Should a girl stop stripping because her boyfriend wanted her to?

[Anonymous]

There’s this girl I know who used to be a stripper. She met a guy, a bar tender, who knew full well that she was dancing.

They started dating and a few weeks later, he starts to be more vocal about not being comfortable with her as a stripper.

Not too long afterwards, she quits dancing and starts working more hours at her part time day job. She’s always talking about how she hates her day job and how much more she struggling financially now that she quit dancing.

I tell her that she was being a little too generous and accommodating to quit just because he wanted her to.

Now I understand his insecurities of having a girlfriend who is a stripper but my thought is, if you it bothers you that bad and you don’t want your girlfriend to be a stripper, then don’t go out and date strippers. Don’t think you’ll just coerce her to stop. That’s not fair.

Anyway, she admitted that if they broke up she’ll go right back to the club in a heartbeat.

What do you think?

[EmbraceThePain]

Well, the reality is, we shouldn’t expect people to like us for who we are and depending on who we are and what we do, it might make more sense for us to think of changing ourselves if we are to find people we want to date. For example, if a man is severely obese and lacks motivation to do anything but sit in bed all day, eat, and play video games but complains about not being able to get a woman or find a woman interested in him then what should he do? The truth is, he should change himself in a drastic way. This man should loose the weight in a systematic and intelligent process and find some purpose to attach to so he can feel fulfilled, contribute back into society, etc. If he truly wants to stay this way and loves it then so be it but he should understand that this may be preventing him from meeting the women he wants to meet. We all have to make sacrifices in our relationships, which is a perfectly normal thing and doesn’t always have to be bad. I believe, one has to make a reasonable assessment into the situation to determine if the sacrifice they’re making is worth and what are the potential pros and cons. If the woman I loved told me to quit smoking or else she’ll have to leave me, what should I do? She tells me she doesn’t want to watch me poison myself nor does she want her and our children to be around the smoke. She also says that she cannot be with someone who voluntarily takes in hazardous substances into his body, knowingly it’ll kill him overtime. I’ll have to make a decision on how important smoking is to me versus the woman I love and children if we have any. These are the questions I’d ask:
-Do I really care about smoking?
-How much do I love her?
-What will my kids think of me?
-Does she have a point?

[JimmyQ]

Yeah, I don't know how anyone puts up with that. If I gotta look at a girl and guess how many cocks she sucked in the last 24 hours, there is no way I'm sleeping with her, no matter how much money she makes or the quality of the drugs she takes.

If you think they are not F'ing dudes as part of their act, you are very naive. The owners/managers are the first ones to take a slice. It's part of the interview process. No fucy-sucy, no job.

Then they are worked into the club by other girls and strangers pay money to take their turns.

The real clincher, getting them hooked on drugs. Once that is accomplished, the club barely has to pay them anything and they will show up every time they need a fix.

It is a form of slavery where people's lives are literally destroyed.

Probably the reason she can't get a job doing anything else is because her brain no longer functions at a normal level.

I consider those places to be the equivalent of tying women to the back of a pick up truck and dragging them down the street.

You are not her friend if you support this.

[Asker]

She has another job. And she’s in school about to graduate. She seems to be enjoying dancing in the meantime. While it’s not an occupation I’d take for myself, I support her doing what she likes provided that she knows how to handle it well.

[JimmyQ]

Then why even bring this up? Are you a former customer of hers and now your cut off? Why would you want to wreck her life?

Like I said, you are definitely not her friend.

[Asker]

I was curious to see what people thought in this scenario. I’m not wrecking her life. HE is trying to wreck her life and she’s been foolishly allowing it to happen.

[sejla]

She made a choice. He asked her to stop and she stopped.

It would be hard for her to quite even if she didn't do it for a guy. The money was probably really good.

The key is if she hates her day job then she needs to look into getting some training in a field where she can get licensed or certified or go to college where she can make more money in the future that doesn't involve stripping.

I'm sure that stripping can't be a life long career for most people because of body changes/aging and to be in that lifestyle for a long time can take its toll on some people. She can go back of course but the goal should be saving money to ultimately be in good shape financially when the money trail runs out.

[courtney06]

If a guy is not comfortable with a girl stripping then he should not get with her. If he stays with her it will eventually cause tension because he is trying to change her. It’s better to go into a relationship accepting someone as they are and supporting each other on things they genuinely want to change. A key thing you said is that she’d go right back to stripping if they broke up. That means she’s not being true to herself in the relationship and if they stay together the tension will escalate.

Now if she genuinely wanted to stop stripping for her own reasons and not just because her boyfriend wanted her to, then she’s being true to herself.

[englisc]

They're obviously incompatible.

He just shouldn't be dating a stripper if he has such a problem with it. To complain about that knowing that that's what she does in the first place is dumb.

At the same time, you're talking about fairness and "coercion" here, which is the victim mentality you speak about a lot, and kind of a contradiction to this:

Why We Need To Stop Referring To Men As Controlling

There was no "coercion". Fairness doesn't even come into it. He decided stupidly to date a stripper when he doesn't want to date a stripper, she decided stupidly to date a man who didn't want her to strip and agreed to stop when he asked her to stop, despite wanting to continue stripping... When really they shouldn't even be together. That's all.

[Asker]

You’re right. I just wonder why would he deliberately date a stripper if this was something that bothered him enough? I believe he knew all along that he’d try to get her to stop, which is a toxic move.

[englisc]

Some guys are just stupid, although this also probably applies to some women too. They'll date someone solely for their superficial traits, rather than think about whether they're compatible long term.
If you're gonna date someone long term you'd better have similar beliefs, values, goals etc. Otherwise it's doomed to fail. But many people only get with someone because they're hot, or funny, or they have money/status, without thinking about those other things. I assume that she's physically attractive if she's a stripper, so maybe he went for her just for that reason.

However also, some guys for some reason seem to think that dating a stripper is some kind of achievement, like it's something to brag about. I won't name any names but I've seen certain online dating "coaches" on here imply that if a guy doesn't want to date strippers, like he has, it's probably because they "don't have enough game to get on in the first place" rather than simply not wanting to.

If this is the case then the guy probably quickly realised that in reality, as much as he liked the idea of getting a stripper, he actually doesn't want to deal with his woman stripping for other men and asked her to stop.

[Sensmind]

Leaving the stripping aside it is controlling behaviour , a red flag. As you say he knew she was a stripper and you say she will go back dancing if they break up, it just screams all sorts of wrong putting massive pressure on the relationship.
For me personally, I wouldn't interfere with her occupation whatever it was unless I felt it was doing her damage some dancers or "Sex Workers" are in the industry for wrong reasons which may being doing damage to their mental health.
If for any reason you do want her to stop you may and probably should step up not just financially but emotionally too to fill any gap left by her departure from that job.

[Anonymous]

Should she stop stripping because he wants her to? That depends entirely on how important he is to her.

Should he expect her to quit? No, but she should also not expect him to be OK with the fact that his girlfriend sells her sexuality to other men, and she can't blame him for not wanting to be in a committed relationship with a sex worker.

You have no right to judge either of them and you should not be meddling in their affairs. Stop forcing your own biases and female insecurities on her.

[Asker]

She asked me for my advice.

[Opinion Owner]

That doesn't mean you can't be mature and selfless in how your respond. Don't create a problem where one doesn't exist. It's not in her best interest.

[Asker]

What do you think I should do or say differently?

[Opinion Owner]

Leave your insecurities and ego out of it and stop being self-indulgent. Instead, consider only what is best for her. Is he a good guy and a positive influence in her life? Does he make her happy?

Leave out the stuff like he "knew full well that she was dancing" because it's irrelevant in the current situation. The fact is they are in a relationship and they care about each other, and if there is potential for a good long-term relationship then her quitting dancing may be a good thing for her in the log run, all things considered.

[Asker]

The fact that he already knew she was a dancer and assumed he could get her to stop is a key piece of information that suggests he’s not a good influence. And no she’s not happy, because of that.

I wouldn’t meet a fire fighter, date him, and then say to him, “you know I don’t like that you put your life on the line, it worries me.”

In questioning how this kind of a scenario could be prevented, I’d say both need to think about what’s important to themselves and make decisions that line with those values.

[Opinion Owner]

People go into relationships all the time thinking they can change the other person, and women are notorious for that (for good reason). But again, that's not the salient issue here. The only question that matters is whether she is going to be happier with or without him. You can't answer that for her, and you shouldn't even be trying to influence her choice because you may well do more harm than good.

Based on the biases you've made pretty clear in your writings here, if the tables were turned and it was her trying to change him, there is no doubt you would be playing an entirely different tune here.

So I'll say it again, leave your biases out of it. Anyone familiar with you knows your motives are colored by your insecurities and related your gender biases.

[Asker]

If someone seeks out my advise, I’ll give them my advice.

I’m not telling her what to do. I’m simply proposing what I know I would do based on the principles, patterns, and key pieces of information that are presented in front of the situation.

If that makes it bias then so be it. I’m ok with that.

She’s free to not take my advice.

[Opinion Owner]

All entirely beside the point, but hey, whatever makes you feel less insecure.

[Asker]

You’re awfully invested in judging my character. Looks like you’re a little bias yourself there.

[Opinion Owner]

I don't need to make any judgments about your character; you have had it on display here for a long time.

[Asker]

You say you don’t need to, yet here you are.

[Opinion Owner]

Nah, all I'm doing is holding up a mirror for you. There's a big difference.

[Asker]

You’re wasting your time is what you’re doing.

[Opinion Owner]

I'm not surprised you think so, but lots of other people read this too. Many of them are not familiar with you yet. I'm doing those folks a favor.

[Asker]

Send them my way. More views means more clientele and money for me.

[Opinion Owner]

Back to the topic at hand. Sometimes it's OK to allow other people to help you make positive changes in your life. Women can make good money stripping when they are younger but that doesn't last. If this guy is motivating her to make positive changes in her life that will help her transition to a more sustainable life trajectory, that's a good thing for her even it it causes her short-term discomfort. You need to stop allowing your ego and insecurities to get in the way of that.

[Asker]

That is assuming the person of influence is doing it selflessly and not selfishly.

She’s already in school and almost has her degree.

[Opinion Owner]

No, it's not. The point is her making a positive life change.

[Asker]

Whether or not the change is positive is depending on the results of her quitting specifically.

From this, we could say that his male ego might be more satisfied sexually now that she has quit but it hasn’t stopped him from being insecure about other men. Overall there’s less money between them. She now has to spend twice as much time at her day job that she is unhappy at only to make only half the money she used to have stripping while being happier, which also translates into them not having much quality time spending together (remember she is in school so between 35 hours a week at a part time and another 20 hours a week in class and doing school work, doesn’t leave much couple time.)

[Opinion Owner]

His "male ego" is really your only concern here, and that's the problem with all of this because your female ego is what is driving that.

All of the things you mentioned have a very short-term focus. Long term she will be better off quitting stripping. She will have more self-respect and she's never going to have a successful long-term relationship with a quality man while she's stripping. You and I both know that.

So stop pretending you have her best interest at heart here. This is about your ego, end of.

[Asker]

If she resents him for talking her into quitting then that can have long term affects.

[Opinion Owner]

Right, and you're just throwing gasoline on that flame.

If someone she trusts, someone with some sense and honesty, and with the right motives, tells her what she needs to hear then that resentment will go away.

Jeez, just do the right thing here.

[Opinion Owner]

She is never going to have a successful relationship with a quality man while she is stripping. She can either choose to quit on her own, and the next guy (if he's a quality guy) if going to have have the same issue.

If this guy's only "fault" is that he doesn't want her dancing, and she losing him as a result of her resentment, and bad advice from you, that would be a really shitty end result.

[Asker]

Ending the relationship ASAP would be best.

[Opinion Owner]

Why?

[Asker]

They aren’t well suited. What he wants isn’t the same as what she wants. Someone’s always going to be unhappy.

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

I think no girl whose a stripper / dancer should stop to please the guy she's with cause he has insecurities if she's not having sex with any of the guys she dances for than it doesn't matter to me. I know this one girl became a dancer but loss all of her looks and she looked very manly the last i saw her and i could never see myself dating or being with a girl whose got manly like features. No offense to Women / Girls who have manly features but just the way i feel. . Most Women don't want Men who have Feminine features so what's good for one is good for the other. But no Man should
tell a Woman what to do as long as she's not having sex or doing other things with other Men.

[Shubhamgupta]

There are two ways to handle this situation first is tell boy to marry her and feed her as the wife then no need of the job for her as stripper

Second is follow your heart not the situation, if you doing what your heat like then God is with you in every aspect of your life , follow god true path and u will see the thing got automatically correct try to find god's will in every aspects of youur life and saying is if you are failing again again then God has different plans for you just have faith and do your work

[spartan55]

I think that guy is a dick. He wants to date a stripper... oh whoops, guess I don't. Fuck that.
And this is a BARTENDER, like they don't hit on everything all night.

[Asker]

Exactly

[Daniela1982]

Haven't you ever heard the song Copacabana?
www.bing.com/search

[spartan55]

Of course, I've never really analyzed the lyrics though.

Her name was Lola she was a showgirl
His name was Rico, he wore a diamond.

[Daniela1982]

The point is she was a dancer - stripper, and he was the bartender that had the hots for her.

[spartan55]

Okay, what? My point is he knew he what he was getting into with her. Then he tried to change her and control her which is bullshit. Plus I can guarantee he is fucking around with plenty of women if he is a bartender. Insecure hypocrite douchebag.

[spartan55]

@Daniela1982
Not getting your point, but I think we are on the same page

[loveslongnails]

As a MAN, I can not put myself in HER position. Maybe she's nuts about this guy and will sacrifice the money plus work at a job she hates, for the time being. I can't say ",,, if I were her..." anything! And really, no one else can in this case.

What I CAN say is that it wouldn't bother ME personally. This guy shouldn't have started dating her if he was sincere. I wonder if he liked the idea of dating a stripper (I presume she's pretty hot, got a nice body and all) at first, but then soured on it and figured he could ask her to stop. I don't know, but if it bothered him from the start, he shouldn't have dated her.

[nelly83]

I'm sorry if I sound offensive. But a guy who choses to date a stripper already shows how low class he is. Chances are he's a low status guy, doesn't make a lot of money, and can't find a better woman. A professional guy who has good values would be no where found dating a stripper.

[Mr_mayhem]

" a guy who chooses to date a stripper already shows how low class he is "

Women (probably like you ) always seem to choose a jerks over a guy who treats her right

And your putting him down for dating a stripper?

[nelly83]

@Mr_mayhem I don’t chose jerks. You don’t know me at all. A lot of nice guys have nothing to offer than to be nice.

And yea , If ur willing to date a stripper , that means you’re not cool enough to date someone better.

[Asker]

You’re assuming most guys can afford to have high standards. Most don’t. You don’t understand the dirty shit a lot of guys do, do you?

[Mr_mayhem]

A stripper has a better judgement than you will ever have and a better man

[Mr_mayhem]

MzAsh yea we do shit , it's called excretion , it's a natural biological process

[nelly83]

@Mr_mayhem I don’t even know why you’re saying amazing things about a guy lowly enough to date a stripper. this says a ton about you too

[Mr_mayhem]

I don't know why your saying such shitty things about man who dates a stripper

While also insulting the stripper like she's a low life

Considering that your a woman , I expected you to understand her situation

[Asker]

She’s a pick me lol

[Mr_mayhem]

What does that mean? MzAsh

[nelly83]

@Mr_mayhem I don’t know. Maybe I can get cooler one day so I can date a pimp. Haha he makes good money. Why not? Great guy to have a family with

[Mr_mayhem]

Too bad nobody would buy you , the pimp will get tried of you for being every cheap and kill you eventually

[nelly83]

@Mr_mayhem I have guys falling in love all over me. So many that I fail to fall for them. I have no worries, dude. Maybe the reason for your nasty attitude is cuz you can't find any woman. Most guys on here can't. haha

[Miristheiss]

True... what kind of idiot dates a stripper?
She grinds on other mens laps for money... that is what he wants for a "girlfriend"?

Super low value, pathetic man.

[nelly83]

@Mr_mayhem

[honestGUY45]

I think she should break up and go back to the club. He knew what he was getting into and is a douche for asking. Especially if he can't make up financially on her end.

[Asker]

Agreed.

[mat_username]

His insecurities are not her problem to solve. The controlling behavior is really a big red flag. If he considers that he has a word to say, then he should also find the money she was earning, that would maybe make sense

[Daniela1982]

We all know why guys date strippers, they get their own private show for free. My only thought of these guys who date a stripper is - what an idiot! Don't come complaining when things don't work out. Other than that...

[Miristheiss]

Agree.
Idiots date strippers.

[Waseem94]

Thats just your opinion, he never thought that he would date any stripper in the future, it all happened all of a sudden, and ofcourse no one wants his girlfriend to be a stripper. The only thing i believe is that man is more responsible to earn money and give financial help to his wife and child. Woman should also try but its her responsibility, if she works in any suitable company and feels comfortable then she may continue.

[Asker]

Then he shouldn’t have dated her.

[Waseem94]

Thats his life, he is free to take decision about his life. They can settle things themselves. We must not interfere in personal matter of someone.

[Asker]

But she’s asking me for advice. And this is what I do.

[Waseem94]

I respect your opinion but i think we should leave it to them. We may not be a good adviser.

[Asker]

Well being an advisor is my job lol

[Alice2398]

If the guy doesn't like that she's a stripper what was the point of getting involved with her in the first place. You don't someone in hope of changing them to a way that suits them. If he doesn't want to date a stripper go find a girl who isn't one its not thar difficult.

[AliyahMia]

I mean its one thing if he started dating her THEN found out she was a stripper, and its another if he dated her full well knowing she was a stripper. Either way though, a girls gotta make money somehow, she shouldn't have to just quit her job because of him, especially cuz he already knew that was her job.

[Guardian45]

Well-said.

[Purple_Summer]

He knew she was stripper when they met so he accepted it the moment he started dating her, although I don't blame him, when you develop feelings for someone and feel protective and possesive of them, it's not the same as it was in the beginning things have changed. still he should not ask her to quit, but he should express his feelings freely, they are in a relationship and honesty is important.

[AlienParasite]

Mhhh... I perfectly understand that he doesn't want to be with a stripper as I wouldn't want that myself too. But as you said, I wouldn't date a stripper in the first place. Neither I do like smoking, and so I've never date a smoker. I don't like the idea of dating a smoker and try to change him. I'm no one to change anybody. No one is.

[Insightfull]

It's her choice: is the boyfriend worth not being a stripper?

I don't think it's a matter of insecurities. I wouldn't want a bunch of random men slobbering over my naked girlfriend. Fuck that!

It's totally fair for him to not want that.

Would you want a bunch of random women slobbering over your boyfriend's cock? Paying to have him rub it in their faces (or whatever strippers do)?
I think not..

[Asker]

It’s fair for him to not to want that. But it’s not fair of him to expect her to quit if she wouldn’t have otherwise without his influence.

[Meropatrick]

@Insightfull
I had a different opinion from yours, but after reading your opinion I changed my mind😰

[TheSummit]

Jealousy is a normal reaction, but you can't say to your partner what she can or cannot do because it makes you uncomfortable after you were knowing since the beginning what was her job. If i start to date a girl and she says me that she's working as a stripper and i'm not ok with that i'm not going to ask to change her whole life for me, i'm not that important after couple weeks and mostly if i cannot support her financially is very silly. He's wrong, and a lot. Never ever let somebody choose for you, that's your life and unless you feep uncomfortable with the job you should never quit.

[Alpha09]

Nope. He shouldn't have dated her to begin with if it bothered him that much. And she shouldn't have compromised. Now she's at a job she hates and has less money, all for some guy who can't handle what she does to support herself. Good luck to her though.

[hobbledehoy]

She should find a guy who is realistic. Or explain that you dancing doesn't change his importance in your life but you will lose interest if he can't accept your life. Unless this isn't your preferred job then if you find he supports your path to contentment and better opportunities rather than just being anti... Then it probably is a relationship.