Why I Think Being An Introvert Is Ruining My Life

First of all I'd like to address that I was always a shy and closed type of person, never have been one to embrace the love from guys who noticeably wanted to have sex with me. I've grown a custom to being by myself that I feel like I'm missing out on one of the most beautiful aspects of life.

1. Spending time alone

Why I Think Being An Introvert Is Ruining My Life

I think this one is fairly important so I'm going to quickly go over it, I spend a lot of my time at home with little to no social interaction outside my family. This has put a strain on my social skills and makes incredibly awkward conversations with other people. I feel as though when I try to go out and spend time with others I panic and become afraid of going through with it. Perhaps the most stressful thing is going to work and coming home with nothing to do besides cleaning the house alone. It's awful spending so much time alone because you miss the best parts of life.

2. Slow to embrace new company

Why I Think Being An Introvert Is Ruining My Life

I struggle a lot when it comes to finding friends and a potential boyfriend, guys write me off as too boring in conversations or not what they expected and calls the dates off. It's very hard on my love life and social life knowing that being introverted as pretty much ruined the common core aspects of finding love or even close friends. Interaction with others should come naturally but not for me, unfortunately this is something I've accepted and have a hard time stepping out of my comfort zone to try again. The idea of being around others makes me scared which is why I think that being introverted has hurt my ability to make friends.

3. Afraid of people

Why I Think Being An Introvert Is Ruining My Life

And lastly something I want to say is frankly being as shy as I am, being in large crowds or around people in general raises my anxiety levels way past my usual normal self when I'm alone and secluded by myself. This ties in with the making new friends thing because I'm a social disaster in public settings. I think if I were less afraid and spread my wings a bit then maybe I could get past these problems one by one, until then though.. being an introvert has ruined my social life and many aspects of my sexual life as well.

4. Struggling to adjust to social queues and normalities

Why I Think Being An Introvert Is Ruining My Life

One other thing I struggle greatly with is learning how to read other people when they talk and how they react, this is something that has been plaguing my mind when it comes to socializing. The fact that I'm unable to tell when a guy clearly likes me is startling, brushing off love for a friendship, breaking many guys hearts. It's something I fail to see until it's too late. No one has a book in their head about how to act around others and social norms is another thing that I still continue to pick up on and struggle with still to this day. It's something that you have to learn over time but it seems like I was very late in learning these things.

If you made it this far, then thank you for reading, and I hope you are able to prevent the same mistakes I have gone through.

Why I Think Being An Introvert Is Ruining My Life
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Most Helpful Girls

  • lumos

    Most of these things actually don't have a lot to do with being an introvert. Introversion boils down to what types of activities you enjoy and how you recharge. Introverts tend to enjoy solitary activities, such as reading, writing, hiking, and working with different kinds of creative projects. Introverts recharge their energy by withdrawing from social activities and relaxing on their own. Extroverts enjoy activities that are more social, and also recharge by participating in these social activities.

    A common misconception is that all introverts are shy, all introverts are terrible at social situations and absolutely hate going out and meeting people because it makes them anxious or they don't understand other people. This is completely false, these traits have nothing to do with being an introvert. These traits have more to do with a person's personality, upbringing, confidence, and possible mental or developmental disorders such as depression, general anxiety disorder, autism etc.

    I'm an introvert and I love spending time with people. I'm confident, funny, great at reading people and social situations, and an empath. There's just a limit to how much time I can spend with other people until I feel exhausted. I love reading, drawing and writing. I used to be a lot more shy, but I've simply worked on my confidence and forced myself into situations that were uncomfortable, but I ultimately survived (and hence learned that doing xyz won't kill me).

    To me, it sounds like you'd benefit a lot from going to therapy. A lot of the issues you're facing can't just be boiled down to you being an introvert. It seems like you aren't very confident, you suffer a lot from different types of anxiety, and you might also have some trust issues? One thing I want you to know is that you're not alone in facing these problems, and you definitely don't have to feel this way for the rest of your life if you're willing to do something about it. Talking to someone about these things and having someone listen, understand and help you could do wonders for you. These traits aren't necessarily inherent to who you are as a person, and I think there are things you can do to help yourself feel better and perform better in social situations.

    Is this still revelant?
  • Izumiblu

    Well , I think to help you get things in perspective. Introversion isn’t a bad thing you are kind of conflating introversion and shyness (or social anxiety). So for me I’m introverted but I’m not shy and have no general forms of social anxiety.

    I like my alone time, it’s how I recharge. I also like social interaction on my own terms. I’ll never be the outgoing life of the party person with a bazillion friends. If I were put in that position I’d be so stressed out I’d probably wanna crawl in a pit and die.

    Point is introversion isn’t anything to worry about, but social anxiety is. Social anxiety is fixable though and social interaction is a learned behavior not a gifted talent. You just need to work at it and be willing to make mistakes just like on anything else you might attempt to learn.

    Is this still revelant?

Most Helpful Guys

  • NyfikenSyd


    While i feel with you I think you are confusing introvert with shy, social awkward and reserved.
    Introvert, in it's simplest explanation means that you get energy when you are alone. It doesn't mean that you cant/wont socialize, but afterwards you need and want time alone to recharge your batteries. The opposite is the extrovert who thrives in company and gets energy that way. They are depleted after too long alone with a good book.

    I'm not saying this to say you are wrong - I'm saying it so that when you go looking for help online or professionally you ask/look for the right thing. It is not being an introvert that you need to address, it is your shyness and nervousness of being around people.

    I do hope you find something that works for you. I'd personally recommend seeing a therapist for help. Good luck!

    Is this still revelant?
    • I know I got the term mixed up but I still think I have it to some degree because I'm tired being around people too, that's not saying I am 100% an introvert now that I know the difference, I'm just saying what I know now that I could be part of it.

  • SpearsAndStones

    Well, at least your a woman where this shit won't follow you around your whole life. When you're a woman not having experience is "good". When you're a man not having experience is "bad". You'll be fine. You just have to accept interest. If you were a man, you'd be fucked. Because if you're a man who can't make a woman attracted to him by 21, you're fucked. But you're a woman. You'll be fine. Whatever personality traits you have as a woman, you'll still be able to find someone who likes you. If you were a man, you'd be fucked just for showing ANY emotion. So just count your lucky stars that you're attracting a gender that doesn't require you to fuck yourself emotionally before you're even in the running to be considered the correct gender, i. e. a "real man". "real man"="fuckboy" btw!

    Is this still revelant?
    • MajorZero

      I couldn’t have said it better. Totally agree.

What Girls & Guys Said

  • Thomas_Shelby

    Your problem isn’t being an introvert, your problem is your lack of understanding and appreciation for the value of being an introvert. You clearly want to talk to people, make friends, have a romantic relationship, etcetera, that’s not something a true introvert would want, or at least not all of it.

    There are two kinds of introverts: ones who simply prefer being alone but are still capable of talking to people, making friends, etcetera, and those who have certain things holding them back from doing so;anxiety, social pressure and stress, and maybe insecurity or lack of confidence.

    I’ll give myself as an example, growing up as a kid I was an introvert, I read lots of books and did most of the stuff by myself. If it weren’t for this my IQ wouldn’t be nearly as high. I’ve advanced so much in the past 6-8 years just by reading all the time instead of hanging out with friends that I considered friendship useless and a waste of time.

    Obviously you’re not like me, you don’t appreciate the benefits of being alone, the fact that 99% of the people you meet are too stupid or boring to have an interesting conversation with so you’d rather talk with Hawking through his book.

    These sort of introverts, the ones that thrive when they’re alone, are true introverts. Being shy and unconfident in yourself isn’t what makes you an introvert. You are no doubt a true extrovert, you just had some difficulties along the way.

    You’ll have to be brave and uncaring for the negative consequences. You’re years and years behind, but you’ll have to start sooner rather than later.

    Go out (are you in university, how old are you, do you have a job). Answer those questions and I’ll get back to you

  • SomeGuyCalledTom

    I totally understand where you're coming from, and these are all things I've contemplated a lot myself over the years. I alternate between enjoying solitude and craving company, but by nature I'm an introvert.

    But introversion itself is not the issue here.

    See, introversion is just an indicator of how your body manages its energy levels. Extroverts GAIN energy around other people. Introverts DRAIN their own energy when around other people. All that means is that introverts have a "time limit" for how long they can comfortably tolerate being around people.

    For an introvert, silence is golden, but that doesn't mean we can't get out our own heads and enjoy other people's company. It just means that we have to be realistic about how much "people stuff" we can expose ourselves to in one session... before getting "tired".

    To understand this is to understand the source of your freedom. For instance, when I went to bars and clubs around age 18/19, I'd try to be super high energy all night long, but then I'd go home and not talk to anyone for 2 or 3 days afterwards, because my social battery was totally depleted. These days at a club or bar, I'll chat for a bit with friends, then peel off on my own for about 20 minutes, get a drink or whatever... then maybe I'll flirt with a cute girl a bit, maybe take her number... then find my friends again, chat a bit more, maybe have a dance... and then the moment I start feeling myself switching off for the night, I'll just get my jacket, say a quick goodbye, and leave. Knowing I can disengage and re-engage at my own leisure takes a big weight off my shoulders. Knowing I'm not tied at the hip to any one person or group of people is very liberating.

    There's probably much more I could get into in response to your mytake regarding social anxiety, etc. I'm still kinda putting together the same puzzle pieces, as personal circumstances have turned me into something of a hermit lately, and so I've lost some of that "sharpness" in social situations, and old habits have started returning. But my parting question for you would be: If stepping out your comfort zone is so hard, then what would be an acceptable level of difficulty for you to take on as a challenge? If "making new friends" seems too hard right now, maybe you can try simply "leaving the house on Friday night and spend 1 hour in a public social space without leaving". Gradual steps, etc.

  • MarkRet

    I'm an introvert, yet I've been married for 33 years. In high school, I was very withdrawn, and the only friends I had were a few guys who were in the same situation. I didn't even TALK to girls, because I didn't know what to say to them, and they usually made fun of me anyway.

    A couple of years after graduating, I started doing things that interested me, like bowling and partying with co-workers (if you go to a party, you could either talk to somebody, or just wander around nursing a drink and listening in on whatever conversation was going on), inner-tubing down creeks with co-workers, and taking ice skating lessons. The thing about the skating was I could either talk to somebody, or just work on some skating moves by myself, which in some cases, somebody would come up to me and say, "That's a really cool move you did. How do you do that?"

    Trying and doing all these kinds of things gave me a feeling of accomplishment and self-confidence, which then made it easier to interact. I'm still kind of an introvert, but I've come a long way from that scared high school nerd.

  • unkemptclockwork

    I know it's anxiety and everything, but, anyway, I know that feel. It's this horrible feeling that you're between two worlds: what you are, and what you wish to be. There's people that is introvert and enjoy their life and whatever, but we're not. We don't know what to do, and it feels like we're wasting the "most beautiful moments in our life", as everyone says. I don't have a solution, but I feel you. Just cheer up, it's ok, don't give up.

  • MusicMayhem

    All of the problems you've mentioned are fixable. But you have to be willing to challenge yourself and expose yourself to a little discomfort to improve. I had social anxiety. Heck I still do. I didn't go to a club until I was 26. But I'm constantly improving and getting more and better opportunities with people in life.

  • TheKack

    I went through this as well. I know how hard it is to "just" go out and meet people. I actually only have most of my friends now because an extreme extrovert sat next to me and kind of forced social interaction on me. This won't work I all situations, but it definitely helped me.

    I feel for you, and I wish there were a quick fix to all of this stuff, but there isn't. I will say that, sometimes, you just have to put yourself out there and hope. Being honest in your communications helps, especially concerning guys (subtlety is not our strongest attribute). Also, by prefacing interactions with, "I don't get subtlety well, so..." or similar, will allow guys to be more overt in their actions.

    You can also start small. Try interacting with strangers online. Work up to voice calls over Skype, then video calls, and finally going out. There are anonymous ways to do this, you don't need to give out your name, number, or other personally identifiable information. Just go have conversations with random people.

    I really do wish you the best of luck in your journey through life. I'm here if you need to talk, and I hope you will keep us posted.

  • I’ve always been introverted coupled with finding most people just plain dull. Every once in a good while I’ll meet someone particularly intelligent, interesting, or funny but it’s few and far between. Most people I know find it difficult to get me out of the house. Everything I like is there.

  • I think bein' an introvert has saved your life. People who go out a lot raise their risk of dying in a car accident or being gunned down by an angry Trumptard. So count your blessings!
    Why I Think Being An Introvert Is Ruining My Life

  • Truthatanycost

    This sounds like confusing shyness and inconfidence with introversion. I know an introverted guy that picks up on social queues that no one else does, he can talk to anyone, knows how to place people at ease and more. In fact, he has better social skills than the people that go out all of the time... but he prefers being alone more than around other people.

    • jmorris86

      I am that guy 100%. Very introverted but can talk to anyone and great at reading people.

  • LoU_Hades

    Most people overcome their being shy phase. I think you're too much focused on the disadvantages of being shy instead seeing your strengths. Maybe someone special in your life would deflect the majority of your thoughts about yourself and you could forget many things from your past or finding a relief while looking beyond the horizon of your ego.

  • jamesnewman

    I totally agree, I used to be very introverted. People in general don't like introverts, we creep them out, some think we're stuck up. Social life? Pfft forget it! Honestly the second I started being outgoing and happy all the time I found myself in a much smoother position in life.

  • veebee14

    There’s nothing wrong with it I guess... however maybe your less social and have not many friends so life can seem very lonely and like you have no one. To me I have a balance I have amazing friends I can spend my time with and Also I have time to myself but that’s because I want to

  • Chadnelson1973

    Yes I'm a introvert too and it can be a struggle with friends , dating , work , social activities , meeting new people. Some things get easier some things remain the same and yet there is a lot that's very difficult dating is the hardest trying to get courage to ask someone out on a date can feel like a eternity planning for weeks and second guessing. So yes it's a struggle

  • Huzair

    Being introvert is different. I've been through all of the above situations and I can say it's anxiety and social phobia. I'm glad I managed to overcome my fears and now I'm happy to have a good social circle and positive life.

    • zik1989

      I share with you. Keep smiling and be happy as you can/want. Best wishes.

    • Huzair


  • Browneye57

    Introversion isn't something to apologize for. Social skills are learned. I know, I'm very introverted and function quite well thank you.
    75% of the population, both genders, are extroverted. They actually believe there's something wrong with introverts - and will try to convince you of that. You'll hear the questions..."Just what is wrong with you anyway?" Or some such.
    Lots more info if you want it. Time to quit choosing to be a victim.

  • it2ly

    Half of this also relates to an extrovert
    introvert just means you loose energy around people and gain energy alone.
    Extrovert means you loose energy alone and gain it around people.
    I have social anxiety yet I get energy from being around people and loose it when alone.

    But anyway, I know heapsssss of introvertss and you can still be positive and happy as one and it isn't ruining your life. Just hang with a small group

  • TexasBorn217

    #1 through #3 are the stories of my life.
    I can definitely say that being an introvert makes it extremely hard for me to deal with people. I was introverted when I was in middle and high school. But I feel like it's at an extreme now in my adulthood. And it's socially, emotionally, and mentally crippling.

  • kinetic1983

    I'm a introvert too but you have to make yourself do the things that make you anxious. Its not easy but you have to keep trying. Go on YouTube and search Frank James. He talks about personality types primarily but has good videos on social anxiety and other stuff that you are having issues with. You can do it!

  • OddBeMe

    First off, extroverts have just as many disadvantages. There is no perfect person. So take advantage of being an introvert, like being more self-sufficient.

    Life is about pressuring yourself into difficult situations and learning from them. Just because it’s harder for us to meet people doesn’t mean we can’t do it.

  • Clinton321

    Wow.. It's seem not only you.. am passing the same shit.. it hard community with my on family. .. I always feel lonely... the things I wish to change mostly it me been so afraid... I wish I have someone that Wii be close to me.. telling me about the source of life

  • Quidthonian

    I am an introbert (INTJ on the MBTI test) and I fully identify with all the points that you raise. We are the thinkers of society; others build on our ideas. We do have our place in nature, otherwise introversion would not exist.

    I am very open to you making contact over PM with me. As a fellow introvert, I would be able to support you and listen to your daily struggles.

    • markalan

      I used to be more introverted , I have become more open and can generally start a conversation with anyone. know I missed opportunities in past

  • Aguysopinion4799

    I know this is serious, but... but... but it just feels so cute <3

    I think it's because I have helped a large number of introverts to open up a little by little and I find their shyness to be super cute.

    I prefer to help them with lowering the anxiety and fear of new people but I make it clear that it is okay to be shy, I don't intend on making them suddenly become 100% extrovert, I just like to help them socialise and not be afraid of people.

    From your description, I do want to meet you, but I know I can't, it's just that you remind me of a college classmate I had 2 years ago :p

    I hope your Introversy becomes less of a burden and more of a personality trait that doesn't consume you

  • Aethereal

    Your myTake has inspired me to write my own. Because I don't think being an introvert is a bad thing. Check it out if you feel like it :)

  • more_than_a_guy

    I think in addition to the introvertness, you have social anxiety, which is the one that holds you back. Nothing wrong about introverts, but you should work on the social anxiety and care less about what people think. I an not saying that you should be a sociopath, but a little bit more about yourself than others. And even introverts need friends, so try to learn methods to keep conversations going and overcome the fear.

  • cheekylad

    Hey am 50 lived a wild life cazry cheeky bloke one thing girls allways say is AM handsome. problem is I can't chat to women unless they chat with me first. even then I missed lot's of sexy fit devine looking women go I missed kissing cuddles showing love flowers and holding hands. a lot single and looking for love. am hard as nails soft heart gd job still available for a soul mate sound's to gd too me ture I know I find my soul mate one Day untill then lives goes on lol x

  • NatashaJ

    I don't feel the same way but maybe because I always have annoying people inserting themselves in my life to be friends with me lol AKA my best friend.

  • Eila_

    I'm a massive introvert too! and yes there are times when I feel like if I could just talk, I'd be able to do anything. My sister is an extrovert and she has such stronger connections with family members like our aunts, cousins etc.. I'm literally treated like I'm invisible most of the time, sometimes I do get a bit jelly and think "someone seeee me" lol, but I know it's on me. To be honest i'm happier alone anyway, we dont need to conform to meet other peoples expectations. Not connecting with people easily, makes all of the relationships I have even more special, i think anyway!

  • SearchingTheSoul

    I thing you have a good grasp on what challenges are holding you back. I don’t know as I would say ruining your life. I do think the right friend which may be a guy will stick with you to help you overcome some of the things you have talked about.

  • I think some research linked social isolation to higher chance of Alzheimer’s disease, health issues and early deaths no biggie

    • Girther10

      Lol! “ Alzheimer’s” and “early death”? Really? What research has made that link? Lol
      I’ve never heard even a peep about such a thing.
      And, srry, but how does your hyperbole and exaggeration helpful to this Asker?
      Just seems a bit cruel...🤷🏻‍♂️

  • monkeynutts

    Just be yourself, trust in your intuition. Be honest and loyal to the people you care about. Unfortunately people are not reliable, many are not trustworthy, so be brave.

  • Deathraider

    Honestly, just find a relatively small group of people like you, it could just be one person.

    I mean you shouldn’t feel forced at all. Take small steps.

  • fionaglenanne

    yes, I totally agree.
    You have too come out of your shell and face the world. After a while you will get used to it.

  • PositiveT

    I totally relate to everything you say. The only one way I'm different is when I'm at work. My work personality is confident & can deal with anything. Outside of work it's a daily struggle.

  • b_jonathan1

    I for one try to talk to introverted people and try to make them feel like they can talk more at least around me. I like helping people and tbh breaking someones heart will happen in most cases but even introverted people find their special someone

  • Being introverted shouldn't ruin your life. It's a personality trait. If it ruins your life, then you have a disorder, by definition.

    Schizoid PD (which I have) is a pathological level of introversion. However, schizoidism involves being consciously fine with being alone (I say "consciously" because your subconscious still knows that it isn't healthy). If you're not consciously fine with being alone, then you probably have social anxiety disorder, or Avoidant Personality Disorder. If you have issues with social skills, it might be Asperger's.

    You should see a psychiatrist to obtain a diagnosis and treatment.

    • Its good to help others with your experiences. Good too see this.

  • Wizzbang

    You just have to try out more. Take baby steps towards doing stuff that you like, the people and relationships will come when you're ready. Don't worry about it!

  • LiMBoH

    I can completely see where you're coming from, being an introvert myself. It used to be more of a problem for me so it is definitely possible to change.

    If you feel like it's affecting your social and sexual life, that's because it probably is.

    If you want to change, i'm gonna give you this advice and you have to really believe it and stick with it: you have to talk to more people.

    There's no other way to really build your social skill besides actually socializing more even though it's really hard. Start slow though, set a goal of talking to one new person you otherwise wouldn't talk to once a day or once every couple days.

    The process always feels dreadful at first, but after a couple days it gets much easier and after a week you'll be more desensitized to it.

    I believe you can do it even if you don't use this advice OP!

    • LiMBoH

      P. s. being an introvert is okay, you don't have to talk to everyone. However almost anything is bad in excess, including being too much of an introvert or too much of an extrovert.

  • Jonad

    Line up your goals to meet your desires. You have a lot of alone time to work on a skill that you could use in the future to get what you want.

  • Disoriented_Shinpi

    How are you slow to adjust to new people? You're a girl, men will want to fuck you of course. Just ignore them and get on with it. Or fuck them, depending on your sensibilities.

  • Girther10

    I read all of it. I’m having a hard time seeing anything that different than what problems most everyone has at least at some point. All of the things you mention about yourself that you blame for all your shyness, loneliness, introverted ness are all things that people overcome all the time.
    I think maybe you’re overthinking some of these things, and maybe you’re just in a slump, or you’ve convinced yourself “woe is me”, and have given up.
    You’ve done a good thing by posting this here. That’s something, st least, that shows maybe you really DO want to fix it.
    Listen to these strangers and their suggestions, you might get lucky and stumble across something that helps. But I think everything you need, you have inside of you.

  • Smegskull

    I've always been fine as an introvert. But I'm very self sufficient and not at all wanting so I've never had a relationship that didn't quickly devolve into effectively someone leaching off of me.

  • Omar5881

    I share your SAME exact feelings it's like I'm writing the take , sometimes I just wanna scream or something just to speak since I'm so silent all the time

  • chriss

    Trust me your life is awesome. Would you rather have cancer and suffer miserably? Every cancer patient would die to have your life

  • belarus

    God, I can identify! I think a lot of shy guys have the same problem.

  • Andreadeb

    It's ok to be scared... but you can't let fears don't let you live your life!!!

    Don't miss occasions!!!

  • Sugar100

    I’m an introvert never had friends in elementary or high school and zero confidence however now at 22 I feel happy. I still don’t have friends but girls I have met been very mean to me and gossip. Leading me to not meet any special friend yet like sister. I never had boyfriend til barely literally just now as I knew guy since I was 19 and been very close and never connected with other men and they were jerks and want easy girls for sex only. I do love going to social events and go out but mostly to Vegas or concert or pool getaway or fashion show lol and I began my own online store so I attend business events now. But I am alone in home a lot just text boyfriend or parents. I mostly work do errands

    • Sugar100

      So social things I do would be with boyfriend. But that kinda makes me feel it’s all I need.

    • Sugar100

      Also don’t have family no siblings so makes it worse

    • Sugar100

      But I do enjoy my alone time

  • DevylasArsaukas76

    either come out of your shell, or life will be Hell,

    being an introvert causes you to miss out on all the fun in life,

  • Fuentes

    Introvertedness has nothing to do with autism, or being afraid of PEOPLE i think you might just be of the spectrum

  • Avicenna

    Thanks for sharing your thoughts. The main thing is for you to be comfortable with yourself.

  • You just described anxiety not being an introvert. I tell you I'm an introvert and a salesman at the same time. It just mean being an introvert means you get drained when you're around with people instead of getting recharged. And yes being an introvert is prone to anxiety because they're generally sensitive which isn't a bad thing at all and when they get comments from people, they take it can personally so I say stop caring about what people think of you. If you think being alone is what's making you happy then you should be fine but you still have to manage your patience actually and learn to say no without being harsh. I know there are always snowflakes but it's not your always your fault.

    • So if you're feeling you're missing out on a lot because you prefer being alone, just forget it. Everyone has a different happy place so you don't have to compare yourself to someone.