Never...Ever...Date...A...Damaged...Girl...!

[RodneySaySo]

I'm gonna give you guys some advice...the next time you're talking to a girl you like and she voluntarily brings up her ex or the fact that sooo many guys did her dirty and hurt her and blah blah...FUCKING RUN. That is a dead-end path; believe me when I say that her intentions are never good. Based on my past experiences, these are some of the reasons why you should never date a damaged girl...

1. It's not your job to fix her - Let me tell you a story about Girl #1. She told me that pretty much every guy that she's dated never did anything nice for her. They never took her out to a nice restaurant to eat, they never bought her anything on holidays like her birthday, and they never really invested any time or a single penny in her. She seemed like a nice girl and I couldn't figure out why...so me being the dumbass nice guy I am, I decided that I was gonna be the one who will actually do those things for her. Everytime she called or wanted to hang out, I was there ready and willing, and everytime we went out to the movies or on a date, I picked up the bill. One time I spontaneously bought her a tote handbag, some champagne, and some chocolates...nothing expensive...just something to show my appreciation. Boy oh boy did I fuck up...cause once I started doing those things, it's like I became her footrest. She started playing games, acting weird, saying how she needs time to get use to me and how she's hurt from her previous relationships...yadda yadda...even though she was the one who purused ME (like wtf?) It quickly became apparent that all this girl wanted was that one guy to jump through hurdles and stand around breaking through all her walls of insecurities like this was some type of form of entertainment. That's when I put my foot down before the drama caught fire and said, "WE'RE DONE". You see...that's what counselors and therapists are for. You're not Dr. Phil. You're not Leonardo Dicaprio. This is not The Titanic where she's about to jump off a fucking ship to commit suicide. This is REAL LIFE, and the reality of it is if she really wanted to be emotionally fixed, she would seek professional help and wouldn't be dating to begin with.


2. You will be the rebound - Let me take you guys back to my prom days in 2008 (when I was still an innocent 18 year-old kid)...which brings me to Girl #2. This girl just got out of a relationship about 3 months before meeting me, and we hit it off right from the start. Sure enough I take her to prom with me, and she comes on to me; she leans in and slobs me down in the car. After prom, we ended up getting together. Things seem like they're going great, but that's what I thought on my side of the fence. Not even a month passes, and sure enough she does some grimey shit...she breaks up with me out of the blue. Couple of days later, she tells me she's moving back to her old home to work things out with her ex. Couple months after that, she's pregnant with her first child. Do you know what it feels like to be the guy that's the pit stop to a girl's healing? It feels like shit. You feel used like a dirty tampon...you stop her bleeding and she throws you away like you never existed. But no worries...I have a few more beautiful fairytales to tell you all.


3. You will be her punching bag - This is a fun one...which brings me to Girl #3. This girl was the funnest of them all. She would curse me out, call me names, tell me how much she hates guys and that I'm a piece of shit just like every other guy and that I'm no different, that me going to college to get a degree didn't mean shit because I was a bad person like every other guy she's come across, and that all I really want from her is sex...then turn around and call me asking why I didn't come over Friday night to "cuddle" in the bed with her. Hmmm...crazy bitch? Yes or no? Needless to say, this is the guy that a damaged girl absolutely loves. You stand there like a retarded bag of sand and get blamed for all her hurt and turmoil when you were just a little figment in her entire life. The shit sucks...yes I know!


4. You will ultimately get mind-fucked - When it comes down to it, all of these roads lead to only one path...pain. A broken heart is like cancer...it will spread if you don't treat it at its beginning stages. If you feel like she fits any of these categories...LEAVE HER ALONE! Plain and simple. Unless you want to continue the cycle and fuck an innocent girl's mind up in the long-run, please do yourself a favor and protect your own mind from distortion.

I don't care how cute she is, and I don't care how good her cookies are. When I mean don't ever...don't EVER date a damanged girl.

[Anonymous]

If you let yourself get walked over, regardless of whether they are damaged, that is no fault but your own. Learn to respect yourself before you get involved with anyone else; this is probably why you had those experiences to start with. Sorry to sound harsh, but that's how it is.

The girl I'm currently with now had a shitty ex-boyfriend. He cheated on her repeatedly, didn't do anything for her and then showed bucket-loads of affection when he knew he was in the doghouse or that she was slipping away from him - meaning she then believed he cared enough to carry on a little longer.

Funnily enough, she was actually with him when I met her and she didn't realise how unhappy she was at being walked over and taken for granted herself. I saw it in her, I deeply liked her from the outset and now here we are. He was "heartbroken" and "cried his eyes out" over her when she eventually broke it off with him - and I couldn't give one that I split them apart. 2 weeks later? He "loves" someone else. Nice to see her being able to look back and smile about how she's moved on. Never seen her happier, just hope I can keep making her even happier as she does me. :)

If someone else does come into her life and excites her and makes her happier than it seems I do; so be it, but I won't let it "distort" me. Everyone moves on in time.

[Anonymous]

I'm not sure I fully agree with this.

I was in an abusive relationship. After we broke up and I stayed alone, I kept myself to myself to heal. When I was getting ready to be with someone, I was drugged and raped.

After that happened I met my (now) boyfriend. He wanted to be with me and I wasn't ready - I told him why. And he waited. 7 months it took. We tried seeing each other about 2 months in but I was terrified of being touched and I knew it wasn't fair to put either of us through it.

He treats me amazingly, he does the sorts of thing you describe. And I'm so touched by them, I don't expect anything from him. I'm a damaged girl, I always will be - just this week I've been put on anti-depressants. But he loves me and supports me. He stuck by me even before we were together and I do my best to do as much as I can for him.

You can be damaged and still function. You can be damaged and just need someone to believe in you. You can be damaged and just need time.

Of course, like you said, you can be damaged and need serious help. But everyone comes with baggage and if you wrote off every girl who smelt of those problems, you would be surprised how many you had left.

[Madam_Inferno]

Everybody is damaged, in many diferent ways.
One worse than others.

I was a seriously damaged girl, stupid enough to believe that I found the perfect guy when it clearly wasn't like that, getting your heart manipulated is the worst kind damage I've had from a relationship.
Being in love make you do really stupid stuff...

And after dealing with depression and suicidal thoughts, this damaged girl met a nice DAMAGED boy. and guess what.

We helped eachother.
That's all we needed to heal.
Help. Compassion. Understanding and Love.
Had it not being for my boyfriend, I would have been dead already.
Had he not met me, he would had gotten into drugs and worse things.

So don't say "Dont. date. a damaged. girl."
Yes, It's not your job to fix her.
But if you want to date one, do it but ONLY if you are willing to HELP her, and LOVE her and RESPECT her.
Because that's what love it's about in cases like this, helping the other, make them be the best they can be, and hopefully be with them while they find a way to heal.

[Tirana]

I debated being offended, believe it or not, but after reading it a few times, changing the she's/hers to he's/his, I decided there wasn't much to be offended over.

I do have to point out, however, you have really terrible taste in girls. They clearly walked all over you because you let them.

I guess you could technically say I'm damaged. My ex husband cheated on me, openly. Stole our child from me. I haven't seem or talked to her in 5 years. However, I'm the one that left him for his cheating, took control of my life and did something. It had consequences, but I'm dealing.

Then my last serious boyfriend didn't take me or our child seriously. He fucked around with money, spent rent, etc. Literally had to be bullied into doing anything for me, like buying stuff or dinner... and by stuff, I'm including necessary baby items. Oh yes, he virtually ignored our kid.

Eventually, I stopped trying there, too. I tool control of my life.

I'm technically single right now, though I have many close guy friends. most of them are gay, but some are not, and one of the nots is unbelievably patient, kind, understanding... he asks nothing of me I've not been able to handle, and I ask little of him. I've often battle depression and suicidal thoughts, have actually attempted suicide a few times, and out of everyone I've met, this one guy is the only one who doesn't pretend to understand, doesn't pretend to want to "fix" things... he just holds me when I need holding. That's it. And it speaks volumes.

I'm damaged. I have psychological problems. But I'm not looking for a man to fix me, I'm not looking for anyone at all. I'm letting things happen as they will, because by chasing and pouncing and pursuing, I'm not letting anyone appreciate or enjoy me for me.

Don't go chasing the damaged ones, dude. Its not healthy for either you or them.

[Hannah591]

I'm that damaged girl but the only thing a guy will get from me is #3. I went #3 with my ex recently after we broke up and I knew I was acting crazy but I couldn't help myself. I was a complete mess, I felt unbelievably insecure and depressed - I thought I'd end up in a mental asylum because I couldn't handle the pain. I was shaking for two days straight. However, he didn't take it to heart and he was still there for me when I chilled out and we spoke about it. You can either take it terribly or understand that we're messed up and the best thing is to support as much as possible.

I don't expect any guy to fix me. I've tried fixing myself, it failed despite knowing myself the best, so I don't expect a guy to do it. If he can understand and support me and treat me well, that's good enough for me.

Rebound girls are immature, they don't understand themselves enough to realise they still need time to heal. I've never had a rebound and I never would have one. I only date when I feel ready and so should everyone. I don't believe that's reminiscent with a damaged girl.

We don't intentionally mind fuck. We're fucked in the mind so how can we possibly know or understand what we're doing? Half of the time, I don't know why I'm acting like I am but I still continue it. When you're fucked in the head and have no sympathy for anyone, we're hard women to get close to anyway.

I may be damaged, but every guy has said that I'm the best they've ever had and that I'm still "pure". When I'm in a relationship, I do everything in my power to make it work and I treat the guy like royalty. I start every relationship with a clean slate and I think there are many damaged girls who can do the same.
Anyone who had gone through what we have would turn out the same, but to have people telling others not to date you, well that really helps.

[Anonymous]

Dang man not sure where I stand. I don't know if I'd call these women damaged, but not sure what word I would use. Ultimately, I think it depends on the person. I dated a guy who was what you would label as "damaged" once and that sure didn't last long. He was all kinds of messed up; resented my happiness, didn't give me respect for the same kinds of things he wanted respect for, made his entire life into a sob story, got mad at me for not having problems like him (WTF right?), and generally brought me down. Needless to say I shut down that "relationship" realll quick. I get people have stuff in their life going on they need real help for. But I'm not about to date someone who wants me to be their freaking therapist. That's not the basis for any kind of good or healthy or fun relationship. Some people need to seek help and form a positive relationship with themselves before they can try and form one with anyone else, especially romantically!! Newsflash: being needy and dark and moody ain't sexy.

[Anonymous]

Not all 'damaged' girls are like you describe. You just happen to come across the few that make it difficult to be in a relationship with.
I know it's not my job to heal her but I take it upon myself to support her because every sign my girlfriend shows is that she just wants someone who cares.

When we were friends first, she was emotionally and mentally unstable but to be honest, so was I. She wasn't crying to me 24/7 and was quite open about issues that bothered her. She never forced blame on me for what other men have done to her and as time went by, these depression episodes decreased to the point where they only last a few minutes, can be avoided and comes by once in a blue moon.

There's a difference between a nice guy and an impatient one. Most 'damaged' girls just want someone to listen and cuddle up to, it doesn't matter how many gifts you buy and how expensive they are. The true value is knowing the person deep within and staying by their side no matter what, it'll make their self esteem rocket up knowing that even in their bad states, they can be loved.

[Frost_Byte]

Well said. I still sympathize with the take owner, because most girls can be unappreciative like he said. But i also agree with u, that there r a few girls out there who would actually be grateful.

[Coffinspire]

My husband took the time to "fix" me and I hold him in higher respect than anyone. I didn't need to be fixed though, from what I've been through you realize that no one actually genuinely care about you, and guys that don't try to see who you really are don't care either (true fact).

For example, my exes, if I'd get upset or emotional, they would be like "okay, well I'm going to leave the room and you can deal with it and then I'll come back" No one wants that from their partner. Say down the road you're married to them and you crash your car, they would more than likely leave you to deal with it on your own or give you shit for needing help.

I don't think damaged girls are a bad idea at all, but they're def not for pansy guys or the faint of heart. Damaged girls will walk all over you if you let them (I call this testing their limits) and since no one understands that, the first fight can end the relationship. Such a shame.

[kheserthorpe]

I pretty much agree with your last paragraph. The problem is that most nice -young- guys have no idea how to do this. They -do- let girls walk all over them because they're caring and nice. Unfortunately this is why 'damaged' girls so often end up with assholes.

Glad you found someone who had what you needed, and hope you both make each other really happy.

[Coffinspire]

Of course they do, most damaged girls had no one set limits for them so it's like "Ugh this moron will let me do anything" Like this one guy I dated let me burp in his face (Yes sir you read that correct) and call him all types of stuff and you know what he did? Nothing. And then one day where I'm assuming he got tired of it, tells me it's over, even though he didn't tell me he had any issue, so I really don't feel bad it's not my fault he's a pansy and didn't tell me how he felt. I tried it with my husband and he made it very clear he wasn't taking any of that crap, I was really attracted to that and respected him for it. Now I'm a puppy dog lol I have the structure that I've been in need of.

[Cyhhgg]

"Pansy guys." Lol Nice shame tactic.

No one is a pansy because they don't want to deal with your shit before getting to know you. And even if they didn't want to they're still not a pansy.

[JSRWood]

This is the best thing I've read on this topic! Not sure wether this is a good thing or not for plenty of reasons. So found out my ex girlfriend whom I still have feelings for has a new boyfriend being a guy mate she had know for a while. As gutted as I am finding out I'm confused if it's a rebound or something bound to of happened because she hates being alone. They hardly saw each other while we were together. She didn't seem flirty or even friendly with him while we were together so it seems to be a rebound being only four weeks since our breakup. She hates being single and has a lot of insecurities so I hope for her sake she doesn't end up hurting herself. It also takes her a while to feel sexually and just normally comfortable with someone so I find this odd. I feel as if it will help me move on but also make it harder knowing she is already taken making me feel inadequate. We broke up due to unfortunate events and myself getting depression and not being able to be there for her. Her new boyfriend ticks most the boxes gets out a lot and seems fun which is what I wasn't nearing our breakup. I won't be nearing her for a relationship in the future unless she were to sort out her problems but even there I don't feel inclined anymore. Thanks for the read

[josesmaf]

Sounds a lot like what happened with my last girlfriend. I feel for you, man.

[JSRWood]

Yeah sucks doesn't it mate. It's inly been 5 weeks so looks like it may end up being a rebound. I don't want to get back together with her though if that were the case. She has a lot of growing and maturing to do yet as a person

[Anonymous]

I agree 100% man. In fact, I had never been in a relationship, but the one time I truly thought I was getting into one, I got used as a rebound. Made it much worse because any girl I saw after, it made it hard for me to get emotionally attached because I didn't wanna get led on emotionally and hurt. Even when I did find a girl I liked, I found it'd even sooner and the rebounder would come back to mind making me think I'm undateable.

The worst part about the rebounder was the red flags were in my face, but I was either naive about the red flags or I ignored and overlooked them because she was very cute and she was the first girl I had a ton in common with. I also had a nearly year long dry spell so I thought fuck it, why not. It actually made me more miserable than I thought having a dry spell was. This girl fucked with my head so hard. She'd call me every day before we met and was very direct. She'd say shit like wanna talk, I love hearing your voice. She'd also say I wanna be with a tall, funny, cute, sweet, guy, wanna be with a tall, funny, cute, girl and when I jokingly said no she's like what? I was like I'm kidding, of course. She even texted me saying she wanted to make out again, the day after our first date. At the time, I was in such shock that I found a girl I liked so much be so into me. This got me attached.

This girl turned out to be shady as fuck and two faced. She complained about her ex when I told her what high school I went to, and then when I asked to go to a certain bar, she's like I don't wanna run into him. I was like yeah that'd be awkward and then she's like no I'll just tell him I'm with a cooler guy now and said you should make fun of him for his babydick which was very fucking rude. Turns out after she ditched me, she ended up seeing him again, got ditched and now they're back together in a relationship for the 10th time. I guess they'd been dating on and off for the past 5 years. But yeah this fucked me up really bad.

[Opinion Owner]

When I called her out on her babydick remark when she got back with him, she said I was the one who had the babydick and how I should stop being a jealous asshole and said I'm the worst kisser ever which is funny because I must be that bad that she texted me saying how she wants to make out and loved the way I kissed. This girl has to be the most shady, manipulative, two faced, whorish, cunt I have ever met. Pardon my language but it messed with me so bad that it made it hard for me to focus on my last classes the summer it happened. And it sticks with me more than anything but it definitely made a lasting effect on me.

[Opinion Owner]

Sorry for the long rant, but your take just resonated too well with me.

[ShyGuy30]

You know I wish I'd read this 6 years ago before I started going out with my ex. She was really fucked up in the head from years of stuff with her family and mr nice guy I am I was there for her built her up made her love life again made her less insecure about herself. I was always there for her whenever she needed me wether that was 3 in the afternoon or 3 in the morning then all of a sudden she breaks up with me and I felt so used by her and I'm left blaming myself that I feel like I wasn't good enough for her. The worst thing was I'd just lost my own dad and I still put her first and she was never grateful.

[Vinvei]

" You feel used like a dirty tampon... you stop her bleeding and she throws you away like you never existed. "

But tampons don't actually stop the bleeding... they just soak the blood up. Meaning that the next tampon will soak more up. That's why pads are safer. They keep some distance in the situation, y'know.

[Queen_naki5]

Thanks for this. It helped me realize that all of these can apply to both genders. I read the title and initially got upset because you only emphasized on women but after reading, I realized that it was universal (can apply to anybody). I had an ex who was "damaged", he had issues with family and an ex who did him wrong etc . His problems soon became my problems. He was numbers 1,3 and 4. I wish I had known years ago that he was ultimately holding me back. He was so envious of my optimistic personality, that he began putting things in my head to make me feel like I shouldn't be happy or joyous, simply because he was always miserable. I was afraid of soon becoming the "damaged girl" myself and happy that I'm currently with an amazing man. No man/woman should dump out their past experiences/hardships on the next person. It's not fair to that person.

[Queen_naki5]

Also, I have to add that I was upset at the way these relationships always seem to end. Both parties usually end up hurt in the end anyway.

[Anpu23]

Most of the women I have dated have some level of psychoness to them. I like it that way and keeps it interesting. Girl number 2 is great for one night stands and booty calls, girl #1 is just into herself so much that it is and always will be about her. The only one that I would warn against is girl number 3 that one is a HARD road it leads to 3 places jail, morgue or hospital. She's domestically abusive and there is very little recorces for domestically abused men, and most of the time (90%) you are the one who goes to jail when the cops come regardless of the fact she's abusing you. The moment a woman hits you walk away! It does not end well.

[Geist]

Your story reminded me of parts of my own. I had a soft spot for broken things, wounded people I'd do my best to help them out.
The only guy I ever fell for was someone I was familiar with from childhood the guy moved away, he changed to something that I call a life lesson. he had several exes got the same girl pregnant twice. He moved back. I really believed he was the victim of many heart breaks, (just like those bitches you endured) he lied, the personalities you discribed was identical to the way this guy did except he didn't go as far as physically beating me. I think it really sux that any guy or gal would have to come across somebody playing 'damaged'. A lot of twisted people out there. My brother suffered a lot of them psycho chicks so I knew of females being that way before I knew there were males.

[Frost_Byte]

I'm sorry that u had to go through that. I know how u feel. I hope that one day u will find a guy who truly appreciates u for healing him. U seem to be a nice person who deserves it. Good luck, and if u figure out how to find someone who will actually be grateful for once please let me know lol

[CrazynKinky]

So many issues with this article. You shouldn't put all your effort into fixing someone else or be someones punching bag or the rebound. But honestly maybe it's you. There are messed up people in this world ya. It doesn't take to much effort to "fix" someone with love and affection if you care about them. You can help someone through things without getting walked on. No one should use anyone but it happens a lot to both sexes. The key there is to have a conversation about it. You know she's just getting out of a serious relationship of course your a rebound it's moronic to think otherwise. As for the punching bag if you went along with it for long enough I blame you for taking it

[CootiesInfection]

Been around enough damaged girls to realize its always ultimately their choice to be damaged. No one can make them stay with that abusive ex, no ones voice is loud enough or powerful enough to convince them they're not strong enough to overcome their fears and experiences and insecurities, no ones voice but their own. Many of them choose the damage because of what it does for them, it becomes an excuse, either why everything in their life goes wrong instead of actually taking responsibility for themselves, or an excuse to have it their way all the time and never ever ever for a single second step outside of their comfort zone.

A damaged girl will always ultimately hurt you, and say it was your fault. Because no matter how badly you try to fight her fears, she is the one that could wish them away in a second, if she only bothered to try.

[Frost_Byte]

I've been through the same kind of shit my friend. Its hard being a nice guy, its almost like we get drawn to these "damaged girls" and its in a our nature to try and heal them. But we never get appreciated for our efforts. Not to say that ll girls are like this, but I'd rather not end up getting hurt again, and try to find a girl that will actually give the love back. Great take, even if it doesn't apply to all "damaged girls", it served as a good warning.

And if it doesn't teach us nice guys to watch who we give our hearts to, maybe itll teach these girls to appreciate someone who cares for them like we do.

[whatsername]

You must not me that nice if you are bitching about "damaged girls"

[whatsername]

*be...

[Frost_Byte]

I'm not bitching about damaged girls in general, I'm bitching about the ones who manipulated me. But i don't expect sympathy from u, so believe me to be a jerk if thats what u want :(

[spuitkaas]

This is kinda true. Same goes with guys though. People should first get their shit together before they date. Ofcourse nobody is perfect and everybody has their insecurities, but you can only start dating if your insecurities are on the background.
This is also the reason why I had my last boyfriend two years ago. I didn't feel stable enough to date again and didn't want to cause the guy trouble. Now I'm over it and ready again, but it's gonna take a while to find somebody I really like.

[Sbsbdicjf]

Definitely, wholeheartedly agree.

This is the equivalent of women not wanting to give shy dudes a chance. Being shy for a guy is pretty much a metaphor for being broken seeing as to how women prefer confidence over shyness. Men don't stand that much of a chance without it. Also, some women unfairly judge shy men.

I'm not placing blame on women. Just pointing out the double standard. Its funny how men pretty much have to be put together to even be worthy of love and devotion and yet a woman feels entitled to love regardless of her station in life.

It's preposterous, really.

[Creole_Flavor]

I don't think that every girl would be considered damaged because of her past relationships with guys that did her wrong. I can honestly say I'm one of those girls who have that kind of past. What makes someone damaged is how it has affected them and how they chose to let it ruin their present and future. If someone can get past the pain and is willing to keep putting themselves out there its a big step. Not every hurt person is out to take revenge on every guy they meet. I will say that not every girl will appreciate a good guy once he finally comes along but not all of them turn bad and hurt or sabotage their relationships either.

[Edgeralanapoe]

Everyone is damaged in some way or another. Just because it's harder doesn't mean she isn't worth it. It's not her fault she's "damaged". And if you're the right guy then you won't have to try that hard to "fix" her.