Girls, I've noticed more cocky men get women, should a guy personify that attitude to attract more women?

[Anonymous]

I've noticed the bigger his muscles, the more money he has, the taller he is, but most importantly the cockier he is the more confidence girls/women assume he has. I have been that guy where be respectful, give a girl her space/respect her boundaries, make her laugh, be civil, don't be highly sexual with your comments, have engaging conversations with her still doesn't work. I am a guy in my early 30s, in grad school and I am wondering what am I doing wrong if I have given plenty of girls a chance. Now, of course, teenage me compared to 30 yr old me is much different. Obviously I have made mistakes in the past, we all have so you can't say its 100% your fault, I can admit to my faults. All I am saying is, I wanted to change myself for the better because I believed in my heart, this is the kind of guy a girl wants to be with. But often at times, I notice girls want the muscular guys with tattoos instead. I would never get tattoos since its against my religion and I have to follow my faith for God, not for girls. But I honestly don't know what gives.

Updates

+1 y

Part of me feels now to be that asshole, cocky guy and be overly sexual with my comments and hit on her because obviously being a decent, well-mannered guy isn't working. If any girls reads this and says "oh so you were pretending to be nice". No, I was not pretending but judging what most girls seems attracted to these days, it seems like the approach is now, if you can't beat em join approach.

[MamaTBarron]

The only reason your current approach is not working is because you're going either for the wrong type or just looking in the wrong places

[Asker]

so what do i do, i mean tinder for example is that something I should completely forget about?

[MamaTBarron]

If that's all you're finding on there yeah. Try apps sure but maybe something that you can get to know someone more, there's plenty of apps that you can meet new people and get to know them through questions and calls through the app.

Or take a few months away from trying. That is from what I've heard is usually when you find someone is when you aren't looking

[Asker]

I've talked to one girl on Tinder, known her for 2 years and although she likes messages, she says im a sweet guy, she says i seem harmless the guys she follows on IG are muscular guys. I do believe I am a decent looking guy at best and I am in shape (athletic build) she doesn't follow me back on IG. I don't have her # and we never met. We live probably 40 mins away from each other so it's not far. Through this time and despite her having tons of creepy msgs from guys I have always been respectful. That whole being a friend first to a girl doesn't work either. I'm just tired of trying now.

[MamaTBarron]

So then stop trying sounds like the way to go. Give yourself maybe a 6 month break. But also if someone becomes interested in you at that time don't turn them down flat. Explain to them you are giving yourself time to clear your head and focus on yourself, but you would like to see them when you've figured it out.

You could still get their number and text without expectation, but just actively stay single. Maybe you'll find out something new about yourself. Find a new hobby.

[Asker]

what should i do with this girl?

[MamaTBarron]

The one you're talking to or the hypothetical one?

[Asker]

The one i mentioned, because I asked her, I told her listen if you don't want to talk to me please tell me and she said "If I didn't want to talk to you I would just block you or I would flat out tell you and don't assume I'm mad at you just because I don't respond"

[MamaTBarron]

Be her friend if it males you happy, but if the dynamic of your relationship currently is making you miserable then stop talking to her. She could just be keeping you around for the self esteem boost. Using your attraction towards her for her benefit. Women can be narcissist too and need that attention from somewhere and if she's stringing you along that's probably all she wants is someone to make her feel wanted. Honestly from the little you have told me that's exactly what it sounds like to me.

That kind of manipulating can leave a big mark on you even if you don't see it.

[Asker]

but why wouldn't she just be honest with me if i cared about her, I've seen her stories on IG things such as a few days ago where she posted a quote saying "never turn your back on the girl who was there for you when you needed help" I mean wouldn't it be quite hypocritical if she strung me along when she is predicating on values that a proper guy is someone who treats a girl well.

[MamaTBarron]

Narcissists are the very definition of hypocrites sadly. They thrive off the attention, caring and love that is given to them. They say all the right things and then make you feel like your feelings and thoughts are unjustified. Does she know you follow her on IG?

[Asker]

I don't know, I mean she has 2,500 and something followers and followers 393 guys or something and I know, I'm not trying to sound cocky but I am better looking then some of the guys she falls, heck I am in law school and I am proud of my achievements. But I have been so wrapped up with school I have not had the chance (especially with covid-19) to meet girls so im just using the online means. I never asked her, do you know I follow you, Im assuming she does know because her ig is private and to see her activity you have to be able to see the person's stories and etc.

[Asker]

sorry just check ur dm's i message'd u on that

[MamaTBarron]

So she told you that you seem harmless... that right there to me personally speaks volumes. I have never heard a girl tell a guy he seems harmless and her have any more interest then friends.

You're more than likely out of her league and she knows that, but she's enjoying your attention. Especially if you say the guys that she follows and whatever on IG aren't as good looking as you.

From my experience somebody who is narcissistic will not date somebody who is better or even equal they need somebody lesser than. They need to feel Superior. Be able to manipulate them completely. My ex thought because I was previously "damaged" I would be an easy person. Now he's with someone 13 years my junior and has anxiety and an eating disorder. He's excepting of hers but never mine. She's uglier than me too. He cheated, I found out and he wanted to fix it till he went back to work and they could be together again.

I was way too nice to both of them and they basically laughed at me behind my back. She thinks I was the whole problem.

this is all based on what I'm getting from everything you have said about her so far. I have also encountered/ was raised by/ and even married guys like this. I have even met girls like this and watched people I care about suffer from them.

I have done a lot of research about narcissistic behavior so this is just how I'm interpreting this.

[Anonymous]

If you are tired of trying, then don't try.
You dint have to change who you are to 'please' people.
Have faith that you will find someone and ask GOD for help an dsay at the end "let your will be done".

[Asker]

your right