She is shy? I think she likes me, but she avoids/ignores me sometimes, which I find rather confusing.

I work at a bank, and she works 2 blocks from me on the same street at a fast food joint. She is 24 and thinks I’m 25, but in actuality I’m slightly younger.

The very first time I saw this girl I asked her out, she blew me off in a polite way, giving me a very buyable excuses. ( she is a foreign student, who works full time and takes care of her younger sisters)

A few weeks later, I still pursue her at her work place. Now I keep getting signs from her, like staring at me, or when I look into her eyes, she looks straight flat to the ground. She flirts with me by teasing me once in a while, but very subtly. Her friend at work, giggles at everything I say. She called us both crazy at some point. I establish that she is SHY of me.

So then one day I buy her a book on a topic she is interested in, and right a small note, saying I am fond of her, and would like to get to know her better. She responds by saying she loved the book. (In that book I wrote something in her language, which she tells me she didn’t understand, so she makes me say it) I ask her that she should teach me her language, she thinks it’s a great idea. So I say fine teach me now. She just smiles and looks to the floor. Another day I go to her with a paper and pen, and right something in English telling her to translate, and she does. Then I write my e-mail and phone on a paper, and hand it to her, and am about to leave, when she says she doesn’t understand. When I say really? What don’t you understand? She then says no she does understand now.

I actually didn’t expect her to call because of her shyness, but I gave that info to her anyway thinking that she just might, or just to tease her, but to now to make matters more confusing, ever since I’ve known her (it has been about 4 months) we sometimes catch the same bus every now and then, and at times I’m already waiting on the stop, and I see her walking towards the stop, but when I guess she notices that I’m around. She just at once takes another route. Now that I find to me extremely troubling? Does she like me? Or she just hates my guts and can't stand the very sight of me, that she has to completely avoid me? I mean she is shy, but come on how shy can someone be, especially when they are 24 years old you know? And secondly its not like I’m coming off to strong. All I want is to get to know her better first? Why is she acting like this?

in reply to HOOO3) In that note that I gave her, I ended it by saying something in Spanish. "I said I want to get to know you better". After visiting her a few times after that, she finally asked what was it that you tried to tell me in Spanish. I
I told her exactly what I meant, and then asked her to translate it, and she did, very willingly. without any awkwardness. 4) After I ask her a question, she often frames it back at me. (sign of being interested no?) 5) She accep
5) She accepted the gift that I got for her very very willingly, without even saying things like Oh you shouldn't have, or I can't accept this. etc.
6) Once I tried to test her to see if she gets affected and I guess you can say it worked. What I did was before going into her work place. I give one of my friends a missed call, and when I'm standing at the counter and she is taking my order, I ...
I get the call from my friend. Now I say very discreetly in a low mellow voice; hey I'm about to have lunch can I call you back. Now she gives me my food, and I'm sitting there, and from time to time, I look at the phone, and at once she starts a convo.
After that I can smell something burning. Her manager comes out; turns out that she had put a knife in the oven. She looks at me is embarrassed, but we both just have a laugh and never speak about it again. (It could be that she got jealous, and started
thinking to many things at once like (who is he talking too, could that be his girl friend etc), and hence she by mistake left the knife in the oven you know. There is a possibility.
There are just too many many reasons which convinces that she does like me. If you need more please ask, and I'm not the best to even explain these things, but trust me if you were there, you would feel something definitely going on.

Anyway I'm not that concerned with all this as much. The only thing that bothers me is why? in the world does she ignore me at the bus stop by taking a different route (which is the closest way to her place). I mean I'm just being friendly with her.
This makes me feel like there is something wrong with me. Like am I that bad? that you can't come face me, and people say I am an attractive person by the way. I mean even if she didn't like me, she could have just come on over and just make an excuse to
not talk or something, or pretend to talk to a friend on her cell phone or something. There are so many things that one can do, but take a de-route. It just doesn't make sense. Its not like I have a deadly virus or something you know ? So please Shed
So please shed some light on this particular behavior now please.

-Thanks for reading. Any honest and thoughtful remarks will be most appreciative and helpful. Cheers


Most Helpful Guy

  • I can appreciate that some women are shy (is she Asian?) but what I can't understand is why you're being so shy.

    You need to man up and either burn this bridge (so you can stop wasting your time... 4 months! Really?!... and start focusing on a woman who's not so much work) - OR - step up and make things happen.


    Get her number. Get her email. Get her Facebook. If she's really shy she's going to need you to lead EVERYTHING.

    - you call her.

    - you email her.

    - you invite her out for dinner.

    - you pick her up.

    - you pay.

    - you hold her hand.

    - you hug her first.

    - you kiss her first.

    - etc.

    These are all the normal steps every guy should do, but especially in your case.

    Until she says "Stop. No thanks. I'm not interested."

    Eventually she's either going to stop you, or she's going to end up married to you.

    I imagine she would never last this long with you because ultimately her boring shy personality would likely push you away (long term.)

    Now go back there, line up a date, and don't leave until you get her number.

    ~ Robby

    My Blog ( link )

    • Hey thanks Robby

      Well first things first. She is Latin American, and secondly I am not being shy, I'm just taking it slow, to try to get to know her better, to get her more comfortable around speaking to me. That's why I'm using an indirect approach. I asked her to teach me Spanish, she thought it was a great idea. So I just followed up on it one day, by saying when do my spanish lessons start, and she replies as soon as I get free with some of my assignments (which I told her prior to .....

    • Show All
    • Hey thanks Robby.

      yeah so we spoke on the phone for a bit, but then I asked her what she was doing this coming weekend and she replied, she is busy, but maybe next week. So I went saw her at her work. Everything was fine. How often do you think I should call her now. I havn't called her for about 2 days now, considering she is busy on the weekend??

    • I suggest you mirror the space she's giving you. If she's busy on the weekend, then she's giving you space. In return you must give her space. She might be legitimately busy, or she just might want some time away from you. Don't call her more than twice a week. This relationship already sounds like too much work in my books... If you don't allow her to come see you, or to call you, then you'll ALWAYS be the one chasing her. And to me that sucks. Don't always initiate, let her too.

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 3

  • you might be spending too much time trying to get this woman, I think if she was really intrested she would have toalready accepted you. 24 is a little too old to always be shy around a guy she has to say yes she's intrested or no she isn't so she doesn't keep giving you false hopes. Everytime she looks down I think she is just being shy. Good luck :)

    • You see, She seems quite talkative in general. Just around me she gets all shy, and when I smile at her, she just can't help smiling back too..

  • why you think she likes u?i don't see that?

    she may just being polite...

    • Why do I think she likes me... well there are plenty of things...

      for ex: 1) the way she looks at me, and smiles, and when I look at her while in convo at times she just looks to the floor.

      2) She imitates me sometimes. Like for instance I walk into her work place. she says hey, I say Hello, she at once says hello too.. or on another occasion I gave her a thumbs up once before saying good bye, and she often gives me a thumbs up now too.

      - Let me just add this info in the question itself.

  • You have showed your interest in her now its time for her to show some real interest. My best advice would be to pull back and see how she reacts. You will than know how interested she is in you. If she likes you, and thinks she's loosing you she will try to get your attention again. The whole cat mouse game is human nature, you want what you can't have, so make her htink she can't have you bys distancing yourself and see what happens.


What Guys Said 2

  • Hey, sorry to disturb you, I'm a university student from Singapore.

    And I have a almost same situation with you a year earlier, well not exactly the same, but we are dealing with the same shy girl. Short story (I try not to disturb you too much). I've hanged out a lot with this girl, chat and even going out a few times, and when we meet we can talk almost anything, when she is not in the shy mood offcourse, which sometimes come out. But then, the school start again, and a lot of her friends start to tease her, and now she suddenly continue to avoidind me, I need to wait for the whole damn long for a very short message, and I saw her see me at the canteen recently, when I see her back, she immediately throw her face again and walk away avoiding me.

    My theory (I got a few backup from her frined saying approximarely this is correct) is, when her friend tease her, maybe she realize that what I've done is basically saying I like her (give her Christmast present, and a few times paying for her meal at the canteen). And when she knew it, because of her shy nature, she can't help to avoid me. I don't know yet about her feelings toward me, but defintely she is very comfortable around and talk to me before, and perhaps she imagine me as her crush too, but I'm not sure about this yet. (maybe shy girl just like imagination and got scared when it comes becoming real, isn'it)

    And just one question for you, what happened to your case, did you wait and the girl try to contact you in the end? But how long do I need to wait? Or you are the one who make a move and ask her story, why her need to shy? If that, so may I know what her story?

    Really thank you very much, you may not know, but I will very very appreciate your help for this.

  • It sounds to me like she's not interested and is being polite, but it's really, really hard to tell unless I was in your shoes (body language should be viewed to be judged).

    Anyways, if you're really into her and she won't give you a straight answer to your more "subtle" advances, just make one that forces her to tell you that she is or is not interested. By this I don't mean kiss her or make a move on her, but simply be upfront and ask her in person what her story is.

    • Hmm.. thanks for the reply..

      Werll I've added some updates in my attempt to explain the situation a little better. See if that changes your opinion. And yes I totally agree. I am going to do that. For now I am not going to visit her for some time. Just to get a reaction out of her. To see if she might come visit me at my workplace. If that doesn't work. then ill walk upto her one day and just ask her:

      a) Are you shy of me?

      b) Are you scared of me?

      c) you dun like me, but are jus bein poli

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