Truthfully why would a guy have loads of girl “friends”?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend has so many girl mates. His closest friend is a girl and he has loads of other girls that he’s very close with. They’ll message all the time and go out on one on one meals and for drinks and to the cinema and things- all which I’d consider date like activities. Does his desire to make loads of girl friends just mean he fancies them all or did at one point should I consider it as a threat? Because it’s making me feel sour about the whole relationship.

[rjroy3]

In my experience, guys who have majority female friends fall into 2 camps.

1. Safe beta male like guy who would never try or doesn't stand a chance/effectively the "gay" bestfriend

2. Guy who has semi playerish tendencies or did at one point so many of his female friends either pined for his attention at one point or he fucked them, maintaining friendships after

Some guys fall somewhere in between the two. Where he's got some insecurities even tho he has some playerish wants. He just didn't pull the trigger with a lot of girls and went thr friend route, later getting with some girls.

So the friends are holdover from the past. Like I know this one guy from high school who was it really bad with girls, but he was too insecure to be real with girls

He was an attractive, and shape guy, that joke around a lot but tended to joke around a little bit too much because of his insecurity and because of that it costed him Chances with a lot of girls who ended up just being his friend

Like I remember even one time he said out loud that sometimes he feels as if a lot of people just tolerate him, rather than actually liking him.

We did go to the couple girls here and there, for the vast majority of his female friends came from him actively flirting with them but not really pulling the trigger, or backing off last minute because he wanted to pursue another girl that he failed with. So he was "friends" with both girls for different reasons lol

I've seen that happen several times. True male female friendships. True honest genuinely platonic friendships from day one are rare. End of story

If a guy isn't gay and doesn't have a sister like friendship with a girl from a very young age it is damn near unnatural for him to be 100% platonic with a girl he is at least a little bit attracted to.

As a general rule the only way you're going to find guys and girls who are truly just friends who never considered hooking up with or dating the other. Are two friends who don't find eachother attractive

[rjroy3]

A man who is honest with others and himself about his desires as a man will not have majority female friends, that are truly just platonic friends. It won't happen.

And if that happens it's because he's not really being open about what he wants for whatever the reason and he thinks less of himself for it.

[Jamie05rhs]

100% truth!

[wtf636]

In my opinion 4 options here. I even gave you percentages and ranked them by how likely I feel they are.

1. He is a typical "nice" guy. These dudes tend to hang out with a bunch of women as "friends" in the hopes that one day they will fuck him. But usually, they don't want him. Are they all attractive? Does he hang out with a lot of ugly women? If all of his "friends" tend to be hot women, that he would never have a chance with, then I would be worried this is the case. (60% chance)

2. He could be a kind of a player or ladies man. Is he attractive? Are his friends? Do they look at him in a loving/lustful way? Does he just enjoy the attention? He could be a hot guy, that likes hanging out with women because it's quite an ego boost when you have a bunch of beautiful women interested in you. Maybe he has slept with some of them. It's a hard thing to accomplish. Not saying he is cheating, obviously, he is with you now so that's saying something if he stays with you when all these women are chasing. But are you ok with this? (30% chance)

3. He just likes women better for some reason. Maybe he grew up in a single mom household, with a bunch of sisters, etc. Could just work out that way. (8% chance)

4. He is gay, gay dudes love female friends lol (2% chance)

[ultimega]

It all depends on his personality as you know him best, more than us.

Does he seem overly flirtatious especially around these friends?
Does he respect the relationship you both have and those boundaries?
Has he done anything outright that would make you question things?

Those are the type of questions you should ask yourself.

Yes there's many that like test the waters if there's a potential for something better. Of course those things you should be weary of and be alert.

But there's also guys who genuinely want platonic friendships with women. Especially when it comes to understanding the opposite gender. A lot of guys don't necessarily feel comfortable sharing their emotions with other guys as fear of being ridiculed for having a moments vulnerability. Wheres as women can be in tune with emotions more openly and are able to give their own perspective

Maybe ask him directly and if you can meet them sometime to hang out. If they are just friends then he should have no issues and be happy. You never know, you may end up making more friends in the process.
If he hesitates or makes excuses not to... then thats when you should worry

[Screenwriter]

I believe men who are very comfortable with women as friends generally have older sisters they are close in age with who they like, so they see women as PEOPLE instead of ONLY as sex objects. I don't care if they're gay OR straight: it's the same.

I say OLDER because that usually means their older female siblings had strong influences on them as developing men. But, a younger sister close in age, say one or two years younger, could be just as important as a "friend."

What you experience at home is usually what you seek in outside relationships.

In addition, if a young boy witnesses a good relationship between his father and mother; one where his dad and mom are more or less equal, have a playful relationship, ARE friends, as well as lovers, he can imagine himself in a similar friendship with a woman.

Unless your boyfriend shows less interest in your relationship with him, I wouldn't worry about his friendships with women. They're far healhier than a man who CANNOT imagine a woman as a friend and is fearful of HIS woman's jealousy of his being with other women as friends. .

[jennifer_bloom]

Some guys like to look at pretty girls or respect pretty girls more than other girls, I know a guy who tried to befriend every pretty girl he saw because he thought they were popular but the first sentence that came out of his mouth every time he met one was he had a girlfriend, he was not looking to cheat, just liked their reputation.

[Pinay_ako]

If he’s not hiding them from you, then he’s ok to have as many friends as he wants. Do you go out with them too?

[ChrisMaster69]

First off he should be open and honest about who is girl mates are.

You should also have met them and he should introduce you to them.

how many are, straight, bisexual or lesbian?

My best friend is a girl, have been since about 4.

I have various groups of friends, work, mountain biking, shooting and social.

Its often a mix of the above, however my social group is 4-6 girls and 2 guys, varies a bit.

there is nothing wrong with having friends predominantly from another gender.

also from some of the comments below about alpha and beta bollox 😂😂

One of the guys from my shooting group and mountain biking group is gay, he is hanging out with about 10 other guys and he does not feel the need to hit on us lol, he is however a girl magnate.

back to my social group, the girls are a mix of straight, bi, lesbian and a transexual.

we are friends because we chose to be, not because we want to jump each other’s bones. My girlfriend has had a number of nights out with them, and they have pretty much adopted my daughter as one of them.

I’ve been on nudist holidays with some of them and ex gf’s.

I can do it because they are friends and I introduce my GFs to them, let them get to know each other.

Trust, Respect, Honesty and Communication, try doing those with each other.

[Gingersnapz74]

I agree with all of this, and has mostly been my experience as well.

As long as you know, have met the other girls, I see no issue with it other than your (OP's) distrust.

[dustybiker]

Question… how long has he known these woman?

I have always had male friends. All of my childhood closest friends were male and I’m still in contact with them. We grew up really close together, but nothing sexual. Perhaps it was timing and respect for each other’s relationships. Don’t really know.
They all had their girlfriends and I had my own relationships. They would do anything and have for my family, as I would theirs. They are all incredibly trustworthy. It took a long time for their parents to realize we weren’t going to hook up through teen years. Same went for their girlfriends and eventually wives. It’s just not like that.
Sometimes you are close with people, can tell them everything, but it’s just not sexual, more close chosen siblings. I get people don’t understand these pockets of lives that are faithful to those we are with, and is out of the ‘norm’. It’s not always about sex.
There is something about being close to another gender that makes bouncing problems off of and getting different feedback… people who have known you and know how you think and feel. I really don’t know how to describe it.. there is a safety there. Comfort.
On the other hand we also left going to movies and gaming, meals and all that in our teens before drinking age. There is a level of respect that gets raised when in relationships. It’s respect to each others partners. So that is a little off to me. Any kind of socializing is always in presence of their family or mine. We never go off and have a meal alone. They will come to the house to make repairs, but it’s all straight up. So I don’t know about that.

[Halibut]

So... I have an unusual personality type. I crave lots of shallow relationships with lots of people. That's not because I'm seeking their affection. It's just a craving for intellectual stimulation. That's one possible explanation: just a desire to socialize with lots of people that can't be solved strictly through a monogamous relationship.

Maybe he views his female friends like playing a sport he's passionate about, but he comes back from this hobby of his, and you're where he gets and focuses his affection and the bulk of his emotional support.

That's just one possible explanation. I'm sure there are others. I go to a website called Aven for asexuals and aromantics. Aromantics are people incapable of experiencing love, though they still can experience physical attraction. I'm aromantic. Oftentimes what my fellow aromantics want are better described as friendships with the opposite sex than romantic bonds. I suppose he could be somewhere on the aromantic spectrum but still crave monogomy too... maybe on the lighter side of the aromantic spectrum. That's another possible explaation.

[onahole-san]

No, it does not mean he fancies them all. He might just genuinely get along with women better as friends than he does with guy friends. Is he particularly feminine? I am completely straight, but more feminine than most. This has led to me having a LOT of girl friends. Many of them are lesbian, many are straight, in committed relationships.

Does he have a good amount of boy friends? Bromances are super important too,
it's important to have good dude friendships as well, it should never be lop-sided.

[ohshee]

I have a lot of friends that are girls and they used to come over to my house all the time or call me but if I get into a relationship I kinda put a stop to all that I remember one time I just started dating a girl two or three girls come over to my house good night and my girlfriend was there and just to look in her eyes I felt it I felt all the hurt I felt all the pain was going through her body and I had to put a stop to it so I mean I caused a lot of my friends or if they called me I would tell them hey look up I have a girlfriend right now and she doesn't really understand that we are just friends and I kind of have to respect her and I don't want to hurt her so just call me instead of just coming over and I'll introduce you to her but I feel sorry for you I feel bad for you I really do I can feel your heart breaking through all your words that you just said and that really sucks

[NMMan]

If the time he spends cultivating his female friendships bothers you to this degree, then I think you owe it to yourself to talk with him about it. You can ask him why he spends so much one-on-one time with women who aren't his significant other, which is a valid question. But I would be careful how you deliver this line of questioning... because if you come on too strong about it, all you'll succeed in doing is painting yourself as the jealous girlfriend, and that won't be good for anyone involved.

[Halibut]

Yeah... I think that different people have different emotional needs. Not everyone is suited for the sort of relationship in which the couple get every emotional need they have sated by their partner, all the time, and from no one else. That could be the motivation for his his behavior. It's clearly bothering the woman who asked the question though, so discussing this seems like the best option to me.

[NMMan]

@Halibut I totally get that. I'm newly-engaged, but have desires for friendship with both men and women that extend beyond my fiancée. Which is totally healthy. I couldn't (and wouldn't) expect my partner to fulfill all of my emotional and companionship needs. I suppose the only difference between me and the boyfriend in question is that I get those other friendship needs satisfied by hanging out with men and women in groups. The only woman I spend a significant amount of one-on-one time with is my fiancée. If I were to suddenly start hanging out a lot with other women one-on-one, I expect she would want to talk with me about it, too.

[EmbraceThePain]

If he’s not gay, then I would be extremely suspicious over a heterosexual man having a lot of female friends. Why? Well, biology is the first thing that I say. Rarely, can we 100% suppress our biological urges or inclinations. A heterosexual man with a lot of female friends most likely envisions being with them in some intimate manner or is using them to get with other or more women. In either case, I wouldn’t say the friendship amongst the parties is platonic. Also, if the women are heterosexual, they can develop feelings too. I don’t think men and women are meant to be platonic friends, assuming the men and women are heterosexual.

[Anonymous]

No I don’t think it’s acceptable and I think you should talk to your boyfriend about it. Many people will say “oh you should trust him blah blah” but truth is, it just doesn’t work that way. When I started my current relationship my boyfriend had loads of girl friends even had one particular one he kept a snap streak with and I said it was a pretty personal thing to send a girl a picture daily. I have loads of guy mates, now when I’m in a relationship they tend to vanish until I am single again. They say they wouldn’t be happy if their girlfriends had guy mates like I do so don’t feel comfy messaging when I’m in a relationship. That’s fair right? But if they found out my partner did as he pleased they would be cool with us messaging. So I told my boyfriend I would continue to see and text my guy mates if he continued to see and text his girl mates. All of a sudden, poof, girl mates vanished. Funny thing that

[Puppystarfish23]

My stisters boyfriend had lots of female friends. He's actually very alpha. He's a total gym freak and loves sports but he does have a softer side too. He loves art and baking as well.

He actually met my stister through me as he was my work friend. His dad died when he was only 8 years old and he's pretty much been surrounded by females most his life.

He very innocent too he had no idea when girls are hitting on him. He says he just feels more comfortable around women. He was never one of the lads at work and a lot of the men at my work were pretty mean to him because he wasn't like them.

[Puppystarfish23]

I've grown up around all women too yet I feel more comfortable around men and most my friends are male or very tom boyish women. Everyone is different

[NicoletteXO]

Yeah, he wants to fuck all of them. Doesn't mean he necessarily will while he's in the relationship with you, but he'll keep them on the back burner in case you break up or have serious problems.

He is likely doing this only quasi-consciously and will probably deny it vehemently if you suggest it. Most likely if you do, he'll accuse you of being jealous, unfair, controlling etc. If he truly cares for you and doesn't realize this impacts you, he won't react that way - but this is the least likely outcome.

[hannahjo022]

That's the question I always ask myself whenever I talk to a new guy. It can be he grew up with a lot of women in his life like only his mother and sister without his father around. I know a lot of guys I have dated had daddy issues too and spent most of their life around their mother and sister. Maybe he likes having female energy around and he feels more comfortable with women. Maybe keep his options open if his current relationship fails and he has a lot of other options. The list can go on why. You have to talk to your boyfriend why he has tons of female friends to find out why. He's the only person who knows the true answer to your question

[RasberrySlushPuppy]

its because he lied about himself and got them all hooked. Pays for all their food drinks. Compliments them daily. You know how girls dont reject a guy and lead him on, he's doing exactly this. He's telling this poor girl she can't ever complain or be mad or bye i gots so many options.
Unhealthy, he sits paying for all their time whilst she is here on GAG upset.

[NathanDavis]

in my early 20's... I had six to eight very good friends that were girls... half of them being very close friends (still, to this day) and we would hang out often, and some of these hangouts yes, could been mistaken by others as dates and having an interest beyond the friendship, which was just not the case

however... when I was in a relationship and I actually had a -girlfriend- these kind of things diminished drastically, first because my interest and priority was my girlfriend first and second, and then my friends.. but also because is not ideal to do this kind of stuff...

when me or my close friends that are girls are in relationships... we just hang out a lot less, because of that

[t-8900]

For the same reason a girl has lots of guy friends. "Not your's, just your turn". Tell him you dont like him talking to a flock of women. If he says tough luck, move on. This is how men deal with hos and this is how women should deal with hos. As far as I'm concerned the term "slut" should be able to be applied to people of both genders. It's true, it's not fair that women will get slut shamed and men won't... they should both be slut shamed equally. Why? too many stds are spreading around, too many abortions, too many being abused physically and verbally as well as emotionally, too many broken homes, the deterioration of work ethic for men (the primary reason they worked hard at all was to have their own woman which is no longer a thing), narcissism, destruction of pair bonding (despite MGTOW rhetoric men also pair bond just not the same as women), elimination of incentive to marry, broken homes = broken children (can confirm).

[libsaretards]

This is a tricky one. I have 5 close friends, 3 of which are women. Life just happened that way and loyalty is a huge thing for me so meeting new friends is difficult. Because of that, I would not ditch any of my female friends over a relationship. However, when a relationship is serious, I tell the person I'm dating about those friends. I tell her she is free to talk to and hang out with my friends. I also tell them to ask any questions they want because ALL my friends are straight shooters, will not kiss my ass and will not cross lines that are not supposed to be crossed. However, my girlfriend has to understand that my friends are my friends and she either needs to trust me or go elsewhere. I personally think that if he is upfront about everything and you have no reason to mistrust him, then leave it be. If that still bothers you, then you have to decide if it bothers you enough to break things off.

[RichardCranium6201]

If he's telling u they are all just friends, he's lying. Trust me. If they were friendly, y couldn't you go? Right? That gut feeling you are having is something telling u to bounce. Look, take it from me. I lived like that for a long time. I had a liv-in girlfriend. But if id tell her these were my friends. Then id tell the girls i would mess around with, that she was my roommate, who's sadly thinking we are more then what we were. So i was lying to everybody. And id set up all the outside chicks with middle of the day romantic sessions, so that i could be home and not get my girl tripping. So please, trust when i say u don't mean anything to him. If u even ment a little teeny meeny, he wouldn't be doing this to you. If u confront him, i can tell u what his exact actions will be to. Just to give you a little more solidity.

[Anonymous]

I would never put up with this if i was you. Never!! I think he should have them as casual "hey, Friends" and no texting is even needed, Just see them Like---In tyhe street. Or a Store if he runs into them. I think of them as his Entourage. You need to speak to this guy. I am not sure what each one means to him or what benefit but I'd be having a damn fit. My own husband always "Favors" females over males. He always said he got along better with them than with a man. I never like it when I feel he defends them or may even "eye" them but no tin a sexual way but just to notice a shoe or a piece of clothing or whatever. You need to speak to him. It is not proper.

[Commander_Red]

Not all the time. It really depends on the person, and for you to find out if that is the case or not, you really have to know who he is as a person. I for one grew up with a lot of men in my life, and I'm tomboyish in terms of personality, so I naturally make more male friends than female friends. A man having a lot of female friends doesn't necessarily mean he wants to be with any of them. He could be like me where he grew up around a lot of females and being friends with girls is also easier for him.

[RasberrySlushPuppy]

Roles reversed. I go back in time to a girl who had lots of guy friends around her (7 of them). So my bestfriend is dating her boyfriend/girlfriend...
I decide to go down to the breakfast hall early and there she is with all of the 7 guys. 7:45am! Next time i invite my bestfriend, he sits with me not her and i'm thinking this is weird and unfair on him.
Fast forward a few months later... she cheated with one of the 7guys. Caught in her room fucking.
People say shit like "oh you're insecure, immature etc etc" but the fact is that person made you feel it and has no respect for you.