered it yet. Do you decide you'll never ride a bike again? No. If you fail a test at school, are you going to quit school for the rest of your life because you decided it must mean you're incapable of learning? No. The truth is there's some time in life where you failed and got back into the mix. You failed a test and you tried again on the next one. You crashed your bike, and you got back on it. Why are relationships any different? Because they hurt more when you fail? If that's the case, it only means that the reward must be that much sweeter. The greater the risk, the greater the reward.
The point is you can flirt, so why aren't you? Stop trying to explain yourself, start trying to better yourself.
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