What we do know is that men communicate overtly, and women communicate covertly. Women are masters at innuendo, passive aggressive, and there's a hidden meaning to everything. They'll even look for that in what a man says but it's just not there. Men are very direct, there is no hidden meaning to what they're saying. If you want them to understand something you have to be clear and direct, otherwise they just don't get it.
So women are the masters at communication but men just don't get all that, so it's confusing. And the women expect the men to understand it all from their perspective but they just don't. So some of this is seen as 'playing hard to get'.
She will make hints and suggestions, all the why hoping he'll ask her out, make a move, or pop the question - all code for getting him to do something. She does this instead of being direct.
So it's nobody's fault, it's just the way it works. And women have been told to hide their feelings so the guy doesn't think she's easy, or is really into him, which is a mistake because he simply sees it as lack of interest, lack of passion, non-attraction.
And he doesn't have all those feelings and emotions swirling around in his head like she does, so she has trouble reading his level of interest.
And worse, today we have a lot of just simple lack of passion, lots of 'meh' relationships. I'm not sure where the passion is, or what happened to it, but it makes these dating relationships rather boring.
"And worse, today we have a lot of just simple lack of passion, lots of 'meh' relationships. I'm not sure where the passion is, or what happened to it, but it makes these dating relationships rather boring."...
Take it from a young'n, this hits the nail on the head. I've experienced a lot of girls doing the what they do best, the subtle things, as you've already described; in my case it's not that I don't pick up on the queues (quite the opposite), nor is it I'm afraid of being the "aggressor" and instigator...
No... It's just that as you say, so many girls (and guys) these days that are putting out, wanting big ole grizzlies like me jumping through their hoops, just don't have a whole lot else to offer apart from some warm silky walls. There's no energy in a lot of women these days, and seeing them sitting there wanting me to do the big strong man thing, just becomes very uninspiring!
I remember this one girl who got really frustrated with me, thinking I was missing her stupidly coy queues, which I didn't. She failed to understand that I hadn't made a move not because I hadn't picked up on her signals, just that she was extremely passive and low energy! Without contradicting myself here but I actually thoroughly enjoy a good chase, but only with a girl who knows what she wants, and how's how to play the "game" the right way.
In other words - a little passion! Haha.
Mostly right, except for one part: there sometimes are hidden meanings to things guys say or do. Not because they are indirect, but because they aren't as good at hiding their feelings as they think they are.
Women, being human, are shy and don't want to risk embarrassment. I think that plays a part in their subtle behaviour. We try to sign we're available and interested. But if it goes wrong, we still want to be able to say 'oh I didn't do anything I was just being nice'. It's not hard to get, it's self protection. But often accidentally leads to lots of frustration on guys parts.
@Felinegirl I completely agree on that self protection part!
@Rissa95
Honestly it's so simple. Us guys who are clued up on how women work (like me) know what to give and how to give it. We have a lot (of energy and "vibes") to give full stop, whether it's a one night stand encounter or something more all the same.
It just bores and frustrates guys like me to death when we have clearly registered an interest in a girl and either her low self esteem doesn't accept that such a guy is interested in them, or for whatever other reason the girl is just indecisive.
Guys like me move on real quick - we don't struggle attracting women and there's a whole "market" of women out there right? - so to save any mistaken frustrations on the parts of you women...
We don't get turned off if your shy, and we certainly don't get turned off if your confident and forthright with what you want and how you feel. Guys like me just wanna know if we're gonna invest any time at all in pursuing said girl, that she's gonna make it worth while. If a guy like me really *really* has to chase you, then don't make it a chore, make it *FUN*. Show me just what your worth as a woman.
I probably could've summed it up in much shorter words but I felt like expressing my thought process behind it too. I've never actually disagreed with a little "hard to get", but the difference between an insecure little girl and a grown woman, is that one really is *hard* to get beyond all rationale...
Whereas the woman builds the sexual tension and excitement with a little "hard to get... But you'll catch me sooner rather than later". Basically guys like me know women have the right to do a little "pre-screening" of a guy she's interested in, which is why I'll play along for a while, but if she doesn't appear to have the same level of character herself vs what she's playing the guy off with...
That's when I bolt for the proverbial exit.
@Felinegirl
As I've said to @Rissa95, we know you girls are precious little tthings with sensitive egos. But I think its where you girls go wrong. You want to connect with guys, as guys wanna connect with you, but your all too fearful of potentially losing out aka getting hurt.
You women leave it all up to the men to bear that little burden because you think it's the masculine thing to do. Us guys apparently are the only ones who can take mental pain (as well as physical)...
I'd say that not being afraid of putting your feelings out there isn't just a masculine thing, it's an ADULT HUMAN thing. And as you say, when your fearful or unsure you immediately retract into your little emotional shells, and it throws a lot of other guys off.
There's two types of guy in this scenario. A) most men: they mistake it for disinterest and walk away. B) Guys like me who just haven't got time trying to pick up the pieces of other women's self esteems.
@FreshOutaIdeas I do approach men. Or did at least, when I was single. I was just giving an insight into why women might behave in a way that seems illogical or mean to men.
@Felinegirl
Sure thing. I wasn't disagreeing with what you wrote! Just adding to it I suppose.
All good comments. One of the best group comments I've seen on here.
Understanding the differences between the genders improves your success. Let the guys be guys and the girls be girls. Instead we have the FI (feminine imperative) trying to tell us we're all the same - that's just a lie. No, they really are different within the species. And the communication styles reflect it.
Women are the keepers of sex.
Guys are the keepers of commitment.
She shouldn't be giving hers up 'till she gets at least a little of his. For a lot of reasons - but primarily respect, for without that the relationship just never gels. Respect, adoration, and attention are a basic need for the guys - if she never gets there then there's always something missing. And then you'll hear the proverbial 'I'm just not hhhaaaappppyyyy'.
For more insight in communication style differences there's a couples coach that has some good youtube vids you can look up: Mark Gungor. Some pretty entertaining stuff.
I agree with rissa on the sex thing. I don't 'give away' sex for free, I get sex for free. For my enjoyment.
Who said anything about women not having sex? I think you're just confused.
People/you were saying things about women not being supposed to have sex for free.
@Felinegirl - it was a response to Rissa. You're still not getting it.
I mean it's clear that both men and women are into casual sex. You were talking about a relationship though right? I'm guessing should a man really be into a lady and is looking for something serious he won't necessarily have to have sex with her in the beginning as it won't be the most important thing to him at that point.
Sex is awesome. But sex with someone you actually love is SO MUCH BETTER. And way more frequent and less effort than finding new people all the time
If a guy is looking for a relationship, he's gonna wanna be emotionally compatible and supported and absolutely fascinated by a woman. Sex you can get anywhere. But a true connection, combating loneliness, that's something much more worthwhile in the long run. Of course guys know this too. A relationship built on just sex usually doesn't last very long. In the end everybody wants to feel loved and seen by someone.
Playing hard to get means you're trash pump and dump material. Being hard to get means you're wifey material.
Hahaha how is one simply just hard to get
Playing is hooking up with and going out with every guy who asks. Then you like a guy so you pretend it takes work to get your interest.
Being is telling every man no and not hooking up and dating guys. Being single and happy with yourself. You should be known as the girl that denies guys. Not the one with 20 exbfs. This is the girl guys want to chase and marry.
I agree
I would consider myself as hard to get in the point of view of many people. But im Not.
I Like humans and spending quality time with anyone, even if it just talking or clubbing. I flirt and I smile often, cracking jokes without actually being trying to be funny but that is how other sees me. It doesn't matter If you're male or female.
For the most parts I annalyze everyone secretive to find out who is just drawn by my charme and personality to spend good time or WHO is just interested to engange in erotic activities. I don't wanna spend my time with this kind of games that's where honest ist a huge Thing.
The thing here is I know what I want and you're not the one I want. I let you know. So don't consider myself being friendly to you AS a chance to getting laid even If I said im not interested. If im saying No but being still friendly to you it isn't Play hard to get. Simply it means I like you AS friend but Im not interested.
What I would call a friend is Somebody accepting me for WHO Iam but themselves smart enough to know Iam being friendly with everyone and Just not interested in anyone enough to engange in anything.
If I want to experience erotic I am confindent enough to saying so. So don't push me and don't put a Label in me for having self respect.
@ttoopooo no
Keyword, "girls" women dont play hard to get. we dont have time for that.
I agree
Hard to get is mentally draining.
Thats true from a 27 years old perspective but what about those 16 years old girls
If you're a 20 year old dealing with a 16 year old you have issues.
I dont, but I wouldn't find anything wrong there its not like i am 30 years old.
Wow the desperation
Opinion
33Opinion
I don't know but sometimes when I am just trying to befriend women, I feel like they think I am chasing them for a relationship or sex and they start to play hard to get, they would comment on my posts and have conversations there again and again but won't follow me back or respond to my private messages, sometimes they would ignore my private messages for days while at the same they are commenting on my posts and having conversations there, everything is a mind game with women and you can't even make some female friends without the mind games and it's annoying as fuck, so I just back out
-When she looks at you from afar but doesn't when you are close.
-When she acts like she likes you one day, but acts like she don't even notice you the next.
-When she stops textin you, and waits til you text back..
-When she is hot then goes cold, then hot again.. Stuff like that..
dude I had a work crush who does shit like this but at the same time she is not trying too date all the while when we hang out alone she gives off another vibe
@SAVAGEDANK Haha.. Yeah I was in the same situation.. Long story short.. It didn't work out for me.. LOL..
should I give up while I'm a head. we haven't knocked boots but I can tell she wants the D
@SAVAGEDANK Well, the thing about my situation is that the woman was married, and she always said she wanted to be friends, but also that she wanted to be more.. She was basically playin games for an ego boost cause she wasn't satisfied in her marriage.. But you probably got more of a chance with this girl.. You should let her know what's up..
dude this chick was going through a divorce & was in the process of getting back together with her deceased spouse. She tells her home girls she doesn't want too date & told me she doesn't want a label on a relationship or anything like that while I do & I know she likes the size of my member. We took a break from 1 another & picked up where we left off I don't want too get lead on or put myself in a vulnerable situation with this chick I really like her while the feelings aren't mutual so it's almost as if I'm setting myself up for failure or too get hurt so I don't know what too do besides leave it alone for a big even though we just started talking again
@SAVAGEDANK Oof, I feel you.. Obviously she likes you enough to try somethin again with you.. Maybe fully let her know your intentions, and see where y'all can go from there.. Sometimes somebody like us more than we think..
hhhmm you make a valid point but I might wait It out too the point it won't hurt me as bad before I do
@SAVAGEDANK Of course.. Yeah I don't blame you.. That probably is best right now.. I don't know if y'all are goin on somethin steady or not, but hopefully the current situation is decent for you.. Lol..
I want something serious & steady but we're not on the same page. I'm more interested & invested than her so it makes me kinda want too take a few steps back even though I just opened the door too start convos with her
@SAVAGEDANK Yeah, well I think you should just give it time and whatnot.. Take steps to maybe see if y'all get to that point..
the other day I had her over we vibed well & I felt the chemistry but I feel a bit guilty trying too knock boots without a label on us. I'm starting too take me time to ease my way too talking like normal agian
Trying to act aloof or indifferent when the guy is trying to talk to her is probably the biggest thing. Women who are attractive, or even think they're attractive, are typically the ones who play hard to get. I don't like women like that, so I have no interest in talking to them.
You text her, she texts back 1-2 days later. You reply to that text within 5-10 minutes, yet again she waits another 1-2 days to respond despite having JUST messaged you and obviously having her phone on her.
You then move on and she double/triple/quadriple etc texts you within 5 minutes of sending "hey" getting pissed off at you for not caring about her.
Who does that -.-
@Felinegirl a girl that plays hard to get and actually likes you. Surprise, surprise.
I hate them!!!
One time i ask for the number of a girl.. she was with her friends (her friends got excited about my confidence) but to not look desperate in front of the friends just said "my number is 36" (the soe number) i said "sorry not looking for cinderella"... went away never look back
half hour later was smiling to me... didint care lol
What? Why didn't you just get her number or give your own?
@Felinegirl i gave her 1 chance she didin´t take it, im out. sry not the type of guy that insists
Ignoring a guy sends the message that you're not interested. The whole "you have to make the guy chase you" thing is pretty stupid, really. It's as senseless the whole thing of dropping subtle hints and then getting frustrated when the guy doesn't pick up on them. Guys hate guessing games and would rather be able to tell if you're interested or not. The whole "playing hard to get" thing is completely unnecessary and stupid. Being more straightforward and direct is actually what guys prefer.
Its a game of cat and mouse... You give him a slight impression that you're interested like holding eye contact, and then look away. It stimulates him, he has an idea in the back of his mind but you're silently gauging his interest.. how crazy does it drive him? To what extent will he pursue me?
The only hard to get I ever came across was this way intimately speaking. I quickly pointed out to her, that her doing this was not turning me on. Her reply was, "yeah it does and you know it..." An emphatic no was equally dismissed by her. So while getting up I said, "let's do something else just so I could see the expression on her face. Priceless! So was the, "uuuh... okay."
Women used to send mixed signals, by example, I don't want to be with anyone with a needy voice.
Or I don't know if I want to stay with you, when she is asking to step forward.
Or she tells you that you will find her, and a Hobbie and expect you search her in Google to find where to meet with her.
Basically anyone that does this is a fucking idiot. People. Be real. Be honest. Don’t waste your time.
Yes!
Bat shit crazy girls that are so socially and sexually retarded, that they don't even know how to get laid, let alone form some sort of relationship with someone that they "may or may not be" attracted to.
Who's got time for games like that. That's like a high school thing. The fact that we are picky or less likely to make the first move makes us naturally hard to get. But you should never play.
I wonder how many actually play that stupid game that makes it so fucking hard for the ones that can't seem to get the guy to leave us the fuck alone...
Can you pm
Being indirect and not straightforward. I personally frown at playing hard to get because I don’t have time for games, but I understand why it’s a thing.
If she is trying to be subtle instead of being direct with me.. feigning disinterest while dropping me a crumb trail of interest to keep the chase on, etc.
I really don't like that. I want direct women.
Lol funny thing is that guys i turn down think im just “playing hard to get”. Safe to assume she’s not playing hard to get, but is literally rejecting you.. unless y’all still in high school then maybe yeah girls play that shit.
Ignoring texts or short replies.
Refusing opportunities to spend time together.
Basically anything that rejects interest.
"Hard to get" is toxic behaviour and obviously guys don't like it.
That doesn’t sound like hard to get. It sounds more like they aren’t interested
@brunettegirlxx
Not disagreeing entirely - but speaking from my own experience the girl I'm thinking of basically only wanted to get laid but couldn't work out if she liked me more than just my dick. She sent a tailwind of mixed messages like not taking my number, but still going out with me, playing massive attention seeking games (quite dangerous ones), but probing relationship type answers out of me, then at the end of said night asking if we "should go somewhere more quiet"...
She then cut contact when I refused to bang her after all the craziness she pulled - that was after I caught out with some other guy 2 weeks later and her chasing me around all night just using this other guy to try and make me jealous...
Some of you girls are waaaay out of wack it ain't funny lol
@FreshOutaIdeas then she probably just wants sex but doesn’t have feelings for you necessarily. Go for it if that’s what you want
"It sounds more like they aren’t interested "
Exactly. That's what it looks like. That's the whole point.
@brunettegirlxx
My point was, without going into essay level detail, was that she didn't make that clear. So in the end I was just completely turned off - compounded by the fact she had conflicting feelings.
But either way, it translates into "no can do sinurita".
@Dbwkdncnf
Ah so I stand corrected mi amichi 👌
Don’t change. Don’t change at all please.
Most women are naturally round about and less direct about what they want. They expect men to make the first move and call the shots. Not always but usually. But not all men like calling the shots because risk of rejection is present every step.
Hmm I usually think the lack of communication is a girls way of playing hard to get or maybe they are busy the standard of how they respond says a lot but other details about them can say more.
I guess by acting like they dislike you but at the same time always around cause they do
I guess it's taken too literally. It means a guy should make an effort to impress a girl that he likes.
pulling you in making a really good solid connection with you then asking you not to talk to them. or breaking conversations for long periods of time before comeing back to you
In my world, its the whole package, U girls are just simple 'Out of my league, which is very unfortunate for myself as I would enjoy female friendships etc
Rejecting a man, while secretly hoping for him to continue approaching her.
Thats the only thing.
i dont really know until i get her but i like a challenge
Saying "No" to an ask but then hovering around and flashing eyes at you. Total turn off for me.
I never consider those things. If girl says no its no i dont overthing that.
Thank you!
I never assume a girl is playing hard to get. I just see them as being aloof.
When a girl does a "push and pull". A cycle of behaviours to pull you in, but then acting distant, disinterested to push you away.
It's a BDSM thing that everyone lied about, and it clearly ends in a "no means yes" rape situation
You're supposed to play hard to get when he's into role-playing rape
If you didn't know that you would've gotten raped
They won't let me pull their pants down, or if they do, they lock their knees together so I can bone them.
I don't know, because I ignore those girls.
Whatever leaves the guy in the dark
Oh come on, guys are still in the dark if she says 'could you bring condoms, clean clothes and a toothbrush to dinner at my place?'
@Felinegirl She didn't say that though
I know, was just illustrating how 'a guy being in the dark' is not always the girls fault. Sometimes you start to have responsibility as well to make things go smoothly.
@Felinegirl Never said that it's always the girl's fault.
Bringing their friends to CB making you chase them
waste of time young girls are stupid
ill respond later
Being in consistent
they get married
Not be honest
Nothing, really.
Girl's Behavior 
Guy's Behavior 
Flirting 
Dating 
Relationships 
Fashion & Beauty 
Health & Fitness 
Marriage & Weddings 
Shopping & Gifts 
Technology & Internet 
Break Up & Divorce 
Education & Career 
Entertainment & Arts 
Family & Friends 
Food & Beverage 
Hobbies & Leisure 
Other 
Religion & Spirituality 
Society & Politics 
Sports 
Travel 
Trending & News 
Most Helpful Opinions