How I was able to get through my Haphephobia: Fear of a mans touch!


While living in that super hot apartment for my first year of college, my roommates wanted to set me up with someone that they thought would be the perfect match.

I was terrified, as what guy would want to date a girl he can't touch?

Turns out they were right, we were the perfect match!

How I was able to get through my Haphephobia: Fear of a mans touch!

The first date was nerve-racking to say the least. Felt like I was going to puke on him or something, thing is if I had he probably would of just smiled and cleaned it up.

I'm not sure if he was so perfect because he was my first love or if he really was my perfect match.

After a few weeks of dating, I started to trust him. He never tried to touch or anything, despite what I know was natural human nature for basic contact. Sometimes he would try and then stop himself.

We had great conversations, talking all night long on the phone. Texting hundreds of messages a day, and so much more. All kinds of non physical contact. I fell for him, we fell for each other.

I had therapy every week and he would be waiting afterwards to walk with me back to my place. Not just here but he would, when possible surprise me everywhere and walk with me, help to get me home without any incidents.

I thought this is so sweet, he knows he can't touch me in anyway. Yet he cared so much, and was always there, no matter what.

He also had no issues with my exhibitionism, he said he liked it, but it wasn't for him. I thought, we'll see about that. He was kind of one, but nothing like me, he just needed a little push.

Now imagine really really wanting to touch someone, to kiss them, to feel the gentle touch of my lips on his.

To feel his arms around me. It was something I desired so much.

Keep in mind I had never kissed a boy, guy anyone ever romantically. This was all stuff I missed out on in high school, my desire was so intense.

How I was able to get through my Haphephobia: Fear of a mans touch!

As much of a good time we had, I would often cry afterwards wondering if it would ever happen. It felt like this was never going to go away.

I pushed myself hard, letting him touch my my hand or arm but soon as he touched it, I would go into a panic attack, and cry uncontrollably.

My therapist told me I needed to keep trying, all these years of not facing the fear had not helped. At least now I had a really really good motivation.

I needed to figure out how to get past this. I wanted to touch him so bad and I wanted his touch.

It was by pure accident.

We went swimming at the rec center and playing, water fights and just playing around.

I leaned into him on accident in the pool and he caught me, to keep me from going under. Pure reflex on his part.

I was nervous but it was okay. It was nice, it was better than nice. He was holding me and there was only a small amount of anxiety as a result.

It felt like a miracle.

We learned that when we were both in water, I could handle it. It wasn't so overwhelming.

Now it was definitely a combination of years of therapy, desire, want and the ability to touch him. I don't think I could of done this with just anyone, had to be the right man. The right person, as I trusted him with all my heart.

I don't know why it worked in the water, maybe cause the sensations are different and it tricked my brain.

We spent a lot of our dates and free time at the rec center.

We tried to move it out of the water, nope. I still had the problem, even after several months of this.

During summer break we went up the mountain, camping by the reservoir.

Lots of us where there, big party. All of my friends and many of his and even others.

It didn't take long for me to say hey lets go skinny dipping on the first day and lead the way.

He followed, and so did almost everyone else. What good times and a blast it was.

Since we knew we could touch in the water. I wanted to show off to him and to have physical contact.

It was great, to have him hold me. Nothing sexual, just hold and caress. I wonder how many college age guys could hold their girlfriend this way and just cuddle in water. Didn't want to try anything further just yet. Not a great place to have a breakdown either, soo many people there, could lose progress.

We made plans for when we got back though, we went into the city to rent a hotel room with a big deep jacuzzi tub. It was the kind of place with themed rooms.

I really wanted him, but I was scared not only from the touching but from what happened before. Yet I still trusted him and knew he would be gentle, kind and wonderful.

First time, we got in the tub and cuddled. Hours of this, until I was a wrinkled old prune. The next day, we got some of those scented bath bombs. Tried those and, well he was so gentle. It was super nice, won't go into details but YES it worked.

After that experience we were able to move to the bed and despite shaking like a wet leaf in a rain storm, every time he touched me, we were able to cuddle in the bed and sleep together. It felt like heaven.

We were able to go out in public and hold hands, and have his arms around me. It was so great to kiss, hmm...kissing.

This is how I made it through and past my Haphephobia.

Forcing myself for a great man, facing the pain, water and him having a great deal of patience, love and understanding for me.

I am not sure if water was a requirement or if it just helped. I do suspect that with him, this would of ended up the same way. May have taken a lot longer though.

This was a journey of five years of not being able to have physical contact with a man, and it was finally over.

You can imagine the joy my father had when I came home and gave him a huge hug. There was so many tears everywhere, tears of joy!

How I was able to get through my Haphephobia: Fear of a mans touch!
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Most Helpful Guys

  • alance99
    Thanks for sharing it, its very nice that you found a geniune guy that helped get over a trauma, are you guys still dating each other
    Like 1 Person
    Is this still revelant?
    • No, this was when I was 19-20, I just spaced putting that in. I can see how it can be confusing, in my head it made perfect sense as others had wondered about it.

      If I could update it, I would.

    • Red_Arrow

      As special as that guy was, and as important to your life as he is, I am really surprised that you are not still seeing him. He is responsible for so much of the good in your life now!

    • @Red_Arrow See this is the sad part that I did not go into, as this was about how I overcame it not what happened next, but he was killed in a car accident after we had been together for a year.

      Otherwise I'd probably have six kids with him right now.

      I've made peace though, maybe it would of worked out. Maybe not, I had almost no dating experience before him. He was my first real boyfriend and who knows if that would of worked out. We never technically got engaged, just talked about it.

      I learned a lot from being with him. I still miss him to this day but he is exactly what I needed at exactly that time of my life.

    • Show All
  • KostasKouvalis
    That was touching. He sounds wonderful. Not all men are the same.
    Like 1 Person
    Is this still revelant?

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What Girls & Guys Said

  • Jamie05rhs
    This is a great story; thanks for sharing. I don't like to be touched, either; but I know that I want that someday, with the right person. I'm pretty sure I don't have "haphephobia" (or whatever the female equivalent is), but I do know that it would take me a while to warm up to someone enough to let them touch me. But it's all good lol, because I'm nowhere near that point yet; I want to develop a relationship first.
    Helpful 1 Person
    • Mine was brought on by a sexual assault and PTSD when I was younger, there is lots of different trigger reasons. Some happen to children that adults don't even know why or what happened.

    • Jamie05rhs

      Ohh. 😦. I'm sorry.

  • zeitgeist057
    Wow, what a fantastic and romantic story, thank you for sharing that! It's really something so intimate and incredible, and I'm sure you must be so proud of yourself for overcoming such a strong phobia. That's great you persevered through the adversity and all for the most beautiful of experiences we have, to love another human being and feel connected to them.

    Thanks again, I really loved knowing this experience of yours, it's such a unique tale compared to most I see on here.
    Like 1 Person
  • Red_Arrow
    You are an amazing person, both in recovering from your bad experiences, but in being able to tell your story in such detail and emotion. It is said that we all have good times and bad. Hopefully the depth of your bad times will be countered by you now living a life full of nothing but good times!
    Like 1 Person
  • Satyromaniac
    That was amazing, all the best for your future, may you both have a blessed and wonderful life together
    Like 1 Person
    • I should of said somewhere, that this is like ancient history, this happened six years ago. This guy is long gone.

      He was quite amazing though. I wish we could of had a wonderful life together, life just has a way of not working out.

    • Oh dear, so sorry to hear that, hope things are going steady for you, people come & go in life, some good some bad, you just have to be the best to them, and others end up being thier best for you

  • TadCurious
    Aerissa this was inspiring to read. I really admire how you (with help and a really good guy) were able to conquer this fear. And it's fascinating the role that water played in this process as well as your exhibitionist tendencies.
    Well done.
    Thanks for sharing.
    Like 2 People
  • supercutebutt
    Congrats! So did you graduate to riding this gentleman's peen?
    Like 3 People
  • Cubus
    It's moving. Glad you found a guy who was patient enough to help you. Some can't. Stay strong girl! :)
    Like 1 Person
    • Cubus

      I've read your story. It's horrible. They left a scar in your mind for the rest of your mind. I really hope you'll get over with this one day girl. May God look after you.

    • Thanks, that means a lot.

    • Cubus

      You're welcome girl. I hope one day you will find a man who will make you happy enough to forget about it. Don't know if it's possible, but I pray for it.

  • Cherry234
    I really enjoyed reading this. Congrats on getting past your fear.
    Like 2 People
  • whirled_up_girl
    That was so moving to read, and very inspiring! Thanks for sharing!
    Like 1 Person
  • chriscdi
    Glad to hear it, it's a nice story, meanwhile I'm here losing my damn mind
    Funny 1 Person
  • cth96190
    What caused the condition?
    Helpful 1 Person
    • I was raped and almost killed at 14 years old, I have another mytake on it, if you can handle reading about it.

  • TsAubreyKate
    I’ve had 17 coors lights but I’m gonna finish reading this later
  • lightbulb27
    Would make a decent movie script.
    Like 1 Person
  • ewok737
    Maybe you're a mermaid !!
    LikeFunny 3 People
  • emperor90
    Congrats on finding a nice guy
    Like 1 Person
  • Anonymous
    I feel like a lot of girls on GAG are constantly bashing men and guys because they can't handle their own life so they talk smack behind a screen.
    Disagree 1 Person
    • I'm not sure what that has to do with anything here?

    • Anonymous

      The fear of a man's touch. The fear of even trusting any guy or man for that matter.

    • You'd have to read my 'other' mytake to understand what caused it.

      I am NOT defined by my Scars "A Survivors Account" ↗

    • Show All