Hello! It`s time again for a small rant. I`ve noticed recently that a majority of the most frequently asked questions on GaG are about women filing for divorce and why. As I think most of it is pure coincidence, and every couple has its own issues, I have a few ideas (being a woman) about why this could be.
1. Women are experiencing an increasing amount of pressure and competition on social media.
This is pretty much a given. Instagram, the rise of OnlyFans, and pornographic websites are making it easier for men to enjoy the idea of "a perfect woman". Some people raise their standards and/or expect their ideal woman to look like this, others don`t. Regardless, the concept that these websites are becoming so normalized, makes it harder and harder for women to feel happy with themselves. They believe these perfect women exist everywhere. Why should their man want to stay with them if he has access to "better" (not necessarily real!) looking individuals? As women feel the competition, their struggle to accept their self-image is intensified. They simply don`t feel good enough anymore. Being single solves all those feelings because they don`t have to deal with the same amount of jealousy and competition.
2. Women are told they need to "be something".
It`s more common now that young women are encouraged by family and friends to make something big of themselves. We women today are told we need to take advantage of our freedom and become huge and successful. We should go to school, make lots of money, work hard and provide for ourselves. Since we have this prerogative from a young age, a lot of us may feel that we don`t need a man or partner to help us regulate family and/or personal finances. Also, choosing a school and career life makes it more difficult to date because there are fewer times and less energy to do so. Women may not want the drama, hard work, or money put into a relationship when they have to focus on their careers and educations. Thus, men and women both become career-orientated and have less time for each other. Women who want to be at home are looked down upon when in reality, they have the strongest and healthiest relationships with their partners.
3. Modern movements are telling women that they are strong, independent, and don`t need anyone.
Modern feminism is on the rise and its core value is that "women are strong, independent and don`t need anyone", which puts pressure on women to be single and don`t need men. While this can be true for some (some are just naturally loners and prefer to stay that way), it is far from portraying reality. Men and women need each other. It`s a biological fact. We need each other to survive, to reproduce, socialize, and share our talents and gifts. If humans did not need each other or the other sex, we would all be the same. Humanity would be much like most animal species that have ever existed; they mate and separate. No pair-bonding, no emotional connection. But since we are born with these feelings and instincts, the definition of happiness and having a successful relationship closely correlates with this biological imperative.
Men and women need each other. It`s a biological fact
4. Rather than fixing an issue, women are told and encouraged to leave as soon as something seems wrong or out of place.
"Signs He is Toxic", "Signs He Is Losing Interest" are just a few of many different articles that have spread like wildfire in the last decade or so. As these articles may seem useful in many situations, they actually do way more harm than good. This is because, just like anything else you Google, it can be misleading, inaccurate, and "easy" information. An example of an article I read the other day on Signs He is Toxic, I found points that said "he is messy", "is unable to see things from your perspective", "needs to be the center of attention" etc. Well, if you twist it around, you can see that the article is written in YOUR favor, rather than seeing the man`s perspective. Also, remember that the WOMAN is in charge! She has the upper hand! She is a strong, independent woman and she doesn`t need you! So why should she work for you? (That was sarcasm for those who didn`t get that).
For example, if you are selfish or narcissistic (people won`t know that they are), of course, your man wants to be the center of attention sometimes. He WILL find it difficult to see things from your perspective. Because it takes two to tango. My point is, these articles make it so easy for women to Google a type of behavior she disapproves of her partner, only for it to say that the man is TOXIC and she should leave. What these articles do not show you is how to make amends and look within yourself and see if there is something YOU did that made him act in such a manner. Instead of communicating better, women find comfort in these articles that tell her exactly what she wants to hear. What does she do? She splits. Instead of fixing her relationship.
- Final thoughts -
Am I saying being successful is bad? That women should not choose success, careers, and themselves over love? Hell no. What I am saying is that there are some things we just have to accept as people in order for something to work. Humans have to accept that you can`t become really good at something overnight, it takes practice and hard work. They also have to accept that not everyone in the world can like you. Such is the thing with relationships. We have to accept that it takes certain things from each part for it to work. We can`t have a hectic lifestyle molded around ourselves and include someone else in that lifestyle. We can`t have a poor self-image and put that insecurity on our partners. In the end, we do have a lot of freedom, and every one of us needs to really figure out what WE want in life. Not what society, our family members or social media tells you you should want.