People's Failure to Understand Anxiety: My Thoughts

[georgiax]

I've struggled with anxiety for years, badly. If you have it you will know how I feel, the constant battle with your mind over doing such simple things, and the actual physical symptoms too...heart palpitations, chest pain etc, it's horrible. Yet my mum has never understood or shown any sympathy, I went to the doctors about it on my own because I didn't even want her there, she has since been to the doctors with me about it and I've told her how hard it is but there's just no sympathy and its heartbreaking for me.

I'm saying this as I'm feeling upset about it right now, she just asked me to go to the shop (which I would have) but I said no as I'm busy right now doing my coursework for class tomorrow which needs to be done, the reason wasn't even my anxiety. Then she continued to get mad and say stuff like "you wouldn't go anyway, what 18 year old can't go to the shop, it's pathetic" to which she was refferring to my anxiety and my lack of studying over the summer (I was in a bad place mentally).

So I try making her understand by saying "do you have anxiety? you have no idea how it feels, its a mental illness" and she was just so mean and insensitive and said stuff like "just get over it, you're just lazy, who cares" and stuff. which is actually so nasty I think, so I obviously got very angry and upset and I still am. I think it's so horrible for her to act this way when I'm clearly battling a mental disorder which she does not understand or even try to take seriously. it's so hard.

[Commander_Red]

I have anxiety as well as major depression so I can understand what you mean. I have a family who, while they love me and try to support me, still don't understand what I am going though.

They equate depression as sadness and anxiety as nervous, which aren't the same thing. It's a whole new level and a scarier level at that. I used to be in your shoes where my mom, especially didn't understand, would downgrade me and question sometimes my intelligence or competency as a human being. She would compare me to people a lot, saying, "Why can't you do what this person does?" Or "She can do it, why can't you? What's wrong with you?"

So of course, this really hurt my self-esteem and made me feel worse about myself. It got to a point where I even tried to take my own life, because I thought there really was something wrong with me and that I was better off anyway.

However, still being alive now, and even though I still have depression and anxiety myself, I want to tell you that it will be a long battle and that you have to be strong and push through. Find resources to help your parents understand. Try to plan out how you're going to explain what you have. Try to get them to support you at the doctors if possible. Keep planning. It won't be bullet proof, but it'll help you and your parents have a deeper relationship because you are both making progress.

I wish you the best of luck.

[georgiax]

Thank you so much:) and I’m sorry to hear that, I hope you are well

[evm987]

I totally feel you. I don't have constantly bad anxiety, it's more of a come and go kind of thing, but when it comes it's bad. My family doesn't really get it either. When my anxiety gets really bad, I can't do homework without crying/chest pain/shortness of breath. My mom calls that "getting stuck" which is exactly the same phrase she uses when I'm just procrastinating and purposefully not doing homework because I don't want to. That bugs me because it's totally not the same thing. A couple months ago, my doctor put me on medication and my mom's answer was "is that really necessary?". Like... I guess I'd survive without it but when I can't deal with daily life without breaking down and everything my counselor has tried with me hasn't made much difference, something has to be done.

[georgiax]

I feel for you because I relate so much, we can get through this eventually, I hope x

[Reggieray]

You're both right, in a manner of speaking.

Your anxiety is real, it is a mental illness. What your mother said is true, you do need to get over it... his is the simple truth, but it is by no means easy. You can seek help, but no one else can solve it for you. Being a victim may garner sympathy, but it will ultimately do you no good. You are on the internet, which means right now, you have access to resources; people who have the same affliction as you. Some wallow in pity, while others have found techniques for overcoming their obstacles, only the ladder will help you. Figure out who has had success facing this illness and emulate them. It is not a "one size fits all" fix, so you might have to try more than one technique.

Rise up.

[blackbirdsinging]

As someone clinically diagnosed with anxiety among other mental illnesses, anxiety is hell. It took my parents years to understand mine even after therapist after therapist approached them. They really only tried to understand me after I was in a partial hospitalization program. As hard as it is, you may just have to wait is out. Try to educate her on the difference between being anxious and having an anxiety disorder. Once she knows this, tell her what she can do to be helpful. Sometimes though, like with me, it takes many really bad instances to shock patients awake. Best of luck

[wankiam]

one thing you need to know is that your anxiety is all yours and its not for other people to have to understand it or cater for it... having said that rather than battling her with statements like,'have you got anxiety?' you could find a simple explaination on a medical site online and ask her to read it so she has at least some understanding.

[georgiax]

yeah i just said it as i was angry etc. I would of thought she knows what it is at her age but some people are just ignorant

[wankiam]

see thats what i mean... why would you assume she should know and that she is ignorant? she hasn't got anxiety herself so why should she know. thats like saying you should know how to fix my car... you need to cut her some slack and understand that anxiety or not the best thing to do is get on with real life in the real world. yes its hard, more than hard but you can't expect people to pussy foot around you else you will never get better. i know you must think im a cunt for being so harsh but i have been where you are right now

[georgiax]

I disagree, issues such as depression get more understanding, whereas anxiety is usually looked past and seen as not a big deal. she is my own mother and has known how I've felt for years, yet shown no empathy or comfort. I do not sympathise her at all, don't make her the victim when she is being so insensitive and obnoxious to her own daughter.

[wankiam]

not making her tthe victim at all... im just saying that you could help the situation by understanding her a little too... if you can't then you need to move out and whilst that will be good for you i doubt you would see it that way as you dont yet seemed to have grasped the concept that this is your life and its not for others to make it easy for you

[georgiax]

you didn't understand what I was trying to say... dont worry

[wankiam]

hmmmm there may be misunderstanding on both sides here but thats a good analogy of how you should see things with your mum too. you know its got to be hard on her and ofcourse sometimes you will make her angry... doesn't mean she doesn't care and im sure you love her too

[Commander_Red]

No one is saying that people are obliged to cater to people with anxiety, however, there should be a basic understanding of anxiety in general. While the anxiety is her own, so are other conditions that are other people's like, allergies. "The allergy is your own and not for other people to have to understand or cater for it..." See where, I'm going with this?

It is a mental illness that should be understood just like any other illness or medical condition out there. To ask why people should try to understand... well in this context, she is her mother, which is the main reason number 1.

The second main is that there is already a stigma out there towards people with mental health issues in general. There is little support from both society and the government, even in the US, for people with mental illnesses. Also, it is even worse in countries outside the US like Japan and India where people have been ostracized from work or relationships simply because of their condition.

[wankiam]

@Commander_Red thanks for wading in and for the most part i agree totally with you but this is not a nationa legislative situation we were discussing... its a mum and daughter and in any real world situation like that the mum has just as much right to occasionally lose it as the sufferer has to being understood. doesn't matter how understanding someone is... push them to far and they are bound to have an occasional outburst. nothing you said or the asker will detract from the belief that my opening statement was correct. and no its not like pret a manger killing that girl with a sandwich

[bamesjond0069]

Everyone has anxiety. Everyone. If you push forward and face things that increase your anxiety it gets better and if you don't then it gets worse. Most people get over most of their anxiety because they fight through it and then it disappears. Then you have people like you who have been getting coddled and special treatment because you tell everyone you have a "mental illness" and it gets so bad you are at the point you are at now.

[georgiax]

No not everyone has anxiety, everyone gets anxious, it’s completely different. That’s like saying depression doesn’t exist and that everyone gets sad. Until you experience if you have no idea how it feels, so don’t say such insensitive things

[Other_Tommy_Wiseau]

cool? the real question is what are you doing about it? i have anxiety too. it's not that i've gotten over it so much as i put myself in situations where having anxiety isn't an option. doesn't make it go away or that you get over it, but you're not letting it stop you.

[Aiko_E_Lara]

Same I do had anxiety but it kinda subsided when I stopped judging people. I just learn that we only have anxiety if we judge because you'll end up judging yourself and that's when we start overthinking when we try to say something. That's just one factor tho. There are other things that causes it like caffeine, stress, lack of sleep or I think there's more and it's best to avoid those. I just wish pain can be expressed by human language but good thing I can feel people.

[Aiko_E_Lara]

If you wanna talk to me about it, you can anytime but it's up to you.

[Toldol2]

Read peaceful books and practice.
Anxiety is not a disease. Start by understanding why worrying is killing your mind and most importantly, why you need your mind for in your personnal life.
It is all about having a purpose in your life.

[nakhrewali]

Same tbh

[Montana07]

As long as you understand that's all that matters

[Secretgardenblood]

Good take
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