Why Do Women Pretend to Be Sexually Decent With A Guy They Like?

ManOnFire
Why Do Women Pretend to Be Sexually Decent With A Guy They Like?

Hey, guys. Sorry, I'm doing it again. Having to put another question into Take form. I know, I know, but these days I am sort of having some chick adventures...or...maybe dilemmas? Lol. As I said in my last Take, I do not normally post a lot about my personal life but right now I guess I am looking for some insight from peeps in the GaG community. And unfortunately the details in my latest situation are a little longer than I intended but...

Here it is...

Lately I've been spending more time with a co-worker of mine, and we text pretty regularly. Not like all day every day but we do text at least little bit each day. I'm not gonna outright say we have feelings for each other or that even I have feelings for her entirely. I have liked her for a long time, since late last year, but we never even really spoke until recent months, which was small talk in passing. We ran into each other at the store one day a while ago and she was really excited to see me and of course I was. I felt like we were both advertising our singleness really hard lol, and asking each other a lot of questions about what we like and what we do and stuff, and she was even outright suggesting we could do things together, hang out, and go places. Then I asked for her number and she was excited about it and said she was actually gonna ask me for mine.

Why Do Women Pretend to Be Sexually Decent With A Guy They Like?

Since then we've been texting and meeting out at places a few times, not anything special, just opportunities to hang out as best as we can with all the COVID-19 going on. We talk a long time lol, getting to know each other and all. However, I can foresee the future and know certain things about people sometimes, but I don't like to call it being psychic and I don't like to go into a lot of detail about it, but during the times when we weren't together I could sense a disturbance in the Force. I began to sense that this girl likes me as just a friend and that she also has a fuckbuddy, which I was already preparing myself to find out.

So one day last week we met up somewhere like I asked, just wanting to spend time with her and see if there was anything I could get for my house and she wanted to see if she could get something for her new place. We sat in my car and talked a long time. About her ex, my ex, guys who come after her, dot dot dot. This girl is very beautiful and exotic, of another ethnicity but born and raised here, so she gets a lot of attention from guys, especially because she's very friendly for a beautiful woman.

Why Do Women Pretend to Be Sexually Decent With A Guy They Like?

She claimed to me that she's not really interested in dating anybody right now and needs to focus on herself and getting her life together, and that she's still trying to get over her ex. I told her that was disappointing lol, but tried to be humorous about it. She laughed and said she was sorry to hurt me. She also gets really comfortable telling me certain personal things because of how I make her feel, and she finally came out and said she does have a fuckbuddy, which is one of the other guys at work, simply for her sexual needs while she's single lol. Everything I sensed had been confirmed. When I told her I knew she was fucking someone she was shocked and kept asking me how did I know that. I told her I could just tell, that I've had experience with women enough to know things they're doing, and also know lies they tell (but I didn't say that part). Later that evening I was feeling the pain of finding it out though. It always hurts when you know a girl you like is sleeping with someone else. In recent days though I've been healing.

Why Do Women Pretend to Be Sexually Decent With A Guy They Like?

The other day we hung out for a short bit while I was on break (she was off) cuz I asked her to drop by. This time we sat in her car and ate and talked more. She mentioned again how guys come after her but she's not interested in dating right now, and felt like mentioning that she hasn't even been to see her fuckbuddy lately either. I just giggled but didn't say anything, just listened to her.

What I'm wondering...

So, guys, basically what I'm wondering, or what I'm making of our whole interaction is one of two things:

1. Part of me thinks this girl really does only like me as a friend, which I'm okay with because we do click really well, and in my real life I could use another friend who's a lot like me to help me get out the house more and get out of my comfort zone more, and I do like hanging around her. But I also think she's bullshitting about not being interested in dating anybody as a cover for the real fact that there is someone she's interested in and just wants to throw me off the scent, which cannot work because as I said, I know when I'm being lied to. But the mystery is that I don't know if this other person she's really interested in is her fuckbuddy or someone else. She did say she sort of has feelings for him.

2. But then the other half of me thinks she's bullshitting about not being interested in anybody just to keep me from trying when she actually might like me but is keeping me at a certain distance because she doesn't want to move too fast since she's still trying to get over her breakup. And if this really is the case I think she's either telling the truth about not even seeing her fuckbuddy lately because she does like me, or she's still bullshitting about not seeing him because she likes me and doesn't want me to think of her as a ho.

Why Do Women Pretend to Be Sexually Decent With A Guy They Like?

Often times when a woman really likes a guy she will stop having sex with other guys, and like what Matthew Hussey was even saying in one of his old videos, women have sex quick with guys they don't really like but make guys they do like wait a while before they have it. And then I personally also know that when a woman really likes you, she'll start pretending to be wholesome with you or even lie to you about not having sex with anyone else or in a long time so you won't think she's a ho. This is what I have experienced more than once in my past relationships.

Either way, I know this girl is bullshitting. I just can't figure out in which form and if it's because she really does like me or not. She always answers my texts even if it's later in the day, and I'm assertive so when I ask her to come see me or hang out with me she definitely does it. But I can't figure out what's what. So help me out here, guys. This is an interesting situation I can't quite decode. Any ideas? And if she does only want me as a friend and is bullshitting about not being interested in dating anyone, should I just drop her and move on?

Why Do Women Pretend to Be Sexually Decent With A Guy They Like?
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Most Helpful Guys

  • cast277
    If she is happy to hang out and spend time with you keep that up. It might just lead to friend zone but honestly what is the alternative? Nothing? Dont worry about what is the truth and what isn't. when you are with her just let the rest of the world go away stop thinking so dam much.

    She probably hasn't been to see her fuck buddy because the nature of a fuck buddy is usually when the girl wants it and if she is spending time with you it is probably because she is choosing to spend that time with you rather then him. And the feelings she has for him are probably just sex feelings. There is no denying that passionate sex leads to intimacy. That being said most of the time those feelings go away when sex slows or stops. Or someone else comes in with pre established feelings.

    Honestly just having a fuck buddy doesn't make someone a hoe. That's actually kinda the opposite. Having sex with one person rather then finding a random every time she needs to be fucked.

    Just be cool and what ever happens happens.
    Is this still revelant?
  • Anonymous
    It goes like this... if you're not her boyfriend... then you're her girlfriend. The more attracted to you a woman is.. the more she will lie to you. She will lie to make herself appear whatever she thinks you want her to be. If she tells you the truth, then she's not really that attracted to you, or sees you as a friend. There are exceptions of course. In general, the strategy can be seen in exhibit A below..
    Is this still revelant?

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What Girls & Guys Said

3148
  • Spirit1998
    I am not an expert and certainly don't have similar experiences to refer to myself, but maybe that allows me to be much more objective and open when evaluating your situation :)

    I can also imagine what I'd want in this situation...

    As people, we're always evaluating attraction subconsciously. Nobody ever looks at someone by evaluating friendship first, that happens as an after effect when no attraction is present. So initially, she was probably curious about you (especially considering that she gave you her number enthusiastically). With that said, maybe because of the turn your interaction has taken (: becoming too comfortable), things have started to feel more friendly and less like a potential romantic\sexual interest on her side.

    ADVICE: You said you were assertive, which is a highly attractive quality for most women, so dial it up a little and tell her what you want. I don't mean necessarily tell her that you want a physical and emotional relationship with her (that might be too intense for her to hear if she's how you describe her), I just think you should take her off guard:

    Get a little close, be seductive and tell her with certainty:

    "When you're with me, don't speak of other men who can't fully stimulate you... We're going out tonight, meet me at (insert place here) OR I'll pick you up at (insert time here). "

    Here you're setting your standard and you're also implicitly implying that other men don't stimulate her properly. Don't stimulate her like you could...

    IF you feel like she's being responsive (make sure to pick up on that) and IF you're extra confident, you can respectfully add that you want her to put on something that she thinks you'll like, or wear a particular dress that she's already worn around you, or have her hair down... It's important to make her do something that requires more than just a friendly investment basically.

    The point is, mix it up.

    You won't look like a fool or like a friend if you're direct and putting more sexual energy out there. No cheesy lines, no private pics needed, just say what other guys might not dare to say, or demand, from your interaction.

    Tell her, calmly and seductively, what's going to happen here... If she's not up for it, you'll at least remain in her mind as the guy who switched it up and told her what is what. You'll just come out as the guy with standards that this interaction isn't meeting.

    And nobody just wants a relationship, we want a relationship with the right guy or the right girl. So don't be overly concerned with what she says, be concerned with her ACTIONS. And you can test these actions by taking her off guard like I suggest above.

    Good luck!
    • I don’t think he should tell her how to dress? Are you kidding me?

    • Spirit1998

      @GISELLEBOSSY It's simply meant to be a fun suggestion added in a respectful flirtatious manner. I did add "IF" she's responsive towards the first part of the suggestion. It's certainly not necessary. It's only meant to be playful, no harm done!

    • Yes, but not every girl would react to it positively, so better not make any outfit suggestions

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  • Barbaric
    They do it with guys they see as potential long-term boyfriends because they want the guy to not think she's a slut and then lose interest for that reason.

    It's not necessarily true that they have sex quickly with guys they don't like though. Usually they do like them but either:
    1) They're really into them pretty quickly, feel strong attraction to them so they end up having sex with him for that reason - in these cases it's because they like these guys more than most guys they've dated. They probably regret it afterwards, not because they didn't enjoy it but because they wonder if it will make him judge them negatively, take them less seriously and leave as I mentioned before.
    2) They know that the guy probably isn't long-term boyfriend material, as in he's unlikely to commit or to be a good stable boyfriend, but he's hot and she's single so they see no harm in it knowing that it's only gonna be a casual thing anyway. They basically have nothing to lose here.

    Here it sounds to me like there's perhaps some interest, but not a huge amount. Very often actually as with all I said above, women will often accept something casual with a guy in the hope that eventually he'll commit to them. She might be doing that with the guy she's having sex with now, but she doesn't want to openly say that to you because if it doesn't work out maybe she'll try to date you.

    To put it bluntly you're probably plan B guy. Either that or she knows you're interested in her and likes the attention she gets from you, she's not really interested in you, but she says "I'm not ready to date right now" to give you the impression that their might be a chance for you at some point in the future to keep you there.
    • ManOnFire

      Yep, everything I'm thinking.

    • ManOnFire

      @Barbaric What I've been thinking for days is just telling her that I don't think we should hang out anymore. Because I don't wanna be that guy who isn't sexually or physically attractive but settles for just being the friend. I've done that in the past before. And not really interested in being it again. I'm gonna tell her that, and I know she'll probably be sad or maybe even angry, but I know my worth and at this point in my life I'm tired of putting up with the common woman who's mind is compartmentalized and sees you as a "good guy" or whatever, but still doesn't find you to be attractive. Nah, too many women out there like that.

    • Barbaric

      There's no need to even do that, and since you work with her that's bound to make things awkward. If she gets mad about it and starts acting like you're the asshole in the situation, that makes things even more awkward for you. In this case I'd just begin to text and speak less, and make excuses not to hang out - without showing any sign of any of this. Act like everything's fine and that you're just busy doing other stuff.

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  • EGarzona
    Women and men both will hide details of their sexual behavior in hopes to maintain trust. Both men and women lose interest if sex happens too soon. If you like someone wouldn't you put in the effort to keep them around including holding out on sex? I think she is playing games and although you seem to be infatuated with her you should probably pass up on her. She seems like she's playing games. Don't let her treat you like an option if how you feel is serious.
    • kencu67

      High quality guys and girls don't hide details about their sexual behaviour. Especially not in order to maintain trust. How could I expect the other person to trust me when I know I'm lying to her? Anyone with a moral compass would know that it's bad. If someone has a sexual history worth hiding, that person needs to take responsibility for them and understand that it will be a putoff for people.

    • Barbarian8

      Love your feedbacks. One girl showed Interest on me. Then after that she made friend request on Facebook and I accepted. Guess what, I found out she had two accounts and she added me on Facebook by the unofficial one. For me , she is in or not. No kid's game

    • kencu67

      Forget Facebook and social media. These should not be indicators of interest or relationship. It's just a piece of software. Unfortunately it has too much power. But all it is is a bunch of 1s and 0s.

      Also for me it's an instant red flag if the girl's Instagram is all about her selfies with hundreds of guy followers. But I actually love Instagram because thanks to it it's easy to avoid the overt narcissists.

    • Show All
  • btbc92
    And this is what happens when you do not befriend anybody oh, and you keep speaking to somebody who doesn't share your values. You already know her history, you know she had premarital sex, how can you expect her to be decent or be any different sexually? You should not even be interested in that kind of person. For somebody who says that, that's a red flag. A person who is not interested in dating would not be screwing around other people. That's why you have to screen them out. They don't want to be judged but they do the very thing that wants somebody to be want somebody to be judging them by their choices. That's why I always tell people, stop falling for the looks, and the personality. get to know the person as a person. What you have going on is intuition. And if you saw something about her, what you did, you need to listen to your intuition it was a warning. Time to drop the person. Girls like her need to seriously think about their choices and the consequences of going to come from them. Sadly a lot of them don't until it's too late. The same with many men.
    • ManOnFire

      These are definitely all things that I've been thinking about, yeah. Except that we are a lot alike on some things, and I actually didn't go for her because of her looks.

    • btbc92

      Well thank God you found out sooner.

    • ManOnFire

      What I've been thinking for days is just telling her that I don't think we should hang out anymore. Because I don't wanna be that guy who isn't sexually or physically attractive but settles for just being the friend. I've done that in the past before. And not really interested in being it again. I'm gonna tell her that, and I know she'll probably be sad or maybe even angry, but I know my worth and at this point in my life I'm tired of putting up with the common woman who's mind is compartmentalized and sees you as a "good guy" or whatever, but still doesn't find you to be attractive. Nah, too many women out there like that.

    • Show All
  • #1 y'all were in your car and didn't even makeout? That would def make me assume friendzone. i think she did like you at a point but as she got to know u more, she prob lost interest (for example if i found out you smoked, i’d use some excuse like not ready to date as well)... but at the same time, if she has an actual fck buddy and hasn't seen him yet is hanging out alone with you and not even makin ANY kind of move makes me feel you’re friendzoned and that she just likes to vent to you
    • ManOnFire

      But she doesn't vent that much, and she's the one who keeps suggesting we should get together at her place and do something.

    • Yea i suggested that with guys i brozoned but felt comfortable around. Its like an escape because you can hang with someone you trust although you're not into em

    • @DizzyDesii how would you know it couldn't... ESCALATE? but you have valid points

    • Show All
  • lightbulb27
    Good job seeing past her BS and I would discard what she says about not dating and state what you are looking for and see if she goes for it. She doesn't sound stable enough to trust what she's saying:)

    That behavior ups her value and makes you see her as available.
    She is making lots of moves to make you make the move to pursue her in my view, Id say she is very interested.

    My suggestion is to figure out what you want and then go after that and pull her into your world with your needs clear (committed no FB) and see if she comes with you. It could be a wild ride (the not over prior boyfriend is a major concern... and clearly she hasn't cleaned up her mess and is emotionally confused... major red flags already). Not ideal for dating ya know, but you also are not friendzoned yet. Friendzone may be the safe bet:)

    It gets into a scenario of how do you "un-F..." her life and get to a good place. Clearly you are taking on a project... be aware of that, maybe it's a good one, maybe it's too much. good luck.
    • ManOnFire

      Everything I'm thinking, dude. I just need to say something.

  • sensogal
    Either way, she said and is not interested in you right now. Whether she just wants you as a friend or is not ready for anybody, what difference does it make?
    • ManOnFire

      She never said she wasn't interested in ME, she said she wasn't interested in being in any relationship right now. But when we hang out she acts differently from what she says.

    • EGarzona

      Only time will tell but I don't know if you should bet on her changing her mind even when she is ready.

    • ManOnFire

      @EGarzona I'm not trying to change her mind. Where is this coming from? She is the one who keeps suggesting we get together at her place and do things. She comes when *I* call. She meets me when *I* ask her to meet me. So that's why I really don't know what's going on.

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  • sadiefluff
    Yeah... I don’t like the sound of this girl. It sounds VERY much like she LOVES the attention she gets from all of the men that apparently “go after her” and needs to mention it a lot to you (she likes to see you get jealous)... but not because she actually likes you, just because she LOVES all of the attention (I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s saying the same things to all the other guys too). I’m sorry, what she’s doing is NOT cool. I’ve met women like this, they’re attention whores. If you up and ghost her suddenly - it will drive her NUTS, but again, remember, it is NOT because she likes you 😕 It’s because that gives her ego a huge hit and she can’t stand it. She might even get angry depending on how much it threatens her ego... 😬 The idea that one of her male worshipers isn’t going to take her crap.
    • ManOnFire

      It could be.

    • elisa_0

      This answer sounds plausible.

    • NATRAL

      Ima take some notes from this reply, might come in handy in the future

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  • Hun, it just seems like a friend. You offered her a nice and patient arm to listen to her peoblems and she feels close enough to you to vent her frustrations. She sees you as a friend and thinks of you as a friend. She can be nice to you without wanting to bang you and there's a chance you misread her friendliness with wanting to be sexually close with you.
    • ManOnFire

      She hasn't been venting her frustrations or using me as an arm to cry on. I said she feels comfortable telling me certain things. We were both talking about our frustrations and exes.

    • My statement still stands dude.

    • ManOnFire

      @Gotcha_Writer10 I know I asked for people's opinion on this situation, but I gotta be honest: I feel like a lot of the women who are answering are talking more than listening, and listening more to their own feelings than what is being laid out about the situation. I know that women more often like telling a guy about when a woman DOESN'T like him because for whatever reason they favor that more than talking about if she does like him.

      I'm not asking to be told what I want to hear. I'm asking for serious ideas that review the situation soberly, not just because you want to shout at me that she's not into me, just because that's an answer women are more obsessed with.

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  • neurolove
    First off. No girl would admit to having a fuckbuddy if she was interested in you. Secondly, what kind of girls have fuckbuddies? Delusional ones. She is probably in a situationship with that guy. She fell for him. Thirdly, I think you just want a challenge and not really her. Why else would you bother after she point blank said she didn't want a relationship? What she really meant is she didn't want one with you. She is stuck on that other guy. I only see trouble ahead if you pursue even a friendship with her. If course if you like drama, go for it!
    • elisa_0

      ?
      I know plenty of girls with fuckbuddies... lol wtf? That doesn’t make her delusional. Why would she be delusional just because she has a fuckbuddy?

      Wow you're so negative in this post.

    • ManOnFire

      "No girl would admit to having a fuckbuddy if she was interested in you."
      - Interesting point, however, what's odd is that she now says she hasn't even been seeing the guy lately, which may or may not be a lie. Either way, whether it is or isn't, if she only saw me as just a friend, what would be the point in even lying to me about not seeing her fuckbuddy lately as if I would care, if I was just a friend?

      "She is probably in a situationship with that guy. She fell for him."
      - She did say she 'sort of' liked him, yet kept putting emphasis on how he's just a sex toy for her when she has sexual needs. Also, if she replies to a text I sent her hours ago or replies the next morning, she always feels the need to explain that she couldn't answer before because she was busy, exhausted, etc. when I honestly don't expect an explanation from her and even tell her that.

      "Thirdly, I think you just want a challenge and not really her."
      - There would be no point in that for me.

      I know I asked for people's opinions to this situation - and I'm open to everyone's thoughts, but I gotta say that your premise to it is one of the dumbest, abusive, and not particularly empathetically reasoned ones.

    • neurolove

      Wow, 2 delusional people replying here. Ok, let's say you're right. She secretly likes you? What's the point? Maybe she's just beating you at your own game and you can't handle it. And for the other delusional person who thinks women are able to have sex without getting attached. You're In denial. You both have that in common. Maybe you can be fucktards together. lol And I didn't say anything but truth. If you can't handle it, don't ask. So go fuck yourself!! I'm done with stupidity. Muthafucker!!! . NOW you can call me abusive and dumb. Before, I gave an experienced example. But maybe you didn't like the fact that I called you a drama queen. This proves you are. Here's your fucked up drama for you. I'm just your mirror right now.

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  • Bluemax
    Do you intend to keep working at the same job? Is one of you leaving? I would avoid dating someone you work with.

    What do you mean by "sexually decent?" Not telling you every detail of her life is not quite the same as lying.

    When a woman says "I'm not looking for a relationship right now," it usually means "I don't see you that way. Please don't pursue me."
    • ManOnFire

      "What do you mean by "sexually decent?" "
      - I mean how women can pretend to be celibate or not a ho sleeping around with other guys just to make a guy they like think that she's being reserved and not sexually active even though she is.

    • Bluemax

      I don't see much correlation between human decency and sexual activity

  • winterfox10
    I'm sure that it mostly comes from years of experience trying to date men. There seems to be a widespread feminine agreement that having sex too early will ruin the relationship. I can see why they would think that way, from their view of things.

    Besides, why wouldn't she want to put her best foot forward, if she's serious about the guy she's talking to?
  • MzAsh
    I think you should move on if you don’t like head games. You’ve already got that going on with her. It’s not going to work out well for you no matter how much you try to figure her out.
    • ManOnFire

      I'm not going to figure her out. I'm going to tell her I know what she's doing and end it. Whether she likes it or not.

    • MzAsh

      Be careful about accusing her. You really don’t have any proof. It will make you look paranoid.

    • ManOnFire

      I'm not going to accuse her. I'm just gonna tell her I don't wanna be that guy who isn't sexually or physically attractive to her who has to settle for just being a friend. She'll understand what that means.

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  • BlessedDaddy
    Woman are attracted to men who are friendly, yet aloof. If you really like a girl and your not sure if she likes you. Don't gush over her and never tell her you like her. You have to be cook and kind yet aloof. Sound like a game? It is.
    • ManOnFire

      Funny that you say that, because that is exactly the way I've been trying to act with her too.

  • PinkMichae
    You should stop being her friend if your feelings are making you bitter toward her.
    • ManOnFire

      Who said I felt bitter towards her?

    • PinkMichae

      I said IF your feelings are making you bitter toward her. I didn't say you are.

      But if you go on having feeling for her and continue to be her friend it's not unlikely that you will get bitter watching her moving on having sex with other men.

    • ManOnFire

      @PinkMichae No, that is what you were trying to say. Not as hypothetical. Because despite my confusion I never once suggested feeling bitter or even that it could get to that point. However I probably am going to cut it all off next time I see her.

  • Peanut127
    Maybe her fuck buddy is a friend of urs at work and she feels guilty now that she sees u liking her. I dated through online world, younger 20s. i could 'read ppl' by how they spoke.

    I'd be her friend and even make a lie ur dating a chick but tell this girl things like "ur features are better ;)" just to make her feel good that u trust her with personal stuff. Maybe u can ask who her fuck buddy is "cause if he hurts u ill kick his ass!" lol that shows u care for her. Then one day if she asks u about ur dating girl just shrugg it off "it didn't work out" she might get all curious like "why not? Ur really cute and easy to talk to" ;) then u may see her feelings about u. If that made sense lol
  • elisa_0
    I think she's just waiting for you to take the lead in the pursuing/courtship.
    When someone says they don’t want to date anyone, that just means that they currently have no feelings for someone, at least no serious feelings. But this can change. You can start to make it more obvious that you're into her, and would like to be with her or at least try.

    This may make her change her mind! But of course it's your choice on what to do
    • elisa_0

      Oh and to answer your question I would probably say the same thing she's saying. It's really because we want you to see us as worthy instead of a complete hoe. lol

  • short_chick
    In my opinion, looks like we’re going through the same thing just in reverse lmaoo
    I’m into this guy and we talk A LOT. But yes i am also very frequently seeing my fuckbuddy. In all honestly a girl MAY tell you one thing just to throw you off but in my situation i just want one of them to tell me what they really want from me and maybe that’s what SHE wants. Even though she says she doesn’t want a relationship doesn’t mean you guys can’t go on a date here and there. She seems like she trying to keep her options open because these days you can’t invest all your emotions into one guy sometimes because someone ends up getting hurt.
    I’d say just ask her and see if you can take her out sometime. Seems like y’all are still friendly even after she told you all that so maybe you could still remain friendly if you ask her out 🤷🏻‍♀️
    • ManOnFire

      Yeah, it's a really complicated case. I did tell her that day when she said she wasn't looking for a relationship that I did want to be the one for her but she insisted that she's not looking for that. So I've just kind of kept it at friends right now just to see if eventually she'll be more interested. I think that too, that she's trying to keep her options open.

  • opnbuk59
    Same reason you pretend to have good credit when you go ask for a loan
  • broken_heart_at_48
    It sounds like you're in the friend zone it sounds like in the beginning there was some possible feelings of something more but possibly you waited to long and let it hit the friend zone and with some chicks it's next to impossible to come back from the friend zone. I would say just be good with being her friend if you can't do that then tell her how you feel and tell her you can't just be her friend and end it. Don't be sappy or emotional just be direct and calm.
  • Cortaine
    If she brings it up again that she's not interested in dating, just tell her straight out - "that's a shame, cause I'd really want to take you out on a date."
    If she is pushing you away even tho she likes you, she'll have to deal with it then and there. Maybe she'll go alright, let's give it a shot. Maybe she says sorry, not gonna happen - in which case you lost nothing.
    If she doesn't want you, drop it. But you need answers.
  • You are totally right about the fuck buddy as well as someone else she's interested in unfortunately shd is not interested in you as a romantic relationship though, a girl who is confident enough to have a fuck buddy and acknowledge it would have no fear in accepting love for you it is as simple as that yes offocourse she we will hide certain things from you in order to be polite or not to seem as promescius a women's mind Is a treasure of secrets I think you know everything so dropping it and moving on would be best
    • I said the same like if she's confident enough to admit she got a friends with benefits but isn't even hanging with him that much then i feel the friends with benefits is a made up excuse as to why she won't make physical moves with him. Girls lie about talking to someone all the time when they dont wanna hurt you. But i think she's keeping him around as someone she can vent all her probs too cause he makes her feel comfortable. And subtle flirting is a way to keep a guy around enough to give him hope so that he’ll stay and listen. Its sad but true

    • Yes, i agree but I feel fuck buddy is there here in this case she wants a confident and and a backup incase something goes south but if he wants to stay friends nothing wrong with it but should not hope anything more than pure platonic

    • ManOnFire

      @DizzyDesii Omg you really don't listen lol. She doesn't vent to me just to have me as a girlfriend. She does it when she's comfortable enough to tell me, and some things she still won't even tell me about.

    • Show All
  • Succubus-slayer65
    Sexually decent I guess that most average to below average women can have sex basically whenever they want but want a serious relationship more and those are harder for a woman to get so any potential partner they like they want them to think of them as sexually decent because they know men dont want a serious relationship with a promiscuous woman at least not good men.
  • 1kink
    My personal opinion, but time to turn the feelings switch off and let her do the pursuit. No need to be cold, but she might be just enjoying the attention, and to be honest, if she's fucking another co-worker, you need to think about what she's telling him about you. If it were me, I'd back off. If she wanted to know why, I'd be honest and tell her I enjoy the friendship, and was interested in her romantically, but she had way too much going on fir me to be anything more than friends.
  • COMMODOREII
    This all enlightening to me. I would keep my door open for other women and dates and see what happens. If for some reason she tries to do more with you then she is into you but if she lets you go with other women and she doesn't care then maybe she isn't the one.
  • OptimisticDaria
    I think its more along the lines of the second possibility you mentioned, but if you feel like there are too many mind games going on, talk to her about it.
  • kencu67
    Rule number one: don't date co-workers.
    And it's better for you to be alone and focus on yourself than to chase a girl who is not over her ex. The negativity of the drama she might bring outweighs the positivity of the fun times.
  • _SOARER
    That woman is abused and broken, she may be beautiful but she is disturbed.
    Women know that if they were to reveal a promiscuous past a Good man wouldn't consider them worth committing to, and rightfully so.

    Its usually the sexual promiscuous who lack all morality, why would she should tell the truth? and why would she behave rationally?

    She is trying to get over her ex but screws some guy just for her sexual needs, instead of controlling her sexual impulses until she can find someone who actually cares about her.

    Poor woman
    • ManOnFire

      I definitely agree with your last part.

  • Thatsamazing
    She's probably a hoe. She just likes the attention you give her. Sorry man.
  • blutwolfe
    when a girl says she's not interested in dating right now, she's just not interested in dating you, I'm sure if someone she wanted to date came along she would.

    she sees you as a friend at least like a closer friend, which is still a good thing. She sounds like she mentioned she hasn't seen her fukbuddy cause maybe it's been rough between them lately and might of hinted at you being the next one.
  • Tstrbrainer
    I'll tell you one possibility. If she knows that you are interested in her and she tells you that she's not currently into dating, then she knows that there is a chance that you might move on. Will she take that risk if she likes you now?
  • Ámayas_20
    I think it's pretty clear she isn't interested in you like that, she sees you as a friend.
    • likelyOK

      Agreed and the hard to get comments are misleading

    • Simply said. 😆😆😆

  • Levin
    Part of me thinks if she says she's not interested in some form, then she's not interested. Maybe I've had my fingers burnt too many times in the past, but I really can't be bothered with that bullshit anymore. Guys have to remember to have self-respect first and foremost. Don't beg or chase girls when they're fucking you around like that.

    Also, if a woman starts saying she's got a fuck buddy, then it kind of puts me off anyway. And it puts me off even more that she'd rather get a cheap shag, and puts that before some kind of deeper connection. To me personally, I say, just let her do her own thing. Easier said than done, of course.
  • Guess they don't want to be seen as a ho. They'll hook up with a guy they just met 30 minutes ago at a bar but make a potential boyfriend wait a month for a kiss because she's "not that type of girl."
  • Knuxx
    That's a interesting one @ManOnFire, I would defer to the ladies on this one. She seems ok with you having good intuition so I would give her time to figure herself out. A little patience won't hurt.
  • Jessie91331
    Cuz guys want to just bang on a slut, dump their load and move on, cuz that is all she is good for. A nice decent girl, is one worthy of respect, love, caring and tenderness. She is one who wouldn't do those slutty things and is one who would never embarrass you,. Your family and friends would approve of her and even like her.
  • ChocoBrownie
    you're just a friend to her, the things she's said shouldve made you realise when she hurt your feelings in more than one way. Move on.
  • akanetuk
    Guys seems to move on after sex, though not all, to keep them ladies prefer wait till marriage thing.
  • Orange_bb
    Maybe this is the girl type men like, they know it and acting like a little cat to become a tiger during the relationship
  • bamesjond0069
    1. She is a ho.
    2. Fastest way to turn the tides is friendzone her.
    3. Hit it if you must but dont marry this girl... see #1
  • Justneedtokno
    It’s the way we were raised. We are supposed to at like lady and conduct ourselves according in public. Would you rather everyone know what y’all do behind closed door or keep her all to yourself.
  • Fuentes
    Here's how i do it, if she ain't fucking she getting blocked and deleted & ignored when i see her at work
  • most modern people have some kind of body count. however they might lie about the number.
  • John_Doesnt
    Women pretend all sorts of crazy shit. They're women.
  • Bandit74
    I don't really buy that.
    Like "oh she's acting coy/avoiding being sexual with me that must mean she really respects me and likes me more than the guy she's casually fucking ".
    Makes zero sense to me.

    I think girls often do like the guys they hookup with. If there is unrequited feelings its usually the guy that doesn't want to commit to them. I think the biggest difference between the guys they sleep with easily and the ones they don't is not how much they like/respect the guy. Its how much sexual chemistry they feel for the guy. The guys they sleep with easily turn them on so much that they don't want to/ can't wait to sleep with them while the guys they act coy with either don't turn them on at all or to a much lower extent.
  • AngelLily
    They also do so because they know most men in some way like women who haven't been around block a lot of times and who seems innocent.
  • Waffy
    You should decide what you want first, be her friend or you want more? Looks like you want more, if so, I know from personal experience, you talk with her about it, if she rejects you, the friendship is also dead
    • ManOnFire

      Well, I told her I need to tell her something, but didn't say what. I'm gonna give her the bad news that I don't wanna be the guy who has to be the friend because I'm not attractive to her, and that we can't hang out anymore.

    • Waffy

      Good for you, I turned SIMP, badly and stayed there for few extra months after, I can tell you, losing a friend can and will suck, but having to recover after those extra months, hardest thing I had to do in my life

    • ManOnFire

      Yeah, it won't be easy for me to say and probably not nice for her to hear but I gotta say it. I don't wanna be that guy anymore who just settles for friends and who feels pain knowing that the girl you like is sleeping with someone else. I just feel degraded being in that situation, and I'm too old for it. At this point in my life, I'm looking for something serious, and I'm done settling for just friendship. It's either I have you or have nothing at all.

  • quiversome
    it's considered 'disgraceful' on her part. society's double standard, probab.
  • Xoxocutekitty
    It sounds like she has a lot on her plate. 1) getting over an ex.. that's emotionally exhausting. 2) dealing with a fuckbuddy 3) hiding having a fuck buddy at work to avoid rumors 3) keeping up with her own social life (normal friends and family) 4) rejecting some guy because she's already too busy.

    You mentioned that she is a co-worker. 100% she would try to keep her "image" as the type of person as someone who doesn't sleep around. Heck she may not even like her fuckbuddy that much, but with work relationships, you really only get one until that person either does something horrible first, it dies a natural death, or someone moves. You are also a co-worker so that would really be messy. It sounds like she has her life the way she likes it and you are the one side character trying to change things, and she's not really about to shift her focus to you.
    • ManOnFire

      Everything you said was accurate up until the last sentence. I'm actually not trying to change anything for her. In fact I give her space like she needs at times. She actually will be the one to text me sometimes if I haven't said anything because she wants to make sure I'm not mad at her, which I am not.

    • nelly83

      You never ever get into a relationship or even a sexual relationship with a coworker unless you want problems later on. It’s common knowledge. You don’t shit where you eat

  • The bigger problem is (probably, from as far/much as I have read) that you don't value your time enough.
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